Fractured Paths (Fractured Love Series Book 1)

by Heather Anne

  "Me too, Kate, me too." She pulls back. Mike approaches and shakes my hand.

  "Good to see you, son." I tense at his term of endearment. These people became my parents when I lost mine and I just abandoned them at the worst of times.

  "I am so sorry," I blurt out.

  "For what?" he asks and there is no stopping the word vomit that comes out.

  "For not helping her, for leaving her that night, for not getting there in time, for resenting her in her death. For not staying in touch with you guys. You were family and when Lainey died, I left anything and everyone that reminded me of her behind." I have tears in my eyes and Kate guides me to the couch and takes my hand.

  "Not your fault, dear," she says and I notice how much she has aged in the past five years. Guilt starts to eat at me but then with three words, everything changes.

  "Lainey was sick."

  Chapter Forty-One

  Finally!

  After ninety-seven days, I’m free. Not only free from the concrete walls of the rehab, I feel free from myself in a sense. I don't feel as if the weight of the world is pushing me down anymore. My first breath of freedom and for once, I am not suffocating.

  The cool fall air stings my lungs as I breathe deep and it feels invigorating. My thoughts don't go to the past for once. I've dealt a lot with what happened to Lainey, and I don't shoulder as much blame as I did three months ago. I think the guilt will always be there but it's not crippling anymore.

  I mean, everyone has things they wished they could have done differently in their lives, but the past is in the past. I can't go back and change it, I can only learn from that experience and move forward to my future. A future I want to start immediately, but there are a few things I need to do first.

  I need to free myself of one last thing before I can fully give myself the future I never thought worthy of. The beautiful girl who holds my heart and doesn't know it. As much as I want to run home and see Skylar and tell her everything I feel about her, about us, I need to follow through with this one last piece of therapy.

  I hear heavy footsteps approach along with a voice I never thought I would hear.

  "Hey," the deep voice says and my breath hitches. I look up and I'm face to face with my green eyed baby brother.

  "I didn't expect to see you here." I let the honesty fall from my mouth. No more hiding. No more running.

  Hudson shrugs. "I told Landon that I wanted to be the one to come and get you," he admits quietly and turns to walk towards his car.

  I follow behind him, my nerves bubbling to the surface

  "Why? You made it pretty clear how much you hate me," I say as I open the back door to toss my bag in.

  "I don't hate you, Gray. I never hated you." I look up over the hood of the car and am taken back by the vulnerability I see in my brother’s eyes.

  "Do you know hard it was to watch you destroy yourself? Every time I would get a call late at night from Landon or Camden, my first thought would be that they were calling to tell me you were dead."

  I cringe. "I am really sorry, Hudson. I know I have said it before and I can tell you things are different until I am blue in the face. I have changed and I promise you I will do whatever we need to do to make us brothers again."

  "We will always be brothers.” Hudson rolls his eyes. "Look, you aren't the only one to blame," he says. “After talking to Skylar," I cut him off at the sound of her name.

  "Wait. What? You talked to Skylar? How is she? Did she ask about me? Does she know I’m coming home?"

  "Woah, hold up big brother. Yes, I talked to her. We’re friends now. She's a good girl, man, better than you will ever deserve," he jokes and I agree.

  "Don't I know it."

  "Anyway, yeah, we talked and we are good. She seems to be doing well. Really busy with the center. She loves you, man. I hope you don't let this one go," he says and I smile.

  "Just two stops and then I can go get my girl." I smile.

  I know this doesn't fix everything with Hudson. I know that we have some healing to do and it will be a long time before he trusts me, but we have to start somewhere, and I feel like this is a good place for that to happen.

  "You sure about this?" he asks and I nod.

  'Yeah. It's the last part of my therapy. I need to get closure," I say and he starts the engine.

  "Did you know Lainey was sick?" I ask him and Hudson tenses.

  "What do you mean, sick?"

  “Well, apparently she suffered from mental illness, severe depression, her entire life," I inform him.

  "And you didn't know?"

  "Not a clue. She hid it from me the entire time. I mean, looking back now, I can see where sometimes she was off and the pit of sorrow she would fall into whenever she lost a baby." I think about all those times we tried and failed and how much deeper and deeper into herself she would go.

  "She had been on medication and when we found about Jack, she stopped. Her parents told me that they spoke with her psychiatrist who assured them that there was nothing we could have done."

  "Woah. Sorry, Gray. That's tough."

  I take a breath. “It is, but it isn't. It makes things a little easier and takes a big weight off of me. All these years I thought I was to blame. Maybe if I didn't leave that night she would still be here, but then I wonder would we have even remained married?"

  "Shit, Grayson. What is that supposed to mean?"

  “Hindsight is 20/20 and with a clear head, looking back on my life with Lainey, life was far from perfect. It was like once we tried to have children, with each failure, we drew farther apart. It was almost like we were roommates. When we found out she was pregnant with Jack, she thought that he could fix us and now I don't think he could have."

  "Shit, Grayson. That's a lot. Are you sure you are strong enough to handle this?" His concern is evident in his voice.

  "Yeah man. I’m good. I have a lot of acceptance now that I haven't had before. I just need closure so that I can fully put that part of my life behind me and concentrate on my future."

  "With Skylar?"

  "Fuck, it better be with Skylar," my voice is laced with fear.

  "What kind of future, Grayson?" he asks.

  "The forever kind as long as it's with her.”

  "Good for you man, I don't think you have anything to worry about." He has a weird look on his face but I don't acknowledge it.

  I look out the window as we pass the aged iron gates of the cemetery. Hudson drives down a windy hill until we hit the plots close to a brook we hear babbling in the distance when he cuts the engine.

  "I need to do this alone."

  He nods. "Holler if you need anything."

  I nod as I walk toward the last plot, the one closest to the water. Kind of ironic considering the way she died, but when her parents picked it and I didn't question it.

  I sit in the grass and admire the stone. I turn my hand over to top and trace my finger over the lettering. Lainey and Jack Davis September 9, 2011. Mother and Son together for eternity. Her parents and I decided together that her birthdate didn't need to be on it. That if Jack didn't have one, we knew Lainey wouldn't want one either.

  "God dammit, Lainey, I cannot believe you kept that shit from me," I groan and I am not angry, just resolved.

  “I spent so long thinking everything was my fault and I want to hate you for that, but I can't. I have to actually thank you. If you didn't do what you did, I wouldn't be where I am and, for the first time in a long time, I am happy. None of the surface bullshit kind but deep down, true happiness. I never thought it would be possible. I never thought that I would have a life worth living again and then I met Skylar. She is an angel on Earth and I would like to think that you sent her here for me. She is amazing and so kind. She is someone I could see you being friends with." I take a breath.

  "What you did was so fucking selfish, Lainey. I get it, though. I know you were sick, I just hope that wherever you are, you have found peace. I love you, Lainey Bug, and I a
lways will. Take care of Jack and give him a kiss for me." I kiss my fingers and place them over Jack's name. "Until we meet again." I stand and walk back to the truck.

  As I walk to the truck, I feel a warm burst of wind at the back of my neck and an overwhelming sense of peace washes over me. I know that wherever Lainey is, she’s ok and I will be, too.

  After the cemetery, I go to a meeting like my counselor suggested. She said it would get me in the habit of going and that if I put it off, I may not go and then the chances of relapse become higher. I will never put myself or the people I love through that ever again.

  The meeting was great. I actually raised my hand and spoke to a few people afterward. Hudson picks me up and takes me to get my truck.

  "I would wish you luck, but I don't think you need it." He smiles and drives away.

  I stand at the door, waiting rather impatiently for her to open. I got the call from Carson telling me she got the package and the flowers. I parked my truck down the street so she wouldn't see me and, as soon as I got word, I sprinted right to her door. I couldn't wait to see her beautiful face. It’s been too fucking long since I saw, smelled, and tasted her. Fuck. The thought of her lips on mine combined with her sugary scent has me hard as steel.

  I need to rein it. Hopefully there will be time for that, but we have to talk first. I went through so much in treatment and there are things she needs to know if we are going to move forward. What if she doesn't want me? What if she didn't believe anything I wrote in the letter? What if she found some other asshole that makes her happy? Fuck that. I’m her asshole and I plan to keep it that way.

  Chapter Forty-Two

  Life has changed for me dramatically since Grayson left two months ago. When Tim died, it was different. There was finality to it and the unanswered questions caused a pain that I thought was the worst thing ever. That was, until Grayson.

  The pain he caused while he was in the grips of addiction was suffocating. The void in my chest that appeared when he left to get treatment is something that will remain empty until his return. His goodbye was open ended which is what I think has made this so much harder to handle.

  Loving him is devastating, soul crushing, and life consuming at times. Some days I feel resentful that he stormed into my life, got a hold of my heart and never let go. There are other times where the loneliness puts me in such a state of despair I don't know if I will survive.

  I’ve done a lot to take care of myself during our time apart. I started seeing a therapist and she is a god send. She doesn't try to analyze me, she just listens. She offers advice when needed and a shoulder to cry on when my emotions get to be too much, which happens a lot lately.

  I realized how alone I have felt, even surrounded by people I care about, since Tim died and my family disowned me. I have a sense of acceptance that I’m not to fault and have relinquished most of the blame. The victims' families are finally leaving me alone; I haven't been bothered in a while. My attorney seems to think with the threat of a defamation suit and them having to forfeit the money they have received from the foundation if they are to contact me or berate me, I will be left alone for good.

  I miss Grayson something fierce. The last few days we had together, as hard as they were, are some of the best memories I have because I finally had a glimpse of the real him.

  He was worried that I wouldn't like the person he was without the drugs and that’s a ludicrous notion. I have a feeling I will fall in love with him even more when he gets home. That is if he lets me.

  I know he thinks he lost his way and I hope that whatever road he is on leads him back here. To me. Where I know in my heart of hearts, he belongs. I love him. Every bruised part of his soul, every scar on his heart. He’s embedded himself into me so deep I can feel him even when he's not here. I can smell him on my skin. I can taste him on my lips. He’s the first thing I think of when I wake up and the last thing I think of before I go to bed, praying that one day I won't be waking up alone.

  My days drag on, especially since I gave up my job at Beans. The center has been taking up all of my time and I couldn't be happier with that part of my life.

  Building a non-profit from the ground up has not been easy. Coming up with program ideas, hiring contractors to remodel and add to the building, hiring social workers and program directors, has not been easy.

  The Davis siblings have been so helpful. All of them have had a hand at doing something and have offered services that I didn't even think of. The biggest surprise in all of this has been Hudson.

  We haven't had much of a conversation since the blow out, but he’s put some elbow grease into this place and I can see that he is coming around. He needs to come to me though. He’s not the type of person you push. I can tell that he needs to process things in his own way and that’s fine by me. As long as he can let go of the anger he has towards his brother, I’m ok with that.

  Lauren and I took a trip to DC to see Emerson and Sam, which turned out to be one of the best weekends I have had in a long time. We know something is up with Sam and I was grateful when she accepted a job I offered her at the center and will be moving here in a few months. The way she said, "I just need to get out of here," makes me think it’s serious, but I don't press.

  They made the weekend about me. Letting me cry and vent. I tell these three girls everything from the minute he walked into Beans to the second he left for rehab. They don't judge me. Just embrace me. They tell me everything will work out and for some reason, I believe them.

  It was nice to be back but Arlington doesn't feel like home anymore. It's just a place where I leave my past to rest. I have let go of any regret, and as we drive back to Connecticut, I vow to live in the moment, savor everything thing that happens, because experience has taught me tomorrow is never guaranteed.

  I walk into Beans before going to the center. The air is somber as I see Jeffers, Amy, and Lauren talking at a table. Their faces look grim and my heart stops. I can’t take another tragedy. I walk over hesitantly.

  "What's going on, guys?"

  "Allyson is telling her parents," Amy says.

  "It's not going to go over well," Lauren says at the same time Jeffers groans, "Her father is such a douche."

  "Whatever happens though, we got her right?" I encourage.

  Nods are given all around. The door of the shop flies open and Allyson comes running in, tears flowing down her face. Jeffers stands up and opens his arms.

  "He kicked me out and cut me off," she sobs. "What am I going to do?" She chokes on a sob and Amy goes over and hugs her around her back.

  "You can come home with me. We will figure it out," she says.

  "No. She's coming with me," Jeffers orders. I watch as Allyson looks up at him.

  "Look, I got an extra room at my place and to be frank, I don't trust your father as far as I can throw him. We all know moving into the place you were going to share with Luke is too much for you, and you shouldn't be alone." His voice softens and I can't help but wonder if Jeffers feels more for her than just being like a little sister. She nods and hugs him.

  "Thank you."

  I walk over and pull her in for a hug. "Will you let me help you? Let me take you to get some clothes, give you a little money to hold you over?" I ask.

  "Skylar, I can’t. I have no way of paying you back," she cries.

  "Yes you do." I smile and she looks at me with question.

  "The center is opening a daycare. Once it opens and you have the baby, you come work there. You will get to have your baby with you at work and get paid for it and I get the satisfaction of knowing you are both ok. Does that work?" She sobs and throws her arms around me.

  "Thank you. Just, thank you."

  "Just promise me to steer clear of your father and if you need anything, don't hesitate to ask for help."

  "I can do that.”

  "Let's get you settled, you could use some rest," Jeffers says, putting his arm around her, guiding her out of the shop with Amy at their h
eels.

  "Shit, that was intense," Lauren says and she hands me a half cafe latte and a salted caramel muffin.

  "And I thought I had it rough." I laugh.

  "How are you holding up?" she asks.

  "Alright, I guess. The closer it gets to that 90th day, the more anxious I get," I admit. She gives me a hug.

  "Just take it easy and remember to breathe. He will be home when he is ready, and if he decides he doesn't want you anymore, I will string him up on the town flag pole by his balls."

  I laugh. "Thanks Laur. You are the best."

  I get to the counseling center and head into my office. Things are changing every day. It’s an exciting and scary time for me. All my dreams are coming true and the past is behind me where it belongs, I just wish I wasn't so unsure of my future. I am broken from my thoughts when someone knocks on my door

  "Can I come in?" I look up to see Hudson with a sheepish grin on his face.

  "Come on in. Have a seat." I gesture to the chair in front of my messy desk.

  He places a bag on my desk. "Peace offering." He chuckles and his blue eyes sparkle. I open the bag and laugh when I see four more salted caramel muffins.

  "Thanks, I’ll add this to my collection." I hold up my bag containing one muffin and he shakes his head. Once the humor is gone, silence fills the small room.

  I take a breath. "To what do I owe the pleasure, Hudson?" I try to keep it light even though there is a heaviness surrounding us.

  "I owe you an apology," he starts. I try to protest. "Just hear me out, Skylar, please?"

  "Go on," I say.

  "I should have never gone off on you like that. My anger was misplaced and everything I said could not have been further from the truth." I quirk an eyebrow.

  "You never enabled my brother. You aren't weak. If anything, you are the strongest out of all of us."

  My eyes start to well up. "Hudson...”

  "The truth is, you are the best thing that ever happened to my brother. He changed when he met you. He actually started to try and it was good to see him give a shit about someone other than himself for once. When he relapsed, it crushed me and all hopes I had of getting my brother back were gone." His eyes are watery. "I just wanted my brother, you know. Not the heartless bastard he had become."