Consume

by Jessica Prince

  Forcing back the need to roar with savage rage was like trying to choke down spoiled milk. It was so toxic I thought I’d be sick.

  She kept talking, breaking my heart into even tinier pieces. “She only wanted the best for me. She wanted to stop me from making her mistakes so I didn’t have to experience the same pain. But I didn’t listen. I chose him over her, and in the end I lost them both.”

  “You aren’t a bad person,” I said several seconds later. “You couldn’t be a bad person if you tried. I’ve never met someone more caring or loving in all my life. You made a mistake, sweetness, that’s all. You have to forgive yourself.”

  “I try telling myself that,” she whispered. “But it doesn’t feel right. This might not make any sense, but if I were to let go of this guilt, I feel like I’d be doing her a disservice. If I didn’t feel guilty, and use that to learn from my mistakes, then it was all for nothing.”

  I lifted her face to mine once again, leaning in so close we were almost nose to nose. “Don’t do that,” I commanded on a growl. “Don’t force yourself to be miserable for the rest of your life as penance. You learned your lesson.”

  Her eyes darted back and forth as she took in my sever expression. “But did I, really?”

  “What?”

  “I fell for you. I heard you during an interview say that you had no intention of settling down, that there were too many women out there for you to ever feel the need to choose just one. So tell me, did I really learn my lesson?”

  The question wasn’t voiced sarcastically. She genuinely wanted me to answer. And as I stared down at her, I regretted every single one of my father’s words that I said in an attempt to let go of the pain from my own past. I regretted letting him poison me to the thought of true love. I regretted letting Cara take a piece of me she didn’t deserve. It was time for me to stop letting other people control the outcome of my life and do what I want.

  “I was engaged,” I admitted without giving it a single thought. “You never read about it because I demanded a pretty extreme level of privacy back then. Tate never even knew about her, but it’s the truth.”

  “I… you… that’s… engaged?”

  “You saw her. At the club in Madrid.”

  “No,” she gasped. “Seductive Snow White? That was your ex-fiancée?”

  “Seductive Snow White?” I asked with a chuckle, my forehead pinching with bewilderment.

  “Don’t act like you don’t know what I’m talking about,” she said with a roll of her eyes. “That pale skin and black hair? Come on.”

  “If you say so.”

  She smacked me in the gut, cutting off my laughter. “So what happened?”

  “Well,” I sat back in my seat, making myself comfortable while I shifted her a bit farther up my chest. “You aren’t the only one with shit taste, sweetness. She got my ring on her finger, then decided to hedge her bets by taking up with Luther Ross.”

  “Luther Ross.” Her face scrunched up in extreme thought. “Why do I know that name?”

  “He had one hit years ago.”

  “Oh my God!” she squeaked, sitting up fully. “‘Sweet Thang’! She cheated on you with the douche who sang ‘Sweet Thang’? Seriously?”

  The disgust on her face was too much, and I immediately burst into laughter as I pulled her back against me. “In her defense—not that I want to give it to her—back then he was slated to be a pretty big fuckin’ deal. We were with the same label, and they branded him as the next superstar. Needless to say, it didn’t work out in his favor.”

  She let out a derisive snort. “Uh, no shit,” she snarked. “His next song was called ‘Booty Sweat,’ for Christ’s sake. What the hell did they think was gonna happen?”

  Jesus, she was too damn cute. “Anyway,” I continued, feeling a thousand times lighter than I thought I would when it came to recalling my story, “Cara thought she could play us both, keep us on a string while she waited to see who’d be the bigger celebrity. When I walked in on them fuckin’ in the house I paid for, in the bed I bought, I made the decision for her.”

  “What a bitch!” she cried.

  “That’s putting it mildly, sweetness.”

  Her eyes took in my face like she was trying to gauge my reaction to everything I’d just said. “Why is she back now?”

  “Beats the fuck outta me,” I said on a shrug. “Word is her last gravy train dried up when the old dude kicked the bucket and left her without a penny. I guess she thought that since I fell for her bullshit once, I’d do it again.”

  “But….” She worried her bottom lip nervously.

  “Not a fuckin’ chance,” I snarled. “And before you get it in your pretty little head it’s because I’m still harboring something, that’s not the case. It’s because once I fell for you, I realized what I felt for her wasn’t even close to love.”

  Her breath hitched and I could feel her heart beat out a wild staccato against my ribs.

  Softening my voice, I told her, “I fucked up. That first night, when I pushed you away, I fucked up. But what I felt for you, even back then… it was so goddamn intense it terrified me. My mom walked out too. And it turned my father into this bitter shell of a man who takes his hate out on every female who crosses his path. I let that bleed into me. Then I let what happened with Cara cement that belief in my head. You aren’t the only one with a shitty track record, Thumbelina. We’ve traveled the same road marred with potholes. I can’t promise you I won’t fuck up again, but I would never, ever do anything to hurt you intentionally. I love you. For the first time in my life, I actually know what that means. I’ll piss you off, and I’m sure there’ll be days when you want to murder me, but I’ll do everything in my power to make you happy and keep what we have good.”

  One stray tear traveled down her cheek, but I could see in her eyes that this was a happy one. “You promise?”

  “Swear on my life, sweetness. You can rest easy now knowin’ you learned that lesson.”

  And as God was my witness, I meant every single word. I finally got what Lyla meant about helping to lighten the emotional baggage Gina carried.

  But I wasn’t content to just help. I was going to take it all.

  Chapter Thirty-One

  Gina

  I was so nervous my hands were shaking, and I couldn’t do anything to hide it.

  “Relax, Thumbelina,” he whispered in my ear as we walked into Whispering Pines. “Moms love the shit outta me.”

  I shot him a snide look and snorted. “I’m sure they do, but mine’s not your typical mom. You won’t be able to charm her.” Pulling on his hand to bring him to a stop just outside the front door, I looked up into his eyes, shaded by the brim of his baseball cap. “Listen, I don’t know what we’re walking into, okay? So you need to be prepared. It’s not that I’m scared she won’t like you. I don’t want you to think—”

  He kissed me quiet before lifting his head and smiling. “I wish I could have known her before all this, gotten to know the incredible woman who raised such an amazing daughter. But this is now. I’m not walking in there with any preconceived notions, and it doesn’t matter if she would or could hate me. She made you, so I already think she’s a goddamn superhero no matter what state she’s in.”

  “Oh my god,” I choked out, feeling like I was about to burst into tears. “She would have loved you.”

  “She will love me. She just might not be able to show it. A piece of her is still in there, baby. Deep down. She’ll see how much I love you, and that piece will approve.”

  “Stop it!” I sniffled, looking up and waving my hands in front of my eyes wildly. “You’re gonna make me cry again.”

  His rich laughter was smooth and velvety. “Come on, crazy. Let’s go.”

  He pulled me through the doors and toward the front desk. Lucille’s head came up, and the bright smile that stretched across her face the second she saw me slowly melted away when she caught my hand wrapped in Killian’s.

  “Darli
n’ girl, I knew you were gonna have some stories to tell, but I think it’s safe to say you’ve been holding out on me.”

  “Hi, Lu,” I giggled. “It’s good to see you.”

  “Yeah, yeah.” She waved at me while doing a top-to-toe of Killian. “You too, but I’m more interested in him.” She turned back to me with wide eyes. “Damn, child, you go travelin’ the world and come back with a hottie? Where’d you pick this one up?”

  “Right here in Seattle,” Killian answered as he pulled off his cap. I wasn’t exactly sure how he was going to play this little visit. We’d been so consumed with other things that the topic never came to mind. I guess he decided honesty was the best policy. And maybe he saw the same trustworthy character in Lucille that I had the first time we met. Lu was good people. No way in hell she’s flap her gums to anyone.

  “I’m Killian Everett. Nice to meet you.”

  Her mouth dropped comically wide, and I thought her eyeballs might actually bug out of her skull. “I… you…” She turned to me. “That’s… he’s… but….”

  “Wow, Lu,” I laughed. “I didn’t take you for one to be star struck.”

  “Well normally I wouldn’t. But do you see how fine this boy is?” she shouted.

  Killian’s whole body shook beside me. “You aren’t too bad yourself, darlin’.”

  That earned him a steely-eyed stare. “Don’t you tease an old lady. That’s just plain wrong. But I’ll tell you this, if I were a decade younger? Boy, you’d be in trouble.”

  That time we both burst into a fit of laughter as I leaned over the desk and pulled her into a big hug. She returned the gesture, and when I pulled back, she was grinning from ear to ear. “So, this is good?”

  “This is very good,” I answered, grasping the full meaning of the question. “Is she doing okay today?”

  The smile disappeared. “Comes and goes, sweetie. All you can do is visit and see how she handles it. But you know what I always say.”

  “Have faith,” I murmured.

  “That’s right. She’s in her room. You two go on back. I’ll sign you in.”

  I slowly led Killian down the hall to my mom’s room. When I pushed the door open, the first thing I noticed was the pinkish glow filling the room. I’d had to ship back two sets of snow globes, but I’d had very specific instructions for the one I got in Tokyo, and Lucille had followed them to the letter. The snow globe was sitting in the windowsill with the sunlight beating down on the cherry blossom tree. Just like I’d pictured in my head, it filled the room with the most beautiful warmth.

  “Hi, Momma,” I said quietly. She laid in her bed staring toward the window, and just like always, she didn’t so much as flinch at the sound of my voice.

  Releasing Killian’s hand, I circled the bed so she could see me and bent to place a kiss on her cheek. The moment I did that, she started fidgeting and grunting in agitation.

  “Mom, it’s me,” I croaked, my eyes starting to burn.

  Her noises grew louder, and her eyes never left the window.

  “Is there something out there you want to see?” I scooted to the side, and she immediately settled.

  “Okay, Momma. I’ll let you look outside in peace,” I muttered, my heart breaking as I started toward the door. “Let’s just go. She’s going to be staring out that window for hours.

  “No, baby. Look.” Killian grabbed me by the shoulders and spun me around, leaning in to speak quietly in my ear. “She’s not staring out the window.” He pointed a bit lower, and my eyes followed the path of his finger. “She’s lookin’ at your snow globe, sweetness, the one you bought her.”

  I pulled in an audible breath as my hands reached to clench his resting on my belly.

  “Told you there’s still a part of her in there.”

  Doing my best to keep from turning into a blubbering mess, I closed my eyes and counted to five, inhaled through my nose, then repeated the five-count exhaling past my lips. Once I felt like I had control of myself, I opened my eyes and moved again, that time grabbing the snow globe off the sill and carrying it with me as I sat in the chair next to her bed. I placed it on her bedside table so she could see it perfectly, and her eyes tracked it the entire time.

  “I got this in Tokyo. The gardens were unbelievable, Mom. You would have loved them. I got you one from everywhere we visited. I can’t wait to show them to you.”

  She gave me nothing, but that was okay. She never stopped staring at that snow globe, and I felt it to my very bones—she knew where it came from, the meaning behind it. I didn’t need her to say anything.

  “I want you to meet someone, Mom.” Shifting my eyes, I lifted my hand out to Killian, asking him to come over. “This is Killian,” I introduced. “He’s my….” I couldn’t think of the right word to signify what he’d come to mean to me. Boyfriend just didn’t feel strong enough. “I love him, Momma,” I whispered with a smile. “He loves me too. And I don’t want you to worry. He’s a great guy. The best. He’s sweet and caring. You’d really like him.”

  He crouched down beside me and reached out to take her hand. “Hi, Mrs. Ivory. It’s great to meet you.”

  “Tricia.”

  He lifted a quizzical eyebrow at me. “Huh?”

  “Her name is Tricia,” I answered with a grin. “She’d have liked you to call her that. She wasn’t big on that type of formality.”

  “Tricia,” he repeated, sounding thoughtful before turning back to my mom. “Well, Tricia, it’s nice to meet you. You raised a remarkable woman.”

  And just like that, I knew without a shadow of a doubt that I was officially crazy in love with Killian Everett. And this time I got it right. This was the forever kind of love. The kind I’d given up on ever finding.

  Killian

  We hung out in Tricia’s room for at least an hour. Gina told her everything. She talked in great detail about every place she visited, what she saw, the emotion each place invoked in her. She talked about searching for a snow globe in every single city, and how excited she was to show them all to her. She told her about me, giving the good and the bad. She left out the sex, of course, but she didn’t hold back, wanting to share every moment of falling in love with me with her mom, like it was the most important thing she could ever tell her.

  I hadn’t thought it possible to love her any more than I already did, but as she spoke, I fell harder and deeper. The intensity of my feelings for her consumed me, invading every molecule of my body and wrapping around me like the warmest, most comfortable blanket in the world.

  I’d never seen her more animated or lively before, and it only made her more beautiful in my eyes.

  “I’m gonna run to the restroom real fast, and then we can leave,” she told me, rising to her feet. “I’ll be back in a sec.”

  “Take your time,” I said, tilting my head back for her to lean down and give me a kiss.

  As soon as she was gone, I switched to the seat she’d just vacated and leaned in close to Tricia, speaking quietly for only her to hear. “You raised an unbelievable daughter.” I’d never done anything like this before. I never bothered to really get to know Cara’s folks, or any of the girls I’d hooked up with back in high school. It just never seemed important. But this… this conversation felt like the most important one I’d ever have.

  I held onto her hand as I stared at the plain white sheets of her bed, trying to get my thoughts in order. “I don’t deserve her, Tricia. I know that, but I’ll never do anything to hurt her. You have my word on that. I’ve never met anyone like her. She’s the strongest, kindest person in the world, and I know that’s all because of you. I’ll do right by her, I promise. I want to make her happy.”

  When I glanced back up at her face, what I saw stole the breath from my body. Tricia was no longer staring at the snow globe. She was looking at me, and I got the strangest feeling that she understood every word I was saying.

  “I’ll make her happy, Tricia. I’ll try my hardest to ease her pain and heartache. She�
��s as amazing as she is because of you. You did a phenomenal job taking care of her all her life. And I’ll work my ass off to take care of her for the rest of it, as long as she’ll let me.”

  “Okay.” Gina’s chipper voice broke through the room as she came sauntering through the door. “Ready?”

  “Whenever you are, baby.”

  I stood up and turned back to say goodbye to Tricia, then moved out of the way so Gina could do the same.

  “I love you, Momma, with all my heart. And I know you love me too. I’m happy. I want you to rest assured in that.” She placed a kiss on her cheek. “Now you be nice to these guys, okay? And I’ll see you soon.”

  The expression on her face when she took my hand and started leading me out of the room was as if a portion of that massive weight on her shoulders had been lifted.

  And I was so goddamn grateful that I got to be there for her when that happened.

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  Gina

  Denver

  We had less than a week left on the tour, only two more shows after tonight. And I was beyond excited. Excited to get home and see my mom. Excited to be with Killian on our home turf without the constant shows and interviews and screaming fans and groupies. Excited to really start our relationship back in the real world.

  Usual Suspects opened the show, pumping the crowd up to an epic level before the guys took the stage. That had been almost two hours ago, and the guys were still feeding the hyper crowd exactly what they needed.

  “Is it just me, or are they killing it tonight?” Gwen shouted over Civil Corruption’s music.

  They’d open with songs from their new album, but Declan had insisted they end each and every show with “Crimson,” an all-time fan favorite, and the song Declan and Tate had written together. It was their song. The very one that had put the band on the map. He didn’t play it to please the crowd, though. It was for Tate each and every time. And even after all this time, I still got goose bumps whenever I heard it.