Saving My Submission BN

by Jenna Jacob

  Drawing in a deep breath, I forced myself to focus on the priest’s words as he instructed Leagh and Tony to join hands. All the while Joshua’s heated gaze bore into the back of my head, making it impossible to concentrate on anything but him. The fucking rat bastard.

  I needed to stop him from driving me insane. He was forbidden fruit. Not only was he a friend of Sanna and her Masters, but a Dom with little regard for the gift of submission or the sanctity of a collar. No matter how badly my body ached for one more night with the man, drowning in his commanding lovemaking skills wasn’t enough to warrant self-inflicted emotional harm. I needed to box up my lofty fantasies of submission and slap on a shiny new lock—one that couldn’t be picked quite so easily again—and drive him out of my psyche.

  The harder I tried to ignore him, the hotter his gaze seemed to grow. Clenching my jaw I squared my shoulders. If he wanted to watch me, fine. Let the man get his jollies however he chose. I didn’t have to participate in his stupid cat and mouse game. I may not have known Tony and Leagh well, but I was there to celebrate their union, not get sidetracked obsessing over some wanna-be Dom and our one-night stand.

  I spent a whole thirty-seven seconds mentally browbeating myself before I caved. Glancing over my shoulder, I discovered Joshua’s fiery stare had not been a figment of my imagination. He still remained zeroed in on me with those gorgeous green eyes and toe-curling gaze.

  His hungry stare flipped some masochistic switch in my brain. I could feel the warm texture of his lips, taste the tart bead that swelled on his cock, and smell his masculine scent, as sure as if he’d been hard-wired inside my brain… my body.

  My growing arousal sparked an electrical current that literally hummed in my ears. The man hadn’t so much as touched me, yet he had the power to draw me to him, like a moth to a flame. I had to put a stop to it all. Once and for all, I had to exorcize the demon known as Joshua Lars. Problem being, I had no idea how.

  The priest cleared his throat. Snapping my head toward the sound, I swallowed tightly. “Dearly beloved,” he began. “We are gathered here today…”

  To watch Mellie Carson lose her ever-loving mind.

  I closed my eyes and drew in a ragged breath. The forty-five minute ceremony seemed to drag on for hours. The nuptials were beautiful and heart-warming, yet I couldn’t focus on anything except Joshua’s incessant stare. Well, that and calculating how long it would take me to jump from the pew, dash out the church, and race back to Sanna’s to hide away in the safety of my room. There were only two obstacles in my way: I couldn’t run three seconds in my five-inch heels, plus I didn’t have a car to get me back to the house. It was a hell of a long walk in stilettos, which I probably wouldn’t achieve without breaking an ankle. Nope, running away wasn’t an option. I’d have to stay and face the music—which pissed me the hell off.

  “You may kiss the bride,” the priest instructed, pulling me from my ruminations.

  Tony cupped Leagh’s cheeks in his hands and bestowed her with a commanding, potent kiss. A shiver rippled through me. Joshua had kissed me in that exact manner and I could still feel the heat of his lips.

  Aarrgghhh.

  “Ladies and gentlemen,” the priest cried out as he raised his hands, “It is my privilege to introduce to you Mr. and Mrs. Anthony Delvaggio.”

  Tony and Leagh’s faces beamed in absolute bliss. For a few glorious moments, joy for their happiness drowned out the chaos swimming inside me. Tony wrapped a protective arm around Leagh’s waist then bounded down the stairs, escorting her toward the back of the church. The rest of the wedding party followed behind, all wearing happy, broad smiles as they joined the bride and groom in the receiving line.

  The guests began to spill into the aisles toward the church’s foyer. The passage quickly became so choked there was no place for us to go, so we remained in our seats waiting for the steady line to shorten.

  When it came our turn to get in line, I stood, but froze like a statue, unable to move. I had assumed Joshua would follow the other guests in his pew, but he didn’t. He lingered in the aisle, paying no attention to the people going ahead of him. Joshua’s focus was on one thing—and one thing only—me.

  “Come on Mel, move,” Sanna urged, prodding me to move. “We’re not going to find a good table at the reception if we don’t get through the line.”

  I swallowed tightly and stumbled from the narrow passage, cracking my ankle on the edge of the kneeling bench beneath the pew. Biting back a curse—because I knew swearing in church was frowned upon—I hobbled on one foot as I reached down and massaged the zinger.

  Sanna, Nick, Dylan, and James stepped into the aisle as well.

  “You okay?” James asked in concern.

  “Yes, I’m fine. Just clumsy is all.”

  “You can lean on me if you need to,” James offered with a broad smile.

  “Thanks, but really, I’m fine,” I assured him, hoping I wouldn’t embarrass myself further.

  Peeking over Dylan’s shoulder, I saw Joshua working his way against the flow of guests and heading our direction. Extending his hand, he and the other Doms exchanged hellos. Two sets of eyes were intently watching James, Joshua, and me.

  For the love of… can this possibly get any more awkward?

  “It’s good to see you, Master Stephen,” Sanna said with an impish grin.

  “It’s a pleasure to see you, as well, little one.” Joshua briefly turned his attention on my sister and smiled. Then like clockwork, his stare landed right back on me. “What a delightful surprise to see you again, Mellie. I take it Savannah is the sister you spoke of the other night?”

  “Ah, yes.”

  “You two know each other already?” James questioned with an arch of his brows.

  “Yes, we met the night before last.” Joshua nodded.

  “What a coincidence. We met last night,” the other man replied with an assessing smirk.

  “Yes, but I saw her first,” Joshua added with suave self-assurance.

  Oh, good grief. Their posturing had all the markings of an ensuing pissing match. I wasn’t having any of it. If cussing wasn’t welcome in church, peeing on the pews to mark their territory wouldn’t be either.

  “I guess what really matters most is that we’ve all been introduced, right?” I snapped my mouth shut before I slipped and reminded them that I wasn’t some toy in their sandbox to fight over.

  “May I accompany you to the reception?” Joshua asked with an intrepid smile.

  “Hell, yes,” Nick replied. “Please, join us.”

  My body tensed. Dammit, Nick. He was asking me, not you. By then the damage was done. I couldn’t un-invite Joshua without looking like a heinous bitch.

  “You’re going to join us too, aren’t you, James?” Nick inquired.

  God, I wanted to kick him in the shins.

  “I appreciate the offer, man. But I promised I’d save Arianna a seat. She missed the ceremony because of work, but she’s coming to the reception.” Turning a solemn expression toward Joshua, James gave something that resembled a ceding nod. “I guess I’ll see you guys downstairs.”

  With a wave, James circumvented the crowd and took a route out of the chapel via the front of the church and through an uncongested door. As we waited to congratulate both Tony and Leagh, I had time to calculate how many hours I’d be forced to sit at a table with Joshua, deflecting his charismatic advances. I wanted to throw up. Even more unnerving was the steady sexual throbbing in my core. Joshua slid in next to me. A few minutes later he wrapped his arm around my waist and I tensed. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him turn a confused frown my way as he intently studied me.

  Do you honestly want to shun him?

  My brain cried out in a resounding ‘Yes,’ while my body churned in a desperate ‘No.’

  As we reached the back of the church, Sanna sucked in a little gasp. Wobbling with a stutter step, she gripped Nick’s hand. Turning an angry look toward her Masters, she huffed. “What in heave
n’s name is she doing here?”

  Craning my neck to see who’d ruffled Sanna’s ire, I spied a curvy blonde staring at Joshua with a worried expression. This time he tensed, then turned toward me, his face lined in concern, or maybe annoyance, I wasn’t sure.

  “I’ll be down to join you shortly,” he announced in a bitter tone.

  In four firm strides, he ate up the distance between the pensive blonde and us. Wrapping his hand around the woman’s elbow, Joshua led her to a corner of the chapel. Leaning in close, the woman wilted into the crevice as Joshua’s tall body shrouded her from view.

  Studying his body language closely, it wasn’t difficult to put the puzzle pieces together. The blonde had to be his former submissive. He clenched and unclenched his fists, finally jamming his hands into his pants pockets. Joshua’s reaction left no doubt: he was not happy to see the woman. Dying to ask Sanna a million and a half questions, I discovered she was now wedged between Nick and Dylan as the line tapered to single-file near the open doorway. I’d have to wait until I had my sister alone. Nearly to the portal, I caught a glimpse of the girl, all but cowering in the corner. Tears brimmed in her eyes and she adamantly shook her head.

  “No,” she cried out in a heartfelt sob.

  Don’t do that to yourself. He’s nothing but a callous prick that doesn’t deserve your gifts. Don’t grovel for the bastard, let him go and find a real Dom.

  Nick glanced toward the woman’s cry and issued a scowl. Dylan simply rolled his eyes before ushering me out of the chapel. After giving our best to the bride and groom, we followed several others downstairs to the reception hall.

  The room was chilly, but the temperature wasn’t to blame for my throbbing, beaded nipples. No, the man upstairs dealing with the teary-eyed blonde was responsible for that. Focusing on the interior of the lush hall with its hues of cream and burgundy, I smiled at its simple elegance. Offsetting colored linens covered dozens of round tables. Fragrant centerpieces of white calla lilies and roses surrounded by purple hydrangeas lent a classic, formal flair to the room. No buffet tables had been erected, so I knew dinner would be served in several courses. Great. I hadn’t calculated the time that would take in my mental equation, upstairs. Near the dance floor, members of a five-piece orchestra tuned their instruments as guests situated themselves at the numerous tables.

  “This looks like a good spot.” Dylan smiled. “We’re close to the bride and groom’s table and near the dance floor.”

  “You two are going to dance with me, right?” Sanna turned an expectant look to both her men.

  “Of course, kitten,” Dylan chuckled.

  “Indeed we are. Have you ever known us to turn down a chance to hold you close, precious?” Nick teased.

  “Aww, Thank you, Sirs.” She beamed.

  Half listening to their continued conversation, I couldn’t keep from checking out the doors as more guests entered the reception. Curiosity was killing me; would Joshua appear alone, or would the blond be latched to his arm?

  “What do you think, Mel?” Sanna asked.

  “Huh?” I blinked. “Think about what?”

  “We were talking about the club. You know… after the reception…Tony and Leagh’s collaring ceremony? We talked about it. Remember? You’re still coming with us, right?”

  “Oh, yeah,” I absently replied.

  Joshua would be at the club… I’d be at the club. Shit. I needed to back pedal… fast.

  “Um, I mean… maybe.”

  “Melllll,” Sanna moaned. “You can’t change your mind. You already said you’d go… twice even. Please don’t back out on me now.”

  “Sanna.” Nick frowned with a warning. “If she’s not comfortable…”

  “Sorry, Master,” she sighed dejectedly.

  “No, I’m sorry, sis,” I replied forcing a smile. “Yes. I’m going to the club with you.”

  Her eyes lit up as a wide grin spread on her lips. “Yesssss,” she hissed, giving a tiny fist pump.

  “Thanks for saving me a seat.” Joshua smiled as he pulled out the white wooden chair and eased down, right next to me.

  What the hell? There’s four other chairs across the table he could have plopped his Dom-playing ass into any of those, but oh, no… he had to choose that one, right? Shit.

  “Everything all right?” Nick asked with a cautious expression.

  “Yeah, fine,” Joshua replied with a curt nod.

  “It was a beautiful wedding, don’t you think?” Savannah asked, rushing to expunge the sudden tension in the air.

  “The only bride more beautiful will be you, kitten.” Dylan winked as he leaned over and placed a tender kiss on Sanna’s lips.

  “Oh, Master,” Sanna gushed.

  “I don’t know,” Joshua began. “I think Mellie would make a stunning bride as well.”

  “Who? Me?” I gasped. He nodded and I couldn’t help but laugh. “Oh, no. No. Marriage is not in my life plan. Not at all.”

  “Really?” Joshua looked shocked. “Why not?”

  “She’s allergic to monogamy,” Sanna snickered.

  “I am not.” I scowled at my sister. “The typical wifely mold doesn’t fit me. I have a business to run, and I travel all the time. What kind of husband would want a wife that’s never home? I wouldn’t even attempt a relationship. It would be next to impossible.”

  “Nothing’s impossible,” he replied with a shrewd grin.

  Thankfully, a roar of cheers and applause interrupted the awkward conversation. Tony and Leagh entered the hall, waving to the crowd; they hurried to the long, oblong table at the front of the room. We stood and clapped in celebration while the rest of the wedding party joined the bride and groom.

  After helping Leagh arrange the train of her dress, Tony picked up a microphone and tapped the mesh-covered end, cringing as a scream of feedback squealed from the speakers.

  “Oops. Thank you all for coming to share this special day with us.”

  “Wouldn’t miss it for the world, son. It’s about damn time,” Tony’s dad cried out from the table next to us, drawing a collective round of laughter.

  “I was waiting for the perfect woman, Dad, like you did.” Tony flashed his father a grin before turning a love-struck gaze on Leagh. “And luckily, I found her.”

  He bent and kissed his bride then straightened and smirked. “Let’s eat.” Tony grinned then settled in beside Leagh.

  A bevy of waiters and waitresses converged around the tables, filling glasses with water and wine, and serving the first of several courses. Throughout the commotion, Joshua’s hot stare kept me riding a rollercoaster of anxiety. I desperately wanted to ask why he hadn’t called, but popped a crusty piece of bread into my mouth. No matter how I tried to arrange the words in my head, they ended up sounding like a love-sick fool. It didn’t matter—not now—not since I’d discovered he was nothing more than a well-polished player.

  Taking a sip of water, I swallowed down the sweet yeasty dough. “So I assume I should call you Stephen from now on?”

  “Master Stephen,” he corrected with a mischievous twinkle in his eyes.

  “Of course,” I replied dryly. “Master.”

  “Do you have a problem with that, little one?” He pressed.

  Clenching my teeth together, I exhaled a long, quiet sigh. “Nope,” I replied with a sarcastic pop of my lips.

  “I think maybe you do,” he smirked, before lifting the glass of wine to his lips and taking a long swallow. “I’ll make you a deal, Mellie. You call me Master Stephen for the rest of the day and when I pick you up for dinner tomorrow night, you can call me by my first name.”

  Dinner? With him? Oh, hell no. Not in this lifetime.

  A date with the man was entirely out of the question. It was bad enough that I had to sit by him at the reception. No way would I volunteer to be tangled like a fat fly in his web of deceit.

  “I’d rather call you Master Stephen, without any strings attached,” I snapped with a forced smile.

>   You’d like to call him a whole lot of things, and not a one would be ladylike.

  “Either way, we’re having dinner tomorrow night, little one. Just you and me,” he pressed with a jovial wink.

  “I’m sure you’ll be having dinner at some point tomorrow night, but rest assured, it won’t be with me,” I challenged with a sarcastic sneer.

  “Ah-hem,” Sanna cleared her throat and shot me a scowl. “I need to use the ladies’ room. Why don’t you come with me?”

  My sister’s ploy to get me alone and scold me was as veiled as a Mac truck. She could lecture me all she wanted; I wasn’t going to shuck off my armor and wilt like a hothouse flower for Sanna, her Masters, Joshua, or anyone.

  “You go ahead. I’m eating right now,” I replied with a stern glare.

  “But I need your help… to um… zip my dress back up,” she stammered, blatantly grasping at straws.

  Denying my sister any kind of help would make me look like a cold-hearted shrew.

  “Fine,” I spat.

  Dropping the fork on my plate with a clatter, I stood and followed her into the bathroom.

  Once through the door, Sanna checked the two stalls, making sure they were empty before she spun on me like a feisty tornado. Slamming her fists on her hips, she frowned.

  “Just what the hell crawled up your ass? Stephen just asked you out on a date, and you’re acting like a total bitch. I’ve never seen you treat anyone so rudely. What the fuck is going on?”

  “Nothing,” I barked.

  Shooting me a look that screamed ‘bullshit’, Sanna arched her brows.

  “We’re not discussing this. Pee and let’s get back to the table so I can get this craptastic day over with.”

  “I don’t have to pee. I brought you in here to talk.”

  “Sanna,” I began in a tone of warning. “I’m not discussing this. Drop it.”