Art of Forgiveness

by Monique Orgeron

  “Avery, it means you’re brave and selfless. It shows me you have a huge heart. A heart that needs to be filled.”

  “Well, it shows me Catherine’s right, I need to work on myself.”

  “Catherine is always right. It makes me sick sometimes.”

  We both stop crying and start laughing. It feels good to laugh again; it’s been so long.

  “Avery, will you talk to me about Liam?”

  “Liam, why?”

  “Because I know he loves you, and I was hoping you could tell me about the two of you.”

  “Liam doesn’t love me, Fallon. He never did. What we did have is long gone, and there’s no reason to talk about it. I’m grateful to you and your family, including Liam, but there is nothing there.”

  “That’s interesting.”

  “What’s interesting, Fallon?”

  “I’m going to tell you something. I probably shouldn’t, but I don’t think you will try to hurt my family, or even Liam. If you do, Avery, I’ll come after you. They are my world now, and I will be selfish and protect them. Do you understand?”

  Well, sweet Fallon just showed her claws, and it was effective. “Yes, I understand. I wouldn’t do anything to hurt any of you.”

  “When we found you, Avery, Liam recognized you right away. He ran to you and tried to calm you. You were like an animal at that point, and you didn’t know who he was. He went into a rage. He waited until I got you out of there then he went to the other room where the guards were and shot them both in their heads. He killed them.”

  What? “NO! Liam wouldn’t do that. He’s not capable of hurting anyone.”

  “But he did, Avery.”

  I shake my head aggressively. “Why would he do that?”

  Fallon reaches over and grabs my wrist, then looks straight into my eyes. “He killed them for you, Avery, because they hurt you.”

  She releases my wrist and clears her throat. “I don’t know what happened between the two of you, but I know that man would’ve never done that unless he was in love. If that’s not enough of a reason for you to understand, then how about the nights?”

  I’m left in shock. Liam killed those men. I cannot begin to fathom the Liam I knew would kill anyone. I start finding it hard to breathe. I can’t begin to understand how…wait, what nights?

  “Fallon, what are you talking about? What nights?”

  She smiles and says, “Avery, Liam doesn’t live here anymore, but since you’ve been here, he comes every night and sleeps in that chair, the one in the corner of your room. He has not left your side. Every day we pretend we don’t know, and every night he comes and leaves in the morning. Now that’s love.”

  I think about what she’s telling me, and it clicks. I thought I would hear him at night, trying to soothe me, telling me I was safe now and he would never let anyone hurt me again, and I heard him calling out to me. I thought I was dreaming. Just like I dreamed of him and our past, so I wouldn’t dream of the hell I just went through. I wasn’t dreaming his words, though, they were real; he’s been there the whole time.

  “Fallon, does Catherine know? Is this why she’s helping me?”

  “I don’t know if that’s the reason she’s helping you. But yes, Catherine knows he loves you. Everyone knows.”

  Fallon gets up and walks away. I can’t help crying for Liam. Did I turn him into a killer? I am so filled with regret and anguish. We are definitely not the young, carefree people we once were. Then I can’t help wondering about everything she just said about love. Liam might think he loves me like he did before until he realizes, like before, he doesn’t. I promised myself I wouldn’t fall for him again, and I won’t. I can’t allow myself to feel this way. He might have killed those men to help me out, but I can’t allow him back in my life. I start drying my tears, then I wonder if that’s why Catherine’s doing this. Is she helping me because of Liam? I have to find her and tell her if she is helping me for Liam, it won’t work. I don’t love Liam anymore, and I will never allow him back in my life.

  I search the house until I find her in her office. I rush in and get straight to the point.

  “Catherine, are you doing this because you think Liam loves me?”

  She swivels in her chair, debating my question. “I don’t think, Avery. I know Liam loves you. But no, I am not helping you for him. I’m doing it for you. If you want my help, it’s here for you to take. As far as Liam and you are concerned, I don’t care. Let me ask you, Avery, do you love my son?”

  “I did once, but no, I don’t anymore. I hate him, Catherine. So, if you think I’m going to run into his arms, you’re crazy.”

  “Well, I’m not crazy. But I think you’re lying, and that’s fine. Do what you want with my son. Now, do you want my help?”

  “Yes.”

  “Then I’ll see you for lunch. Please close my door on your way out.”

  22

  Liam

  Fallon calls, asking us not to come home until after supper. She says Mom convinced Avery to get out of the room and eat with them. She also tells us Avery toured the house and grounds. I can’t believe she made that many accomplishments in one day. I’m so thankful my mother did that. Maybe she’ll keep getting better.

  Gabriel and Zander decide we are all eating out tonight and then having a man’s night out. He talked to Fallon, and she said it was fine with her, for me not to worry about Avery, Fallon is going to take care of her. It has been a long time since we’ve spent time together, so I agree. Vin meets us at the casino, we all eat together at one of our restaurants, and then we head to a strip club owned by Theo Trahan.

  We walk into the club and are immediately seated. Theo owns the best strip club in the state. He doesn’t run it, though; he leaves that up to his son Teddy. About an hour after we’re here, I start getting bored. Funny, I never got bored before, this is one of my favorite hangouts. Lots of pussy was to be had here, and I splurged like every young single American man would. I see Zander still does. He has a woman giving him a lap dance, and he is thoroughly enjoying it. Vin seems to be enjoying himself, too, with his own dancer on his lap. Gabriel’s just drinking and looks lonely. Hell, if Gabriel looks like that, I must look pathetic.

  Theo walks in and heads straight for us. “Boys, I’m glad to see you all here. How are enjoying the sights?”

  He laughs and sits down with us as he orders a drink.

  Gabriel starts the conversation. “How are you doing tonight, Theo?”

  “Slow night, son, slow night. So, your beautiful wife let you out tonight?”

  “She has plans. Her and my mother got our guest out of her room today. They wanted some privacy so they could work with her more.”

  Theo nods his head. “That’s great. I’m glad to hear it. That girl needs to start living again. I hope your mother can help her. Seems like my plans got canceled tonight, too. I hope ya’ll don’t mind the company of an old man. I wouldn’t mind having a few drinks with you guys.”

  I jump in. “Theo, we would love it if you stayed. I don’t know how long I’ll last, but it looks like Zander and Vin are in for the whole night.”

  I notice Theo looks Zander’s way but doesn’t even seem to notice Vin.

  Theo chuckles and says, “Your brother always enjoys himself in my club.”

  “I sure the fuck do,” Zander yells out.

  I order another round when Theo lowers his voice and asks, “How are you, son? The last time I saw you…”

  I stop him right there. I don’t want to think of Theo seeing me at a weak moment. “I’m fine, Theo. Let’s not talk about it.”

  “Sure, son, I understand.” He now jumps to another subject. “Gabriel, how’s it going with Murphy’s casino? Planning to make any moves?”

  My family purchased a large amount of Murphy Larussa’s debt from Theo to add to our loan to Murphy. We know he won’t be able to pay. We bought it with the intention of taking over his casino. We now hold the majority in it, but Murphy’s been sick, and
it looks like he won’t last long. Gabriel has been trying to figure out how to proceed.

  Gabriel answers Theo, “You know the situation is a touchy one. We all like Murphy. I hate to push the man’s hand right now. I’m still trying to figure it out. The best solution might be to wait for when he passes and then go in and take over. We’ll see.”

  “I understand. Murphy’s an old friend of mine, and I didn’t feel right forcing him to pay when I knew he couldn’t. Besides, your wife was right when she said I didn’t want to be in the casino business. She’s a smart one, she’ll help you with your tough decisions.”

  Gabriel shakes his head and chuckles. “My wife is at home pregnant. I don’t know how much I want to involve her in our business.”

  “That’s a shame, boy. A woman like Fallon can be extremely useful in business. Women like her and your mother think about matters in a different way than we do. If I were you, I wouldn’t shut her out. Let her help you. I’m sure she will be a huge asset.”

  I decide to ask, “Theo, how well do you know our mother? I know you both have been friends since before I was born, but how well do you know her, if you get my drift? I mean, you always seem to be around when we least expect you, and you sure do know a lot about her. We all heard you back there in the warehouse when you told Dicky you taught Mom how to shoot. That’s the first time we had ever heard that. So, what’s the story?”

  Zander stops the girl on his lap from moving, gives her a hundred with a kiss and sends her on her way. He now turns his attention to Theo. “Yeah, I’d like to know, too.”

  Vin, on the other hand, keeps his attention on the girl in his lap; I guess because he doesn’t get out much, and he’s not going to let anything get in the way of his fun.

  Theo’s about to open his mouth and say something when Gabriel says, “Leave Theo alone. He and Mom are friends. They have been since I was a little boy. And thank God for it. If it wasn’t for Theo, we wouldn’t have any male role models to remember.”

  He now looks straight at Theo. “I remember all the things you’ve done for us. Hell, Theo, you even taught all of us how to fish.”

  Theo turns to Gabriel. “I’m glad you all think of me like that. I knew your father was not the man he should have been when it came to any of you. So, with Catherine’s permission, I tried to do things with ya’ll I knew he never would.”

  He gets up and shakes our hands and leaves. It’s odd. Why didn’t he give us an answer? I’m not stupid, and I see there’s something more to him and Mom. I’m just not sure what yet.

  Zander pipes in on me now, and I notice Vin finally takes his attention away from the girl.

  “So, little brother, what about Avery? Tell us more about how you broke her heart, you bastard.”

  We all break down laughing; the booze is starting to affect me.

  “Fuck all of you. Stay out of my business.”

  Vin finally says something. “Leave him alone. He’s in love. Why do you think the slut didn’t let that girl on his lap when we got here? Have you ever seen Liam throw away pussy that fast?”

  “Fuck you especially. I’m not a slut.”

  They all laugh. Vin returns, “Oh, yes you are, or at least you were. What gives? Tell us something. We know she’s beautiful, a blind man can see that, but what was it about her? I mean, she’s not your usual type.”

  I think about how Avery used to joke about me being called the school slut. I guess I was, but now no one interests me but her. It’s like the first time I met her. I knew then no one would ever compare to her. The years after we broke up, I fucked many women, but none were like her.

  “She’s different. I don’t know how to explain it. She was just herself. She didn’t try to be anyone else, and she always put me in my place. She’s the first person to ever call me a slut or say I was cocky and arrogant to my face. We were so opposite. She’s beautiful, obviously, but not in the way that she’s trying too hard; she just naturally is. And her smell is so fresh and clean, no harsh, flowery smells. I like that.” I let out a chuckle, remembering. “She’s corny, too. She used to wear all these T-shirts with stupid sayings on them, you know, like, ‘Where’s the beef?’ Just stupid shit. And God, her laugh, it was like the heavens opened when she laughed. With her, I could just be myself. I didn’t have to worry about being cool, you know. We could sit still and be happy.”

  I now know the alcohol is definitely affecting me. I didn’t expect to say all that. So, I stop to take a sip of my drink and see they are all looking straight at me, not saying a word. Zander whistles, and Gabriel smiles as he says, “Wow, you got it bad, don’t you? So, so, bad, Liam. I love Fallon, but I don’t think I ever expressed it like that.”

  Zander chimes in, “Yeah, you almost sounded like a girl.” Leave it to him to bust my balls.

  Vin is the first one to ask, “So, what happened?”

  I shrug my shoulders and tell them, “I was a coward. She was the girl at school my friends loved to pick on; back then, I was dating Marcy. I thought I was doing right by asking her to hide our relationship. I didn’t want her being messed with, and I didn’t want to be fucked with either for wanting her. So, we dated in secret for about a year. Then Mom sat me down before graduation and told me about my place in the business. After that, I couldn’t imagine bringing her into this life. She was too good for that. I didn’t want her being tainted by our lifestyle, so I lied to her and told her I slept with Marcy. I broke her heart and never saw her again, until the day we found her.”

  I take another sip of my drink before I finish the story. “I wanted to marry her. I have never felt that way about anyone else but her. I planned on asking her before I left for college.”

  Gabriel says, “Maybe she’ll forgive you now. It’s been years.”

  Zander being Zander stands up and says, “You are one stupid fuck, you know that? I thought Gabriel was stupid with the way he proposed to Fallon. But you, little brother, take the cake. You let someone so perfect for you get away because you were a coward. You never even gave her the option to want this life. Well, brother, you want that girl? You better man the fuck up and fight for her. Because if you don’t and she makes it through all this shit, someone will want her, and they will be willing to fight for her. Now, assholes, my date is waiting for me, and I’m not stupid. I don’t pass up any kind of loving.”

  He walks away and takes the girl who was rubbing up on him out of the club.

  I tell Vin and Gabriel I need to leave. Gabriel says he is going to hitch a ride with me, and Vin decides he’s staying. Gabriel and I leave. The ride home is quiet; he knows I don’t want to talk anymore. When we get home, we go our separate ways. I get cleaned up and make it to Avery’s room. She looks good; at the moment, she’s sleeping sound. I settle in my chair and fall asleep fast.

  Avery

  I purposely wake up early. I want to see for myself if what Fallon said was true about Liam. Sure enough, he is sleeping in the chair. I watch him for a while. I haven’t really looked at him like this in a long time. He’s still the most handsome man I’ve ever seen. Why can’t he have a beer gut or lost some of his hair? Fuck him! If anything, he’s actually better looking. His hair is longer than it used to be and a little darker, but he’s still more blonde than brunette. But it’s his body that’s changed the most. His shirt has risen in the front, and I can see a six-pack there. His stomach used to be tight, but he didn’t have that back then or the muscles I see defined in his raised arms. Shit! He grew up into an even better-looking man. There’s nothing boyish about him anymore. Even his face is stronger looking. He always had stubble, but now it looks rougher; it’s not quite a beard, but it’s sexy. I wonder if what Fallon said is true. Does he still love me? What the hell am I doing? I shouldn’t be admiring his beauty, and I sure in the hell don’t care how he feels. I throw a pillow at his head, waking him immediately.

  “What the hell?! Oh, Avery. Where’s Fallon? I didn’t—”

  “What, Liam? What didn’t you
want? You didn’t want me to know you sleep in here?”

  “Avery, I just wanted to be here in case you needed me.”

  “I don’t. I haven’t needed you in a long time, Liam. Why are you really here?

  “I’m not sure. I just needed to be close to you, I guess.”

  “You guess, huh? Well, I don’t want you here.”

  “Avery, please, baby, let me talk to you.”

  “Baby? Liam, you lost the right to call me baby a long time ago. Just go, Liam.”

  I watch him stand and start for the door. I shout out his name, “Liam.” He turns. “I wanted to thank you for helping me. I know it wasn’t me you were looking for, but if you hadn’t, I don’t know what would’ve happened. So, thank you.”

  “Avery, don’t thank me. I didn’t even know you were missing. Your parents told everyone you ran away. I thought maybe you got tired of their shit. If I would have known, Avery, I swear I would have never stopped looking. I’m just sorry I didn’t get to you sooner. I would give anything for that not to have happened to you.”

  “Liam, I know you killed those men. I wish I could take that back for you. I need you to know I will always be grateful to you.”

  I start to fiddle with my fingers. “Why did you, Liam? Why would you kill them instead of letting them live and suffer for their crimes?”

  He’s staring at the floor until he raises his head and looks straight at me and says, “I did it because I failed you.”

  He bows his head again and walks out, and I’m left with my tears. He still gets to me. I can’t help it. I used to always feel safe with him.

  23

  Avery

  Later, once my tears have dried, I get dressed. Yes, I get dressed by myself, and then Fallon comes in to get me for breakfast. We meet Catherine in the dining room.