Saving My Submission BN

by Jenna Jacob

  “Okay. Here’s how this is going to go. Since I’m ninety-nine point nine percent sure Gordon is the same guy from your neighbor’s surveillance footage, neither you nor Savannah will go anywhere unescorted.” Ian glanced at the other men assembled. “From here on out, nobody steps foot outside, at least not without an armed escort. We’re locking this place up tighter than a virgin’s ass. Got it?”

  “When are your guys coming to the cabin?” Joshua asked, tension rolling off his frame.

  “Tomorrow morning. They’re bringing provisions to last till… whenever,” Ian explained.

  “I’m going to go grab a nap. I’ll take the first watch,” Drake announced with a grim nod. “Keep a plate of dinner warming in the oven for me, will you?”

  “Will do,” Nick assured him.

  “Okay, for now everyone go about your business and try to relax. We need to stay frosty but not to the point of being ready for a guest shot on Wild Kingdom. Try to think of this as a vacation.”

  “With deadly weapons,” I mumbled, trying to keep it together and not uncoil like a damn spring.

  “Yeah,” Ian chuckled. “Keep your weapons handy. I’m going to get in touch with James. If we’re lucky, Chicago PD will have both Walker and Tideway locked up before dinner is over.”

  I didn’t share Ian’s confidence. The level of anxiety thickening the air only increased my fears. Rubbing the tight muscles at the back of my neck, my temples throbbed with a massive headache.

  “We still need to unpack,” I reminded Joshua, anxious to get away from the oppressive weight squeezing in on me.

  “I’ll take care of it. You need to lay down for a little while and rest.” He softly smiled. “Come on.”

  “Let me know if you need anything, okay?” Sanna asked as I bent and kissed her cheek on the way out the door.

  “You know I will, sis. All I need is for you to relax, too. Okay?”

  The confident nod she gave me didn’t mask the fear in her eyes.

  Once inside our room, Joshua sat on the edge of the bed. Tugging me onto his lap, he smoothed a hand over my hair. “How are you holding up?”

  Instinctively I wanted to say ‘fine’, but we both knew it would be a lie. “I’m okay at the moment. Not sure how I’ll be five minutes, or five seconds from now. How about you?”

  “Well, this isn’t how I normally spend my days. The pay’s lousy.” He cracked a smile. “But the fringe benefits are spectacular.”

  Gliding his capable fingers into my hair, he gripped my mane before pulling me to his lips. Dominant to the nth degree, his move pulverized the capable ground beneath my feet and sent my sub soaring. The sudden change of control sent me pitching and yawing, like a ship lost in a blinding squall; I couldn’t find any internal balance.

  Tensing, I tore from his kiss and reached back, clasping his wrist. “Wait.”

  “Mellie, I can’t cordon off the Dominant in me. I can restrain some of it, but I can’t just shut it off. You can’t expect me to be something I’m not.”

  “You can’t expect the same from me,” I countered.

  “No, but I’m not wired to submit to you or anyone else.”

  No. Joshua’s DNA wasn’t structured to sit passively by and/or cater to someone else’s demands. By asking him to take my independence head on, without a feather of opposition, I was really asking him to submit to me.

  I issued a heavy sigh and rubbed my pounding forehead.

  “We’ve discussed this, little one. Use that internal armor of yours as much as you need to and if you have to toss on your Domme hat, then do it. I’ve already promised to stick by your side, and that’s what I intend to do. By. Your. Side. I won’t kneel at your feet. And I won’t try to stifle my natural urges, either. I need you to realize that I’m willing to deflect all that beautiful tenacity you toss my way, because I want you to feel secure. Whatever it takes. Trust me. There’ll come a time when I’ll command you out of your comfort zone, but it’s definitely not now.”

  Dammit. The man was understanding to a fault. It was one of the things I admired most about him… until now. I didn’t want him being tolerant or supportive. I wanted to argue and cuss and fight; to slam a stake in the ground and draw a safe perimeter around me.

  You want to throw a fit like a five-year-old because he’s not letting you have your way. The man only knows how to nurture in a specific way… Dominance. You can’t tell him to stop who and what he is any more than you can tell him to stop breathing. Instead of fighting his comfort, take it. You’re going to need it before this shit is through.

  “I’m sorry. I don’t want to try and change you… I…”

  Leaning in, he gave me a tender kiss, conveying he understood my agitation. Scooping me into his arms like a child, Joshua stood and turned, settling onto the bed.

  “Close your eyes and rest. I’ll join you as soon as I unpack.” I opened my mouth with an offer to help poised on my tongue, but he pressed his finger to my lips. “Don’t argue with me about this. Save it for the important stuff.”

  I shot him a derisive smirk, then nodded in resignation. Closing my eyes, I listened as he moved around the room. Comforted simply by his presence, I wrapped it around me like a blanket and drifted off to sleep.

  I woke to the sound of snoring in my ear. Listening to his masculine music, a grin spread over my mouth. Cupping my hand to his cheek, I pressed my lips to his. Joshua let out a loud snort and jerked. I couldn’t help but giggle.

  “Sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you, but I couldn’t resist.”

  He grinned. “Is that so? Well then, I guess you’ll understand if I can’t resist this then.”

  Pulling me beneath him, he bestowed a tingling kiss. A low, satisfied moan rumbled deep in his chest as he sucked my tongue into his mouth, devouring me in demand. My body responded to his animalistic claim and rapidly-growing erection pressed against my clit. I writhed beneath him, hungry for more.

  “Make love to me, Joshua. Please.”

  “My way?” he asked in a gravely tone.

  “Any way you want,” I purred.

  As if I’d struck a match to the fuse of dynamite, Joshua stripped me bare in seconds flat. Tearing at his own clothing, he settled his hot naked flesh over mine before ebbing his lips down my body. Kissing, licking, and nipping at my flesh, he worked his way to my aching pussy. Cupping his hands around my knees, he spread my legs before plunging his tongue inside me. I jolted at the wicked sensation and Joshua gripped my thighs, holding me as I relaxed and rocked against his masterful mouth.

  Consuming me in a frenzied fury, he filled me with his fingers, driving my wicked delight. Peaking like a spire, Joshua coaxed me to fracture hard beneath a rolling wave of bliss. As my tunnel contracted and quivered, he slid up my torso and drove inside me with a feral grunt.

  Gazing into my eyes, he dragged his cock from within me, only to rock back in with a forceful thrust. Driving in and out of my sucking cunt, Joshua coaxed one orgasm after another, until I was soaked in sweat, boneless, and spent. When he rubbed his thumb back over my clit, I shook my head.

  “No more. I can’t take anymore,” I whimpered, satiated and drained.

  A gratified smirk curled on his lip before that familiar tautness lined his features. Bucking against me in quick, feral thrusts, he chased his own pleasure with a muffled groan.

  Dropping onto his elbows, he lay atop me panting like an Olympic sprinter. A tiny knock came from the other side of the door.

  “Just a minute,” I called out.

  Joshua hadn’t yet managed to catch his breath, but he groaned at the inopportune timing of our visitor.

  Nick laughed from the other side of the portal. “You lucky fuck. Okay, well, dinner’s ready when you two can get your clothes back on and come down.”

  “We’ll be there in a few.” I grinned, trying not to giggle.

  Joshua slowly eased from inside me, then pulled me out of bed. “Shower then food.”

  Sitting at the table w
ith wet hair and a sated smile I couldn’t seem to wipe away, we ate and talked. Steering clear of the topic that had brought us all together, I noticed that Ian had closed the windows off beneath thick hurricane shutters. The motive for our ‘vacation’ could be brushed under the rug, but such a visible reminder couldn’t be ignored.

  Drake ambled down the stairs. Scrubbing a hand over his face, he blinked then squinted against the bright lights. “I couldn’t sleep with all the mouthwatering aromas filling my room.”

  Grabbing a plate, he filled it and settled into the vacant chair at the end of the table. Spearing a chunk of potato with his fork, he raised his head and looked at me. “You hanging in there, Mellie?”

  “Yes, Sir. I’m doing just fine.” Pausing, I gathered my words, praying they’d come out right. “I can’t thank you all enough for everything you’re doing for me. In essence, you’re putting your lives on the line for Joshua and me. This isn’t exactly where any of us want to be, or the circumstances we want to be in, but I’m wholeheartedly grateful for what you’re all doing for me… for us.”

  “Mellie, there’s nothing on this planet that would stop me from keeping you safe. Not just because you’re Sanna’s sister, but because fuck-knuckles like Kerr give us all a bad name,” Dylan announced with grim determination. “Let’s just hope James calls back with good news.”

  “James has news?” I asked.

  “Maybe,” Ian interjected with a hint of apprehension. “Chicago PD might have a lead on Gordon. We’re waiting to see if it pans out or not.”

  “Why didn’t you tell me that when we came down to eat?” I challenged.

  “Because we don’t know anything yet, Mellie,” Nick replied in a quiet, calm voice.

  Sanna forced down the food in her mouth and set her fork down. The color drained from her face and for a minute I thought she might pass out. Dylan snatched the glass of water from in front of her plate and pressed it to her lips. Leaning in close to her ear, I couldn’t hear what he was saying, but she nodded and took a sip.

  “Try to calm down,” Joshua instructed. “No one is trying to keep things from you. If Ian has information, he’ll share it with all of us. You need to trust him. He knows what he’s doing.”

  Trust. Such a simple word that to me meant taking a massive fucking risk.

  With my appetite gone, I pushed my plate aside just as Ian’s cell phone rang.

  “Would you put the call on speaker phone if it’s about this mess?” I asked. “Please?”

  Glancing at the screen, Ian nodded. “It’s James.” Enabling the device so we all could hear, he set the phone down in the middle of the table. “Everyone can hear you, James. What information do you have?”

  A humorless chuckle emitted from the phone. “Well, two weeks suspension and a meeting with Internal Affairs when it’s done.”

  “What? Why?” Sanna gasped.

  “Captain caught me sniffing around where I shouldn’t have been.”

  “And where was that?” Ian asked with an amused grin. “Gordon’s parole records and eavesdropping when I was talking to the guys I sent over to check out his last known address.”

  “Let me guess,” Dylan piped up. “Your captain didn’t instruct you to put your own personal APB out on Tideway, did he?”

  “It must have slipped my mind,” James replied with a cynical snort. “Anyway, I figured y’all could use some reinforcements to hold down the fort up there, so I’m on my way to join you. It’ll be a lot more fun than sitting around watching TV. I might be officially off the case, but unofficially? Well, let’s just say I’ve got a bunch of friends looking for these pricks. They’ll find ‘em; they just know to be more careful than I was.”

  “Well, shit,” Ian groused. “Look, if your meeting with Internal Affairs goes south, I’ll hire you, bro.”

  “Thanks, man. Since this is the third time the Captain’s busted me for pretty much the same shit, there’s a good possibility you’ll be getting my resume real fucking soon.”

  “James, I’m sorry I got you into trouble,” I moaned.

  “You didn’t, gorgeous, I did. Trust me. It wouldn’t break my heart if I got canned. I’d rather work for Ian. He doesn’t have a lot of rules to follow. I think I’d like that kind of freedom.”

  “When do you think you’ll be getting here?” Ian asked with a wide smile.

  “In about an hour or so. I need to grab some gear. Oh, but I did find out something,” James remembered. “Tideway missed his meeting with his parole officer last week. He’s also not supposed to leave the state, so Mellie’s neighbor’s video is enough to land his slimy ass back in a cell. My captain was kind enough to tell me he’d see what he could do about it, after busting my balls for twenty minutes.”

  “Hopefully that’ll be enough to lock him away for a while. Call me when you get here. We’ll escort you in,” Ian advised.

  “Aww, now you’re making me feel like fucking rock star. I could get used to that.”

  “Don’t let it go to your head, asshole. And watch your six.”

  “Ten-four,” James confirmed. “Hey, I know Dylan and Nick are cooking up there. Save me some dinner.”

  “Then you better get your scrawny ass up here before I eat it all,” Drake taunted.

  “Dammit,” James grumbled. “I forgot you were there, Drake. You’d better not eat it all, or I’ll kick your big ass.”

  “Better bring a fucking army then, son,” Drake taunted with a grin.

  James laughed. “I’m on my way.”

  After dinner, Sanna and I cleaned up the kitchen. Nick and Joshua kept watchful eyes on us and I realized how animals in the zoo felt. Joining the others gathered around the massive river rock fireplace in the great room, Sanna eased to the carpet between Dylan and Nick’s feet. With a courageous breath, I followed her lead and knelt by Joshua’s feet. I didn’t want to analyze my outward show of submission; it just felt right.

  Glancing down at me, his eyes widened in surprise before his nostrils flared and he sucked in a deep breath. Pride was written all over his face.

  “Easy, tiger,” Ian chuckled, sitting in a big leather chair across from us. “I’ve got some rope if you want to tie her to the coffee table.”

  “Don’t tempt me,” Joshua warned with a wicked grin.

  “I’m not trying to bust your balls… well, not too much, but you’re the one that’s tied up in knots, man,” Ian laughed. Dropping his gaze to me, he cocked his head. “Explain something to me, Mellie. Are you one of those subs that only want to submit in the bedroom or something? I don’t get that; I never have. Help me understand that. What am I missing?”

  I exhaled a heavy sigh. “I wish I understood it, but I don’t; at least not fully. No, I don’t want to keep it exclusively confined to the bedroom, but I can’t get the divided parts of my brain to come together. One side is strong, the other is weak.”

  “Excuse me?” Savannah squawked with a look of surprise.

  “I don’t mean you, sis,” I exhaled with a suffering sigh. “I’m talking about me.”

  Ian blinked as Drake shook his head and let out a snort.

  “What?” I challenged sarcastically.

  “Mellie, Mellie, Mellie. If you think submission is weak, you’ve never really submitted. I think you’re equating compliance with weakness,” Ian stated in disbelief.

  “Well… in a way, it is. I mean, all you really have to do is try to make your Master happy. It’s not hard.”

  “Oh, sis. Do you honestly think I’m some kind of damn doormat?” Sanna huffed.

  “No,” I cried.

  “It takes a hell of a lot of strength to hand over every part of your body, mind, and soul. If you think that’s easy, you’ve never fully submitted before.”

  I frowned. Was she right? I hated the fact that she had me questioning my own beliefs, but what I hated more was the look of pity in her eyes.

  “Dude,” Ian exclaimed as he stared slack-jawed at Joshua. “Are you hearing this?
Did you know she felt that way?”

  “Not outright,” Joshua smirked. “But I suspected as much.”

  Bristling, I clenched my jaw. Ian was mocking me. What an asshole.

  “Tell us about the other side,” Drake urged.

  With a disgruntled frown, I pondered whether to answer any more questions. I didn’t want to hand Ian any more ammo to scorn me with. As if sensing my reluctance, he cursed under his breath.

  “I’m sorry, Mellie. I’m a natural born smart-ass. I honestly wasn’t trying to hurt your feelings or make fun of you. I was just giving Joshua some shit, and my lack of sensitivity toward you backfired in my face. I’m sorry, girl. I really am.” By his remorseful expression, he meant it. “Please, carry on.”

  Pursing my lips, I nodded. “There’s another part of me that’s strong and independent. I’ve achieved a lot of success with my business and keep my life on track when I’m in charge. I do what I want, when I want without having to answer to anyone.”

  “But you have submissive longings, right?” Drake asked.

  “Yes. But I can’t combine the two sides of me. I won’t sit here weak and defenseless with Walker or Tideway out there ready to strike. That just makes me a victim.”

  “So why are you sitting at Master Stephen’s feet?” he pressed, emphasizing Joshua’s alter ego.

  “I… It… it feels right. At least for now; just not all the time.” I shook my head, confused by the Dom’s questions and my own frustration at trying to sort out my jumbled emotions.

  “But, Mel,” Sanna interjected. “The sub has all the power. Even when you submit, you’re still in control.”

  Nick chuckled. “Don’t let all that power go to your head, precious.”

  Sanna grinned. “Never, Master.”

  “There,” Ian exclaimed as he pointed to Nick and Sanna. “That’s a perfect example, right there.”

  “What?” I asked confused.

  “Ian,” Joshua interrupted. “Can I have a word with you in the kitchen?”