A Widow's Salvation

by Becky Lower

  “Thank you, Halwyn, for joining us today.”

  “It’s the least I could do, all things considered. The boys needed this as much as you did.” He adjusted a bow on one of the upper branches of the tree before he glanced at her again. “Yet, somehow, I feel this nice little outing of ours wasn’t enough for you. What’s going on?”

  Pepper took a deep, shuddering breath before she took her brother’s hand. “Michael was as much a brother to you as Basil and Valerian are. I loved him wildly, giddily. But now he’s gone, and I have two choices. I can either become a dowager, live out my days as a widow, and be content to see my children grow to adulthood, marry, and have their own families. Or I can take a chance on finding love again and have a truly fulfilling life of my own.”

  Halwyn smiled and squeezed her hand. “I don’t like the idea of my twin sister being considered a dowager, an elderly woman of dignified bearing. It would make me feel much older than I am. I much prefer your second option. Do you have someone in mind?”

  She smiled. “Don’t play the innocent with me. I know you and Papa have talked about the colonel and whether he’d be a good choice.”

  “But what we think doesn’t matter all that much, does it? What do you think?”

  “I think I’m shaking in my shoes at the very thought of it.”

  “Ah, so you are interested, then.”

  Pepper ran her hand over her stomach. The dratted butterflies. They showed up at the most inappropriate times. “Here’s the rub, Hal. I had no idea when I met Michael what love was all about. I only knew I couldn’t get him out of my mind. And now, after being married and experiencing the best that life has to offer, I have another man I can’t get out of my mind. Does that mean I’m in love with him? And, if it does, can I ever possibly bear it if he dies on me, too? Am I resilient enough to endure yet another heartache?”

  Halwyn wrapped his arms around his sister and kissed the top of her head. “I want you to be happy. And I want your sons, Michael’s sons, to grow up with a father figure in their lives. It’s what Michael would want, and it’s what I want for you. I think the colonel is an excellent choice. Don’t run away from this, Pepper. If I were in your place, I’d take my quaking shoes out to the hospital tomorrow. Give the good doctor a Christmas gift by letting him see you. There’s a holiday ball at the Officer’s Club on Christmas Eve. Elijah will be there, and I think now would be a good time to let him know you will be, as well. Grace and I will accompany you.”

  • • •

  The next morning dawned crisp and cold. It was a perfect day to dress in her crimson gown and take her baskets of baked goods for the wounded to the hospital. The servants had been up half the night with Pepper, tying stacks of cookies with gay red and green ribbons. There were enough cookies in her carriage to feed an army—which was exactly what she planned to do.

  Upon her arrival, the nurses and orderlies took the baskets and quickly dispersed throughout the wards. The wounded men seemed to enjoy the unexpected treats, and an air of good humor reigned within the walls of the hospital. Soon, there was only one basket left, and Pepper had to deliver it herself. It was, after all, the main reason she was here. She knocked quietly on the door to Elijah’s office, and her heart began to race when he called out, “Come in.”

  With a sweaty palm, she twisted the knob and opened the door. And hopefully opened the door to her future.

  “Pepper, what an unexpected treat.” Elijah jumped to his feet and rushed to her side, relieving her of her basket. “I thought you were spending the holidays only with your children and we wouldn’t see you out here until January.”

  She smiled up at him. “That had been my plan, but then Cook and I got to thinking about all the men here who wouldn’t get any home-cooked treats for the holidays. So, we went on a mad baking spree and made more cookies than we’d ever be able to eat on our own, even with my boys. So, I brought the excess here to share.”

  He lifted the corner of the napkin covering the basket and sniffed at the contents. “Unless my nose deceives me, your cook made my favorite peanut butter cookies. I can’t wait to taste them again.”

  “And I also brought a fruitcake. I know it’s not everyone’s favorite, but Cook puts more nuts and fewer preserved fruits in it, so it’s really good.”

  Elijah smiled, and it registered with Pepper that he hadn’t reached out to touch her. He was giving her the space she needed. He motioned to the chair opposite his desk. “I’m sure it will all be enjoyed. Now, please sit for a few minutes and tell me what you’ve been doing.”

  “I’ve tried to fit in as many outings as possible for the boys. We’ve been sledding and ice skating, of course. We bought and trimmed a tree and took a sleigh ride through the park on one really snowy day. It’s been massive amounts of fun, and I think they’ve already forgotten what a sad time last Christmas was. They are now counting the hours until they can open their gifts.”

  “Sounds as if all has gone according to plan, then.”

  “Except for one thing … ” She raised her eyes and stared at him. “I realized I was so focused on the boys and their happiness, I forgot about my own. There’s a small dance at the Officer’s Club on Christmas Eve, and I’d love to share a dance with you there.”

  He rubbed his chin with his hand. “I was going to pass on the invitation, since it’s mainly for married couples, but now, knowing you’ll be there, I’ll most definitely attend. Whatever has caused your change of heart, I’m grateful for it, and will count the hours until the dance.”

  • • •

  Several evenings later, dressed in a dark green, velvet gown trimmed in ermine, Pepper, accompanied by Halwyn and Grace, alighted from the carriage and made her way into the Officer’s Club. She knew many of the attendees already and made her way through the crowd, stopping to chat and exchange Christmas wishes. But she only wanted to see one person. Her reason for being here. Her reason for taking so much time and effort with her gown and hair. Her reason for leaving her boys in their beds, dreaming of tomorrow morning and the new toys they’d have.

  From behind her, a familiar voice asked, “May I have the pleasure of dancing with the most lovely woman in the room?”

  She turned, and her lips curved up into a smile. “Good evening, Colonel. I’d love to dance with you.”

  He took her hand and led her to the dance floor. For once, the butterflies in her stomach matched the dance movements of her body, as Elijah led her in a courtly allemande, grateful the dance allowed them to touch. From the allemande, they slid into a waltz, and Pepper realized she hadn’t danced since Michael’s death, either. There were so many things that had stopped when her husband fell on the battlefield. She couldn’t think of a better present to give herself, or a better partner to share this memory with. The boys may have to wait until tomorrow to open their presents, but she could open hers tonight. Had there ever been a better Christmas?

  “Thank you, Elijah, for making this Christmas special.”

  He leaned over and whispered to her as the waltz came to an end, “I’d love to make every one of your Christmases special from now on. I can’t wait for January, and our dinner.”

  Pepper gasped softly at his declaration, even as she realized it was the main reason she had attended the ball tonight. Perhaps Halwyn was right, and Michael would want her to be happy rather than wear her martyrdom on her sleeve for the remainder of her life. She was finally ready to move forward.

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  Elijah’s small carriage parked outside the Fitzpatrick brownstone. Pepper had glanced out the window when it pulled up and delighted in the few minutes when he was unaware of her gaze. She devoured him with her eyes, as he hopped down from the carriage with a casual grace and tied the reins to the post in front of the house. Pepper’s heart tripped as she gazed at him. His shoulder muscles moved under his uniform; his waist was nicely tapered. His brown hair caught the wind and whipped around his face. Her mother had been right. She was not an inn
ocent, and it had been a long time since Michael had warmed her bed. The thoughts she was having about the body under Elijah’s uniform were not those of a young girl. But, as this occasion was only their fifth time in the company of each other outside the hospital, she’d keep her wayward thoughts to herself. After all, she was no strumpet, despite how her body warmed when he glanced in her direction or took her into his arms when they’d danced on Christmas Eve.

  She had been woolgathering while the butler opened the door and showed Elijah into the parlor. Pepper blinked to clear away her rampant thoughts and moved her gaze from the window to stare up at him. His height registered with her once again, since she barely reached his shoulder. But despite the variance in their heights, they fit together quite nicely. A thought she’d keep to herself for right now. His unique blue-brown eyes sparkled with humor as he leaned over and kissed her lips. His nearness presented her with the opportunity to inhale his aftershave as well as his fresh outdoors scent.

  “Good evening, Pepper.”

  “It is now, Elijah. Thank you for coming in from the Bronx.”

  “The hospital is fairly quiet right now, so it’s a good time to get away for an evening. Your gown is lovely.”

  Pepper could feel his gaze as it moved down her body. Certain areas of her body had become extremely sensitive underneath her clothes as she followed the course of his eyes. Was he thinking of the body under the dress, as she had thought of his body as he alighted from the carriage? She ran her hands over the wide skirt of ivory silk in an attempt to control her runaway thoughts.

  “Does it find your favor? My sister Jasmine told me I could carry off a gown with not much embellishment, but I’m beginning to think it may be too plain.”

  She placed a hand on her waist as she waited for his assessment. The gown was unencumbered by adornment—exquisite ivory silk, small cap sleeves, and a full skirt with a brown embroidered row of leaves about a foot above the hem. It did have a nice train on the back, and she had added a necklace and drop earrings in smoky quartz to add some sparkle while picking up on the band of brown at her feet.

  Elijah grasped one of her hands. “You are the jewel in this setting, my dear. Not the gown, or the necklace. Your sister is right. The gown suits you but doesn’t distract one from your lovely countenance.”

  Her hand moved from her waist to her heart at his words. She had been fishing for a compliment, but his words were so much more. A lump formed in her throat, and she found herself incapable of speech. She blinked to hold back the sudden tears in her eyes.

  Fortunately, her parents chose that very moment to breeze into the room.

  “Colonel, how nice to see you again.” Charlotte’s blonde curls bounced as she touched his sleeve, and George shook his hand with a solid grip.

  “It’s nice to have been invited. If left to my own devices, I can’t seem to escape from the hospital.”

  “Well, we’re glad you found something outside the hospital worth coming into town for.” Charlotte smiled and patted his arm with her fan.

  “Mother, behave yourself.” Pepper could feel the blush creeping up her body to her cheeks.

  With a smile, Elijah turned to her and caught the blush. “You’re even more lovely when your cheeks are slightly tinged with color, Pepper.” He ran his thumb over her stained cheek before he spoke to George. “Shall we take separate conveyances to the restaurant? I apologize my carriage is so small.”

  Charlotte gazed out the window. “Only fits two, does it? My, my.”

  Pepper’s agitation increased, and she forced her mind to relax. Surely Elijah couldn’t pick up on her mother’s hidden meaning, could he? She glanced at her father, who decided to help her out.

  “Why don’t we put your vehicle in the carriage house for now? My driver has our large carriage ready to go. After dinner, we can return here, and you can retrieve your carriage before taking Pepper to her home.”

  “That will work splendidly. Thank you, George.”

  As they retrieved their outerwear and climbed into the large carriage, Pepper echoed Elijah’s thoughts. It would work splendidly for Elijah to drive her to her home. And see her to the door. Maybe come inside for a drink. And perhaps a bit more. She didn’t know why they were going to dinner, since she had no appetite. Her stomach was full of butterflies pairing off in a lively Scottish reel at the mere thought about what may happen, leaving no room for food.

  • • •

  As Elijah made small talk at the dinner table with Pepper’s father and responded to her mother’s somewhat outlandish comments, he couldn’t help but wish he and Pepper could be alone. The meal was delicious, Mr. Downing courteous and outgoing, the talk lively. Yet none of it mattered. Pepper Brown was the loveliest woman in the room, and he wanted her all to himself with no outside distractions.

  He allowed himself a cursory glance at the other women and their choices of attire. He’d never before paid much attention to fashion, even when his wife was alive. She had never asked him for advice on her clothing, and he’d never thought to give it. But now, by having Pepper state her dress was a bit unusual because it was without a lot of adornment, he paid close attention to what the rest of Mr. Downing’s clientele was wearing.

  Everywhere he looked, his gaze took in an abundance of lace, frills, ribbons, large woven flowers, trim, crystals that caught the light, and other embellishments attached to the ladies’ gowns. And it tended to overpower the women. Or maybe they hid behind their adornment. Even Charlotte, who was a petite woman with delicate features, loaded up her gown with trinkets. It took a special kind of lady, one who was aware of her strengths and who was self-assured, to wear a dress with relatively little in the way of extras. Pepper’s gown suited her just fine.

  At long last, the meal came to an end with a dessert of layered chocolate cake and a bit of sweet wine. Elijah left only a few crumbs on his plate as he polished off the cake. He set his napkin on the top of the table and ran a hand over his stomach.

  “This is by far the finest meal I’ve had in a long time,” he said as he turned to Pepper. “Not that I haven’t enjoyed the meals you bring from your cook.”

  She smiled, and his world lightened.

  Charlotte reached across the table and patted Pepper’s hand. “My daughter does have one of the finest cooks in New York. But good food isn’t the only thing my daughter offers to a prospective suitor.”

  Elijah noticed the color returning to Pepper’s cheeks as she removed her hand from underneath her mother’s. “Mother, please don’t make the colonel uncomfortable. He won’t leave the hospital ever again if you do.”

  He ran his hand over his jaw to hide his smile. The only person who was uncomfortable was Pepper.

  “I’m well aware of your daughter’s attributes. I see her working with the young men at the hospital and marvel at what she’s able to get them to do. She changes the mindsets of men who thought they’d never walk again, never be productive members of society, never attract a woman. I’m in awe of her.”

  Elijah noticed Mr. Downing hurrying over to their table. “Your carriage is out front, Mr. Fitzpatrick.”

  “Wonderful,” George responded. “Shall we be off, then?”

  In a matter of minutes, they were back at the Fitzpatrick brownstone. George told his driver, Robert, to prepare Elijah’s small carriage, and the foursome went inside, out of the cold January air.

  “Shall we share a brandy, then, Colonel?” George headed toward the liquor cabinet.

  “Only if we don’t have to leave the company of the ladies.”

  The gleam in Charlotte’s eyes grew stronger, and Pepper ducked her head.

  “It’s a most unusual request, but then I suppose I can honor it. You must tire of dealing with men all the time.”

  Elijah stood beside George as he poured the drinks. George was not a tall man, although he was imposing in his own way. Elijah towered over him, yet he was very much aware George held Elijah’s future in his hands. After draining
their drinks and making small talk for twenty or so minutes, Elijah’s carriage was brought around, and Elijah and Pepper left the brownstone. He helped Pepper to a seat in the open carriage and sat beside her, then flicked the reins, and the horse began to walk slowly down the road.

  “I apologize for the conveyance. I’d much rather be out of the elements, but it was the only available vehicle, except for a large coach, and I didn’t want to trouble a private to play driver all night.”

  “It’s quite all right, Elijah.” Pepper tucked a blanket around herself. “We’ve only a few minutes before we arrive at my home. I’m glad dinner came to an end before Mother totally embarrassed me.”

  He chuckled. “She does seem to be on a mission, doesn’t she?”

  “That’s my mother. If anyone were to ask, she’d say she’s been responsible for all her children finding their partners, when in reality, she only managed it once, with Heather.”

  Elijah grinned at the mild annoyance he picked up in Pepper’s voice. “Well, even without your mother’s guidance, you seem to have done well. You have three wonderful children and an established home. Which, speaking of, we are in front of. Let me help you down, and I’ll walk you to the door.”

  He tied the horse and carriage to the hitching post in front of the house as Pepper removed the blanket she had layered over her gown and coat. Elijah placed his hands on her waist as he lifted her down from the carriage. For a moment, they stood by the side of the vehicle, and his hands drew her to him. He dipped his head and kissed the lips that had been tormenting him all evening. Her gentle sigh stirred his loins. He noticed she shivered and wondered if it was because of his kiss or the chilly night air.