Shattered Lives Mended Hearts

by Lena Nicole

As I’m pondering the impossibility of this situation, I hear my glass door open and see Colby walking out.

  “Hey, Addison,” she says as she sits in the chair next to me. “What are you two talking about?” she asks.

  “Same old, same old. Men,” Morgan answers.

  “Oh! Men, my favorite subject,” Colby says smiling. “Speaking of which, I ran into Colin and Charlotte at the liquor store. They were heading to some company barbeque.”

  I haven’t talked to Colin since our blow up. I know he needs time to cool down and I have been giving him just that. But I know the time is quickly approaching where we need to hash this out.

  “Hello? Earth to Addison?” Morgan says, snapping me back to reality.

  “I’m sorry, what did you say?” I ask sheepishly.

  “I have never seen you this distracted in your life. I asked if you wanted a mimosa,” she says, holding up the champagne and orange juice.

  “Oh yes, that would be great. Thanks,” I say, grabbing the glasses and holding them so she can pour our drinks. I was so distracted by my thoughts, I didn’t even see her get up and grab them.

  “So, what’s going on? What did you need to talk to me about?” Morgan asks.

  I go on to tell her about what Colby saw that day at the restaurant and how I had called Colin to vent and see if he was seeing anyone else as well. When I get to the part about Brooklyn, she has a disgusted look on her face. This makes me feel a little better, considering that is exactly how I felt that day. Disgusted.

  “So let me get this straight,” Morgan says, “you actually yelled at Colin for sleeping with Brooklyn?”

  I freeze as I’m about to take a sip of my drink and just glare at her accusatory tone. Morgan sits up and throws her arms out. “What? I’m just asking. I mean come on. You were the one who called things off with him. You were marrying Pierce. What did you expect Colin to do? Sit and wait for you to get a divorce or something? Be realistic, Addy. You moved on, and if that was his way of dealing with it, then you have no right getting mad. You gave up that right the day you decided to date Pierce. Try and see it from Colin’s point of view.” I know Morgan has a point, but it doesn’t mean it hurts any less.

  “It just feels like he cheated on me,” I answer honestly.

  “How could he have cheated on you when you guys weren’t even together? Again, you called off the engagement, not him. Shit, Addison, you were in the white dress, half way down the damn aisle. And who was there in the chapel, watching it all happen? Colin. Don’t you think that was hard on him? He still showed up because he loved you enough to accept that you moved on, and you need to do the same. Accept his way of dealing with the grief of losing you. And if you can’t, then maybe you two shouldn’t be together.” She shrugs her shoulders.

  “As hard as it is to admit, I know you’re right. I still can’t help how I feel, though. It’s going to be hard to get past this one. I mean, it’s Brooklyn, for crying out loud.” I physically shudder and Morgan makes a stink face at the mention of her name, causing Colby to laugh.

  “So enough about me, how are you? Any new guys I should know about?” I ask.

  “I don’t know why you always ask that, considering the answer is always the same. No,” she says before finishing her mimosa. She is refilling her glass, confirming my suspicion that something is up with her and her love life.

  “She asks because, like me, I believe you have the hots for Jeremy,” Colby tells her.

  “Nope, not me,” Morgan quickly answers.

  “So you mean to tell me that toast you gave while I was sitting in sweatpants and a veil was strictly for me?” I question, holding out my glass for a refill. “Come on, Morgan. Quit treating me like I’m an idiot. I have seen the way you and Jeremy act around each other. If you didn’t like him or, dare I say feel something for him, he wouldn’t get under your skin so bad. And before you try to play it off that he’s annoying or some other bullshit like that, remember it’s me you’re talking to.”

  Morgan lets out an exasperated sigh. “Fine. We slept together. There, are you happy? Now you know my dirty little secret,” she says in a rushed whisper.

  Colby gasps in surprise and I allow a little giggle to escape. “I knew it! And actually yes, I am happy. Jeremy is a great guy. What’s the problem?” I ask.

  Morgan presses her lips together before opening her mouth to speak, but stops herself. I can see she is conflicted and I wish I knew why.

  “Hey,” I say as I sit next to her and put one arm around her shoulder. “What’s wrong? What’s bothering you?”

  “You know my past. You know what happened to me and how badly I was used and tossed away. Yeah, Jeremy is a great guy. But do I really want to open myself up again? I still have that legal issue hanging over my head, and not because I haven’t tried to deal with it,” she says in a frustrated tone with her eyebrows drawn together.

  “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to get you worked up. We don’t have to talk about it, but can I just say one thing?” I ask. Morgan nods so I continue, “If you like Jeremy, I think you should give him a chance. And I say this because I love you. Try not to be so bitchy to him. I think he just might be the one to crack that shell of yours. Just promise me you won’t ruin a good thing that can give you happiness because of your past.” I give Morgan a hug dropping the subject and we lay back down in our chairs.

  As we tan in silence, all that is running though my head is the pain I caused Colin. I had no right blowing up on him the way that I did. Does admitting that mean I’m okay with it? Absolutely not. Is it something I can get past? I have no idea. But after the year Colin had, I owe it to him to at least try. I know I need to apologize. I feel horrible, and it gets worse by the minute. All I seem to do to Colin is hurt him, and I’m so tired of hurting the people I love.

  LAST NIGHT was the first night I’ve spoken to Addison in a week. When she hadn’t called me, I knew something was wrong. Tonight, she’s coming over for dinner, and it’s my hope that I can explain my side of what Colby saw.

  I’m putting the finishing touches on our dinner and setting out wine glasses and candles on the table when there’s a knock on the door. My heart squeezes a little that she doesn’t walk right in like she did when she felt it was her home.

  I open the door and feel weak in the knees. She looks beautiful, with her hair falling in soft curls over her shoulders and wearing jeans and a tank top.

  “Hey, Beautiful,” I greet her as I give her a hug. “You have perfect timing; I just pulled dinner off the stove. Come on in and have a seat.” I move to the side to let her in.

  “Mmm, it smells delicious. What did you make?” she asks.

  “Just a little penne with vodka sauce. I know it’s your favorite, so hopefully I didn’t botch your mom’s recipe too badly.”

  I pull her chair out for her at the table and help her scoot in before taking the seat across from her. “That’s so thoughtful, Pierce. I’m sure it’s delicious.”

  I serve up our plates, pour some wine, and start eating. Conversation is a little stiff and I know there’s something on her mind. Right when I’m about to ask her about it, I catch sight of her left hand and my heart plummets to the pit of my stomach. This is the first time I’ve noticed that she’s not wearing her engagement ring.

  A part of me might have anticipated her doing that, but it doesn’t make it hurt any less. My eyes are glued to her ring finger, and I’m completely zoned out of the conversation as the ache settles in and runs through my body. She catches me looking because she quickly pulls her left hand under the table and starts to fidget.

  My eyes slowly trail up to her eyes and I reach for her left hand. “It’s okay. I get why you’re not wearing your ring, I just didn’t expect it to hurt this much.”

  “I’m so sorry. I guess I should have told you I took it off,” she says, glancing away from me.

  “Honestly, I don’t know if it would have helped.” She slowly nods and I hesitate before saying, “Can
I ask you when you took it off?”

  She thinks for a few seconds and says, “Um, I took it off after I got back from the Bahamas with the girls.” For some reason, it makes me feel slightly better that she didn’t take it off immediately, but at the same time, I’m stunned that I didn’t notice this earlier. “I know it means a lot to your family, so if you’d like me to give it back to you, I can,” she says quietly.

  “No, it’s yours. You keep it,” I reply. The thought of her handing it back to me makes me sick to my stomach. Besides, I know it in my gut that one day in the near future, she’ll put that ring back on her finger.

  I need to change the subject and keep things on the lighter side. I don’t want to spend my time with her in a foul mood. I want us to have a good time to help her see how we’ve always been together. However, there’s a part of me that wants to ask her how I’m stacking up against Colin. I know that sounds very juvenile, but I’m dying to know if I’m any closer to getting her back. Knowing Addison though, I know that’s not the right question to ask, especially since she still seems just as confused now as she did in the beginning.

  “How are you holding up?” I decide to ask her instead.

  I can tell she’s hesitant to open up to me and doesn’t really want to talk about it. She’s looking down and shrugs her shoulders. I put my finger beneath her chin and lift until her eyes meet mine. “You can still talk to me, you know.”

  She releases her breath and says, “I’m okay, just having doubts about everything, I guess. I thought I knew you both, but then I found out about some things, and I’m just not sure anymore.”

  I’m almost sure she’s talking about Samantha now. I just need her to talk to me about it so I can lay her doubts about us to rest. I’m actually a little shocked that she thinks I would ever go back to that viper.

  “Tell me about your doubts. Are they only about me, or are they about Colin too?”

  She shakes her head and starts pushing her food around her plate. “It’s about both of you. I just found out Colin was sleeping with someone else while you and I were together. I’m realizing now that it was irrational of me to get upset, but we got in a big fight over it, and I still haven’t talked to him about it.” She looks back up at me and I’m just sitting there, waiting for her to tell me why she’s doubting me.

  Finally, she continues, “Then, I hear you were on a lunch date or something with Samantha.” She looks back down at her plate and quietly says, “I just don’t know what to think or feel anymore.”

  “Will you look at me, please?” I say gently. Once her eyes meet mine I say, “First, Samantha and I were not on a lunch date.”

  “But you guys were holding hands,” she interrupts.

  “No, we were not holding hands. She grabbed mine. I didn’t want to say anything to you because I thought it might upset you, but Samantha won’t leave me alone. She keeps asking to get back together and questioning my loyalty and love for you. I’m sure you noticed my phone blowing up on our last date.” She nods, so I continue. “That was Samantha. I met up with her to tell her to leave me alone and that her texts and calls were inappropriate. I wasn’t getting through to her via texts or calls, so I thought I might be able to penetrate her brain if I told her face-to-face.”

  I see her relax slightly, and that gives me hope that she believes me. “What started all of this? You were single before you met me. Was she pursuing you then?”

  I rub the back of my neck. “Uh, no, she wasn’t. Max was in my office one day, saying crude things about you, so I punched him a few times in the face.” Her eyes go wide and her mouth falls open in shock at this little detail.

  “You did that to Max?” she asks in disbelief.

  “What do you mean?”

  “I treated him at the hospital. He came in looking like he got mugged. I asked him what happened and he just said that he got caught sticking his hand in the cookie jar. I didn’t really care to get into it, so I cleaned him up and left him for the doctor to take care of.”

  “Fucker,” I mumble under my breath. “Yeah, that was me. Anyway, Samantha stormed into my office the next day, thinking I punched him over what happened between us in college. I informed her it had nothing to do with her, and she’s kind of been obsessing over it ever since.”

  Addison slowly nods, taking it all in. “Okay, so you weren’t on a date?”

  “No,” I say as I shake my head for added emphasis.

  “Are you seeing anyone else?”

  “Absolutely not. The only person I’d ever be interesting in seeing is you. You should know that.” I tuck a loose strand of hair behind her ear and look warmly into her eyes. Man, I love this girl.

  “Well, I was just thinking that I never said you couldn’t see other people too since I’m technically seeing someone else. When I heard about Samantha, it kind of hit me in the gut that you were free to openly date too. I have to admit that the idea didn’t sit well with me.” She looks back down and bites her lip, almost like she’s embarrassed to admit this to me. Little does she know, it makes me feel amazing that she doesn’t want me to see other people. That means she feels possessive and wants me all to herself. I just wish she was only seeing me too.

  I cup her jaw and say, “You don’t have to worry about that. I’ve already told you I’m not going anywhere, and that includes dating other people. You’re it for me. Anyone else would pale in comparison, and I’d likely spend the whole time counting off their flaws and how they aren’t you. So, there’s really no point in wasting my time.” I give her a wink and she smiles at me. It’s the first one I’ve gotten from her tonight and it makes me feel like all the earlier tension is gone.

  A WEEK has gone by since my blow up with Colin. I haven’t seen or heard from him, and if I’m being honest with myself, I didn’t expect to. Especially with the way he walked out on me. In all the years I have known Colin, he has never just walked out. He always stuck around until we worked out our issues. I have been giving him time and space to cool off, and I think he has had more than enough by now. I don’t want to let the lack of communication go on for too long. It will only make it harder to reestablish it and put a bigger wedge between us, when I’m trying to bring us closer.

  I try calling his cell phone, but it goes straight to voicemail. He usually does this when he has a big case he’s working on. Not sure if I should call his office or not, I call anyway. When the phone rings, I’m greeted by the company’s secretary. After asking to speak to Colin, I’m placed on hold. I start pacing with anxiety because I’m so nervous to talk to him.

  “Colin Miller,” he answers and I stop pacing.

  “Hey, Colin, it’s Addison.” There’s a brief pause and I can hear some papers shuffling in the background.

  “Hey, what’s up?” He sounds a little annoyed, and now I’m thinking maybe I shouldn’t have bothered him at work.

  “Look, I know you’re busy, so I won’t keep you. I just hate how we left things and I wanted to get together and talk, if that’s okay with you.” I’m biting on my lip, hoping he will want to talk to me. I still owe him an apology for my behavior the other day. After not getting a response right away, I say, “Okay, I can tell you’re busy. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have called you at work. I’ll try you again later when you’re off.”

  “Wait, I’m sorry I haven’t reached out to you sooner,” he begins, but I cut him off before he can continue.

  “Please don’t do that. Don’t apologize because I was the one out of line. Can we please meet so I can apologize in person?” It comes out more like a plea than a question, and I hate that I sound so desperate.

  “How about I pick you up after work? We will go to dinner and talk,” he asks.

  “I would love that. And thank you for not shutting me out, Colin,” I say.

  “I love you. It’s kind of hard to shut you out. At least for a long period of time anyway.” I can hear the teasing in his voice and it lifts my spirits a little.

  IT’S ALM
OST six and I’m still not dressed. I have no idea what to wear to my apology dinner. I want tonight to be perfect and go off without a hitch, since things have been so chaotic lately. As I’m looking through my closet, I see the dress I wore the night we first made love. It’s coral, with capped sleeves and a heart shaped cutout in the back. I grab the dress without a second thought, knowing this is the perfect dress to wear tonight. Just as I’m putting my shoes on, there is a faint knock at the door. I head over to the door, suddenly feeling butterflies in my stomach as I approach. Maybe it’s the dress I’m wearing that’s bringing back good memories, or maybe it’s my nerves about tonight’s dinner. I open the door and Colin looks as handsome as ever in his work suit and the blue tie I bought him. He steps in the door and pulls me in for a kiss. It isn’t rushed or forced. It’s perfect. He pulls away and gives me a quick smile as he hands me a bag of gummy bears.

  “I figured your supply might be low,” he says with a grin and a shrug of his shoulders.

  I laugh and thank him as I take the bag and place it on the table next to the door. We head straight to the restaurant and make small talk on the way. I didn’t want to approach the situation in the car. I want to be able to have Colin’s full attention when I apologize to him. Once we are seated at the restaurant and place our drink orders, I decide now it as good of a time as any to get started.

  “Thank you for coming out with me tonight,” I say, placing the napkin on my lap. Colin nods and I take that as my cue to continue, “I want to start off by apologizing. I had no right to act the way I did toward you at Docs. I was so hurt at the fact that you,” I pause because it takes me a moment to spit the words out that make me sick to my stomach, “slept with Brooklyn, that I didn’t even try to see things from your point of view. I shouldn’t have judged you the way I did, and I hope you can accept my apology for my poor behavior.”

  Colin reaches across the table, grabbing both my hands. He runs his thumb in circles over it as he speaks, never breaking eye contact.