Love Me Always (I Hate You...I Think)

by Davis, Anna

  Looking up at his face my heart was racing just as fast. Even as I sat on his bed with these thoughts running through my mind my heart was about to beat right out of my chest. His dark blue eyes were so beautiful. There were flicks of silver around the edges like deep pools. It reminded me of waves crashing on a shore after a storm. He was gorgeous. He gave a lopsided grin.

  ~~~ I hiccupped realizing I was crying my eyes open. I was trembling and gasping for breath I couldn't get enough air in my lungs, it felt like I was suffocating.

  Frantically I stumbled to my feet and scrambled to the door. Clenching my chest I was panicked not knowing what was going on. Jerking the door open, I fell out on the floor gasping for breath. The door opened next to me and Jake came out running his hands through his wet hair. His eyes widened when he seen me.

  "Ever!" He exclaimed grabbing me off the floor. He held me to his chest. "Shh. Calm down. Breath. Everlyn, breath," he pleaded rubbing my back. I sobbed into his shoulder.

  "What's going on?" Someone asked down the hall. "She's having a panic or anxiety attack. I don't know. Get her some water," Jake ordered. I was slowly calming down as he rubbed my back telling me everything was okay. My breathing regulated but I refused to let go of him. I felt so safe with him. He was like an older brother. That's how I felt with him holding me.

  "Shh. It's ok sweetheart," he muttered lifting me off the floor and taking me back to Oliver's room.

  "You sure did a number on his room," he chuckled softly.

  "Jake, I remember him," I whispered.

  Jake pulled back looking at me shocked. "I mean. I think it was the night we met. I remembered meeting some guy named Oliver at the club but I didn't remember seeing his face till now."

  Jake gave me a gentle smile. "Here," Tyler said running into the room with a bottle of water in his hand. Jake had set me on the bed and stepped back. Tyler sat next to me. He placed the bottle in my hands and looked me over.

  "Are you okay?" Tyler asked worriedly.

  I nodded crossing my legs and opening the bottle of water.

  "She remembers the first night Oliver and her met."

  Tyler's eyes widened, "Really?" "Yeah then she decided to stop breathing. Oliver must have taken her breath away that first night, eh?" Jake nudged me with his elbow as he sat down next me too. "Did he sweep you off your feet?"

  I grinned at him. I liked Jake. He was a nice guy.

  I shook my head to answer him. "It's just-" Tyler and Jake stayed silent waiting for me to continue.

  "I just feel so hollow," I told them honestly let more tears run down my cheek. "I have never felt this way in my whole life. I don't know what is wrong with me. I just feel,” I paused thinking of the right word, “broken."

  Jake wrapped and arm around me shoulders pulling me to his side and laying his chin on top of my head.

  "You're not broken, Ever. Your brain is just temporarily out of order." I started laughing. Jake smiled. It was hard to remain sad around Jake. And Tyler, might be quiet a lot but he was the sweetest kid I had ever met. I say kid, he's older than me but he was like a little brother I felt I wanted to protect.

  If anyone was ever mean to him I'd kick there ass. Well, I have been crying a lot lately and emotionally drained. I doubt I'd look very scary or could do much damage, but I'd damn well try. I paused mentally thinking about what I just said.

  "When have I started cursing so much?" I muttered mostly to myself.

  "Talking to yourself is the first signs of losing it," Jake chuckled. "Oliver and Jake curse a lot. I think you have been hanging around them too long," Tyler answered me.

  "You know though," Tyler started thoughtfully. "You might not remember us but your body does."

  "If you say that's what she said I will slap you, Jake," I told him giving him a look.

  Jake laughed holding up his hands defensively. "See that's what I mean," Tyler continued, "You knew he was going to say that, and you still curse a lot. So the memories are there. They are just locked up."

  He looked at Jake this time. "Maybe she blocked it all out because of everything that's happened. I mean, Ever, you got kidnapped by Eien. Watched Jet get shot. You felt guilty about what happened with Jet and all the guys that got killed during the fight. Oliver went to jail. You felt guilty about that too. Then Eien shows up and shoots you, you’ve been through so much."

  "I get it. It's like your bodies telling you knock it off. Stop with all the mayhem and stress," Jake agreed.

  "So how do I get my body to stop whatever it's doing and give me my memories back?" I questioned.

  "I don’t have an answer for that sweetie," Jake smiled sadly.

  "Maybe you need to confront what happened with Eien," Tyler muttered.

  "Confront it? I can't remember it." "I don't know. It was just a thought. I'll look into amnesia cases and see how others got there memory back okay?" Tyler offered. I wrapped my arms around his neck and hugged him to me tight.

  "Thank you." "Do I get any love?" Jake pouted. Laughing I released Tyler who kissed me on the cheek and left the room. I hugged Jake around the waist.

  "There's your love. Now get out. I'm going to take a shower and clean up this mess," I told him looking around Oliver’s room.

  "Good," Jake grunted nudging a pair of my underwear under a pillow.

  I raised my eyebrow at him as he looked over at me.

  "They're clean," I told him.

  He scrunched up his face. "You’re my sister. That-" he shuttered. "Yuck." He stood up heading for the door mumbling something about how nasty seeing my underwear was. Picking up a pillow, I launched it at his head. It hit him and he jumped about a foot in the air and turned around beaming at me.

  "Welcome back, Ever well sorta. I missed ya kid," Jake told me. His grin was so big the skin around his eyes wrinkled up.

  "Alright old man. Get out," I told him standing up and pushing the door shut on him. He had his mouth gapping open as I slammed it shut.

  "Brat!" he called out.

  I just laughed in response and headed for the bathroom. Stripping off my clothes, I stopped to look at my body in the mirror. Just above my underwear, line was two purple craters. Then a little higher were two more but they were more spaced out. That was the left side of my body.

  On the right along my ribs was another scar it was an inch or so long. Jet told me Eien had pressed a knife between my ribs. That's how he kidnapped me by threatened to puncture my lung.

  I shuttered wrapping my arms around me. Maybe Tyler was right. I need to confront what happened but after what I’ve been told I’m not sure, I want to. I have been mostly trying to remember Oliver. I hadn't wanted to remember how I got all the scars.

  I ran my hand over the scar on my shoulder and down to my arm as I removed my bra. Dropping it to the ground, I slide out of my underwear and looked at the last scars on my leg. They blurred into one large mark.

  I would probably never wear a bikini again. These scars were too ugly to show off. How do you explain them to anyone? Oh yeah, I was shot a lot, and stabbed, but it's cool I don't remember any of it because my brain went into shock and wiped out my memories.

  Turning away from the mirror, I climbed into the shower. I couldn't bear to look at myself anymore.

  Before everyone would look at was how beautiful and bright red my hair was. Now all they’ll see is how scarred I am. I can just hear it now. Poor girl. I couldn't handle that. I have always been strong.

  "No more tears," I whispered to myself. No more being sad or pathetic. I was stronger than this. I AM stronger than this.

  ~Fake It~

  Monday morning came very quickly. Jake insisted that I go to the trial. Even if I didn't remember anything that had happened, me being there would help, or so he said. So here I stood outside the court room pulling on my sweater anxiously looking at the people around me.

  Someone tugged on the hem of my shirt. I looked down to see Jet. He smiled reassuringly at me. He must see how nervous I am. He held ou
t his hand to me and I dropped my hand into it. He patted it and squeezed.

  "It'll be alright, Ever."

  "Will I have to get up in front of everyone?" I asked looking around at the people waiting to get into the courtroom. Jake was a few feet away talking to some people. They must be from the gang I assume.

  "I'm not sure. They might call you up," Jet frowned.

  "But, I don't remember anything."

  "You know Oliver. You said you remember him."

  I nodded. "Well, yes. I remember him from the night we met." "I don't know what they are going to ask but do you have that picture of you two together from the fair?"

  "Yeah," I patted the pocket of my black jeans. "We're seating now," Jake spoke coming to my side and guiding me to the door of the courtroom. Some person I had yet to know pushed Jet's chair behind us.

  Once inside the courtroom my stomach became more upset, like I had boulders inside it. We went to the right side sitting just behind the partition. Jet moved his wheel chair into the opening next to me. Behind us, quite a few of the gang filed in. I only knew because Jet told me that Oliver’s gang always wore black.

  That and everyone on the left side were wearing red. It was a bit unnerving to be in such a closed in space with two rival gangs. I mean I might not remember being a part of any of this but I watched enough TV to know the risks. Hell I had scars that proved the risks.

  "Hey," Jet whispered to me. I leaned to him to listen. "I know that you don't remember Oliver but he'll be out in a second and could you at least hug him. Pretend to know him it would make things easier."

  "Also," Jake spoke from the other side. "They might show pictures of when you got attacked and shot," he muttered pursing his lips.

  I took a deep breath looking straightforward and nodded. My hands were clammy and I tugged and twirled at the hem of my shirt between my fingers.

  After a few minutes of awkward glaring going on from both sides, a pair of heavy metal door opened to my right. Oliver stepped out and it took my breath away to see him in person. He wasn't in handcuffs, and had on a nice semi-formal suit. He was tugging at his collar but when his eyes locked in on me, he stopped.

  I stood up not paying attention to anything going on around me. He came to me instantly grabbing me in his arms and pressing my head into his chest. He buried his face into my hair and inhaled.

  "Baby girl I missed you," he whispered pulling back looking down at me. I just continued to stare at him hoping for something to happen. Hoping that maybe a memory would surface like it had before, but nothing happened.

  "You don't remember me do you?" He asked calmly but I could hear the anguish in his voice.

  My body moved of its own accord and I took his hand lifting it to my cheek and squeezed.

  "Not yet," I muttered. His eyes brightened with those words. It made me happy to see him happy. In my heart, I couldn't bear to see him upset. I love him. I love this boy, but why?

  "When I get home, I'll make you remember," he whispered sweetly kissing my cheek. Blushing I looked away.

  "And," he lifted my chin. "If I can't we'll make new memories." "Oliver," the man behind Oliver spoke. I looked over at him. He wore and nice suit too and had a brief case. He must be the lawyer. The man nodded at me.

  Oliver ran his thumb over my cheek then had to sit down as the metal doors opened again. I took my seat watching the man who entered. He wore a suit too but didn't look half as good as Oliver did in it. He didn't have a tie, nor was his shirt tucked in.

  He clearly didn't care about this court appearance. He looked straight at Oliver and gave a grin that made my stomach turn over. For some insane reason I wanted to climb over the divider and tear his face off. Such anger built inside of me I thought I would black out, and there is no telling what would happen if I did.

  The guy turned his eyes on me then and winked. I clenched my fists digging my nails into the palm of my hand. Not looking away from him, I took in every detail of his face. That is when something clicked. I gasp shutting my eyes. Images flashed quickly by me.

  ~~~ I glanced up at Oliver worried. His face was hard and drawn as he stared across the ring at Jason, who stared back with the same intensity.

  "Oliver," I muttered uncertain. Oliver jerked his eyes away from Jason to look down at me.

  "Be careful, please?" I whispered softly gazing into his eyes. I was a bit lost in his stare.

  He gave a wry smile. "Don't tell me your worried, Ever," he chuckled teasing me. I pursed my lips. "Well, I'd rather not like to see any more blood. It makes me queasy," I told him crossing my arms and looking away embarrassed.

  I was worried that he might get hurt, but I wasn't about to tell him that. Oliver reached up taking my face and making me look at him. "Thank you for worrying about me, but I'll

  be okay," he said kissing the tip of my nose gently and turned abruptly to entered the cage. The door was locked with chains causing my stomach to flip. Jason jumped over the rail with a look of amusement on his face. Oliver moved to the right and Jason to the left. They circled each other until Jason was in front of me. Jason half turned to wink at me. Jake, who was standing next to placed his hand on my shoulder glaring at Jason.

  "When I beat your boyfriend, I'll be back over here to take you home with me," he sneered.

  ~~~

  My eyes snapped open.

  "Ever?" Oliver questioned turning around to look at me. Jake took my face in his hands.

  "It's like the other night, what did you see?" "Cage, Jason and Oliver about to fight and" my cheeks burned as I thought about how Oliver had kissed my nose. It was a simple gesture but it made my heart happy. I was remembering stuff and I liked that. I looked up at Oliver he was smiling warmly at me.

  "How cute," Jason cooed across the courtroom. "It won't help if she doesn't remember Oliver. I'll be out and you won't."

  Looking up at Jason I wanted to stick my tongue at him, but I caught myself. That was childish, and hell, he is a gang leader. Really, Ever?

  Jason gave me a look that I couldn't read. I was torn between wanting to punch him and sinking back into my seat.

  The door behind the Judge's bench opened this time.

  "All rise," an officer spoke as he came out the door. "Honorable Judge Forrester presiding." I stood up along with Jake and everyone else. Jason refused to stand. He was only hurting himself. I hope the Judge seen that. The Judge was an older man with white hair and glasses sitting precariously at the end of his nose with a stern look on his face.

  "Be seated," the officer spoke after the Judge sat in his chair. I slumped back onto the bench.

  "Will there be a jury?" I questioned Jake softly. "No, it's a bench trial. The Judge is also the jury. The problem is Jason has been trying to bribe him."

  "So Oliver doesn't stand a chance?" I whispered looking at Jake annoyed.

  "We'll see," he spoke patting my hand. "Well Mr. Martin, Mr. Wolfe. I believe we've been here before haven’t we?" the Judge's voice was gruff and he looked down at all of us with a bored look. He clearly wasn't interested in the trial. No one said anything.

  "Mr. Lawrence, I believe you'll be opening for us this morning?"

  Oliver's lawyer stood. "Yes, Good morning your honor." Mr. Lawrence walked around the table. "We are here today to talk to discuss the situation that happened on October twenty-second. When Mr. Martin and my client were involved in a-"

  "Mr. Lawrence, I read the statements and I know what happened. Please get to the point." Mr. Lawrence stopped for a moment; he did not look pleased being interrupted like that. He knew the Judge didn't care anyways.

  "Of course your honor. All I was meaning to say was that the fight began when Mr. Martin kidnapped Miss Fox and Mr. Lee. And," Mr. Lawrence paused as Jason's lawyer started to stand, maybe to object. I'm not sure but Jason stopped him.

  "I have witnesses to prove it." "Your honor," Jason's lawyer stood now. "The only witness he has is a girl who cannot even remember her own name and a gang banger wh
o is doing as he's told."

  I opened my mouth to yell that I knew my own name. I wasn't stupid and that is how he’s making me sound. Jake squeezed my hand.

  "Thank for the Mr. Terry but your turn will come soon enough," the Judge dismissed him. I think everyone in the room was a bit shocked.

  "Now, I know as well as you all do that this is not exactly a normal case. Under the circumstances, I'll hear Mr. Wolfe's side as well as all the witnesses and evidence then you can have your turn Mr. Martin. Fair enough?" Judge Forrester remarked matter-of-factly. Clearly, he wasn't on Jason's side at all.

  "Right, my first witness is Everlyn Fox." My eyes widened and I looked at Jake bewildered. He gave a kind of nervous smile and pushed me off the seat. Looking around the room all eyes were on me. My palms began to sweat. Slowly I walked through the opening in the divider focusing on my shoes the last thing I needed was to trip and fall.

  "Please take a seat Miss Fox," Mr. Lawrence told me ushering me to the stand. My hands were shaking as I took the seat. From here, I could see everyone and everyone could see me. I didn't like this at all. After I swore on a bible to tell the truth Mr. Lawrence jumped right into questioning.

  "Now Miss Fox, you have been in the hospital for a month recovering from multiple gunshot wounds is that correct?"

  I nodded.

  "Yes or no?"

  "Yes," I croaked.

  "And, since the shooting you have had no memory of it?"

  "No, I haven't. But, I am remembering some things," I offered. Mr. Lawrence eyes brightened. "Good. Now Miss Fox do you understand what is going on today?"

  "Yes, I was told what happened."

  "Can we get on with this?" Mr. Terry spoke indignantly.

  "Yes, Mr. Lawrence is there a point to all this?" the Judge asked.

  "I'm just clarifying that Miss Fox is a competent witness."

  "We see that she is. Continue." "Right now, Miss Fox the reason for all this is to show that when Mr. Wolfe here attacked and fought with Mr. Martin it was that he was protecting you. Do you remember the kidnapping?"