A Widow's Salvation

by Becky Lower

  “Mrs. Brown, I hope you don’t mind me calling on you at your home.”

  “Not at all, Helen.” She motioned toward a chair for the nurse and took a seat opposite. “Would you care for tea?” Pepper started to call for a maid.

  “No, Mrs. Brown, begging your pardon. I’m not here for a social call, and I’ll be brief. It’s just that Colonel Williams has taken sick, and he’s calling your name. I thought you ought to be apprised of his condition.”

  Elijah hadn’t been far from her thoughts in the past few days, and she guessed she should be grateful she wasn’t far from his. But this news gravely concerned her. Plus, the fact that the head nurse made her way into town to let her know must mean Elijah’s condition was serious.

  “He’s taken ill? What does he have?”

  “We believe he’s contracted pneumonia. He’s at the hospital and is being given the best of care, but he goes in and out of consciousness, and each time, he asks for you. Could you interrupt your schedule and come to the hospital to see him?”

  Pepper placed her hand on her stomach to quell her sudden nausea. She rubbed the back of her neck as she thought. Pneumonia, regardless of whether he was in a hospital or not, could be deadly.

  “Of course I’ll come. I’ll get my boys situated and be there as soon as I can.”

  Helen rose and adjusted her cloak. “Then, I’ll be off.”

  “Tell me, when did the doctor become ill?”

  “Let’s see.” Helen counted on her fingers. “He was slow on Wednesday but tried to laugh it off, saying he’d had a fairly late night. Then, on Thursday, he collapsed in his office. And today’s Saturday. So, four days altogether.”

  Pepper reached out for the older woman and took her hand. “Thank you for making the trek into town to inform me of the colonel’s condition.”

  Helen’s gaze found Pepper’s, and she squeezed her hand. “If anyone can make the colonel well again, it’s you. I’ve seen the way he responds when you’re around. You’ll be all the medicine he needs. But he’s in dire straits, so do hurry.”

  Once Helen left the room, Pepper sank into the chair and rocked back and forth. The vase of flowers on the table scented the air, but instead of it being pleasant, Pepper could not stand the smell any longer, and rose from her chair. Elijah had gotten ill on Wednesday, after his long ride back to the Bronx in the cold night air. After he’d asked to spend the night with her and she declined his request. After he had professed his love for her and she hadn’t responded with her feelings toward him. His illness was all her fault, so she needed to rush to Elijah’s side and will him to get better. Plead with him to get better. She needed to tell him she returned his feelings. He was not going to die. She would not let that happen. She couldn’t bear it if he did.

  Tears threatened, and she wrung her hands together, but she would not give in to self-pity. She had too much to do. She needed to spend a few minutes with her sons, then rush to her parents’ home, and tell them where she would be. Only then could she race to the hospital. She’d pack a few things since she’d probably be there for several days. All the while her mind raced with the order of things, her heart ached for Elijah. He was perilously ill, and it was all her fault. If he pulled through, she’d profess her love to him and never let him leave her side again.

  Her first order of business was to get Molly to help her pack an overnight bag. While she sorted through what clothes to pack, she admonished herself. Pneumonia was a progressive disease, and the ride in an open carriage probably was not the sole reason he had become sick. The man worked in a hospital where there were all kinds of infectious diseases around every corner. He may have been carrying the disease for weeks. But a long ride in an open carriage in the night air certainly could have exacerbated the problem. She might be able to tell herself, logically, that she was not to blame for Elijah being ill, but in her heart, she accepted the blame of his current condition being a result of them spending time together. And it was a result of them not spending the night together. Her stomach lurched again. She called for Molly to help as she began to throw things into her bag. She hoped in the few hours it would take her to get to him he would still be alive.

  CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

  Several hours later, Pepper hurried up the steps to the Army hospital. Her outward demeanor remained calm, but inside, she had a war going on with herself. Any kind of major battle had a way of making people realize they needed to not squander any opportunity, and she’d done that very thing. Elijah had told her he loved her, even with all the encumbrances she would bring to a marriage, and she had acted as if his admission meant nothing. She’d turned him away, sent him out into the swirling snow and the January cold. To be willing to take on the task of guiding three boys who were not his own flesh and blood and steering them to adulthood was not something every man she encountered would want to tackle.

  Yet, Elijah, a man she admired, respected, and who excited her, was more than up to the challenge. He had a natural ease around her sons, and they listened to him. However, even with all his wonderful attributes, she’d rejected his advances when he wanted to make things more permanent. Michael had died on her, in battle, and there was nothing she could have done to save him. But Elijah was here, and she most certainly could do something for him. She’d be damned if another man she had grown to love died prematurely. She rushed through the doors of the hospital and found Elijah.

  He was in a small, stark, private room. One of the other doctors on staff was finishing up an examination of him when Pepper walked in.

  “Hello, Mrs. Brown. We’re glad you could come.”

  “How is he?” Pepper ran a hand over Elijah’s brow, which was very hot to the touch. He was sleeping and unaware of her presence in the room. But she noticed a shift in his demeanor as she touched him, a long, gentle breath being released.

  “His heart rate is quite fast, which disturbs me, and he’s been spitting up bloody mucus. We’ve been trying to get his temperature down, but there are so few of us on staff, we’re not able to attend to him as we should.”

  “Well, I’m here now and will take over. Tell me what needs done.”

  The doctor issued directions to her and then left. Pepper placed some cool water in a basin and began to run a damp cloth over Elijah’s face and body. His body trembled under her touch, matching her own. Relieving his temperature was only the first step toward getting well again. If Elijah made it through the next few days, there would still be a long road ahead of him until he fully recovered.

  Each time Elijah coughed, it made Pepper’s heart rate rise. It sounded as if the cough was coming from the depths of his soul. The bloody mucus horrified her, even though she understood in order for him to get well, all the mucus had to be expelled from his compromised lungs. She wondered what kind of permanent damage would be done to his ability to breathe.

  She wondered about a lot of things as she stood beside his bed and cooled him off with her cloth. The water lost its freshness, so she had to leave him for a moment and refill the pitcher with some clean and cold water. Upon her return, he opened his eyes for the first time, and his fevered glance found her.

  “Pepper?” His weak voice sounded strangled. “Why are you here?”

  “Where else would I be, if you’re so sick?”

  He moved his arm out from under the covers and grasped her hand. She noticed his hand was exceedingly warm and clammy, but it was at least a sign of life, so she squeezed his hand slightly. The odor of his sweat mixed with the usual hospital smells.

  “But you might catch this, and then spread it to the boys … ”

  “Hush, Elijah. That won’t happen. The hospital is so short-staffed, they don’t have anyone else to care for you round the clock, so I’m your nurse until your fever breaks.”

  He was losing his battle for sleep, and she ran the cloth over his face to comfort him. At least if he slept, his pain was lessened, although she had a real fear he’d lose his battle to breathe, too, as he slept
. Each time his breathing slowed, her heart lurched. Now that she admitted, even if it was only to herself, she had true and deep feelings for this man, he could not die on her. She couldn’t let him. Couldn’t bear it.

  She dipped her cloth into the water and wiped his face again. His beard stubble was a couple of days old, but it somehow made him look manlier instead of merely disheveled. She ran a hand down his cheek, feeling the bristled whiskers under her fingers. A lock of his salt-and-pepper hair had fallen onto his brow, and she brushed it back off his face. She could admit to herself, if not to the world yet, she loved every contour of his face, from his forehead to the cleft in his chin. If he made it through this debilitating illness, she’d tell him so. If he made it through.

  She had spent one year of her life already lamenting her lost chances. If Elijah pulled through his illness, she’d spend the rest of her days proving to them both how wonderful a second chance at happiness could be. They had a long way to go. Both of them.

  • • •

  Pepper stayed at the hospital for two days straight. Her ministrations were rewarded when finally Elijah’s fever broke. His skin was still clammy to the touch, but not as bad as when she first arrived. He woke and stared into Pepper’s eyes as she hovered above him, running a cool cloth over his forehead.

  “Am I dreaming, or are you really here?” He reached up and cupped her face.

  She leaned into his hand and smiled, for the first time in days. Her breath came out in a small shudder. “I’m not an illusion, Elijah. When Helen told me you were ill, I thought I’d lost another man I’ve come to love. I had to be here to make certain you’d come through this. I’ve been your nurse for two days now.”

  He began to cough again as he tried to speak, and Pepper helped him to a sitting position, holding a bowl near his mouth as more mucus was released. She glanced at the contents of the bowl before she set it aside.

  “Not so much blood as last time. That’s a good sign. Although your lungs are still very congested. Do you think you could eat some soup?”

  “Before you rush off to get me soup, let me make certain I’m hearing things correctly. Did you just say you’ve come to love me?”

  Pepper grasped his hand and stared into his unusual eyes, well aware of the course she was setting for herself and her boys.

  “Yes, Elijah. I thought I needed more time to sort things out, but I now realize we both need to grab on to life as if it were a runaway carriage. I love you very much and want to spend what’s left of our lives together.”

  She straightened his bedcover before she leaned over him and kissed the lips on his surprised face.

  “So now, back to the business at hand. Do you think you could eat some soup?”

  “Is it hospital soup or your cook’s soup?” He tried to smile, but it was a weak gesture. Even so, Pepper’s heart swelled at his attempt at humor.

  “I’m afraid it’s hospital fare today. You lean back and rest while I go get a bowl of broth for you.”

  She left his bedside for the first time in days, washing her hands carefully before she exited the room. As she walked to the hospital kitchen, she noticed several volunteer women in the ward and was surprised to find her mother among them.

  “Ah, Pepper, darling. You’re absolutely exhausted.”

  Charlotte patted Pepper’s hair back into place and held her for a long minute. Pepper’s legs were weak, and she sagged into her mother’s arms and shuddered. She’d been wearing the same dress for two days, but her mother failed to comment on the sweat and bloodstains on the cloth. She held her daughter tightly.

  “How is the good doctor?”

  “He’s awake, Mother, for the first time in days. I’m on my way to fetch him some broth.”

  “I’ll walk with you. So he’s on the mend, then?” Charlotte took hold of Pepper’s elbow and helped prop her up as they made their way to the hospital kitchen.

  “Let’s hope so. It’s been pretty touch and go so far. Every time his breathing stopped, even for a second, my heart clogged my throat.”

  “And have you told him yet how your heart feels in relation to him?”

  Pepper turned and faced her mother. “He just woke up from the fog of illness he’s been under since our dinner together. And yes, one of the first things I did was to tell him I shared his feelings.”

  Charlotte smiled. “Good girl. That’ll go a long way toward mending him.”

  “Despite Papa’s misgivings about Elijah’s intentions, yes, I am ready to welcome him into our lives. In fact, I want to move him into my house to fully recover. He prefers my cook’s meals to what is available here at the hospital. And by having him at home, I can take care of him and the boys at the same time.”

  Pepper stopped walking, stopped breathing, and waited for her mother to comment, as she was certain Charlotte would.

  “Mabel Wentworth will talk, you know.”

  “I don’t really care what Mabel does or says. The war will pick up in intensity once the weather breaks, and again the hospital will be brimming with the wounded. Elijah and the rest of the staff will be stretched to their absolute limits. The only way to get Elijah back on his feet by spring is to take the best possible care of him now. I think it’s in everyone’s best interest for him to be in a warm environment with good food and good care.”

  Pepper caught the speculative gaze in her mother’s eyes. “So you’re willing to care for him simply to get him well so he can help the war movement?”

  “You can tell Mabel that, if you’d like.”

  Charlotte and Pepper shared a smile. “There’s my crafty daughter. Have you told him yet you’d like to bring him to your home for more than to recover from his illness?”

  “The man has only a few minutes ago woken from two days of unconsciousness, so no, I haven’t yet. But I will. Life’s too short to not grab some happiness if I can.”

  Charlotte wrapped her arms around Pepper. “Oh, I’m so happy for you. I’ll run interference with Mabel, who is only upset her own daughter failed to attract the attentions of the good doctor. Make the arrangements to bring him to your home. Where he belongs.”

  Where he belongs. Pepper’s steps were more sure now. She’d bring him into her home where he’d mend from his illness. And then he’d mend the huge, gaping hole that had been in the lives of her and the boys for over a year. After all, he was a doctor.

  • • •

  Elijah lay in his comfortable, warm bed and stared at the high ceiling. This was much better than the hospital. A nicely appointed room, a soft bed, a lovely nurse who brought him the best food ever and who seemed to enjoy caring for him. What more could he ask for? He breathed deeply as Pepper’s gentle fingers glided over his face as she shaved his beard stubble. He wanted to indulge himself by closing his eyes and relishing her touch, but he also wanted to talk to her now that his health was improving.

  “You could easily spoil me.” He reached up and placed his hand over hers as she poised with the straightedge razor.

  “I have every intention of doing just that,” she replied with a wink.

  “And you realize, don’t you, if you and your cook indulge me for a week or so, I won’t ever want to leave this house?”

  “That’s my plan, Elijah.”

  Her unexpected comment sent his heartbeat racing, and he squeezed her hand. “Are you saying what I think you are? You want us to marry?”

  Pepper dropped her gaze from him and lowered the hand holding the razor. “Do you remember what you said to me the night we had dinner at Downing’s?”

  “How could I forget? I told you I was falling in love with you, and you sent me packing.”

  “Well, I’m not sending you on your way now, am I?” Her tone was low, almost a whisper.

  Elijah’s heart soared. “So I wasn’t dreaming at the hospital when you said you loved me?”

  She ran her fingers over his beard lightly before she replied. “What I’m saying is I return your feelings. I love you, Elij
ah, and if you’ll have me and my boys, I’d love to marry you.”

  “What caused your change of heart? I thought you wanted to take things more slowly.” Elijah brought her hand to his lips.

  “There was no change of heart. Merely an acceptance of my feelings for you. Mother helped me realize how foolish I was being. How I was squandering away another chance for happiness. And I vowed, if your health did improve, I’d tell you how I feel. Life is short even without being on a battlefield, and whenever we can find it, we need to grasp all the happiness we can.”

  Elijah kissed her wrist and inhaled her subtle fragrance. If he owed Pepper’s change of heart to his illness, he’d gladly suffer again.

  “Despite your father’s misgivings?”

  “Papa and I have set up trusts for each of the boys, so they will be taken care of. It’s what he was most worried about. What I choose to do with the rest of Michael’s money, and Michael’s house, is my own choice. I’m a sensible woman, and if I decide to turn my holdings over to you, so be it. I will be well taken care of.”

  She turned her attention to the washbasin and the razor again. She lathered up his face, and he closed his eyes, enjoying the feel of her fingers gliding over him. As she began to shave the stubble, he opened his eyes and gazed at her.

  “You do realize it is going to cause a scandal if anyone finds out I’m staying at your house?”

  “It would cause a scandal if I told the women who would be spreading the rumors how their husbands offered to ‘take care’ of me after Michael died. I’m not opposed to spreading some gossip of my own.”

  “Rather than retaliating and causing hurt feelings, why don’t we just marry as soon as possible instead of waiting? That would shut up any gossipmongers.”

  Her hand began to shake, and she held the razor away from him as she trembled. Their gazes locked.