Here's to Now

by Teagan Hunter

  “Thanks for the invite,” she responds politely.

  Maura steps forward and waggles a finger at me. “You’re in trouble, mister.”

  “I figured.”

  “Is it worth it?”

  I flash my eyes toward Tuck. “Was he?”

  Her eyes light with understanding. More than anyone, she gets it. Sometimes you fall for people. Sometimes you fall for them behind the backs of other people. And sometimes, it’s worth all the hurt and pain you give out and endure.

  “Well, I’ll be,” she murmurs. She gives Haley a quick smile and turns back to Tucker, reaching out to him for…I don’t know, support?

  I nod to Dallas, Maura’s ex-roommate and newcomer to our little group, and try to do the same to Perry, but his eyes are glued to our joined hands.

  “All right,” Hudson announces loudly, taking over for the group. “Let’s get this show on the road.”

  “Rae…” Haley calls out. Her sister turns and makes eye contact with her, and then promptly turns back around.

  “Give her some time. Besides, it’s not just you she’s mad at. It’s me too.”

  “This is exactly why I didn’t want to say anything,” Haley spits out.

  Hurt filters through me. I drop our joined hands and shove my now cold palm into my front pocket. “I know you’re upset. I get it, I truly do, but you can’t lash out at me over it. I didn’t force you to take my hand, Haley. You did that. I’m tired of being the one to have to push our relationship. If you want this, want this for you. Don’t want it for me or anyone else. Just…don’t.”

  “I’m a right foul git.”

  “You’re also American, Harry.”

  She looks at me in bewilderment. “You…you…”

  “What? Are you surprised I know what Harry Potter is? Spoiler alert: I’ve read all the novels and have seen all the movies—multiple times each.”

  “Can we get married in Vegas?” she jokes.

  My lips spasm as I try to hold back a grin. “We’ll see.”

  We’re seated together on the plane, Tucker and Maura a row behind us, Dallas and a rather disgruntled Perry several rows back. I can’t seem to find Hudson and Rae, but I know we’re all on the same flight.

  Haley shifts in her seat until her head is lying on my shoulder. Reaching down, she entwines our fingers. To be honest, I’m scared to apply any pressure back. That burn she gave me didn’t happen long ago, and it still stings.

  “I’m trying to say I was a total asshole earlier.”

  “I know you were.”

  She doesn’t argue, and she doesn’t act like I was supposed to either. “I’m ready to do this. For us. For me.” She leans up and presses a soft kiss to my cheek. Running her lips to my ear, she whispers, “All in?”

  I freeze.

  Fuck.

  I’m not all in, and I’m just as big of an asshole as she was. I need to tell her the truth about my family, and I need to do it now or we’ll never make our relationship work.

  Hide, hide, hide—it’s all I do. It’s what I’ve been doing.

  But not anymore.

  “I have four siblings,” I blurt out.

  She draws back, shocked. “What?”

  “I have four siblings.”

  “I heard you, Polly.”

  “Surprised?”

  “Immensely.”

  “Surprise!” I mock yell, lifting our hands up and waving them about. Haley giggles, and I’m relieved she doesn’t seem upset. “You mad?”

  “No. Curious is a better word.”

  “What do you want to know?”

  “Everything.”

  “They’re a handful. There’s Gia, who is fifteen. She’s so smart and beautiful. Then there’s the twins, Gunner and Gillian—brilliant and fun, but exhausting. Finally, there’s the youngest, Graham. He’s the one who was sick. He’s practically a mini-me.” I tilt my head her way and whisper conspiratorially, “Not sure if that’s a good or bad thing.”

  “Bad,” she whispers back.

  “Mean.”

  “All G names,” she says absently, turning to look out the window. “You talk about them with a lot of love.”

  “I do?”

  She nods. “Yes. I can’t figure it out then…”

  “Figure what out?” I strain to hear her over the noise of the plane.

  “I knew you had one brother, but why not tell me about the others?”

  I hear that loud and clear. “Because I’m not proud of my past regarding them.”

  “You give that excuse a lot.”

  “I’ve fucked up a lot.”

  Finally, Haley turns back toward me. “Why didn’t you tell me about them.” Even though it technically is a question, it’s not spoken as one.

  “Because I was afraid you wouldn’t want anything to do with me.”

  “What could you have possibly done for that to happen?”

  “I left them.”

  She draws farther away.

  “Twice.”

  I can see it in her eyes; she’s pulling away from me. I’m losing her. I’m losing her because I’m a dumbass and told her this, because I opened up about the horrendous things I’ve done in my lifetime. Once again, my past is coming back to haunt me in the worst ways.

  “What happened?”

  “What?”

  “What happened, Gaige? Why did you leave them?”

  I rub my sweaty palms against my jeans and wiggle around in my seat. “I, uh, left when I was barely sixteen the first time.”

  “When your parents kicked you out, correct?” she interjects.

  “Yes.”

  “And the second time?”

  I scrub my hands over my jeans harder, faster. Haley notices and places a hand over mine to still the movements. “The second time was about six months after my parents died. Graham was only seven months old.”

  She closes her eyes, and I can see a tear glisten in the corner. Reaching up, she swipes it away as her green eyes meet my burnt umber gaze. “Why?”

  “Because I was a hothead. I was an unemotional, uncaring fucker. My aunt, who is now the primary caregiver for the kids, was hard to live with. To be fair, I was even more difficult. We clashed too much. One night when I came home drunk and tried to shush a crying Graham and then almost dropped him, she forced me from the home.”

  “And she just let you go on your own? As a minor?”

  “Yeah. I met Horton, the guy whose window gave me the scars, the same night. He straightened me out, but I stayed gone for years still. It wasn’t until about three or so years ago that I really started to spend time with them.”

  She doesn’t take her eyes from mine. She doesn’t move. She just…doesn’t. We sit there, staring at one another, trying to figure out what the hell this all means.

  After an intense ten minutes, she pulls her gaze away and stares at the headrest in front of her. We don’t talk. We don’t move. We sit there. It’s rough, and it’s awkward.

  She holds on to my arm. I let her.

  “Can we talk?”

  I jump at the sound of Rae’s voice.

  “Me?” I ask her.

  “No. I need to talk to Haley.”

  I glance over to her; she’s still staring straight ahead of her.

  “Of course,” I say, unbuckling my belt and trading spots with her. As she passes me, I place a hand on her elbow and lean into her. “For what it’s worth, I love her.”

  Her eyes meet mine, and she nods. “Hudson’s at the front. I’ll come get you when we’re finished.”

  I stand there as she takes a seat, almost afraid to walk away. I don’t know what this is going to escalate to, but I feel like I need to stand here as referee so we don’t end up having to emergency land the plane for sister-on-sister violence.

  Haley turns to me and mouths, Go. So, I move my feet toward the front of the plane, find Hudson, and take Rae’s seat next to him.

  “You surprised the hell out of her.”

 
“And you?”

  “Tuck and I had a suspicion you were seeing someone. Didn’t expect it to be Haley though.”

  “I didn’t either.”

  He stuffs the airline magazine he was pretending to read back into the pocket of the seat in front of him. “How long?”

  “Long enough.”

  “Gaige…” he urges.

  I let out an annoyed puff of air and pierce him with angry eyes. “We met over a year ago. She got lit at Clyde’s and I took her home. I stayed the night, and then I stayed another night, then another. We sort of formed this pattern, but I swear, we were just friends then.”

  “What happened?”

  “Life did. We fell into bed one night and never crawled back out of it.”

  “And you’ve been dating ever since?”

  I wince, knowing what he’s going to think of how we went about this whole thing. “Not necessarily.”

  “What’s the supposed to mean?”

  I crane my neck around the seat, peering back down the aisle to ensure Haley and Rae are okay. Listening intently, I don’t hear any screaming or crying, so I turn back to Hudson.

  “We stopped talking for about six months. Then when Rae moved out, she broke. I picked her back up. We started the whole FWB thing then.”

  “FWB?” he questions, his nose scrunching up in confusion. “F…W…B…” He plays the letters on his tongue, trying to find their meaning.

  “Dude, for someone so young, you’re pretty fucking old sometimes.”

  He shrugs. “It’s the dad in me.”

  “Friends with benefits,” I supply for him.

  “Seriously? You and Haley? Huh.”

  “Huh.”

  “So how long has it been official?”

  “Couple months, I guess.”

  “And you never thought to tell any of us about it?”

  I lift a shoulder. “I guess not. I mean, it crossed my mind a lot, but it never happened. Look, I know it was wrong to hide it, but Haley just got Rae back. She didn’t want to lose her.”

  He gets this far-off look in his eyes and I know he knows exactly what I’m talking about considering he almost lost Rae not too long ago.

  “See, you get me.”

  “I do, but Rae doesn’t see it that way. She’s pretty hurt.”

  “I may have eased her pain some.”

  “How?”

  Suddenly feeling uncomfortable, I check the back of the plane again, sure that this time I’ll hear them fighting.

  There’s nothing except a few passengers annoyed over me repeatedly turning around.

  “I love her,” I say to Hudson once I turn back to him. “A lot.”

  “Does she know?”

  “I fucking hope so.”

  “No, Gaige, does she know what she’s getting into with you?”

  I gulp and meet his eyes, only to slide mine away again. His stare is too intense, too serious.

  “No.”

  “Fuck,” he utters.

  Fuck is right.

  We landed at McCarran International back in our original seats. Whatever happened with Haley and Rae, neither of them want to talk about it. I tried getting Haley to give me some details, but she refused to speak with me.

  Her silence even surprised Tuck, who lifted his eyebrows in question as we exited the plane. I simply shrugged, not having any idea what to say.

  We all met up at baggage claim so we could collect Tucker’s guitar. He laid out his rather relaxed schedule, guided us to our taxi, and took off in his for a rehearsal, promising to meet up with us later that night.

  “You guys want to head to the hotel first to get cleaned up and relax? Maybe meet around six for dinner?” Hudson questions.

  We all agree and direct the driver to our hotel. After we check in, we file into the elevator, taking turns getting off at various floors: Hudson, Rae, Maura, and Tucker on one, Perry and Dallas on another, and finally, Haley and myself on a separate one.

  Standing in the elevator feels like we’re standing on opposite ends of a football field, yet it’s suffocating…so I guess it’s really nothing like a football field at all.

  “Hales…”

  “It’s okay,” she says, but she doesn’t look at me.

  Gulping, I push out a question I really don’t want to ask. “But are we?”

  “We will be.”

  The door dings and opens for us. We file out and shuffle our way down the hall to find our room. Once I slide the key in and push open the heavy door, I let out an impressed whistle.

  “Look at this view! This is…”

  “Breathtaking,” Haley finishes, stepping up beside me to look out over Sin City.

  In a moment of bravery, I reach out and trail my fingers down her arm until I can press my palm against hers. She doesn’t fight it.

  “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.”

  “I know.”

  “I’m sorry I left them.”

  I watch her reflection in the windows in front of us as she closes her eyes for a brief moment. “I know that too, Gaige.”

  “We apologize a lot to one another.”

  “Here lately, yes.”

  “Can we stop?”

  “Yes.”

  “Good.” I move closer to her, standing behind her and wrapping my arms around her torso. She relaxes into my embrace, tilting her head to the side. I lean down and brush my lips across her earlobe, knowing it’s a turn-on spot for her. “Can I kiss you?”

  “Please…”

  I spin her around and move her until her back hits the window. I glance over her shoulder, then back to her, then back over at the view. Finally, I meet her heated stare. “Breathtaking,” I say against her lips before I devour them.

  She presses into me and I flatten her to the window, grinding my hips into her lower half. She moans and claws at the shirt covering my back. I wrench it off, glad I wore a button up so I never have to leave her lips. Her hands fall to my pants and she unsnaps them with ease, trying to push them down my legs. I halt her attempts, lifting her until her legs wind around my waist. I quickly walk her to the bed and carefully lay her across it.

  “The window,” I say between heated kisses.

  “Tinted,” she pants.

  She reaches for her shirt and yanks it over her head, and suddenly, I don’t give a shit about the window, tinted or not. Her perfect tits are barely contained in her light blue, all lace bra. I can see her nipples straining against the material, begging for my mouth. Who am I to turn them down?

  As I pull her rosy buds into my mouth, sucking and nipping at them, she continues to work my jeans down my hips. I kick them off as she plunges her hand into my boxer briefs, wrapping her warmth around my hard cock. She pumps once, twice, and I have to pull away or I’m going to explode all over her.

  “I need you inside me,” she begs, pushing my underwear down over my ass.

  The only thing I can think about is how fucking excited I am she chose to wear a skirt today. Bunching it in my hands, I slide it up, push her panties aside, and slip into her with ease.

  She gasps and arches off the bed with pure fucking pleasure. I drive forward, taking her hard and fast.

  I’m not sure who reaches their climax first; all I know is it’s a mix of shouts and cries, then it’s silent and sticky.

  I roll off her, dragging her until she’s spread across me. Running my fingers lightly down her back, I kiss her temple and pray she’ll forgive my last secret.

  The ring on my left hand feels heavy. It’s as if a five-hundred-pound anvil is sitting directly on top of me, crushing me with its weight.

  I’m married.

  Legitimately.

  I have no idea if I should be elated, unsure, or downright scared; each emotion is about equal right now.

  It’s been just over ten hours since we said, “I do”, and nine since I started feeling this way. My new wife is sleeping peacefully beside me while I lie awake, the wheels in my head spinning frantically, graspin
g for some semblance of hope that this will all turn out okay in the end.

  Will she regret this when she wakes? Will she beg for an annulment? Is this what I really want?

  I have no answers.

  Haley stirs beside me and I stop breathing, afraid any movement at all will wake her.

  It doesn’t matter though. I know she’s awake because she stops breathing. Then suddenly, her breaths are stuttered, hesitant. She’s panicking.

  I don’t blame her.

  I can feel her begin to toy with her ring, trying with all her might to pull it off. Reaching over, I still her efforts, maneuvering her hand until I’m holding it in mine. I give it a reassuring squeeze, trying to calm her jitters. It takes a few moments, but eventually her breaths even out.

  “Are we…”

  “Yes,” I tell her.

  “Legally?”

  “Yes.”

  “Are you freaking out?”

  “Hell yes.”

  She’s quiet, letting my words sink in. Fuck, I’m still letting them sink in. I’m married. Holy hell. Part of me thinks I made a terrible mistake. Another part thinks I made the best decision ever, but there is a loud, obnoxious voice in my head telling me I’m a complete moron for letting us get married the way we did. We shouldn’t have done it alone. We shouldn’t have hidden it. We already hide too much. I hide too much.

  Everything about this situation reeks of shame.

  I’m tired of burying my decisions. I need to start taking pride in them.

  “Gaige?”

  “Haley?”

  “I’m scared.”

  I squeeze her hand again. “Me too.”

  She rolls over, her pine green eyes dark and worried, searching for answers. “Do you think we messed up?”

  I furrow my brow. “Fuck no. Do you?”

  She swallows thickly, and I hold my breath, scared of her answer. “I don’t know.”

  “I appreciate your honesty. At least we can say we started off our marriage with solid communication.”

  Lie.

  Her laugh is hollow, husky.

  “How are we going to tell them? How am I going to tell her?”

  Them being our friends, her being Rae.

  “Do you want to?” she whispers. “Like at all?”