A Widow's Salvation

by Becky Lower

  This is silly. We’re merely two co-workers who are sharing a meal. No different from when we sit in his office.

  She shook her head, unable to convince even herself. It was much different. She was allowing Elijah to share her family with her. The two eldest boys were being scrubbed and dressed right now. The youngest, Luke, would put in an appearance before the nanny took him off to the nursery for the night. Her gown was much finer than what she wore in the hospital, and her parents were due any moment. The evening would be far less awkward with her mother and father in attendance, but Pepper’s hands still shook as she ran them down the front of her gown. She suppressed a sudden urge to laugh.

  She wished the night were already over.

  She wished the night would go on forever.

  The front door opened at the same time her sons came running down the stairs. Pepper took a deep breath. The time for reflection was past, and dinner was about to commence. She smoothed the skirt of her pale pink, silk gown one last time and patted her hair.

  “Where are my favorite grandsons?” Charlotte Fitzpatrick’s voice called down the hall before her blonde head came into view. The boys scampered into her embrace. Pepper followed them to the front parlor, where she kissed her mother’s cheek and embraced her father. She held on to his arms and gazed at him.

  “Thank you for coming tonight,” she whispered to him. “You are so handsome. I love how your dark hair catches the light. Turn around and let me admire your new coat.”

  George twirled in front of his daughter before catching her in another hug.

  “It’s our pleasure. I’ve been wanting to meet the doctor for some time now, since you and your mother talk about him incessantly, as if he were some kind of deity.”

  Pepper laughed, and some of the strain she’d been feeling disappeared. Her muscles ceased their twitching, and the butterflies in her stomach decided to take a break between dances.

  “Colonel Williams is a remarkable man who works way too hard. I’m only trying to give him some respite from the hospital.”

  “And the fact he’s halfway in love with you already has no bearing on this evening? I think if he’s willing to ride in all the way from the Bronx, it shows he’s after more than merely dinner.” Charlotte smiled sweetly at Pepper, who had the urge to throttle her mother.

  “Please, Mother. None of your shenanigans tonight. And no talk of romance with the colonel. Not in front of the boys.” Her sons were not paying attention to the adults’ discussion, but Pepper needed to change the course of the conversation nonetheless.

  The colonel’s knock on the front door stopped the conversation altogether. Pepper glanced at her mother, whose smug expression she’d seen way too many times.

  “It’s only dinner, Mother.”

  “For now, dear. Who knows where the evening will lead? Please show the gentleman in.”

  Pepper strode to the hallway to meet Elijah, who was being relieved of his hat and coat by the butler. She was fairly certain her mother wasn’t talking about only letting the gentleman into her house, but into her life. Her mother might think Pepper was ready for a new direction, but Pepper was of a different mindset. She’d set her course until the end of the war. This dinner was merely an attempt to get life back to some semblance of how it had been before the war broke out. She and Michael had entertained often, over dinner. This was nothing different. Except it was no longer she and Michael. Only she. And the butterflies, who were once again performing a mad, frenzied dance in her stomach as she stood in the hallway and gazed at Elijah for an unguarded minute, admiring the cut of his uniform and the way his hair grazed his collar.

  “How nice to see you,” Pepper said as she approached and wrapped her hand around his arm, leading him toward the parlor.

  “Thank you for inviting me. I’m already a fan of your cook, as you well know. So I’ve been anticipating tonight for days.” His eyes moved from her face down her body. “Lovely gown you’re wearing. The pale pink brings out the color in your cheeks.”

  “Thank you, Elijah.” Pepper ran her hand over her stomach again. Before the night was over she would beat the butterflies into submission. She could tell by his glance at her gown his anticipation of tonight was not just about her cook’s expertise. She had a feeling she wouldn’t be able to appreciate Cook’s meal at all, at this rate.

  “Ah, Colonel Williams, there you are.” Charlotte came forward and wrapped her hand around his other arm. “Please come and meet my husband.”

  Pepper let go of Elijah’s arm and stood back as the introduction took place. She noticed the easy way Elijah greeted her father and then turned his attention to the boys. There was no awkwardness, no lapse in conversation. Perhaps she’d been worried for no reason. If she removed any hint of romance from the evening, it could be a pleasant dinner with no butterflies anywhere. Yes, she could handle this.

  After a few minutes, they moved to the dining room, and the meal began with the first course of some fragrant pea soup.

  “Yuck.” Matthew made a face as he offered his assessment of the dish after one spoonful. Mark followed his example, putting his spoon on the table, folding his small arms across his chest, and refusing another bite.

  Pepper sent her eldest son a disapproving glance. “Matthew, do you remember our conversation from this afternoon? You are to behave in a respectful manner at dinner, or you will be sent to your room.”

  “But I hate peas!”

  Pepper glanced at Elijah to gauge his reaction to her son’s outburst, not certain of what she’d find. Surprisingly, he had a smile on his face. For someone who didn’t have children, she found him to be amazingly tolerant.

  “I hated peas, too, when I was your age,” Elijah revealed, as he brought another spoonful of the soup to his lips.

  “You did? But you eat them now?”

  “They’re still not my favorite vegetable, but I’m more of a fan now. Your mother planned the menu, your cook has worked very hard to prepare the meal, and we’re men enough to show respect for their work by eating what’s set in front of us. Don’t you agree?”

  Matthew stared at him for a long minute before he picked up his spoon and took another bite. Mark did the same.

  “I’m a man.” Matthew grinned across the table at Elijah.

  “Me too.” Mark began to empty his bowl.

  Elijah’s amused glance found Pepper, and her heart melted a little. Her boys could greatly benefit by having someone such as the colonel more involved in their lives. But more involved in hers was a different story. The wretched butterflies returned again.

  • • •

  Several days later, Elijah set his pen on his hospital desk and leaned back, running his hands over his tired eyes. He had been thinking about Pepper and her brood off and on since their dinner. It had been one of the nicest evenings he’d had in a long time. After the meal, the boys were handed over to the nanny and the adults had moved into the parlor. And, as with most dinner parties, the men went behind closed doors in the library to smoke their after-dinner cheroots while the women talked among themselves.

  Elijah’s limited knowledge of George Fitzpatrick was enough to respect the fact he was a valued member of New York’s elite society. He admitted to a modicum of intimidation, but he had reminded himself that he was a valued member of society himself, as a surgeon in the Army. Yet he had not faced off against the father of a woman he was attracted to since he’d first courted Elisabeth. He’d leaned forward in his seat as George shared a light with him. Then, both sat back, inhaling and enjoying their tobacco. George ceremoniously poured them both several fingers of bourbon to accompany their cigars. And Elijah waited to see where George would steer the conversation.

  He wasn’t kept waiting for long. “I greatly respect the work you’re doing at the hospital, Elijah. It’s a lot more gritty than going into a bank every morning, I would imagine.”

  Elijah smiled a bit. Evidently, they were going to ease into the conversation.

&
nbsp; “It’s a job that needs to be done, as long as this war continues. But I do confess, what I’ve seen in the past year gives me nightmares. I don’t sleep all that well, even when I do get the chance.”

  “Are you compensated adequately for your work? And for your disrupted sleep?”

  Elijah straightened in his chair and stared at the man who was doing the grilling. “I get paid what every other Army colonel gets paid. $212 a month. The military payroll is no secret, and I’m certain your son Halwyn has access to that information.”

  “Yes, and in fact, Halwyn has shared the knowledge with me in advance of our evening. I wanted to see if you would admit to the paltry sum on your own.” George glanced over the desk and studied Elijah. “You’ll have to forgive the two of us for meddling, but we need to protect Pepper and her children as best we can.”

  Elijah’s spine became steel as he stared back at George. “From what does she need protection?”

  “From her heart, mostly. I can tell she is developing feelings for you, and when love or compassion come into play, it sometimes prevents people from seeing things realistically. Pepper not only has herself and her own future to think about, but she has three sons to see through to adulthood. If she remarries, all her assets will become property of her new husband. Halwyn and I worry that the boys will suffer as a result of her no longer being in control of her finances.”

  Elijah took a moment to shake the ash from the end of his cheroot before he answered. He needed to calm himself down first. His nostrils flared, and he raised his chin. “Do you not think the boys will suffer anyway, if they have no father figure in their lives?”

  “They have a doting grandfather and a caring uncle. They’ll be fine in that regard.”

  Elijah could sit still no longer. He rose from his seat and planted his legs wide apart as he glared at George.

  “But a grandfather and uncle, regardless of how selfless their motives, aren’t with the children on a daily basis and don’t have the same impact as someone who is in the house with them every day and providing a united disciplinary front alongside your daughter. Three boys can be a handful, even with two parents. And do you not want Pepper to again know the stability that comes with marriage? Would you consign her to a life of solitude for the sake of keeping control of her wealth?”

  George cleared his throat and ran a hand through his dark hair. “I want what’s best for my daughter. And I’m concerned that an Army colonel is not going to be able to adequately provide for her, regardless of how well respected he is.”

  Elijah pierced George with a knife-sharp gaze. “I appreciate that you want what’s best for her, sir. But I resent your insinuation that I’m a gold digger. I’ve never given a thought to her estate. I’m attracted to the woman herself and would be even if she had no money. Sadly, my wife died before we had any children, but I’ve always wanted a family. I realize that, by courting her, I’m acknowledging that I am placing myself into the role of being a father figure to those delightful boys of hers.”

  George smiled at him then. “Yes, they are delightful little hellions, aren’t they? Please don’t take offense at the course of our conversation. It was not my intent to disparage you.” George leaned back and inhaled his cigar before he continued. He motioned to the empty seat in the room. “Please sit back down. Pepper’s had to endure a lot with the ungodly war, since she lost Michael before most of the country realized the war was even taking place. She was among the first to wear widow’s weeds. And while I do want her to find happiness again, I don’t want it to be at the expense of her sons.”

  “Well then, I’d say we both want the same thing for her. I hope to provide her some happiness, if I can. And to help shepherd her sons into adulthood. Shall we rejoin the ladies?”

  As much as he had anticipated this type of conversation with George Fitzpatrick, he had been eager to end the conversation before it became more heated. Besides, Pepper had been the real reason he had stepped away from the hospital, and he had wanted to return to her presence. It seemed he could not get enough of her.

  He admired the gentle yet strong manner she used with her children. They were well-behaved boys, but they were boys, after all, and got a bit rambunctious every now and again. Pepper allowed them to be exuberant, but kept them in line. It was a delicate balance, and she handled it well.

  Elijah remembered George’s words as he whistled to himself while he finished up his morning’s paperwork. So far, he’d been infatuated by Pepper without really taking into account the role he might play in the lives of her children. Marriage would be the only possible outcome of a courtship, and despite his bravado in front of George, he had to give serious thought to the idea of a ready-made family. He had just finished signing his final document when a gentle knock came at the door and it opened. Pepper was laden down with a basket of food and some papers. Elijah turned toward the door and stared at her. She was dressed in pink and white today, her gown swaying around her ankles as she walked across the room and came toward him.

  There might be doubt from George, but from Elijah there was no longer any resistance. Yes, he wanted her, and her boys, in his life. He rose from his chair and dropped the pen, helping her with the basket as he grinned at her. All paperwork was forgotten.

  “Always nice to see you, Pepper, especially when you bring a basket of goodies from home.” He lifted a corner of the napkin covering the food and inhaled deeply.

  Pepper smiled and tapped his fingers lightly so he’d drop the cloth. “I think, as long as the baskets of food kept coming, you wouldn’t miss me at all.”

  He gazed deep into her blue eyes. “Quite the contrary, Mrs. Brown. The delivery person is every bit as enticing as the food she brings.”

  For a moment, the world stopped. There were only the two of them, locking glances. Elijah swore they both stopped breathing as they stood beside each other. He reached down and tucked a stray lock of her black hair behind her ear. Her hair was in loose curls around her face today, and her ringlets were controlled in part by a delicate headband. His fingers brushed the outer shell of her ear as he did so, scorching them in the process. She was so tantalizingly close as she stared at him. He had a sudden urge to lean in, caress her soft cheek, and kiss her. Dear God, he wanted to kiss a woman for the first time since his wife died. Pepper ran her tongue over her lips before she stepped back.

  The spell was broken. He dropped his hand.

  Pepper brought up the sheaf of papers she had in her hands. “Do you have time to discuss a medical matter with me for a few minutes?”

  Elijah inhaled a deep breath to steady himself. He had a sense of vertigo, as if he’d been on the top of a cliff, looking down, and then stepped away from the edge.

  “Certainly, Pepper. Take a seat while I do justice to your cook’s offerings. What do you need to talk about?”

  “The boy, Daniel, who you operated on a few weeks ago.”

  “Yes, I remember. The one who insisted you be with him in the operating room. He does have good taste in nurses, I’ll admit.” He smiled at her, but she brushed the compliment aside and laid her papers on his desk.

  “I’ve been worried about him ever since you removed his lower leg. The boy comes from farming stock. How is he going to work when he can’t stand?”

  “This war has taken its toll on all of us in one way or another. Has he no one he can rely on?”

  She rolled her shoulders and fiddled with the papers. “Yes, he has family. But what man wants to become a burden to his loved ones? He’s been very despondent since the operation, so I had an idea. My brother-in-law, Parr, is quite good with woodworking and leather. I took the idea of creating a prosthetic device for Daniel to Parr, and he designed this one for me. But I wanted to show you his drawings of it first. If it’s not going to work, I don’t want to get Daniel’s hopes up.”

  Elijah’s intrigue shifted from Pepper to what she was saying. Prosthetic devices had been around for years, but they were horribly uncomfortab
le, bulky, and ugly. The Army had some of the devices in stock, but when they were offered to a man who’d lost a leg or arm, they were rarely used. If a new device could be created that would be more streamlined, Elijah wanted to explore it. He eagerly picked up the drawings Parr had put together.

  For several minutes, he studied them. A lower leg, calf and foot, had been drawn, and a deep well of leather which had been padded with wool was on the top portion, where it would attach to the limb. Pepper fidgeted while she waited for his response.

  “I agree more needs to be done to prepare our returning soldiers for life after war. This device wouldn’t work for everyone, but for men such as Daniel, who were amputated below the knee, it might work.” He lifted his eyes from the drawing and gazed into hers. “This is important to you, isn’t it?”

  She didn’t speak, merely nodded. He noted her clear eyes and the way a muscle in her jaw twitched. She didn’t need to say anything. He got the message.

  “Then show it to Daniel. I think it has merit and is a lot less crude than some of the devices I’ve seen. Adjustments may be needed to fine-tune the idea, but you’ll never know what they might be if no one ever tries it on.”

  “Oh, thank you! I didn’t want to build up Daniel’s hopes if it wasn’t worth taking a chance. I’ll go tell him now.”

  She retrieved the drawing from him and they stood. Pepper rounded the desk and lifted herself onto her toes as she brushed his cheek with a kiss.

  By the time Elijah finished processing what had just happened, she was gone from the room. He’d wanted to kiss her earlier, but she beat him to it. Admittedly, it was a kiss on the cheek, a kiss of thanks rather than the passionate one he’d envisioned, but it was a kiss nonetheless. He patted the cheek that had been the recipient and smiled again. He could wait for passion.

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  “Good afternoon, Daniel.” Pepper pasted a bright smile on her face as she took a seat beside the young man and smoothed her pink-and-white striped dress. She placed her papers containing Parr’s drawing of the prosthetic device on the floor. It had been a number of weeks since Daniel’s amputation, and according to Elijah, the stump was healing well. Yet Daniel showed no interest in getting out of bed, or using the crutches, which were propped up beside it. Instead, his body was gaunt, his skin slightly gray, and his lovely dark hair had lost its luster. Pepper realized he was having trouble adjusting to his new body, and she wanted to help change his outlook on life. She hoped she hadn’t been wrong, that he had some interest in trying the prosthetic device. But she’d never know unless she broached the subject with him.