Till Death Us Do Part

by V, Krissy

  "Thank you for letting me know, hope you settle in well and that you're not in too much pain. I know you will be surrounded by people you love, but just remember I'm here if you need to vent or moan about anything ok?"

  "Thanks Caleb, I know you're there for me"

  "I'll talk to you later when you've settled in, but just remember to think about a new job, it might be just what you're looking for;-)

  "I will I promise, thanks for all your support x"

  "xx"

  I know I need to think about a job soon because I have the two job offers on the table, I really need to think about the pro's and con's with both jobs, although I know I prefer Caleb's job offer, I'm not sure I can work with him every day. I'll talk to everyone later about the offers and we can all discuss them together.

  I lay on the couch for most of the day. I'm feeling a bit depressed about how my life has changed in less than a month. Not just changed but fallen apart. The doctor told me that this would happen and that it's normal in these situations, nothing about the way I feel is normal! I feel like I am experiencing two very different emotions, on one hand I hate Felix for what he did to me and I want to hurt him like he hurt me. How could he do those awful things to me if he really loved me, he couldn't, surely he didn't want to hurt me. Then on the other hand I love him and want to look after him and make sure he's ok, that should be what a wife does.

  I cry periodically throughout the day and Kammie and me watch silly movies just to make me feel better. We laugh, we cry but most of all we have fun. I can't remember the last time I had fun, it might have been in Jesters before everything went wrong.

  Mum is making one of her famous Sunday dinners and Kammie is staying the night, she has booked time off work so that she can stay for a few days. I'm happy she's staying because I really need to talk to someone.

  Mum calls us around 5pm to tell us dinner is ready, so we get off the couch and go into the dining room. The table is laid, Mum always makes an effort, like every day is Christmas Day, I've missed this. I've missed a lot of my home comforts and I realise that it's been a long time since I spent some time with Mum and Dad without Felix being around. How come I never noticed? How come they never said anything about it either?

  We sit around the table just chatting about nothing really important, I haven't eaten for what feels like days and I realise I'm starving, so I eat loads. The food Mum makes is always lovely; she's made roast beef which is my favourite, with nanny peas (well they are normal peas that have been soaked and everyone can make them, but they remind me of my nanny and that's why I call them nanny peas), roasted vegetables, roast potatoes, Yorkshire puddings and gravy. Gorgeous.

  "Mum this is lovely thanks, I've not eaten for days and this is just what I needed. Thanks" I say rubbing my tummy. Everyone starts laughing and it's nice to hear laughter. I realise that there hasn't been a huge amount of laughter in my house over the last 6 months and I didn't even notice!

  Dad helps Mum clear the table and then she brings in dessert, a homemade rice pudding, another favourite of mine. "Mum you'll have to roll me into the lounge after this" I laugh. The rice pudding is just the best I have ever tasted. She uses my favourite clotted cream and it just adds a special flavour to the pudding.

  When we've finished, Kammie and I go into the lounge and Mum and Dad follow with coffee for everyone. We sit in silence for a while and then I speak "Do you think we can talk about my job offers? Kammie would you get my laptop, I need to open the contracts and check my emails. Felix didn't want me to take the job at Blue Eye, the Administration Manager's job, he didn't like the CEO, but if I'm honest that is my favourite job. The other job, with Clifton Associates as a Facilities Manager, is the one he wanted me to take, it was all a bit suspicious because he didn't tell me he knew the guy who interviewed me. Actually now I come to think of it, it was really strange!"

  Kammie comes back in the room with the laptop and she turns it on. While it's powering up we talk about the two positions. Everyone thinks I should go for the one I want, the one that will interest me, the one that will challenge me and take my mind off my personal life.

  When I check my emails I see one from Clifton Associates, the Facilities Management company. When I read the email, I actually don't believe what I am reading, so I pass the laptop to Kammie for her to read the email out loud.

  "Dear Natasha,

  Position of Facilities Manager

  We are sorry to hear that Felix Phillips has been admitted to hospital and we hope he makes a quick recovery.

  Unfortunately, the offer we extended to you was on the basis that we were to employ both of you as a complete package. This was explained to Felix at his interviews and, therefore, as he is incapacitated, we will have to retract our offer of employment to both of you.

  We wish you the best of luck in your search for suitable employment.

  With kind regards

  Mr. D Wolfe

  Operations Director"

  Everyone is shocked. I look at Mum, she takes hold of Dad's hand because he looks really angry and looks like he could punch the wall or something. Kammie is staring at the screen, with her mouth wide open. I just sit there staring at her. I felt my heart break, a fragment at a time with each word she read aloud.

  How could Felix have organised all that without telling me? We lived together and did everything together. How could I not know him at all? He obviously thought he could move to Clifton Associates with me and keep an eye on me. What did he think I was going to do? Why did he feel like he had to watch over me every minute of the day? Was our whole marriage a sham?

  No one speaks, because no one knows what to say. How could I have lived with this man and not really known him at all. I just don't understand how he hid this side of himself the whole time we were together before we got married, he didn't show this side of himself at all. That must have taken a lot of effort on his behalf, because this side of him is extremely dominant!

  Chapter 27

  I STAND UP SLOWLY and look around at the three people who I know love me unconditionally. "I'm just going to make a phone call and I'll be right back" I say walking out of the house, I sit on the garden wall and ring Caleb.

  "Hey Tasha how are you?"

  "I'm alright, listen I need to ask you something ok, I want you to think about it before answering me and I want you to use your business head when you answer me"

  "Ok I will I promise. What's the matter Tasha?"

  "I just received an email from Clifton Associates saying that they had heard Felix was sick in hospital and they were reneging my job offer because the deal they made with Felix was to take both of us on. He obviously wanted to control that part of my life as well. So my question is: Are you going to renege on my offer? Did you make a deal with Felix too? Am I good enough to get this job?" I stop talking because I feel myself getting upset.

  "Calm down Tasha, take a deep breath, it's me you're talking to. Breathe. First of all yes, you are by far the best candidate for the job. You always were and that has nothing to do with how I feel about you. Secondly, I did not make a deal with Felix. If you remember I told him I didn't want to work with him. Thirdly, I never break a promise I make to anyone ok"

  "Really? Thanks, that means a lot. I've just had another big shock where Felix is concerned and I don't know if I can take anymore Caleb"

  "Tasha I don't know how anyone can treat you as anything less than an equal, you are bright, intelligent, really good at the work you do and obviously you are beautiful. We would be honoured to have you work with us, I'm sure you'd be an asset to the business. Does that make you feel better?"

  "Yes, yes it does" I squeak because I really am starting to feel emotional.

  "Now you need to go back into the house, because I can hear you're outside, and think about whether or not you want to work with my company"

  "Can I ask you one more question?"

  "Well seeing as you were going to ask one question and you've already asked four, yes
you can" he says laughing.

  "Will I see you everyday?" I ask with trepidation because I don't know what I want the answer to be.

  "Why would you ask that Tasha? Do you want to see me everyday? Or don't you want to see me everyday?" he's laughing at me.

  "Well I don't mind, but it might be hard seeing you everyday, I think you'd be a distraction" I'm smiling, I know he can't see me but I know he can hear the smile in my voice.

  He starts laughing so hard I imagine he has tears in his eyes "Oh Tasha you're so funny, a distraction in a good way or a bad way?"

  "Well have you looked in the mirror recently Caleb, come on" I say laughing back at him.

  He laughs again "I think I'd be distracted by you Tasha, so maybe I won't see you everyday but at least you'll be able to take me for coffee"

  "Hmm ok I'll think about it"

  "Good I'm glad, I'm here if you need anything else Tasha, talk to you soon"

  "Will do"

  I sit on the wall for another couple of minutes after I hang up, I feel better knowing that this job offer is real and it's just for me, I'm still mad at Felix for not telling me about the deal he made with Mr. Wolfe.

  My phone beeps and there is a text from Caleb.

  "Don't forget I'm here for you Tasha, anytime, anywhere"

  I smile and then I walk back into the house and everyone turns to look at me, either they've all been talking about me or they're wondering where I went. I smile and sit down and then I say "Right let's look at this Administration Manager's job and weigh up the pros and cons of leaving where I am and taking it"

  "I'll get a pen and paper" Dad says with a smile and gets up and walks over to the dresser. When he sits down we all start to compile a list, which ends up with me agreeing to take the new job. I sit there and smile to myself, maybe life is looking up and not everything has to revolve around Felix and his feelings.

  "Who wants another cup of coffee or a glass of wine? Kammie?" Mum asks.

  "I'd love a glass of wine but not if Tasha isn't allowed" she says looking at me.

  "I'm sure I can't drink a lot but one glass of wine won't hurt" I smile at Mum, she gets up and gets us all a glass. I decide to tell them what's happened over the last few weeks, I'd rather tell them now, than having it hang around me like an albatross.

  "I want to tell you about Felix and me if that's ok, I just feel that you need to know so that you can help me through it" I feel emotional but I want to continue.

  "If you want to, that's fine but we don't want to pressurise you Tasha" Mum says.

  "I know, but I think it's better if I tell you" so I sit there and tell them how everything was perfect until the week before we went to Jesters, I told them about the hair pulling, the punches, the name calling, him choosing my clothes, pushing me down the stairs, the forced sex, the anal sex and finally what happened two nights ago. When I tell them about that night I finally break down, reliving it all is the final straw. Mum comes over and takes me on her lap like a child and I curl up in a ball and sob. Dad has left the room and I know I heard him crying, Kammie is crying too and holding my hand.

  After a while I sit back on the couch "Now I don't really want to have to talk about that again if I can help it, but you needed to know. I'm going to find Dad, I think I need to talk to him on my own, he will have taken it the hardest I think" Mum and Kammie nod at me. I can't even begin to think what Dad is going through, what he is thinking about and how he is going to handle it. I have a very close relationship with my Dad, we always used to gang up on Mum and we would laugh when she used to get angry and moan at the two of us. We would roll our eyes at each other and end up giggling behind her back. I wouldn't necessarily seek Dad out to talk about any problems I had or anything like that, but I always knew he had my back. I know Dad loves me and treats me like a princess, so for someone who he trusted to take over caring for me and looking after me, to break that trust will have left him heartbroken. I know he won't show it now, he will be quiet for a while and then he will get angry. I need to go and talk to him, to tell him that I love him and that it's not his fault, because I know he will be blaming himself.

  I go into the kitchen and see Dad out in the garden on the bench so I go outside "Can I sit and talk to you Dad?"

  "Of course you can baby girl, you can talk to me anytime" he says patting the seat next to him on the bench.

  "I'm sorry that I didn't say anything to you and Mum, but I know how Mum loved Felix and I didn't want her to think badly of him. I was protecting him" I say while looking at the floor. It's not really the kind of conversation I like having with my Dad.

  "No Tasha. I'm sorry that you had to go through all of that, especially with a man you loved so much. I'm hurt you didn't talk to us, of course I am, but I also understand why you didn't, it wasn't easy for you to tell us that in there, especially me and your Mum. I'm very angry with Felix, I trusted him with my most prized possession, you! And he betrayed that trust, I can't forgive him for that" He has a tear rolling down his face, I don't think I've ever seen my Dad cry before and I don't like it.

  "Daddy I'm going to be ok honestly, I'm strong, I take after you in that respect" I turn and give him a big hug. "You always taught me to deal with my own problems before asking for help, that's what I was doing. I didn't want anyone to say that I was giving up at the first hurdle. I wanted to try to make it work, I wanted to give Felix the chance to prove that he wasn't really this person that he had become. I don't know what I expected him to do, but I just wanted the old Felix back and I suppose I thought every morning when I woke up that this was going be the day that Felix came back to me. That this would be the day he showed me how much he loved me and that he was willing to fight for me. Maybe I was a bad judge of character because he didn't fight for me, he didn't come back to me, he became this monster and I never saw Felix again."

  I'm sat next to Dad and while I've been talking to him, I've rested my head on his shoulder. We both sit quietly for a while, then I say "Come on let's go back in to the girls" I stand and take his hand and let him walk me back into the house.

  We sit and I watch Dad take Mum's hand when he sits next to her. I sit on the other couch next to Kammie, she takes my hand and starts rubbing it. I never really thought about how she would take all of this, it must be so hard to watch your friend fall apart and then again she must be annoyed with me because I didn't tell her what was going on. I know if it was the other way around then I would be upset that she didn't feel she could talk to me, but having experienced it, it wasn't that easy.

  They all ask me questions:- How did it start? What did he do? How was he with me in between attacks? It was hard explaining to them that he wasn't like this all the time, he loved me and he was very loving and would do anything for me when he wasn't attacking me. He wasn't always a monster and that's why I stuck with it, because I thought my Felix was still in there.

  We then start talking about my new job that I'm going to accept. I start to feel really tired and then tell them I'm going to bed "I'm coming with you Tasha, I'm sleeping in the same room as you, like we did for so many years. I'll be there if you need any help" Kammie says, I smile at her, then I go over to Mum and Dad and kiss them goodnight and tell them I love them, I go up the stairs and into my childhood room. Kammie and I get ready for bed then climb in under the duvet.

  My phone beeps with a text and I look at the phone and smile, it's Caleb. Whenever I get a text from him it makes me happy, he knows just when to text to make me smile.

  "Night Tasha, hope you sleep well tonight. It's Monday tomorrow, I hope you have good news for me ;-) xx)

  "Night Caleb, you'll have to wait and see what tomorrow brings x"

  "Ha ha you're funny. I look forward to hearing when you're taking me to coffee too, it's well overdue xx"

  "Night night Caleb, I don't renege on a promise either x"

  "Night my Angel"

  I decide to turn off my phone because I know I will be tempted to send Felix a message
and I'm not sure it would be pleasant after reliving it all today.

  Kammie looks at me smiling "Ok bitch, tell me about this Caleb guy, he seems to put a smile on your face, but do you really need a male friend in your life right now?"

  "Kammie, I can't explain to you what Caleb means to me, because I don't know myself. Do you remember the guy I spilled my drink on in Jesters that awful night? I gave him my number because I wanted to pay for his dry cleaning. He rang me and said that I didn't have to pay for dry cleaning because he had sorted it out and that he would take coffee instead. I told him I was married and that's all it could ever be, he said that he had only invited me for coffee nothing else. He said he doesn't date married women, he never will." I tell her, I'm not sure I should tell her about his job offer or not.

  "He sounds like a player Tasha, but I'm sure you know him best" she says not really convinced.

  "He's helped me through these last few weeks, he's been there to help me when I needed to talk to someone who wasn't' family and wouldn't judge. He seemed to always know when to ring or text me, it was always when I was at my lowest. He says that he wants me in his life as a friend. I believe him and I have really come to rely on him too."

  "Well from what I saw of him, he did seem to genuinely care about you Tasha, but it has only been a few weeks and you've been through a lot, just don't let him take over your life and pressurise you into something you're not ready for ok" she says staring me in the eye, like she wants me to defy her or something. I start laughing at her, she looks so funny like she's trying to be bossy.

  "Don't worry Kammie the last thing I want is another complication in my life. I think I'm going to take the Administration Manager's job, I think you're all right and I need a distraction and a new challenge in my life. I don't know what is going to happen to me and Felix, but right now I want him to get better. I'm mad as hell with him for a lot of things, but he still means a lot to me" I say.