Saving My Submission BN

by Jenna Jacob

  “Sure.” The other Dom shrugged.

  Watching the two men saunter off, anxiety spiked, but in a totally different way. Joshua was brewing something, and it wasn’t another pot of coffee.

  “Why such a pensive expression, girl?” Drake asked with a tiny smile.

  “Oh, gee. I can’t imagine,” I scoffed, drawing a frown from the big Dom.

  “I know you’ve been in the lifestyle before, and obviously Kerr was as inept then as he is now. But surely you remember disrespecting a Dom can get you into serious trouble.”

  Drake’s disapproval saturated me like cold winter rain. My snarky comeback wasn’t earning me any submissive brownie points. They simply made me look like an unmanaged brat.

  “I’m sorry, Sir.” The apology rolled off my tongue without an inkling of thought.

  A knowing smile curled on Drake’s lips as he nodded in forgiveness.

  “Whatever they’re cooking up isn’t important,” Nick noted with concern. “The lesson attached to it is.”

  “It might be the push you need, sis.” Sanna grinned.

  “What’s wrong about going at my own pace?”

  Drake chuckled. “Because setting your own speed means you’re only submitting to yourself, sweetheart. If you’d been trained properly, you’d know that.”

  I wanted to argue with him, but I couldn’t. It made sense. I didn’t solve my dilemma, though. Meshing the two opposing sides seemed a daunting task in my mind. I knew there was a submissive side of me; I simply didn’t know if I could give her free reign and not lose part of me in the process. Before I could dissect my feelings further, Ian and Joshua strolled back in the room. Their serious Dom expressions worried me.

  Oh shit, this isn’t going to be good.

  Joshua didn’t smile as he stopped and bent, cupping my chin in his warm palm. Focusing on his tender touch, I tried to calm the dread crawling under my skin.

  “We’re going to try a little experiment… a test, if you will,” Joshua began to explain. His expression softened slightly, but expectation pinged off him like a live wire, charged and hissing. “Ian and I are going to prove to you that your inner sub will respond to the Dom and not the man.”

  “Are you up for a challenge, Mellie?” Ian didn’t bother disguising his dare. If he were blindly pushing buttons, he’d hit a winner on the first try, thus tossing down the gauntlet. I couldn’t just let it lie there. Squaring my shoulders, I stuck out my chin.

  “I never turn down a challenge,” I replied with a tight, combative sneer.

  “Mellie,” Joshua warned. He had to have felt the tension spike within me. “Put your hackles down, girl. This is an exercise to help enlighten you. No one is backing you into a corner. Understood?”

  He and Ian wanted to open the doorways of my submission, but why? Joshua had already seen it… numerous times. Darting a quick gaze around the room, I was met with a myriad of expressions. Drake looked intrigued, Nick curious, Sanna concerned, Dylan suspicious, Ian expectant, and Joshua hopeful.

  “Yes,” I responded hesitantly.

  Lifting his hand from my chin, he stood. “Good. Now stand and strip.”

  “Excuse me?” I choked.

  Sanna’s gasp of surprise barely registered in my brain, I was so stunned. “Master Stephen… I don’t think—”

  “Kitten, you will remain quiet or we’ll take you upstairs,” Nick warned with a scowl.

  Sanna pinched her lips together in a tight, angry line. Anger flashed in her dark eyes before she cast them toward the floor. The room was totally silent. Anticipation, razor sharp, sang in the air.

  “I won’t repeat myself. Do it,” Joshua demanded in an unusually harsh tone. And dammit…why did it turn me on so much?

  He wanted me to strip. Okay. No big deal; or at least I wanted to convince myself it wasn’t. Lots of men had seen me naked—so had my sister; that didn’t bother me. Hanging out in my birthday suit in front of her Masters? That wasn’t what skeeved me out either. They’d seen my bare ass cheeks at Genesis. Pondering the real reason I balked at Joshua’s request, I realized it was the unknown. The lack of control over what he intended to was what kept me resting on my heels and refusing to follow his command.

  Coward. Sanna went to bat for you and got duly chastised for it, too. You owe her the satisfaction of not backing down.

  “Fine,” I countered with a huff. Scrambling off the floor, I stripped; quickly, hoping no one would notice my trembling fingers. But as Joshua danced his gaze over my nude and trembling body, I knew I’d outed myself.

  Smiling, he brushed his hands over my shoulders and down my arms. “The other part of this exercise involves the realization that you can be both strong and submissive. It takes strength and courage to be vulnerable. Let’s see how strong you really are, little one. Do as Ian tells you. Make me proud.”

  My heart felt as if might explode from my chest. He was passing me off to another Dom… the Dom he shared women with, no less. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t let Ian touch or fondle me; not with Joshua right there watching, as well as the other Doms and my sister. Panic paraded through me and my cheeks blazed in embarrassment. I had to put a stop to this awkward and embarrassing little test.

  “Her safe word’s ‘fantasy,’” Joshua casually offered up, as if divulging my favorite color, or flavor of ice cream.

  “I was just about to ask. Thanks, bro.” Ian took a step closer, our eyes locked in a war of wills. A slow smile tugged the corners of his mouth. “You may no longer speak until given permission, unless it’s your safe word. If you are willing to proceed, nod your head, please.”

  With a sour expression, I jerked my head and bit my tongue to keep from lashing out at him.

  “Hrm, this might be harder than I thought,” Ian smirked. “Stand in front of the fireplace facing us, girl. I want you to cast your eyes toward the floor and kneel like a proper submissive.”

  Shooting daggers Joshua’s way, I stomped my way to the designated spot, but I didn’t kneel or lower my gaze. Defiantly looking past Ian, I stared at my sister. Peeking up at me, I saw pride and unwavering support glimmering in Sanna’s dark eyes.

  Smiling internally, I gave her a slight nod before snapping my head toward Joshua, now squatted down next to Drake’s chair, talking quietly with the big man. How long was he going to allow this stupid charade to continue?

  As long as it takes. You’re the one that opened your big mouth and accepted Ian’s challenge. Big mistake. Huge.

  “Look at me,” Ian instructed. When I did, he flashed me a tight, controlled smile. “Are you refusing my instructions, girl? Or just trying my patience?”

  Good god, where had Ian been hiding that powerful, badass Dom-tude of his?

  “What exactly is that that you two are aiming for here?” Dylan asked, rising to his feet and pinning Joshua with a disapproving glare. “I meant both physical and mental pain when I told you not to hurt her.”

  Joshua stood as if squaring off for a knockdown, drag-out.

  “I’m not aiming to do either, Dylan. If you’ll sit back down and watch, I think you’ll understand.” His tone was brittle and sharp. It was the same tone Joshua had used when Davis Walker interrupted our session at Genesis. A cold shiver raced down my spine.

  The Dominant stare-off lasted several uncomfortable seconds before Dylan gave a curt nod and sat back down.

  “Continue, Ian,” Joshua instructed in an icy command.

  Ian snapped his fingers and I zipped my focus back on him. “Follow all my instructions, or safe word out. I won’t remind you again.”

  Ian wanted to test my will… poke at my self-restraint? Oh buddy… bring it. I wasn’t about to go down without a fight.

  With a loud huff of annoyance, I eased to my knees onto the thick pile carpet. Darting a contemptuous look Joshua’s way, I could see a fire of pride and desire dance in his eyes. Blood pooled and throbbed behind my clit. Just looking at the man’s feral hunger and approval turned me on like a damn
light switch. My pussy started to weep. There was something fundamentally wrong with me. Trying to ignore the sexual need flickering inside me, I cast my eyes toward the floor.

  “You look gorgeous in that pose, Mellie,” Ian praised quietly before his tenor took on that cutting Dominant edge. “I want you stand up again for me. Close your eyes and count to ten. Center yourself for me, girl. Let that sweet submission inside you flow through your veins. Then I want you to kneel again for me.”

  Slowly rising to my feet, I did as he instructed. Inhaling a deep breath, I mentally started counting to ten. A soothing sense of peace began to settle through me.

  “Yes,” Ian whispered. “So beautiful. Handing over your hypnotizing power is a glorious sight to see. Fall at my feet and kneel before me, girl. Release your inhibitions. I want to see every inch of it… feel it in the air… breathe your control into my lungs as you grant me the honor of your submission.”

  Gliding back to the floor upon my knees, that familiar feeling of liberated bliss warmed my chest and spread through my limbs. I didn’t try to push it away or deny its existence. Instead, I welcomed the invisible hands wrapping around me… molding and protecting my vulnerabilities… my surrender.

  “This is your strength, Mellie. Your power. Your control. I see it. He sees it. Your Master is watching you, girl. This priceless gift you give him is what feeds his soul and makes him whole. Nourish him, little one. Give him life and strength.”

  Ian’s words were barely above a whisper, but the weight of each phrase pressed all around me in a pall of contentment. I sensed movement from in front of me. The tops of Joshua’s shoes appeared in my periphery, and it took every ounce of self-restraint not to raise my head.

  “I can smell your hot cunt from here, girl,” Ian murmured.

  Mortified, I gasped softly, wanting nothing more than to melt into the carpet and disappear.

  “Your body responds to its natural calling. It’s your head that’s blocking your path, sweet girl. Spread your thighs, little one. Spread them nice and wide. Show your Master your courage… your strength,” Ian directed.

  Terrified, Ian would want to touch me… feel how wet I’d become, I swallowed tightly and tried to force myself to comply. A swell of panic overtook me. Snapping my head up, a pained expression tugged at my brows.

  “I’m not having sex with him,” I boldly declared, looking Joshua in the eye.

  He simply smiled as Ian squatted in close next to me. When he reached out and gently brushed my hair over my shoulder, I tensed and fought the urge to pull back.

  “I have no desire to claim your pussy or ass, Mellie,” Ian began in a reassuring timbre. “This lesson isn’t about sex; it’s about power and control, submission and freedom. It’s about giving everything inside you over to your Master. All your fears, your pain, your insecurities, along with all your strengths and weaknesses. It’s about trusting someone with the very essence of your being; that they’ll not only keep them safe, but make you whole in the process. Master Stephen is going to keep your safe. And if you let him, he’ll also make you whole.”

  “Submission isn’t weakness, little one. It takes a hell of a lot more courage and strength to hand over your power than it does to keep it locked in your fist with a death grip,” Joshua expounded, picking up where Ian left off, like a tag-team match. “Freedom is found within, little one. You know it and I know it. When you give me the power to make all the decisions for you, to bind you with my mind…my body, what happens inside you?”

  “I come alive,” I whispered.

  “You do a hell of a lot more than that, baby. Your soar… you fly away in such a pure and peaceful way, it makes me want to beat my chest and howl to the moon. Do you have any idea how goddamn empowering that is to me?” I shook my head. “It’s priceless...Because you let me take you there. Tell me, who holds the power, little one? Who owns the control for all that?”

  Something strange and unexpected swelled inside me, and the pieces aligned with clarity. I’d professed for days that I wouldn’t let Davis steal my power, when I’d done nothing more than allow him to make me feel like a victim. Joshua’s words made me realize that I’d had the control to wipe the vile sludge from my being. I had the power with Walker, but I also had the power to give the amazing man in front of me the control to fulfill my fantasies.

  “I do,” I whispered, still pondering his words.

  “Damn right you do. And that power comes from both, Mouthy-Mellie and submissive Mellie. There is no division… they’re one and the same. One beautiful collection of sass and sweet, not fragmented pieces of strong and weak. There’s not a weak bone in your body, girl. You’re mighty and powerful, and god, the heady rush I get when you give all that to me. It’s indescribable.” Joshua’s tone was filled with wonderment. “When you beg to please me, you’re finding the strength to cast aside our fears and uncertainty and open up your entire soul to me, little one. And when something blocks your path, you grab hold of it with the same courageous strength and kick your way clear to charge right on through. Strength comes in many forms, sweetheart, and you, my beautiful sub, are powerful beyond compare.”

  “Spread your thighs, girl,” Ian whispered. “Show your Master your strength and let him guide you. Give him what’s inside your heart, your body, and your soul.”

  Shards of fire and ice swirled inside me, intertwining and sifting together in a hazy smoke of power. Floating through my limbs, meshing and melding, growing and surging with such force, I thought it might burst from me at the seams.

  Tears prickled the backs of my eyes and I spread my legs. Joshua brushed his knuckles along the insides of my thighs, leaving a tingling path behind.

  “You’re so fucking gorgeous, little one,” Joshua growled. “Spread them wider. You’re stronger than this. Show me how strong you really are. Give me all your sweet control. I want it… need it. Need to taste it on your flesh, feel it breathe and glow beneath my hands, wrap it around my heart and give it back to you tenfold. Let me have it, little one. Let me make you whole. I need your love, baby… just as much as you need mine.”

  Joshua needed to satisfy his desires, but his words conveyed more than a level of Dominance. He wanted to open up and let someone inside him again… me. For the first time in my adult life, I needed to be loved—and give love—as deeply in return. Spreading my legs to the point of pain, I wanted to give Joshua my power, my control, and my love. Because I knew unequivocally he’d never use me and toss me away… he’d never hurt me.

  For years I’d kept my heart isolated, crippled with the fear of abandonment. My parents had left me, Davis had left me… and somehow I’d convinced myself that by keeping bold, fearless Mellie apart from the caring, needy, acquiescent parts within I’d never have to run the risk of losing all of me, in one fell swoop.

  Tears of salvation and joy spilled down my cheeks, dripping onto my breasts. Raising my head I stared into Joshua’s loving eyes. I no longer needed to wear a mask or surround myself in armor. This gorgeous, compassionate, caring man was worth the risk of losing it, losing all of me.

  Leaning in, Joshua dropped his head to my breasts. Sipping the droplets between his lips, he steered clear of my nipples. His restraint was clear… the lesson he sought to teach me was clear. This wasn’t a sexual awakening—it was an emotional and spiritual rebirth. He’d reached inside my soul and saved my submission… just like he’d promised.

  Sobbing, I raised my hands up to him. “I need you, too, Master.”

  “Oh, baby,” Joshua whispered as he wrapped his arms around me and hugged me to his chest.

  “Fucking gorgeous. Well done, girl,” Ian whispered as he bent in and pressed a kiss at my temple.

  The sound of Joshua’s heartbeat echoed in my ear and in the distance I could hear Sanna softly crying. Sliding my arms around his neck, I clung to him with all my might. As he stood he slid a strong arm beneath my knees. Lifting me, he cradled me and carried me toward the stairs. The sound of Ian’s
cell phone made me flinch, but Joshua didn’t stop, didn’t pause; he didn’t even look back. Instead, he ascended the stairs and carried me to our room. Kicking the door closed behind him, he laid me down in the center of our bed.

  Wiping away my tears, I watched as he tore off his clothes and climbed into bed. Embracing me in his sweet blissful heat, Joshua peppered my face with gentle kisses.

  “I’m so proud of you, little one. Words can’t describe how in awe I am of you right now. Watching you struggle so mightily and transform as the puzzle pieces finally came together… it was the most gorgeous and amazing thing I’ve ever witnessed.” Joshua beamed in a combination of satisfaction, happiness, and pride.

  “It’s funny how self-preservation forces you to compartmentalize and cordon yourself off from pain.”

  Joshua nodded. “Yes, I know exactly what you mean. I’d done the same, until I met you. I meant what I said when I told you that you blindsided me.”

  “You’ve done the very same to me,” I softly chuckled. “You brought the mighty Mellie Carson down, but more than that… you found a way for me to reinvent her.”

  “I’ve not yet started to do all the things I want with you, little one.” He dipped his head and claimed my lips in a soulful kiss. Slowly pulling back from me, he frowned.

  “What’s wrong?” I asked nervously.

  “When you decide to move to Chicago, I want you to move in with me, Mellie.”

  “Whoa.” I laughed nervously. “But you said we’d start off with me having my own place…see how it went. Remember?”

  “I’ve changed my mind.” His smile spread so wide I thought his lips would split.

  “I think you’re pressing your luck a bit, Mister, don’t you?” I teased with an impish grin.

  He laughed and shook his head. The smile slowly faded from his lips as he gazed into my eyes. “No. Pressing my luck would be telling you that I’m ready to start a family again, and I want it with you.”

  “Oh, god,” I whispered.

  Tears filled my eyes once more as I realized the importance of his words. He’d healed. Somewhere along the way, Joshua had not only put his wife to rest, but little Camille as well. Overwhelmed by his revelation, I could only sob and nod as I wrapped my arm around his neck and he lowered his face against my neck.