Saving My Submission BN

by Jenna Jacob

  “We’re not talking spankings anymore, are we?” I asked.

  “Nope.”

  “Trust you with what?” I taunted, attempting to steer him from delving too deep into serious waters.

  “If you even have to ask then I think you need some time to think about it. I’ll give you ten minutes.”

  Joshua rolled out of bed. I blinked and started to sputter, but he silenced me when he held a finger to his lips. Biting my tongue, I watched him open a dresser drawer, slip on a pair of sweat pants, grab his keys, and walk right out the door.

  Stunned and chaffed. The son of a bitch had left me; put me in a Dominant version of ‘time-out.’ I fumed. Couldn’t he tell I was pulling his chain? The man obviously had no sense of humor.

  He’s trying to teach you a lesson, and you know it.

  “Yeah, yeah,” I scoffed aloud to the voice in my head. I knew exactly what lesson he wanted to teach me. It was time for me to shit or get off the pot, and Joshua was bent on maneuvering me exactly where he wanted me… at the fork in the road.

  “So what’s it going to be?” I asked myself aloud. “You going to stay and fight, or wimp out and take a hike?”

  Exhaling a heavy sigh, I closed my eyes. Staying on my safe path had been easy… lonely at times, but I made my own comfort. Relying on myself to find happiness and comfort wasn’t always easy, or ideal. So what if I had a bad habit of satisfying my needs with a slew of short, but intense relationships? I’d never claimed to be a nun.

  Yet, on the other hand, the morsels of submission Joshua placed on my tongue tasted sweet and creamy, like chocolate; I could easily become addicted. The new path might assuage my ache for submission, but I’d have to change my attitude… a lot. I’d have to stop getting my back up when he issued commands. And on top of all that, I’d have to find a way to temper my mouth and not allow my stupid knee-jerk reactions to rule my tongue. The modifications expected sent my head reeling. The challenge would be huge.

  A slight smirk tugged at my lips. I never sidestepped a challenge. I’d definitely keep him on his toes, and I didn’t have to worry about him trying to collar or claim me for any long-term Dom/sub relationship. A few days of fun and fulfillment might last me another eight years… or it could very well break the seal and release a submissive nympho. It was a fifty-fifty shot… I could either take a chance, or take a hike.

  The key clattered in the doorknob. Joshua entered and pinned me with a stern gaze.

  What’s it going to be? Safety or Scamper?

  “I trust you, Sir.”

  “Good.” Skimming off his sweat pants, he stood in the center of the room. His cock was hard, thick, and ready, drawing me like a magnet to steel... hot, velvety steel. “Kneel before me, little one.”

  I blinked in confusion. That was it? No conversation? No demand for an apology? Didn’t he want to know what I’d thought about while he was gone?

  “Mellie?” He arched one brow. “I don’t like to repeat myself.”

  “I know.” I nodded and rushed from the bed. “I mean, no Dominant does, Sir.”

  Kneeling in proper submission fashion, I closed my eyes. The temptation of his bobbing cock so close to my mouth felt like torture. Saliva pooled and I wanted to suck him in deep and hard, slide my tongue over his glistening crest and feel the pulse of his thick throbbing veins again.

  “Simply stunning.” The approval in his voice calmed me. “I think it’s time we fed your inner sub. She’s all but starving, little one.”

  What an ironic choice of words. I thought on an inward chuckle. I vote we let the sub go hungry a little longer, and feed my mouth and my pussy first.

  “Raise your head and look at me, Mellie.”

  Eyes. Look at his eyes. Don’t stare at his cock.

  Letting my brain have its way for a few torturous moments, I skimmed a gaze up his body and tipped my head back, locking onto his shimmering green pools.

  “You’re doing excellent, sweet one.” He smiled. “I asked you to do me a favor at the reception, but I could see you weren’t ready. I think maybe now you are. I wanted you to make me a list, but I’m going to switch your assignment around, make it an oral test instead.”

  I moaned out a tortured scoff.

  “Is there a problem, girl?” He narrowed his eyes.

  “No… I mean, yes, but I’ll suffer through it.”

  He chuckled. “There’ll be no suffering unless I’m the one inflicting the pain. Tell me.”

  “Oral test? Your cock all hard and ready. I…”

  With a hearty laugh he shook his head. “I enjoy the way your mind works. Okay, let me rephrase. I want you to give me a list of hard… errr, rather unacceptable limits… verbally.”

  Joshua seemed to enjoy my suffering way too much. Smartass.

  “Hard limits, okay. No breath play, skat, snuff. No shaving my head or eyebrows.”

  “Shaving your…? Oh, of course. Subs that claim they have no limits, I understand. Please continue.”

  I nodded. “Um, no children, animals, daddy/daughter or diaper stuff. To each their own, but age play isn’t my kink. Forced prostitution, permanent marks…hrmm. I can’t think of any more off the top of my head.”

  “That’s a well thought-out list, little one. Very nice, but let me ask you about some specific limits. Raise a finger for a mild limit, or if it’s something you’ve not tried and might like to, and we’ll discuss those individually. I’ll assume no signal means you’re okay with it. Do you understand?”

  “Yes, Sir.” I nodded.

  “Then let’s begin. Anal play, including sex and plugs. Bondage. Floggers. Paddles. Clothespins. Cock worship…hrmm, I think I already know the answer to that one, now don’t I, little one?” I smiled and nodded. “Fisting. Gags. Humiliation.”

  I raised my finger.

  “Humiliation doesn’t put me in much of a good Dom head space either. But if you needed it, I would see to it. Okay, let’s carry on. Clamps on clit and nipples. Play piercing.”

  Again I held up a finger.

  “You’ve had it and don’t like it?”

  “No, Sir. I’ve never done it.”

  “I’ll make note of that. TENs units. Violet Wand. Ménage.”

  Slowly I raised my finger. Joshua studied me for a long time.

  “You’ve not experienced two lovers at once?”

  “No, Sir.”

  “Tell me your feelings about it.”

  My mind zipped back to the night of his opening and the comments his friend Ian had made. “I… the idea both arouses and intrigues me, but…”

  “Continue.” His face was unreadable. His eyes like placid pools of ocean water. I couldn’t tell what he was thinking and I didn’t like it. “It is something you fantasize about?”

  “Yes, Sir,” I whispered and cast my eyes toward the floor.

  “That’s nothing to be embarrassed about, little one.”

  “I can’t help it, Sir. I’ve not shared my fantasies before. It’s… awkward.”

  “I understand, but you’re doing fine. I’m extremely grateful for your honesty.”

  “You’ve shared women before, haven’t you?”

  “Yes. I have. It’s a… remarkable experience.”

  “With Ian?”

  “Lately, yes.” He pondered for a moment. “Answer me honestly, Mellie. How would you feel if I wanted to share you with Ian?”

  Heat flooded my face. My body screamed, ‘fan-fucking-tastic’. His friend was hands-down hot. But my brain flipped into hyper-analytical-overdrive, and a tide of insecurities swamped me.

  “I’m torn, Sir. I think the bodily experience would be… like you said, incredible. But the emotional side of it… I’m not sure. I don’t have sex with someone I don’t feel a connect—”

  I stopped in mid-sentence. Feel a connection with. From the very start I’d tried to convince myself that Joshua was nothing more than a scratch to my itch...A one night stand. Though I’d only had one in my life, the guilt after
made me feel dirty and cheap. But that hadn’t happened with Joshua. Puzzled that remorse hadn’t swallowed me whole, I’d convinced myself that obsessing over him so fiercely was the reason the ugly self-reproach had never materialized.

  It hadn’t been his dominant nature that scared the crap out of me that first night. He’d connected with me… touched something deep inside that I’d never realized. He’d somehow linked with me on some strange and primitive level I didn’t understand. It hadn’t been about bedding the famous artist, or flirting with the fringes of submission. No, it ran much deeper and subconsciously, I knew. It’s why I ran.

  Keeping men an arm’s length away, I never had to worry about giving them a piece of my heart. The notion that Joshua had chipped off a fragment of mine, without my knowledge—like a thief in the night—sent panic slamming through me, with a red-hot shot of adrenaline.

  “I’ve got to go.” Launching up from the floor like a rocket, Joshua reared back. The look of shock and confusion on his face surely mirrored my own.

  “Whoa. Hold on,” he declared as he grabbed my arm and spun me to face him. “Take a deep breath. Close your eyes and focus on my voice. You’ve hit an internal trigger, and from the looks of it, a big one.”

  Panting as panic consumed me, I shook my head. “I can’t.”

  In a voice so calm I wanted to scream, Joshua placed his hand over my eyes and pulled me against his naked body. His turgid cock throbbed against my belly, and his arm banded around my waist scorched me. “Breathe with me, Mellie. Nice and slow. Breath in, now let it out. Again. In and out.”

  Keeping time with his steady rhythm, I wrestled the bristling barbs of fear biting within.

  “It’s okay. Everything is fine. I’ve got you.” The deep timber of his soothing voice sent a shiver down my spine. “It’s this crazy connection we share, right?”

  How the fuck did he know that? Maybe he was a freaking psychic.

  I nodded slightly as panic and confusion took on a whole new meaning. Sliding his hand from my eyes, his features were drawn in concern. He seemed as unhinged about it as me, and for that I was grateful. I didn’t want to be the only one spazzing out over this weird vibe we shared.

  “I feel it too… that incredible draw, like a fiber that’s connecting us to each other. I felt it the first time I saw you at the gallery and how emotional you got staring at the sculpture I gave you. In some bizarre way she’s you… or the embodiment of you. I know that sounds totally insane, but I swear to god I’m not crazy. Whatever this is… whatever it means, we’ll sort it out. But running away from it… from me? It isn’t an option. I won’t allow it, Mellie.”

  He’d actually felt it. What did it mean?

  “Look, I’m sorry I panicked. I’m confused… I think you’ve ruined me.”

  “Ruined you? How?” He blinked, shocked by my claim.

  “After that first night… Scotty…I didn’t understand how… Oh god, I’m screwing this all up.”

  “You were with Scotty? Scotty from Maurizio’s?”

  “Yes… I mean no. I didn’t want to be with him… he wanted…”

  A knowing grin tugged the corners of his mouth. “You did what I did, didn’t you?”

  All the tension fell from my face. “I don’t know. What did you do?”

  “Last night I was supposed to be with the guys at Tony’s bachelor party, but I bowed out. You knocked me clean off plumb the night before. I’d been seeing someone for a few weeks, so I called her. I thought I could…” He gave a sheepish shrug. “Fuck you out of my system.”

  Boy, that sounded familiar.

  “But sitting with her at dinner, I couldn’t stop comparing her to you. The shape of her face wasn’t right. Her eyes were the wrong color. Her laugh sounded like fighting chickens. I faked a headache and cut the night short. When I got home I lay in bed—the bed we’d shared—and relived every single second I’d had you with me.”

  “But you knew who I was... you knew how to find me. Why didn’t you just come to the house?”

  “For the same reason you ran away from me, Mellie. You scared the shit out of me.” His face fell; he looked… lost. “What happened with Scotty?”

  “Nothing. I didn’t try to have sex with him,” I assured. “He kissed me at the bachelorette party and it felt so wrong I wanted to gag. I shoved him off me and told him no. He wasn’t being a jerk or anything; in fact, he apologized. It didn’t make sense; I mean… you’d done something to me. Okay, look, I met Scotty the night before and… I can’t lie… I probably would have gone to bed with him, eventually. But after being with you… I couldn’t stand the thought of being with him. What the hell did you do to me? God, none of this makes sense.”

  Joshua chuckled. “No, it doesn’t. It’s a strange and wonderful feeling, isn’t it?”

  “Yes, but…” A sense of foreboding landed in my gut. “But, you and me…it’s never going to work. You know that right?”

  He didn’t answer, just clenched his jaw.

  “It can’t, Joshua, no matter how badly we… I live in Phoenix… I have a company to run. I can’t just close up shop and shuck off my responsibilities for some crazy-assed connection that we don’t even understand. Seriously, it might just be the right combination of hormones and testosterone.”

  “I know.” He nodded. Disappointment flickered in his eyes. I felt the same hollow ache inside. “After what you said at the wedding reception, I tried to rationalize away my attraction to you. But when I’m with you, all rationale goes straight out the window. I want you, Mellie… want you for as many days as I can have you.”

  “I want you too,” I sighed. “I haven’t felt this ridiculous since high school.”

  “Look. We don’t have to figure this out right now. Not tomorrow or the next day. Things happen for a reason, and while we don’t know what that reason is yet, let’s just relax and let it happen. It’ll reveal itself in time.”

  “And you don’t think all this is a little insane?” I asked, arching a brow at his passive acceptance.

  “Oh, it’s as crazy as a shit house rat, but…” He shrugged. “Instead of trying to analyze the piss out of it, let’s just see where it takes us.”

  “Where it takes us?” I gasped. “I feel like I bought a one-way ticket on a runaway freight train. I know where it’s going to take us.”

  “No, you suspect. Look, instead of freaking out, try to take comfort in the fact that I’m on the damn thing too. If it goes down in flames, I’ll be right there beside you, okay?”

  The inevitable end to this surreal bliss plowed through me. I wrapped my arms around his neck and held on. Willingly jumping on board, I knew I was in for a hell of a ride. I just hoped in the end it would all be worth it.

  Without a word, Joshua picked me up and carried me to his bed. Silently holding me in his arms, I tried to sort my stormy emotions. I’d only known the man a few short days, but the instant attraction we shared was outrageous.

  Trying to pacify all the riotous emotions, I worked on convincing myself that once I returned home and settled into a regular routine, the craziness would pass. But all that did was bring a stab to my heart with a well-honed blade. I didn’t want this to end. I wanted what I couldn’t have… Joshua.

  The day had been a rollercoaster of emotions, but in a way our conversation felt cathartic. At least we shared the same mystified emotions, and lying in Joshua’s arms as he threaded his fingers through my hair felt better than right… it felt like perfection.

  The fringes of sleep tried to pull me under, but Joshua’s soft lips drew me back to the surface.

  “Make love to me,” I whispered on a wistful sigh.

  “How could I refuse such a lovely request?” he murmured.

  Inching his lean body over mine, I moaned at the feel of his hot, soft skin. Our bodies meshed together, and strangely, it felt more profound than the first time. His kisses were slower, more passionate; his touches teemed in adoration. The methodical way he unraveled me wa
s the complete opposite from our rush to rut, a few short days ago.

  “Mmmm, yesssssss,” I purred as his long, sure fingers toyed with my folds.

  “You’re so soft, and silky, and so fucking wet. Oh… the things I want to do to you, Mellie.”

  Joshua’s words came out raspy and low. Driving his fingers deep inside, he sent my desire spiraling high and hard.

  “Pleaseee,” I whimpered. “Do anything you want.”

  A roguish fire flickered in his eyes. “Anything?”

  “Yess,” I hissed. My frustration clawed deep.

  “Be careful what you ask for, girl.”

  “I’m not asking. I’m begging.”

  Easing his fingers out my pussy, he stared at the glistening juice on his digits. Drawing his hand to his mouth, he licked them clean, savoring the flavor as if it were the finest nectar in the world. Feeling coveted and treasured, I was rattled to the bone.

  Reaching down, Joshua dragged his broad thumbs over my nipples. “I want to lose myself in you, little one. It’s been a long time since I’ve craved a woman as much as I do you.”

  His confession pressed in on me from all sides. A blistering torrent of emotions suffused my heart. I’d never hungered for a man the way I did him. It was all consuming.

  “Take me. Please?”

  Bending low, he granted my request, claiming me in a ravenous kiss as he took control. Floating his lips and tongue down my body in whisper-soft strokes, he edged closer to my needy cleft. My belly rippled as the muscles twitched beneath his sensual indulgence.

  Repositioning himself between my legs, Joshua parted them with gentle persuasion, then closed his eyes and inhaled a deep breath. A slow smile of gratitude curled his lips. Gazing upon my sex, I knew what he planned to do, and I couldn’t help but rock my hips, impatient to feel his tongue on my sex.

  Sliding a hungry stare over my body, his expression was tight, rugged, and ruthless, totally incongruent to the calming stroke of his fingertips up and down my inner thighs.

  “So anxious. So needy. So fucking gorgeous,” Joshua lauded before leaning low.

  His warm breath spilled over my pussy and I twitched. Placing a wide palm low on my belly, he held me to the bed before swiping his tongue up my folds. As he groaned in delight, my whole body quivered. With long and deliberate strokes, Joshua lapped at my labia, scraped his teeth over my clit, methodically driving me out of my mind. He was in no hurry, seemingly content to drive me up the mountain of ecstasy, one agonizing stroke at a time.