A Widow's Salvation

by Becky Lower

  “You’re cold. Let me get you to the front door.”

  He put his arm around her waist as he led her up the sidewalk and to her door, where she turned to face him.

  “Would you care for a nightcap?”

  Elijah lowered his head once again and tasted her lips. “You are all the nightcap I need. But if you have some of your father’s fine brandy inside, I wouldn’t mind another nip. I do have a long, cold ride ahead of me.”

  She smiled up at him and led him into her home. They removed their coats, and she led him to the parlor. Soon, they were settled side by side on the loveseat with glasses of caramel-colored brandy in their hands.

  “I didn’t think brandy was a woman’s drink,” he said.

  “It’s not, typically. But I prefer a taste of good brandy occasionally. Not in front of my father, of course, but Michael and I used to share a glass now and then. It’s so much more full-bodied than wine.”

  He lifted an eyebrow. “Well, since you are anything but typical, I applaud your choice.” He clinked his glance against hers, and they took a sip. Then he leaned in and captured her lips, tasting the brandy she had just swallowed. Again, she shivered.

  Good, her body’s reaction wasn’t from cold. He deepened the kiss, his glass of brandy forgotten. This woman’s lips were nectar enough.

  His lips left hers and wandered down her column of neck, dropping little kisses along his path. He set his brandy on the table in front of them, finally, and toyed with her necklace, running his fingers around the stones and feeling their warmth from her skin. Her décolletage was not excessive, but the swell of her breasts above the gown drew him like a magnet, fascinated him, and his fingers lightly grazed over them. She leaned in to his touch and whimpered.

  Emboldened, he dipped a finger into the bodice of the dress and traced the line of her gown. She shuddered under his touch and cried out softly. He lowered the sleeve on her gown as he kissed her deeply. His tongue showed her what he wanted to do with other body parts. More of her breast was revealed, and he kissed her soft flesh, laving it with his tongue, running his mouth over her exposed skin. He was tantalizingly close to his goal of revealing her entire gorgeous breast to view. He plundered her mouth again, his hand never leaving her swell of breast. Only an inch or so more and all would be revealed.

  “Elijah,” Pepper whispered. “Please.”

  He placed his roaming hand over her breast, which was still encased in the gown. Her nipple bloomed under his hand, and he could feel the nub pressing against the fabric.

  “Please what? Please stop? Or please continue?”

  He kissed her again before she could reply, and his fingers began to stroke the breast he held captive.

  “Please continue,” she gasped, and wrapped her hands around his neck, drawing him close.

  His head began to swim as sensations and scents overtook him. His mouth alternated between the exposed portion of her breast and her mouth, stopping off at her shell of ear and the tender, sensitive spot underneath it. He buried his nose between her breasts and breathed in her musky, floral scent. He tugged on the other sleeve of her gown as well, so both her lovely breasts were dangerously close to being on display, and open to his ministrations. His shaft was at full attention. Elijah decided to push his advantage.

  “If we don’t stop soon, it’s going to be a mighty uncomfortable ride back to the hospital. You torment me, Pepper. I’d love to stay over.”

  She straightened up from where she had melted into the sofa and tugged her sleeves back up to their proper positions. Then she stared at him with her big, blue eyes. “I don’t know what’s come over me. I used to be so chaste.” She patted her hair back into place.

  “What’s come over you is the same as what’s come over me. We are two adults who are attracted to each other. We’ve both been with other partners before and are aware of what pleasures can be had with a person of the opposite sex. And we’ve both been without a partner for a long time. It’s only natural to feel this way.”

  He leaned over her and kissed her lips again, his tongue begging for entrance while his hand once again held her clothed breast. Her lips parted, and together, they strained toward each other as their tongues dueled. Elijah broke the kiss, finally, and rested his forehead against hers, gulping a deep breath. His voice was husky.

  “You’re a beautiful woman, Pepper, and I want you. I can go stable the horse and buggy for the night, if you’ll invite me to stay.”

  She shifted on the seat and glanced away. “I’ll admit to an attraction, Elijah, but I can’t think of only myself and my feelings. If I ever get involved with someone again, it will be for marriage. And I don’t come alone into a marriage. I have three young boys who are in need of a father figure. That’s an awful lot to ask of any man.”

  Elijah straightened in his seat. “Do you think I don’t know your situation? I’m falling in love with you. I want to spend the rest of my nights by your side, starting tonight, if you’ll let me. I’m well aware of your children and their needs, and if I thought it wasn’t what I also needed, I would not be here tonight.”

  She downed the last of her brandy and rose, putting a hand out to him. He stood and gazed down at her. She ran her hand down his chest before she reached up to kiss him chastely.

  “I appreciate your sentiments, Elijah, and I’ve been thinking along the same lines. I’m wildly attracted to you as well. But because of the ramifications involved in our actions, I think it would be best if we take it slowly. And right now, restraint means you’d best be off to the Bronx. You’ve a long journey yet tonight.”

  He tamped down his disappointment. “Have my actions been out of line, then?”

  She reached up again to him, cupping his jaw in her hand. “You’ve done nothing I haven’t wanted you to do. Haven’t almost begged for you to do. But the next step is not something to be rushed into, since it affects not just us.”

  “So, you’re saying next time we may go even further? If so, I’ll return tomorrow.”

  She smiled and walked him toward the door. “As delightful as you make it sound, your duties at the hospital won’t allow it. Besides, anticipation is part of what makes a courtship so magical.”

  “I’d rather not anticipate. I love you, Pepper. That’s enough for me. I wish you could return my feelings.”

  She opened the door and raised herself onto her toes to brush his cheek with a kiss. “Perhaps soon I’ll feel comfortable enough to do so. Just not tonight. Have a safe trip home, Elijah.”

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN

  The long ride to the Bronx gave Elijah time to think. Time to climb down from the heights of ecstasy Pepper had taken him to, before her better sense prevailed. Time to slow his pulse and corral his heartbeat. He huddled under the blanket he had draped over Pepper earlier, which still carried a bit of her scent. He blew on his gloved hands in an attempt to thaw his fingers. She had been as excited by him as he was by her. But he didn’t want to frighten her off, and he sure as hell didn’t want only one night of bliss, so he’d backed off. And now he was, instead of a satisfied man, a frozen man with a few more miles yet to go. And a shaft as hard as a stone.

  If he’d pushed Pepper, would she have agreed to take him to her bed? Even as his shaft murmured agreement, he shook his head. No, she would have ordered him out of her house and would never have returned to the hospital. He was not so big a prize that a highbred woman would immediately fall at his feet. Besides, she was not just a society woman. This was Pepper, who, once you cut through her gentle exterior, was the embodiment of her name. She was no meek woman who would take orders from a man simply because he was male.

  Pepper not only had her own life to consider, but she had three young boys who were in need of a father. And he’d best remember if he did get Pepper to agree to marriage, he’d have an immediate family to contend with.

  Would that be such a bad thing? He’d enjoyed the boys when they played together in the park and when they all had gathered for d
inner. But those interactions had only been for an hour or so. What would be the ramifications if he had full and complete responsibility for them? All of them? Despite his feelings for Pepper, he did need to consider the added weight of obligation she carried with her. Right now, when they were together, he had her full attention. If he were to marry her and move into her house, she would be drawn in all kinds of directions, with each boy and a full house staff to take care of. Would they ever have any time alone?

  His thoughts chased one another, like a puppy chasing its tail, for the remainder of the ride back to the hospital and the fort. He dropped off the horse and buggy at the stables and made his way to his quarters at last. He was chilled through and spent an hour thawing out in front of the wood stove before he climbed into bed. He still had no answers to the questions swirling around in his brain. And perhaps he was being hasty with those questions. After all, when he professed to Pepper he was falling in love with her, she hadn’t responded back with her own enthusiastic declaration of love.

  He was, undoubtedly, the first man she’d let come so close since her husband’s death. Not that he was any great catch, but society had held her in check for a while. She’d had a year of mourning to get through and a child who was delivered during that time. Yet, even as he thought about her lack of a satisfactory response, he cast about for some assurance she shared a mutual attraction. Even though the many soldiers she cared for at the hospital vied for her attention each time she visited, she hadn’t attended the opera with any of them or invited them to dinner or danced with them on Christmas Eve. Elijah took what comfort he could from those facts and their time together. Yet, in the back of his mind, he worried. Maybe her attraction to him was milder than his.

  As he lay in his cold bed, in his cold room, he thought about how different the outcome of the evening could have been. Images of Pepper’s creamy white breasts peaking in excitement at his touch clouded his head before sleep overtook him.

  Even under a mound of blankets and with the memory of Pepper’s beautiful breasts, when he woke in the morning, his body was still cold. He rubbed his hands along his arms, in an effort to stop shaking, to no avail. His body was betraying him with weakness, as his legs turned into noodles and his lungs began to fill with phlegm. He needed to get to the hospital, where it was warmer. Then he’d get comfortable. As soon as he could stop coughing.

  The day wore on, and he went from one chore to the next, but his body was still cold while beads of perspiration formed on his forehead, and he began to cough on a regular basis. Fearing he’d caught a cold during his late-night ride, he wore a mask while performing his rounds, so as not to inflict his illness on the already compromised bodies he was caring for.

  His slow pace was noticed by the head nurse, who cast him a worried gaze. “Are you all right, Colonel?”

  “Yes, Helen, it’s merely a cold. I was in town last night and got chilled on the ride home.”

  She placed a hand on his forehead. “You are burning up with fever, Colonel. Perhaps you should get off your feet for a few hours. I can handle things.”

  “Maybe I will, after I get through this ward.”

  His pace slowed further, though, and he incorporated more breaks into his day, bracing himself against a wall as he made notes on the charts. The pervasive smell of antiseptic and men’s body odors made him nauseous. Finally he made his way to his office and sat at his desk, his eyes unfocused as he tried to control his body’s shakes and his overall feeling of ill health. He needed to get back to work, so he forced himself to stand, grimacing at the effort. His knees buckled as lightheadedness overtook him, and he collapsed on the floor. He struggled to stand but couldn’t right himself. He finally gave in to his body’s need for sleep and curled into a ball on the floor in front of his desk. His teeth chattered as his body trembled with shivers, yet he couldn’t traverse the distance to his cot for a blanket. All he wanted to do was to sleep.

  • • •

  The morning following the dinner at Downing’s, Charlotte appeared at Pepper’s home to spend some quiet time together working on their embroidery stitches. Pepper led her into the parlor and sat on the loveseat. The same loveseat that had almost lived up to its name the previous evening. Pepper ran her hand down the fabric beside her and sighed, the sampler she had been working on laying neglected in her lap.

  “I declare, we’ve been so busy rolling bandages and visiting the hospital, we’ve neglected our needlework. High time we get back to a normal existence.” Her mother stabbed the delicate fabric in the hoop with a vengeance.

  Pepper continued to sit quietly, staring at the pattern in the carpet. If her mother found out what had gone on in this room last night, she’d be appalled. Or thrilled. The butterflies, which usually danced around in her stomach, were absent today, replaced by a heavy lead weight.

  Charlotte prattled on for a few moments before she realized Pepper’s inattention. “Did something happen last evening after you and Elijah left our house?”

  Pepper blinked hard to bring her eyes back into focus. “Why do you think something happened?”

  “Because you have guilt written all over you. I can only assume, since he wasn’t here when I arrived this morning, that you didn’t take my advice and let him spend the night. So what did happen that has you all knotted up?”

  Pepper glanced at her all-knowing mother. “You put your finger on it. I am so confused.”

  Charlotte raised an encouraging brow. “Do go on.”

  Pepper rose from the loveseat, and her neglected needlework crashed to the floor. Her black-and-white striped skirt whirled about her as she began to pace the room. “I invited him in for a drink.”

  “Nothing wrong with that.”

  Pepper spun on her heel and began to trek back across the room. “Well, I’m going to blame the drink for my behavior. Because what happened next was totally inappropriate.”

  Her mother set aside her needlework. “Now you have my full attention. What did happen next?”

  Pepper cast her glance around the room, searching for a safe place to hide, but could find none. She finally turned and faced her mother. “Things got a little … heated.”

  “I see. Go on.”

  “Then he told me he was falling in love with me!”

  “And you find that offensive? Now you’re confusing me.”

  Pepper finally sat again and wrung her hands together. “No, not offensive at all. There’s the rub. I acted as if I were some lady of ill repute, welcoming his advances. He gave, I took. And wanted more.”

  Charlotte leaned between them and ran her hand over Pepper’s hair. “Ah, darling girl, you acted like someone who hasn’t had enough affection in a long time. It’s perfectly acceptable. And expected. I think the good doctor is a marvelous choice for you.”

  “And you don’t believe it’s way too soon after Michael’s death to be thinking about the choice of another gentleman in my life? What about my work with the war widows? How can I even think of counseling others on how to cope if I so quickly relieve myself of the title of widow? Besides, Papa doesn’t think Elijah’s a good choice.”

  Charlotte brushed a loose tendril back from Pepper’s face before she replied. “Your father is still mourning Michael’s loss. After all, he was our first son-in-law. But he’s coming around. I wouldn’t let your father’s apprehensions guide you. You know what’s in your heart. Did you tell Elijah of your feelings?”

  “No, I didn’t. I told him I needed more time and we should take things slowly. I don’t want to make a mistake, since it’s not only my life that will be affected.”

  Charlotte leaned back in her chair. “While I commend you on taking into account those boys of yours, I don’t want you to ever use them as a means of escape. Or your good work with the other war widows. I can understand you being cautious, but it’s so evident to me you love Elijah. Don’t let a misguided sense of duty keep you from being happy.”

  “So you think I’m being misguided?�
� Pepper tried to smile, but her lips quavered.

  “If war has taught us nothing else, it has shown us repeatedly we need to grab for all the happiness we can whenever we can. Do you share his love?”

  Pepper’s eyes filled with tears. “Yes.” Her voice was barely above a whisper.

  “Good.” Charlotte reached for Pepper’s hand. “You’ve taken the first step. Admitting your feelings to yourself. Now you need to put that good man out of his misery and admit to him you return his feelings.”

  “After telling him we should take things slow? Now you want me to run to him and tell him I’m in love with him?”

  Charlotte patted Pepper’s hand. “I’ve always found keeping a man off-balance is a good thing.”

  “All right, then, Mother. During my next visit to the hospital, I’ll find a quiet moment to tell him how I feel.”

  “Good. Glad that’s settled. Now, we really do need to get caught up on our needlework.” Charlotte picked up her embroidery hoop again. Pepper giggled, ran her hand down her stomach, from which the lead weight had been removed, and picked up her own needlework from the floor. Her life was about to change, and she could hardly wait.

  • • •

  The butler tracked down Pepper in her study where she was catching up on some correspondence several days after her mother’s visit. “There’s a nurse here to see you, ma’am. I’ve put her in the parlor.”

  “A nurse? How unusual.” Pepper rose from her desk and glanced at the butler, waiting for more of an explanation.

  “I thought so as well, ma’am. She’s from the Army hospital where you spend time, and she had an official look about her, so I let her in.”

  “Thank you, Jackson. I’ll see what she wants.”

  A knot of anxiety formed at the back of Pepper’s neck. The head nurse of the Army hospital stood in Pepper’s comfortable parlor, wringing her hands. Her usually clean and starched uniform was wrinkled, and her cap was askew. She was obviously under some sort of duress. Pepper’s knot of anxiety grew into a full-blown headache.