Till Death Us Do Part

by V, Krissy

  After a few minutes Caleb says "I'm going to go now, I know your parents will be back in a short while, I'll try and ring you later or I'll text you ok Tasha" he leans forward and kisses me on the forehead. "Take care my Angel" he whispers in my ear. "Get better and Kammie it was lovely to meet you, it's just a shame about the circumstances" he smiles and then walks out the door, when he reaches the door, he turns and smiles at me and then he's gone. I close my eyes and take a deep breath.

  "OMG Tasha, who was that and what was he doing here?" Kammie is open mouthed and looking at me.

  "I don't really want to talk about it now because he's right Mum and Dad will be back soon, he's just a friend Kammie, just a friend I promise. He's been helping me through all this shit over these last few weeks that's all" I take her hand and squeeze it tight. She smiles at me "Well I can understand why you kept him to yourself. He is hot Tasha, I would love to have some of that" she laughs.

  I don't actually find that funny, she's not having him, but I laugh anyway "Help yourself Kammie, he's a friend, but I thought you and Luca might get together" I wiggle my eyebrows at her. We both start laughing and that's how Mum, Dad and Luca find us a few minutes later.

  Kammie looks at me and says "this conversation is not over girl" and she winks at me.

  Luca comes over and kisses me "Hey honey how are you feeling? I'm so sorry I didn't help you the first time, I can't believe I let you talk me into not confronting him. I never knew he was capable of these things, it's so out of character and I know he loves you so much"

  I can see he's been crying, I reach out and take his hand in mine. "Luca, I love you and I asked you not to intervene, so don't beat yourself up. Kammie tell him"

  She comes over and takes his other hand "Luca don't blame yourself honestly don't" he doesn't let go of her hand I notice and they definitely have a moment. I smile.

  "So Luca, how's Felix?" I ask because I really need to know. I need to know he is going to be fine, he is my husband.

  "Well he's not great, he's sedated, he told me everything that he'd done to you over the last few weeks. I was disgusted by some of it I have to admit, I just can't believe it. The police turned up to interview him but they have to come back another time as he is on a lot of medication" he says shaking his head.

  "Why are the police involved? I'm not pressing charges" I don't understand.

  "What??" Mum, Dad and Kammie say at the same time.

  "Why would I? He loves me, I know he does, he just needs help that's all" I say and they all look at me as if I have two heads.

  "Absolutely under no circumstances are you going back into that house with him Tasha, over my dead body!" That's Dad getting protective, the rest of them all start mumbling the same thing.

  "Luca tell them he will need help when he gets out of here, I can help him" I'm pleading now.

  "Tasha, I'm going to move in with him, he's so jealous and possessive over you that I don't think it will help him, he won't get any better if you're there, I'm sorry!" Luca says.

  I start crying "I'm his wife, I should be with him in sickness and in health, those are the vows I made Luca."

  "I know sweetheart, but I just think it's for the best. Look we can talk about this another day, he is seeing a psychiatrist tomorrow and hopefully they can give him some medication to help him. He will also be seeing a counsellor to see if they can help him understand what triggered this violence" Luca says coming over to take my hand.

  "Ok Luca, but I need to know how he is getting on. Do you think they will let me see him when he is awake? Do you think you can organise that for me?" I ask him.

  He nods and says "I'll see what I can do Tasha ok"

  "Thanks Luca, you're a very good friend" I say and I mean it.

  The doctor knocks on the door and comes in "Can I have a moment alone with Natasha please" he says looking around at everyone.

  Mum says "Tasha do you want me to stay?" I nod and everyone says goodbye and walks out to the canteen to take a coffee break.

  The doctor walks up to the bed and sits on the edge of it. "Natasha, how are you feeling? I know you are putting on a brave face, but this will have been very traumatic for you. I believe we should arrange for you to see a counsellor to discuss what has happened to you. I think you should stay on your sleeping tablets for the time being, I know you told the nurse that you were prone to waking in the night screaming, at least this will give your brain a chance to sleep" he says.

  "Ok thank you Doctor, I will go and see a counsellor when I feel ready, I'm not ready yet. I wondered if I should be still taking the sleeping tablets, will it have a long term effect or will I get addicted to them? I don't want that." I ask.

  "No, I don't believe you have an addictive personality so it will only be for a short period of time to help get you through the nights. I will be giving you some pain killers to help with the pain following the surgery and some muscle relaxants for your neck. I'd like you to stay overnight so we can keep an eye on you post surgery and then hopefully you can go home tomorrow" he stands to leave.

  "Doctor, when can I go back to work? I've had a lot of time off recently and I don't want to lose my job" I ask him as I'm worried. I know I'm looking for a new job but I don't want to lose the one I've got because of sickness.

  "Well you should rest for the remainder of the week and then we can see how your neck is feeling and how your internal wounds are healing, if you come back on Friday then we can decide ok" he stands there looking at me waiting for me to answer him.

  "Thank you, but I was hoping to go back to work earlier" I know I'm pouting. "Thank you again Doctor" I need to be nice to him, he has helped me a lot.

  "I'll come by and see you before it's lights out just to check how the pain relief is working and then I'll see you in the morning to discharge you. I'm assuming you have someone to look after you when you go home" he asks looking at my Mum.

  "Yes doctor she is going to stay with me and I'll be looking after her" she smiles at him "I'll make sure she doesn't over do things."

  "Good, I'm sure you will look after her very well" he says as he turns and walks through the door.

  Chapter 25

  DAD AND KAMMIE COME back in and Dad says "Ok Mum, we all need to leave, we have a few things to do back at the house. Will you be ok Tasha, if we go and tidy things up for you?"

  "Yes Dad I'll be fine, I'm feeling tired anyway, they've given me these muscle relaxants and I feel all dizzy, so I might just sleep for a while."

  I smile at Dad and he comes over and kisses me on the cheek "Baby girl, I love you, you are amazing, we will be back later on for visiting hours ok?"

  "OK, thanks Kammie for everything you did for me last night, I know you all want to know what happened and I will tell you, but I need some time to digest it all myself." I say, because I know it is the white elephant in the room.

  "Baby girl whenever you're ready" Mum says. They all come and give me hugs and kisses before they leave.

  "See you all later" I say waving at them. When they go they close the door and everything goes quiet. I think this is the first time I've been alone and awake since it all happened. I lay there looking at the ceiling and thinking back over the last few weeks, what happened to Felix during that time? When did he start to change? Did I do something to trigger this change? So many questions and I don't really have any answers, it's so frustrating.

  I think about my job offers, about my present job and I start to wonder should I even think about moving to a new job now? Do I need the stress of a challenging position? Can I cope with a challenge? Then again if I stay can I work with Felix and not live with him? I'm not sure I can.

  I can hear my mobile ringing in the drawer and I reach across and take it out to answer it, it hurts a little as I had to move my neck to get to the drawer, I'll have to get used to that "Hi Caleb"

  "Hey Tasha, how are you? How did the surgery go?"

  "It went well and I'm ok, I'm here on my own and I'm just starting to
think about things and why I'm here. I feel angry and sad at the same time. I know everyone wants to know what happened and I will tell them everything when I can understand it myself. Sorry I'm waffling"

  "Don't worry you can waffle to me all you like, it helps to talk it through. When have they said you can go home?"

  "Hopefully I can leave tomorrow, but I'm going to my parent's house, they don't want me to go back to our house. Luca is going to stay with Felix whenever he is released as they don't think it's a good idea for me to be alone with him yet."

  "I think they're right Tasha, I know I wouldn't be happy with you going back to that house with him, but I know I don't have any say in the matter really, but I wanted you to know that I agree with them. Sorry!"

  "I know Caleb and I know you're right." I say yawning.

  "You sound tired Tasha, try and have a sleep and when everyone has visited you this evening give me a call and I'll talk to you until you fall asleep" he says.

  "Thanks Caleb that sounds lovely, I'll talk to you later ok"

  "Rest now Tasha"

  I disconnect the call and then keep the phone in my hand, I don't want to have to turn and reach over again when I know I will be using it later. I fall asleep very easily.

  I must have been asleep for a few hours because when I wake up as I can hear the hustle and bustle of visitors arriving. Before I know it Mum, Dad, Kammie and Luca walk in the door with big smiles on their faces. They look really pleased to see me, I return their smiles.

  "Hey guys what's going on?" I ask.

  "Well we went back to your house, tidied and cleaned up, Kammie packed some clothes and personal belongings for you so that you would have some of your things at our house. When she was getting the laptop, she saw the two job offers that you had received. We couldn't believe it, well done Baby girl" Mum says clearly excited.

  "Thanks guys, but it's the job offers that started everything off" I know I've put a damper on their mood "I'm not sure I should move jobs now, I don't know if I need the stress and I've had a lot of time off sick in the last few weeks so it doesn't look good" I say and look down at the bed because I don't want to see their disappointed faces.

  "Look at me Tasha Phillips. I know it's been hard for you these last few weeks, but have you thought that maybe a new job, a new challenge would be good to take your mind off the things that are going on around you?" Mum says. I'm not sure about that but I tell them I will think about it.

  We sit for an hour chatting about nothing really important, I tell Luca I still want to see Felix, he said that he had asked and they will take me to see him tomorrow morning.

  When visiting hours are over, they all stand up and say goodnight, I get a kiss on the cheek and a hug from each of them. I smile to myself, they are my family and I love them all. "See you tomorrow guys, hopefully I can come home"

  I'm left all alone again and start thinking about how strange it will be moving back in with Mum and Dad after having been away from home for a few years. I know it won't be forever, but it will still feel strange. I ring Caleb, because I promised I would.

  "Hey, are you ok to talk?"

  "Of course I am, whenever, wherever, are you ok? You sound weary"

  "Yeah I'm ok, just thinking about leaving the hospital tomorrow and moving back with my parents. It's going to be strange, I love my house, I've made it really nice"

  "I know it will be strange Tasha but you'll be fine, your parents will take care of you and keep you safe"

  "I know, its just going to be strange that's all and then there's a new job, I don't think that I want to take on another job after all the sick leave I've had these last couple of weeks"

  "It might be the best thing, a new job, a new challenge, something to take your mind off everything. I know you've been off sick, but it was unforeseen circumstances Tasha, that's not sick leave"

  "I know Caleb, but I just don't know what to do for the best"

  "I'm sure you'll make the right decision, you know what I want you to do but I won't pressurise you"

  I laugh at that comment "Yeah right Caleb, you come across as being a very demanding man, a man who knows what he wants and won't stop until he gets it, am I right?" I'm still laughing at him.

  "Oh you can laugh little one, yes I am demanding, yes I know what I want and no I don't stop until I get it. You might be wise to remember that" he starts laughing now.

  I don't know what to say to that so I stay quiet!

  "Cat got your tongue Tasha?" he's really laughing now.

  "Stop Caleb, please you're embarrassing me, I'm blushing"

  "I'd love to see you turning red and blushing, I bet you're still beautiful"

  "OK I'm going to go now Caleb if you can't play nice"

  "Ok Ok I'll behave. Are you sure you'll be alright on your own tonight, you don't need me to come down and sit with you?"

  "Thanks Caleb I appreciate it and I know you would if I asked to, but the nurse will be in shortly to give me some sleeping tablets, so it won't be long before I fall asleep."

  "Well I'll leave you then Tasha, I hope you sleep well and I will talk to you tomorrow ok?"

  "Ok, oh and Caleb, thanks for caring about me"

  "Always my Angel, always"

  I hang up the phone and turn it off, I don't want anything to disturb my sleep. The nurse comes in and gives me my medication, I know it won't take long before I drift off. Tomorrow will be a big day and I hope I get to go home.

  Sunday morning passes in a blur, I have nurses and doctors coming in and out to me all morning.

  All too soon Mum and Dad are here wanting to know when I can leave. The nurse comes in and I ask her "When can I go and see my husband?" She says she will go and find out. Mum says "Tasha you need to let Felix rest and start to get better on his own, he probably doesn't need the guilt of thinking about how you are right now."

  "Mum, I need to see him before I leave. I'll ring Luca, he can take me so I'm not alone" I say as I turn on my phone.

  "Ok, but make sure Luca is with you" I nod as I dial Luca's number.

  "Hey Luca are you coming in to see Felix today? I really want to see him before I leave" I ask.

  "Hey sweetheart yeah Kammie and me are on our way over now. See you in 10" he says and I hang up. I see I have a text from Caleb, he will have to wait. Luca comes in and he's already spoken to Felix's doctor and arranged for me to go and see him. I'm slightly apprehensive but I really need to see him. I get dressed and tell Mum and Dad that I'll be back in 30 minutes and they say they'll pack my bag in the meantime. Kammie comes with us for moral support she says, but I know there's something between her and Luca, I can feel the chemistry.

  Chapter 26

  WHEN WE GET TO Felix's room Luca opens the door and I go in. Luca stands at the door watching. He says "you just missed Barbara and John, they were in for a while to see Felix" I smile, to be honest I hadn't thought to ring them, surely they understand that, considering what I've been through. Don't they?

  I walk over to Felix's bed, he must have heard us talking because he turns his head towards me. He smiles and I melt. I always did love his smile. "Tasha! Hi are you ok?" he asks pointing to my neck brace. I nod, I can't talk I feel so emotional.

  "I'm really sorry I don't know what's wrong with me, I don't know why I wanted to hurt you. You're beautiful, gentle and a very loving person, but all I can think about is that you don't love me and want to leave me. I've seen men looking at you, they look at you like they want to eat you up and keep you for ever. I can't get that out of my head and that's all I can think about. I'm sorry Tasha"

  "Felix, I don't understand your logic but I want you to get better because I love you and I want you to come home so you can keep me forever. That's what I want!" I take his hand and lean over and kiss him on the lips. "I love you Felix. Get better soon" he nods his head and takes my other hand and holds the two of them together and kisses them "I love you too Tasha" I feel tears falling down my face.

  "I have to go
now, I'm going home to Mum and Dad's but Luca is going to keep me updated with your progress. Hopefully I can come over soon and have coffee or something. Love you" I say as I walk out the door.

  "I'll stay with him Tasha, Kammie is coming home with you to your parent's house ok?" Luca says. Without thinking I go over and kiss him on the cheek, he steps away "That's not a good idea Tasha" he says nodding his head towards Felix. I look over at him and he's closed his eyes so he can't see. I have to turn and walk away because I don't know what to say. Surely he can't be worried about Luca and me, he's Felix's best friend for Christ sake. I don't understand why he feels like this, I really don't understand it. I know that until he sorts out what is in his head, we can't move forward as a couple. Luca goes into the room and closes the door behind him.

  I turn to Kammie and she opens her arms for me to hug her. I start sobbing because it feels like I've lost the Felix I married, I've lost my best friend. After about 5 minutes she pulls away "Come on Tasha, we need to get you home" I nod and we go back down to my room to find Mum and Dad. They have everything packed up ready to go and the doctor follows me into the room. "Here are your discharge papers and your appointment for Friday is booked. If you have any problems with anything at all this week I want you to come straight back here to see me. See you on Friday Natasha" he says shaking my hand.

  I turn to everyone and say "Come on lets get out of this place, I'm sick of seeing it" and I walk towards the door, they all follow me and we go out to the car and drive to Mum and Dad's. I feel like I'm driving away from Felix for the last time, it's like we've split up and we are never to be together again. I feel sad thinking about it, I know the things he did to me were bad, but I also know that he only did them because he loved me. He just took it to the extreme and didn't want to share me with anyone, that's not how being a couple works.

  In the car I text Caleb to let him know that I am out of hospital and on my way to Mum's, he had left a message earlier asking for me to let him know what my plans were.