A Widow's Salvation

by Becky Lower

  “I did, as well. There seems to be no getting around it, even though we try. The soldiers might be the ones directly fighting the battles, but every person in the country is affected by it, to some degree.”

  He uncurled her hand from his arm, stooped over, and picked up a small stone. As he threw the stone over the water, and it skipped along the surface, she studied him. The day she’d walked in on him while he was bathing himself came into her head. She remembered how his arm muscles bunched when he picked up the towel to dry off. And she remembered the feel of his skin beneath her fingers as she shaved him. She turned to him just as his gaze left the water and he glanced her way.

  She gave in to the impulse she’d had since she first spied him and lifted her fingers to his face. She lightly smoothed out the line between his brows, and then smiled at him.

  “You should get out of the hospital more often. Merely feeling the breeze on your face does wonders for your mentality.”

  He inhaled deeply. “Not just the breeze. The scent of fresh water and clean surroundings is an added bonus. And of course, the fetching company I’m in helps my mentality considerably.”

  “So you’re saying you could be enticed to leave the hospital again?”

  “Give me another invitation, and if I can get away, I’ll certainly strive to do so.”

  “Perhaps dinner one evening, with my parents?”

  “I would truly enjoy a night of normalcy, such as what you’ve described. But I must now return you to your children and retrieve my horse. It’s a long ride back to the Bronx, and I want to get there before nightfall.”

  “Yes, of course.”

  She once again placed her hand on his arm, and they retraced their steps.

  “You’ve been a delightful surprise today, though, Elijah. Thank you for brightening my day.”

  “And I, dear lady, am glad I was able to find you amidst all these people. It’s almost as if you were a beacon calling out to me.”

  He issued a farewell salute to the boys and quickly walked off toward the stables. Pepper decided they’d had enough of the park today as well. Certainly, her mind was abuzz due to the sudden appearance of Elijah in the park. As she, the children, and the nanny settled into the carriage for the ride home, Pepper thought again about Elijah’s arms as they skipped the stone across the lake. And wondered how those arms would feel if they were wrapped around her, before she tossed the foolish notion aside.

  CHAPTER NINE

  With fall almost over, the rate of the wounded coming to the hospital tapered off, giving both Pepper and Elijah a much-needed respite. Although the hospital was still full of soldiers in various states of recovery, Pepper had cut back on her visits to only two days a week. The men were slowly recovering but weren’t yet ready to go home or back into battle, so her visits were now spent reading to them and hearing their stories. She wrote letters to their loved ones if they were unable or provided an ear if they merely wanted someone to talk to.

  These men had each been through their own hell on the battlefield, and Pepper listened to their stories, her stomach clenching at the horror they had witnessed. Tales about loved ones being shot while marching alongside them, their bodies left on the battlefields as those men who could fall back did so. She wondered what kind of terrible things Michael had endured before his death and, in a way, was glad his death had come so quickly into the war. One battle was all he had to endure. These men had been through battle after battle. Yet most of them maintained a healthy outlook on life, and some were even very funny.

  One of her favorite soldiers was a young man named Daniel O’Leary. The handsome young man had a touch of an Irish accent, with dark hair and blue eyes, and never failed to elicit a laugh from her. His family was one of the pioneer settlers of Kentucky, and he was an expert hunter and tracker. Despite his expertise, he had been shot in his leg. So far, it hadn’t been amputated, but his leg wasn’t healing properly and had given both Elijah and her cause for worry.

  After dropping off the basket of food in Elijah’s office, Pepper hurried to the ward where Daniel lay, since her last visit had been three days earlier.

  Daniel was sleeping, but was bathed in sweat. The stench of rotting flesh mixed with his body odor almost made her gag. Pepper ran her hand over his forehead and discovered he was scorching hot. She brought a washbasin and cloth to his bedside and began to sponge the water over his face and limbs in an effort to cool him down. She removed the damp sheet from his body and checked his leg wound to see if the bandage needed changing. An angry red line was scrambling up his leg. Pepper gasped at the telltale sign of infection, and her heart began to race. There had been no indication of it a few days ago. How quickly things could change. She went in search of Elijah.

  He had returned to his office from the operating room, his hands still drenched with blood. And he had a haunted gaze in his eyes. Even in his distress, he gave her a small smile.

  “Well, hello, Pepper. What a welcome sight you are.” He sat heavily in his chair.

  “You’re exhausted again. And I fear I’m only going to add to it.” She bustled about the room, bringing him a washbasin in which to rinse his hands.

  “On the contrary. You bring a lightness into the room. And good food.” He lifted the edge of the napkin over the basket and peered inside, inhaling deeply.

  “As much as you need to eat, I’m afraid Daniel can’t wait.”

  “Who?”

  “Daniel O’Leary. The young man in the main ward with a leg wound we were worried about. I stopped by to see him when I came in, and he’s unconscious, sweating profusely, and there’s a red line racing up his leg. I fear his leg needs to be amputated.”

  “Let’s go see.”

  They moved swiftly through the hospital to the ward where Daniel lay. Pepper once again picked up a washcloth and continued to bathe him in cool water while Elijah examined the wound.

  “You’re correct, Pepper. This soldier has blood poisoning, and if we don’t amputate now, he’ll die.”

  “That’s what I was afraid of. And, although I’d rather keep him alive, he’s not going to react well to becoming a cripple. He’s a farmer in a rugged portion of Kentucky. How will he be able to work and survive? I think you need to waken him and tell him what’s going on, if you can.”

  Elijah shook the man and spoke loudly in his ear. Daniel came to consciousness slowly, and his confused gaze bounced between Elijah and Pepper.

  “What’s happening?”

  Elijah delivered the bad news to the man. “I’m afraid your wound is infected. It’s turned worse in the past few days. I need to amputate your leg below the knee.”

  “No!” Daniel tried to scream, but his voice was weak. Pepper laid a hand on his chest.

  “If there were any other way, the doctor would have found it. He purposely didn’t amputate right away, hoping your leg would mend on its own. But it hasn’t, and if he doesn’t take the leg, you’ll die.”

  “I can’t be going through life as a cripple, Mrs. Brown. Surely you know I’ll never make it. Please, let me die.”

  “I’m aware of your life back in the Kentucky hills, Daniel. But, even without a lower leg, I’m sure your family would want you home and healthy rather than dead. Let the doctor do what he must.”

  Elijah finished his examination of the young man and covered him back up. “We are out of options, young man. Your infection is spreading throughout your body. You’ll still have a battle on your hands after the amputation, but that comes first. We’ll get you into the operating room.”

  Daniel grasped Pepper’s hand, which was still on his chest. “Will you be there, lass?”

  “In the operating room? No, Daniel, I never go into surgery.”

  “Please. I beg of you. Don’t leave me alone to face this.”

  The plea in the man’s voice tugged on Pepper’s heart. She glanced across the bed, to Elijah.

  He nodded. “If you can handle it, I’ll allow for you to be with him.” />
  Pepper inhaled a deep breath, and her eyes misted. “Then I’ll stay with you, Daniel.”

  Daniel lost consciousness when he was picked up and moved to the surgical wing.

  “Just as well,” Elijah said. “It’s best for him not to be awake when I start to operate.”

  He turned toward Pepper as they followed the men carrying Daniel to the operating table. His hand cupped her elbow. “Are you sure you want to go in there? It gets pretty gruesome. And fortunately, Daniel’s unconscious, so he’ll never know you stayed back.”

  She shook her head. “I made a promise to Daniel. He’s no more than a boy. If it were one of mine, I’d hope there would be someone to give him peace.”

  “He might not make it through surgery. I want you to be prepared.”

  Pepper glanced up at Elijah. “You face the horrors of the operating room every day. I only need to face it one time. I’ll be fine.” But even as she tried to appease him her voice quavered.

  He placed his hand on her shoulder and turned toward her. “If at any time you feel you need to leave, even for a moment, please do so. I don’t want to have you fainting.”

  “I won’t faint. But I appreciate your concern.”

  “Let’s get to it, then.”

  Pepper inhaled another deep breath. She was used to taking care of her small boys’ scrapes and cuts. And she’d given birth three times. But this was much more than she’d ever faced before. She hoped her show of bravado in front of Elijah wouldn’t be her downfall. Fainting was not an option.

  • • •

  Elijah’s assistant in the operating room had his tools laid out and ready for the next patient. Daniel was already on the table, his lower leg strapped into an open box and held in place by lengths of leather, waiting for Elijah to begin the amputation. The assistant provided Daniel with a dose of chloroform, even though he was already unconscious, and handed Elijah the scalpel.

  Elijah glanced at Pepper, who was standing at the end of the table, near Daniel’s head. Her cheeks were devoid of color, and her breathing was shallow as she clasped Daniel’s hand.

  “Are you sure you want to be here?”

  “I’ll be fine.” Her voice sounded weak to Elijah.

  “Remember what I said about leaving if you need to. Daniel will hopefully remain unconscious for the entire operation, so he won’t know if you aren’t here.”

  “But I will know. I’ll be fine, Elijah. Do your best to make certain Daniel will be fine, as well.”

  “All right, then.”

  He began his incision below Daniel’s knee, fashioning a flap of skin to use when the wound was closed. Daniel whimpered as the sharp blade cut through his skin and muscles. Elijah focused on his task. When he reached the shattered bone, he exchanged the scalpel for a saw. He glanced up from his patient and was a bit surprised to find Pepper hadn’t yet fled. She held Daniel’s hand in a small show of comfort, but her face was still extremely pale.

  “I may need your help now, Pepper, since I’ll be sawing through his lower leg bones and membranes now. If he starts to move, hold him down as best you can.”

  She nodded and swallowed, hard. Her eyes filled with tears, and her grasp on Daniel’s hand intensified. Elijah lowered his head and began to cut through the fibula bone first. Daniel’s whimpers grew louder, and, when Elijah got to the tibia, Daniel screamed in pain and his body jumped.

  “Hold on to him. Even with chloroform, he’s feeling it.”

  Elijah glanced up from his work and wiped the sweat from his brow with his sleeve. He nodded to the assistant, who grasped Daniel’s lower body, and then to Pepper. She laid her body over Daniel’s torso and held on to him, anchoring him to the table.

  Once the bones were cut and the lower leg and foot removed from sight, Elijah worked quickly to close the stump and wrap the wound in bandages. Daniel was then taken back to his bed in the ward.

  Elijah’s shoulders slumped as he cleaned his hands. He was more tired than he’d ever been. Somehow, having Pepper in his operating room in a show of support for the young man brought the war into focus once again. And he was weary of it.

  Pepper ran her hand up and down his arm. “How do you do it? Every day, all day, you face this type of surgery.”

  He placed his hand over hers to still her jerky motion. “It was better today, since you were there with me, but it haunts me all the time. That’s why I have trouble sleeping. But, if I can save one man’s life, it’s worth all the agony.”

  “I hate the war and what’s it’s done to our young men, both Union and Confederate.”

  “Most of the time it does seem pointless, doesn’t it?”

  He stared into her blue eyes, now clear of any tears. “Now that I have a few minutes to myself, may I have the pleasure of your company for lunch?”

  She smiled at his statement and ran her hand down her gown. “I don’t think my stomach will allow me to eat anything, but I’d be happy to join you while you scrounge through the basket I brought from home.”

  He tucked her hand around his arm and escorted her to his office as if they were attending a fine ball.

  “You handled yourself very well in the operating room, Pepper. Thank you for agreeing to be with young Daniel. Even though he was unconscious, I’m sure he could feel your presence. And your support.”

  “Your kind words make me feel better about the whole event.”

  “The operating room is worse than you thought it would be, eh?”

  “Much. I hope I don’t have to perform that ritual again any time soon.”

  Elijah opened the door to his office and allowed Pepper to enter first. He closed it behind him and took his customary seat.

  “Let’s change the subject away from war and the wounded. I want to delve into the great food you’ve brought me, so I need you to do the talking. Why don’t you tell me what you and the boys have been up to lately? Any more playing in the park?”

  She smiled at him, and he inhaled. If anything could remove the memory of what she’d just seen in the operating room, it was talking about her boys. He’d been right about steering the conversation in this direction. And his admiration for her grew even greater. Not every society woman could have handled what Pepper had just taken on in the operating room.

  “It’s starting to get cold out, which I’m sure you haven’t noticed, since you’re stuck indoors most of the time. We don’t mind the cold if there’s snow for sledding, or if the ice has formed on the lake so we can skate, but right now, it’s kind of an in-between stage. Not cold enough to enjoy the winter, yet cold enough to be unpleasant. We’ve been staying in most days and playing in the nursery.”

  “What kind of games do you play?”

  She glanced over at him, and her eyebrow raised suspiciously. “If I didn’t know better, I’d say you were trying to get me to focus on something other than Daniel.”

  He bit into his ham sandwich, piled high with thick slices of the salty meat, and chewed for a long minute.

  “Guilty as charged. But I’m also curious. What do young boys do to amuse themselves these days?”

  “I can only speak for my own boys, but I get a great deal of amusement when they straddle a stick and pretend it’s a horse. They gallop around the room, burning off a lot of energy, and it’s so much fun. At this stage of their lives, they each want to ride horses all day, as my youngest brother did when he was small.”

  Elijah poked around in the basket and came up with a wedge of cheese. He gnawed a bite from the corner of it and closed his eyes in order to savor the flavor.

  “Gouda. My favorite. Does your brother still ride?”

  “Valerian was a member of the Pony Express for a while. Now he helps my brother-in-law round up mustangs and break them. Val and his wife have a small farm in Kansas, and my brother-in-law’s family operates their business near St. Louis. One of my sisters is married to a man who owns part of a horse breeding business here in the Bronx. So horses run deep in our family. We try t
o get out to see her and the horses frequently.”

  One last longing glance through the basket and he pulled the cloth over the top of it. “I’m afraid I’ve emptied your basket, except for the peanut butter cookies, which I’ll save for later. But back to your boys. Since the boys love horses, quite possibly one of them could become part of the other family business and not be involved in finance at all. Mrs. Fitzpatrick has told me of her husband’s bank.”

  “Perhaps. Right now, it’s enough that the thought of riding keeps them busy.”

  He wiped his fingers on his napkin. “Once again, give my appreciation to your cook. A wonderful meal.” He sat back and rubbed his stomach.

  He caught Pepper’s nervous movements as she folded the napkin back into the basket. Her blue eyes were clear as she glanced at him, but her hard swallow before she spoke did not go unnoticed. “Do you remember what I mentioned after our impromptu meeting at the park a few days ago? About joining my family for dinner? I think it’s time you tasted what Cook can do when the meal only needs to be transported from the kitchen to the table rather than across town. Do you think things are calm enough here now that you can join us for an evening?”

  Elijah’s heart sped up a notch as he glanced across the table. It was one thing to meet casually in the park, but to be invited into her home was taking their relationship to a whole different level. He had a hard time swallowing, too.

  “I’d love to. Just tell me when.”

  CHAPTER TEN

  The table had been set with Pepper’s finest china. The centerpiece, a lovely combination of evergreens, tinged the air with its pungent balsam scent. The napkins were blindingly white. Everything was in readiness.

  Everything, that is, except Pepper. She hadn’t been this nervous since her first date with Michael, many years ago. She ran her hand over her stomach, where a host of butterflies had just taken up residence and were dancing an Irish jig.