Fractured Paths (Fractured Love Series Book 1)

by Heather Anne

  "Have you gone to see him yet?" I ask and he shakes his head.

  "Why not?"

  "I’m still so angry at him but I’m also angry at myself for ostracizing him and not being supportive. I attended a support meeting and I know now that Grayson isn't a bad person trying to get good. He really is a great guy, well he was until he lost Lainey. Right now I need to look at him as a sick person trying to get better."

  "Wow. It sounds like you have done everything except for confront him."

  He shrugs. "Yeah."

  "Can I give you some advice?" I offer and he nods.

  "Make it right, Hudson. He already forgives you. Now it's your turn. I’m not saying everything is going to be sunshine and rainbows, but make the first move. I promise you it will be reciprocated."

  "Thanks. When was the last time you spoke to him?" he asks and I realize he hasn't been around so he wouldn’t know about the no contact rule.

  "Um, I haven't." My voice cracks and he looks confused. I take a breath.

  It was suggested we take this time apart. Let him get better. He told me that every moment we spent together he was either high or coming down from one other than a few weeks there when he tried to get clean on his own."

  "He is so lucky to have you. He loves you, you know."

  I close my eyes and shake my head. "I can't," I plead, telling him I don't want to hear it.

  “Does he know?” He looks me dead in the face and I shake my head.

  "Don’t worry, I won't say anything, it's not my place." He gets up and walks over to me, taking my hand.

  "For what it's worth, I have faith in Grayson. I have never seen him as happy and as alive as when he was with you. I see a bright future ahead for the two of you." I choke on a sob. "Everything will work out." He kisses my cheek and leaves the room.

  Leaving me hoping to God that he is right.

  As the ninetieth days comes and goes, my anxiety gets higher and higher. I’m too afraid to ask his brothers what’s going on. I feel like it isn't my place anymore.

  It has been ninety-seven days and nothing. I try to push back the loss I feel, but I fail. I miss his so damn much, my chest hurts. I feel like a part of me vanished and I’ll never get it back. I wipe at my eyes to drown the tears that seem to be endless these days.

  It is unseasonably hot in my house for September, I’m walking around in a bra and yoga pants. Hey, I am allowed, I’m home and I am depressed.

  I’m making myself some decaf when there’s a knock on the door. I grab the hoodie, yes Grayson's hoodie that he left here all those months ago, and zip it up. I open the door to see a small package, a bunch of daisies, and a letter attached.

  My breath hitches as I recognize the chicken scratch that is Grayson's handwriting. I take the flowers, box, and letter into the house, closing the door behind me. I open the box, laughing at the dozen or so strawberry lip-glosses that are resting inside. They are my brand and my eyes water as soon as I open the letter.

  Skylar,

  Not having contact with you for 97 days - 2,328 hours, 139,680 minutes, over 8 million seconds - has seemed like a fucking lifetime. But the crazy thing, I finally feel like I have a lifetime to look forward to and God I hope that includes you. I thought of you every fucking day. Your amazing smile that lights up a room, how I can see so close into your soul just from looking into your eyes, your contagious laugh and your beautiful heart. You, my amazing girl, made me better in more ways than one. I know I let my demons cloud what was and what could have been, but I hope to god they didn't damage the what will be’s when it comes to you and me. When we met at that counseling group, I was beyond broken. I was in a dark tunnel with no way out. The life I was living was no place for perfection like you but as you know, I'm selfish. I couldn't let you go and I don't think I ever can. I tried to turn it all off and I fought it so hard but I'm done fighting. I'm done fighting with my past and I'm done fighting with myself.

  I learned so much about myself and realized that sometimes, when you are in a moment, the picture doesn't always see the frame. Looking back on my life with Lainey, talking to her parents and finally getting the courage to go and see her, I’m finally able to let go of some of the blame. Of course, we all fuck up and I think I know that better than anyone. We act a way we shouldn't or say things we really don't mean and when that happens, we can either live in the guilt and the remorse or we can take ownership for our actions, ask for forgiveness, and move on. I am ready to move on, Skylar. I’ve finally gained some acceptance and made some peace with my past. I’m ready for whatever my future holds. I just hope that on this journey you are by my side walking the path of life with me. I wouldn’t be here if it wasn't in part for you. I know I'm not the most articulate guy when it comes to feelings. I don't even know if there are any words to even express how grateful I am to you for inadvertently getting me on the road to recovery and trying to express how I feel about you, well words cannot even begin to describe what you do to me.

  I needed to make sure that everything we have wasn't clouded by the pills, the pain, and the guilt. You told me once that you wished I could see myself the way you see me and finally I’m starting to, and for the first time in my life, I feel worthy.

  There are things I need to say to you face to face so if you are willing to take this next step with me, open your door, sweet girl. I missed you so damn much!

  -Grayson

  As my nerves start to engulf me, the steady beat of my heart becomes more rapid, I flex my hands and I feel the sweat start to bead on my forehead. I run my hand through my hair just as the door flies open and I hear a gasp.

  I look down and am met with wide eyes, the color of rain clouds. Her strawberry hair is bunched into a messy thing on top of her head, but what makes her even sexier, is that she's wearing my hoodie that practically swims on her. She's clutching the letter in her fisted hand over her heart like she's trying to keep it from bursting through her chest. Her other hand is covering her mouth and her shoulders start to shake as big fat tears fall from her face.

  "You're here," she chokes out, shaking her head like she can't believe that I’m really standing in front of her.

  "Yeah, sweet girl, I'm home." I close the distance between us, wrap my arms around her, and pull her to my chest.

  Her body tenses for a minute before she relaxes into me, and God damn, does it feel good. I bend my head down and nuzzle into her neck, breathing her in. My chest tightens and my eyes start to sting.

  "God, baby, I missed you so much," I say, breathless.

  "Me too, Gray," she mumbles into my chest.

  I don't know how long we stand there, in her open doorway, holding each other like our lives depend on it. Neither one of us wanting to let go. Knowing Sky, she's afraid if she lets go I will disappear on her again and me, well I'm afraid once we break apart and reality starts to sink in, she may not want me anymore.

  She pulls back and gives me a soft smile wiping the tears from her cheeks.

  "I'm glad you're here," she says, her voice timid.

  Something’s wrong. I can sense it, I can feel the unease trickling up my spine. I don't say anything as she reaches up and runs her fingers through my hair which is the longest she has ever seen it and a bit unruly. A haircut was the last thing on my mind when I got discharged.

  "I like the new ‘do," she smiles. "It suits you.”

  "You suit me," comes out before I can even think and I bend down to place a soft kiss on her lips and she freezes. Yep. Something is definitely off with her. She looks amazing, especially being in my hoodie, and she looks like she put on a little weight.

  "Baby, what's wrong?" I ask, looking into her eyes and when she turns away, my gut clenches. Whatever it is, I did this to her. Fuck. She shakes her head, grabs my hand, and pulls me into her house. I slam the door with my foot and take the lead, pulling her into her living room and to her soft brown couch.

  I go to reach for her hips to pull her onto my lap as I sit, but I think b
etter of it and breathe a sigh of relief when she sits next to me, curling her legs underneath herself. I stretch my arm out and she leans into me. She places her hand on my chest and looks into my eyes.

  "How are you, Grayson? Really?" The concern for me that is written all over her face makes my heart twist. Obviously there is something going on with her, but in usual Skylar fashion, she pushes it aside for me.

  "I'm fine." I smirk as she quirks a brow at me. I let out a laugh. "Ok, I'm better, not one hundred percent, but I'm getting there."

  She breaths out, resting her head on her my chest. "Will you tell me about it?"

  "About what? Detox, rehab, what I did when I got out?" I reply, not really knowing what she wants.

  "All of it," she says.

  "Detox was hard as fuck." I shudder at the memories of shaking, sweating, and the seemingly endless amount of bile I vomited up.

  "Were you sick? I mean worse than what I saw?" She asks, her eyes shimmering with unshed tears.

  "Brutally," I answer honestly.

  I go on to tell her about the therapy sessions, both group and individual, about the twelve step meeting and how I went to one right before I came here.

  “That's great, Gray." I can hear pride in her voice.

  "Yeah babe, I had some stuff to do before I came to you in order to heal some of my broken pieces so I could be whole again," I say quietly and suck in a breath.

  "I saw Lainey's parents when I was rehab and I went to visit her and Jack at the cemetery this morning for the first time since the funeral," I say.

  "Wow," she says and squeezes harder into my side.

  "The cemetery was tough, especially after learning from her parents she had suffered from depression since she was a kid. I couldn't believe I never knew. I mean, she had her down moments throughout the years and after she had the first miscarriage, it all went downhill. Her mom told me that she was ashamed that she couldn't give me what I wanted at that time, which was a child. And I guess the shame and guilt just ate at her and when we found out about Jack, she couldn't handle it anymore. I was so angry at Lainey. And if I'm being honest with myself, I still am and a part of me probably always will be."

  "That's completely understandable, Gray." I can't help but wrap my arms around her and she falls into me. I feel her pull back and she looks at me and then looks down.

  "Talk to me, sweet girl," I say and she pushes up from the couch and starts pacing back and forth.

  "God, I missed you so much and the last thing I want to do is add to whatever stress you may have."

  "Skylar, you’re freaking me out here," I growl and I get up and walk towards her.

  She freezes when I take her hands and she looks down. I lift my fingers to her chin and push up

  "Sky, what is it?"

  "I am so afraid to tell you. I didn't plan it and I can’t believe I forgot the appointment and if you don't want this..."

  "I want this, Skylar. Whatever this is, I want all of it."

  "Don’t say that. Not yet."

  “Sky, just tell me."

  "I’m pregnant, Grayson. 13 weeks pregnant." My mouth drops. I immediately reach into my pocket for something and I realize I left it in the truck. The timing would be perfect.

  "Shit," I say and I walk out the door, in a daze. Holy shit.

  Chapter Forty-Three

  I watch a stunned Grayson walk out my front door, leaving me in complete shock. What the fuck just happened? I let out a sob and can't stop the strangled cries. I knew this was a possibility. I knew that this could break us. I thought I had prepared myself. I was wrong. Very wrong.

  When I called my doctor, asking about my appointment for the shot, it turned out I had missed it. It was scheduled the day after Luke died and with all the chaos of those days, it slipped my mind. I don't regret it, though. This little life growing inside me was made out of love and I need to hold on to that. Never let my child look at him or herself as a mistake.

  I start to take deep, cleansing breaths and manage to calm myself down. I place my hand on the small bump that is forming.

  "It's ok. We are going to be ok," I say over and over.

  The only people that know my secret are Lauren and Hudson. That observant bastard figured it out and, even though I was not happy about that, it brought us closer together. When he called me before he left to get Grayson this morning, he assured me that Grayson would be on board. That I am loved and though it is a scary thing, Grayson would step up. Guess Hudson was wrong.

  My tears are still falling in a silent stream when I hear the door open.

  "Skylar," his voice is breathless and I must be pathetic in the way that I look when he rushes towards me. He reaches up to wipe my tears but I bat his hands away.

  "No, Grayson, it's ok."

  "Skylar."

  I furiously wipe at my face. "Grayson, its’ fine. I knew that there was a chance you didn't want me and I knew that the news may be the thing that broke us for good. It's ok."

  "What the fuck are you talking about?" He grabs my wrists in both hands and I shudder at the familiarity and the warmth of his touch.

  I shake my head. "Just stop. I get it, alright? If you want nothing to do with me, we can figure it out or you can just sign the rights away and I can do it all on my own. I would never force you into anything."

  "SKYLAR!” He startles me with a gentle shake of my body. I look up at him and I can see the anger swirling in his eyes.

  "I am going to ask you again. What the fuck are you talking about?"

  "I know that this is a shock and if it's not something you want, I want you to know it’s ok." I start to cry.

  "You crazy woman" he says, pulling my mouth to his in a demanding kiss. I pull back.

  "Stop. You can’t be kissing me," I plead, feeling my heart break with every passing second.

  "Let's get something straight. You are mine."

  The tears fall faster. "B-b-but you l-l-left," I stutter, not comprehending what is going on.

  "Shit. I wanted to get something out of my truck and the news was shocking. I guess I forgot to tell you I was coming back." I glare at him and he laughs.

  "Not funny."

  "Yeah, it is." He pulls me to him and rests his forehead against mine. I feel his hands snake up the bottom of the hoodie, his palms cupping the small bump. His hazel eyes shine with unshed tears.

  "A baby," he whispers and I let out a small hum in agreement. "How?"

  His thumbs brush my belly in circles and I move my head back to look at him.

  "Well, I missed my appointment for the shot. It was supposed be right around the time Luke died and I was so wrapped up with Allyson and then you that it totally escaped my mind." I pause. "I’m sorry."

  He gives me a soft smile. “Why are you sorry? This is definitely unexpected but a blessing nonetheless."

  My eyes start to fill with tears again. "Shit, sorry, it's the hormones." He laughs.

  "Stop apologizing." He removes his hands from under my shirt and pulls me in for another hug.

  "Are you sure you’re ok with this?" I mumble into his chest, breathing in his comforting scent.

  "Am I scared? Of course I am. With everything that happened with Lainey it's only natural to be scared, but if there is one thing I have learned over the past few months, it's that I can't let my fears run my life. That's not to say I won't be an overprotective pain in the ass where you are concerned but I am very happy, Skylar."

  I pull back and smile.

  "Everything is good though? You both are healthy? Have you been sick? Are you eating right? Are you getting enough rest?"

  I chuckle. "Everything is fine. I got nauseous a few times but that's about it. The fatigue has been the worse," I say.

  "The baby though? Healthy?"

  "Yeah, want to see?"

  “What?"

  I pull away and go to the counter where my purse is. I pull out a strip of paper and hand it to him.

  “These were a few weeks ago." I hand h
im the ultrasound pictures and he smiles.

  "It looks like a jelly bean with arms and legs."

  I smile at the awe in his voice. "I have another ultrasound tomorrow."

  "What time do we need to be there?"

  "Ten." I can’t stop the wide smile from taking over my face.

  I take a breath and ask the one question that I need an answer to. One that isn't clouded by anything. An honest answer that will tell me this is real.

  "Are you staying?"

  He cups my face in his hands. "Forever," he answers and takes my mouth in a sweet kiss. When I break the kiss, I look at him and the love in his eyes cause them damn tears to start again.

  "Really?"

  "Yeah, sweet girl. Besides, I kind of don't have any place to go."

  "What do you mean?"

  "Well, I had Landon sell my house when I was away."

  "How did I not know this?"

  He shrugs. “I don’t know, but this is why I went to my truck." He takes a paper out of his pocket and hands it to me.

  "These are real estate listings."

  "Yep. I came here with the intention of asking you to move in with me, but now it's not a question."

  "What?"

  "No woman of mine, especially one carrying my child, will be living separate from me." I smile, knowing I won't win so I don't argue. I look at the listing and see a large Victorian right on the beach with a wrap porch.

  "This one." I point.

  "That's the one," he agrees. I yawn.

  "Come on, sweet girl, you need a nap." I nod and take his hand. He leads me to my bedroom and we both lay down fully clothed.

  "So, we are really doing this?" I whisper.

  He reaches his hand up, brushing his knuckles along my cheek. "You know what I else I realized during my time away?" he whispers.

  "What?" For some reason I feel like his next words are going to be life altering.