Till Death Us Do Part

by V, Krissy

  I get a little bit sad and Mum catches me with a couple of tears in my eyes. "Baby girl, I'm sorry maybe we should have gone somewhere else. I know how much you like this place, I thought maybe you could look out at the view and it would make you happy. I didn't think about the wedding, sorry" she pulls me into a hug.

  "Mum it's fine, I do still love this place, it makes me happy looking at the suspension bridge. It's just the last time we were here was such a happy day, but when I look back now, I realise that even on my wedding day Felix showed signs of aggressiveness." I sigh and Mum is looking at me because she doesn't realise what I am talking about.

  "You see on the wedding day when we were sat at the top table, Felix said that I wanted to say a few words. I never said that, you know I wouldn't want to talk in front of all those people."

  "I did think it was strange Tasha, but I thought it was nice though" Mum says.

  "When I said that I didn't want to say anything, he whispered in my ear "don't embarrass me Tasha just talk" I did what he said but I was annoyed with him. Later that night when we went to bed, he ripped my dress, not just the buttons but the dress – I went mad with him and he just shouted at me that I wasn't going to wear it again what was the problem. Mum you know what the problem is with that don't you?" I shake my head remembering everything.

  "Yeah I know that a wedding dress is something that a woman wants to keep forever, she wants to be able to look at it and try it on whenever she wants. I know that you always wanted to keep your wedding dress for making a christening dress Tasha" she looks sad when she says this, obviously thinking that I won't be giving her any grandchildren soon.

  Dad just looks at us both and says "how did you both get all that from him ripping your dress? Women I just don't understand you" he laughs and it breaks the tension around the table. Mum and me look at each other and we both laugh too.

  Lunch is lovely as always and I enjoy Mum and Dad's company. We go back to the house after and relax in front of the TV. This is really becoming a habit and I'm delighted I can go back to work on Monday.

  When I go to bed, I think about Felix and wonder how he's getting on being back home. Does he miss me being in the house? Is Luca looking after him? I wanted to ring Luca so many times today but I know I should leave him to help Felix to settle in. I'll ring him tomorrow and see how Felix is doing.

  I text Caleb because I've missed his texts today.

  "Hey, what've you been up to today?"

  He replied almost immediately, like he had been waiting for me.

  "Hey Angel, I was thinking about you today. Did you do anything?"

  "I went out for lunch with my Mum and Dad, we went to the White Lion Bar and I got upset, that's where I had my wedding reception. I feel better for having been there though."

  "I bet that was hard for you Tasha, good on you though for facing your fears. I went to the beach today, I love the beach. I like to just walk and think, I thought about you and what you've been through. You are very brave Angel"

  I think I'm going to cry, why would this beautiful man be taking time out at a weekend to think about me?

  "Thank you Caleb, I don't feel very brave. I sometimes wonder what I did to end up like this."

  "Angel, you didn't do anything except love the wrong man"

  "I know, I know"

  "Anyway Tasha, what are you doing now?"

  "Ha ha Caleb, I'm in bed, but you knew that right?"

  "I was hoping lol. That's why I like to text you at this time at night ☺"

  "Now, now, let's not start something that gets out of hand again"

  "I asked you to forgive me for that, it was the drink talking. Are you holding it against me?"

  "No, of course not Caleb. I can't imagine not talking to you every day, you keep me sane and make me realise that it's not my fault, that I didn't do anything wrong. You make me feel like I CAN live again."

  "Angel, you can live again and you will live again. I'll make sure of that. Now it's time for you to go to sleep I can hear you yawning. You're going back to work on Monday and you need to get ready for finishing off your work so that you can start working with me soon. We will have to do coffee before you start, I can't wait that long."

  "I'm starting to get sleepy Caleb, I think you're right, I need to sleep. I'll talk to you tomorrow?"

  "Of course Angel, of course, goodnight xx"

  "Night Caleb x"

  I fall asleep really easy as it has been a very emotional day.

  Chapter 39

  WHEN I WAKE UP on Sunday, Mum has breakfast cooking when I walk down the stairs. It smells gorgeous and I'm so hungry. "Mmmm that smells nice Mum" I say walking past her and pouring a cup of coffee. I sit at the breakfast table and watch Mum cooking, I love watching her cook and I love being at home. Mum turns around and looks at me, I smile at her, I feel today is going to be a good day.

  "Mum, can we go to the beach today? I want to walk on the beach and sit and look out at the sea" I smile because I know that she would like that as well.

  "Of course we can baby girl, that's a great idea. I have to go to see Auntie Tess this morning but we can go this afternoon, is that ok?" she smiles at me.

  "Yeah that's fine Mum, I want to get my work clothes ready for tomorrow anyway.

  We finish breakfast and Mum and Dad leave to go to Auntie Tess's house. I go up to my bedroom and start getting my things ready for work.

  While I am getting everything organised I get a text on my phone. I smile and think it might be Caleb.

  "Can you come over please? I have got some of your stuff together. I won't hassle you I promise. I know you don't trust me and that makes me so sad, but I do love you"

  It's Felix, his text surprises me, I didn't expect to hear from him so soon after going home. I'm scared though because he is so unpredictable, I just don't know what to expect.

  "Ok Felix, I'll come over. Will Luca be there?"

  I won't go unless Luca is there, Dad won't let me. I know Luca will protect me and won't let Felix hurt me anymore.

  "Yes he will. I promise Tasha that I won't hurt you. I wasn't thinking straight the other day, it hurts me so much that you don't trust me, when all I want to do is to love you"

  Does he mean it?

  I have to believe him, surely he has had time to think things over, surely he realises that he keeps hurting me and he can't keep doing that or he will push me out of his life.

  "Ok, I'll be there in an hour"

  I need to gain some control of this conversation, at least now I have time to prepare myself for him. I can feel that I am stronger than I have ever been where Felix is concerned. I feel like something positive is going to come out of this meeting, and with Luca there at least there will be someone to arbitrate.

  "Ok, I love you so much Tasha and I know I need to let you go xxxx"

  What does he mean by that? Has he finally realised that we are better off apart. I know I said I didn't trust him and didn't want to move back home, but it still hurts to think that he has given up and won't be fighting to keep me as his.

  I don't reply to him, but start getting organised to collect some of my things. He must have resigned himself to the fact that we just can't be together. This is the end of our relationship!

  I send Dad a text to say I'm going out to meet Luca and that I will be back in an hour to go to the beach. Dad replies and says that they will meet me back at the house. I'm not lying to them, Luca will be there.

  It feels strange driving up to my house, I haven't been back there for over a week and some of the memories start to come back. I sit in the car and take a deep breath, I don't need to have a panic attack right now. When I feel that I can breathe again, I get out of the car and walk towards the front door.

  I notice Luca's car isn't there and that's when I start to panic.

  Did Felix lie to me?

  I can't think like that.

  He loves me.

  He won't harm me. Will he?

  I open
the door with my key and walk in "Felix, Felix" I shout but I don't hear anything.

  I start to look around, the whole of the downstairs is trashed. What has he been doing? It doesn't look like Luca has been here at all. Now I'm really frightened.

  I dial Luca's number and before I get a chance to speak to him I see Felix.

  He's at the top of the stairs and his eyes are vacant, he's staring at me. I start to go up the stairs towards him, "Felix, Felix, No…" I scream "Why are you doing this to me? I thought you loved me Felix.”

  Chapter 40

  I HEAR SOMEONE SCREAMING, I realise it’s me. What is Felix doing to me now? Why does he have to keep torturing me? I thought he loved me!

  All of a sudden I can hear my name being called repeatedly, “Tasha, Tasha, are you ok?” I look around to see who is talking and then I look at my phone and realise that Luca has answered my call.

  “L..L…Luca. F…F…Felix” I can’t talk, I can’t believe what Felix has done this time. “L…L…Luca. Ring Dad. Come quick, please” I’m sobbing, I’m not sure he can understand me.

  “Tasha, where are you? What is going on? I can’t hear you very well, why are you whispering?” he says.

  “F…F…Felix, Luca come quick please. Home – I’m at home”

  “Oh my God Tasha what has he done to you this time, I’ll fucking kill him. Stay hidden and I’ll be there as soon as I can. I’ll ring your dad and ask him to meet me there. Love you Tasha” He hangs up. I stay where I am, curled into a little ball, rocking backwards and forwards.

  I can’t believe Felix has done this to me, this is the last straw, I can finally feel myself losing it, I’ve had enough, I can’t deal with this any longer.

  Chapter 41

  I DON’T KNOW HOW long I sit there just rocking, but soon the front door opens and my Dad storms in, his eyes are darting all around the place looking for me, searching. When he sees me he runs towards me and takes me into his arms “Baby girl, what happened, I’ll kill him, I really will” he is still looking around, searching for Felix. I can’t talk, I am so happy to see Dad.

  Luca storms in the door then and his eyes land on me, he comes over to me and checks me over “Tasha are you ok? What happened babe?” he’s looking around himself too, taking in the mess of the trashed lounge.

  “F…F…Felix, L…L…Luca he’s upstairs” I can’t even look towards the stairs.

  Luca looks at me and then slowly walks to the bottom of the stairs, I think he knows what Felix has done, he can’t bring himself to walk any faster to get to the stairs. He looks up and sees Felix, he is hanging from the attic doorway. “Oh no, Felix what have you done?” he runs up the stairs, but I know it’s too late, it was already too late when I walked into the house.

  Dad looks at me and says “Are you ok, I need to go to Luca” he kisses me on the head when I nod to say that it’s fine. He stands and goes up the stairs two at a time.

  I can hear Luca and Dad talking to Felix, trying to find out if it’s too late or not. I know he has gone, I can feel it in my heart.

  I can hear some shuffling of furniture and then I hear a thud, oh my god did they just take him down? I stand up and walk to the bottom of the stairs, I can see Felix he is still there staring down at me. Dad sees me and comes down the stairs, he picks me up and takes me to the kitchen, he puts me down on the table, then he searches the cupboard and finds a bottle of whiskey, he pours me a glass and makes me drink it “You've had a bad shock" I do as he tells me because I feel really faint. He gives me another shot of the whiskey.

  I can hear Luca moving around and talking to someone on the phone. "Dad, why would he do that to himself? He had his whole life ahead of him. He knew I was coming over! Do you think he did it on purpose so that I would find him? That's just sick" I sob into my Dad's belly as he hugs me.

  "Baby girl, he was obviously still sick, Luca was telling me he wouldn't let him in the house since he came home" We sit there for what seems like hours until someone knocks on the front door, it's the ambulance men and the police. That's who Luca must have been calling. They get to work getting Felix down and they take him out to the ambulance in a black bag.

  I run out of the house to the ambulance, I undo the zip and look at Felix I kiss him on the lips. I hate him and love him at the same time. How could he do this to himself? To me? I start thumping him on the chest telling him how selfish he was. They move me out of the way and close the doors to the ambulance. I turn around and the police are waiting for me, we all go in and sit around the dinner table. They ask lots of questions which we all answer, who is his next of kin? We explain what has been happening over the last few months, they say that it was obviously a suicide but there was no note.

  They agree to talk to his parents, I hadn't really thought about them during this whole time, they never once contacted me to apologise for what he had done to me, but I know I must talk to them later. After what seems like days the police go, I lean into Dad who cradles me like a baby. Luca stands up and starts pacing the floor "Tasha I'm really sorry you had to see that. Felix was a bastard for doing that and everything else he did to you” I stand up and go to him and hug him tight "Felix was very lucky to have a good friend like you who stuck by him even though you didn't agree with what he had done. Thank you Luca for being there for him" he hugs me back, he doesn't need to say anything.

  Dad says to both of us "I've rung Mum and Kammie and they are waiting at the house for us, Luca that includes you too son" Luca nods at my dad and leaves to go to my parents house. I'm not able to drive so I lock the house and leave my car behind and jump in with Dad.

  When we get home, we go in and Mum flies at me and Dad and Kammie flies to Luca. I can hear him crying into her neck, she is telling him it will be alright and she will be there for him always. I can't cry anymore I've already cried so much, Mum is crying though, she can't believe he would do something like that.

  We all sit down drinking whiskey, for the shock, and we talk about Felix, the old Felix and what a wonderful man he was. We tell funny stories and laugh and then I remember that I need to speak to his Mum. I go into the kitchen and ring her "Hi Barbara it's Tasha I'm so sorry about Felix"

  "You have some nerve ringing this house, you drove him to this by telling him you were going to leave him when he was sick. You were supposed to protect him and look after him, not run at the first sign of him being sick" I can't believe her attacking me like that.

  "What?! You obviously don't know why he was in hospital sick, he was a sick bastard towards the end" I'm shaking and I'm screaming into the phone. I feel someone take the phone off me, it's Luca "Barbara I'm sorry about Felix, but he did some terrible things to Tasha that's why she said those things" he walks out into the garden, obviously to tell her what he has done over the last month or so.

  Kammie comes in and hugs me and takes me back to the lounge. I can't believe what a shit life I have right now. Luca comes back in and says that Barbara didn't have a clue what Felix had been doing to me and she apologised for shouting at me and also for what her son had done. I've always got on with her so it was a shock to hear her lose it like that. I know she was in shock at hearing the news about Felix hanging himself.

  I know that I will have to go and see her before the funeral, but that isn’t something I want to think about right now, I need to have a good night’s sleep first.

  Luca and Kammie stay over, Kammie climbs into bed with me and Luca stays in the spare room. I told her she could go to him but she said he would be ok and she can take care of him tomorrow, but tonight I needed her more. She really is the best friend in the world.

  Chapter 42

  SURPRISINGLY, I SLEEP WELL but that must have been all the whiskey I drank yesterday. I think of all the things that need to be done and get up and go downstairs. Kammie is still asleep; she looks so peaceful so I don’t wake her. Mum is in the kitchen with the coffee machine on, "Do you want a cup baby girl?” I nod.

  "Mum, I want to write a
list of everything that needs to be done for the funeral and then afterwards. Will you help me?" I sit at the kitchen table.

  "Of course I will baby girl, but don't you think you need to rest today and let us do the organising?" she says.

  "No I need to do this; I need to know he's really gone. I still can't believe it Mum" I have a few tears fall down my cheek, but I wipe them away and get out my laptop and turn it on. Mum pass me a cup of coffee and then I start a list of things to do:

  Ring the funeral home

  Ring the church to arrange the funeral

  Decide where to have the “afters”

  Look at which picture to use for the memorial cards

  Where to post the obituary

  When I’ve finalised the list I get up from the table and take a walk in the garden, I just need to think for a while. I sit on the bench and think about the last few years and all the things that have happened, I think about my wedding day and what a wonderful day it was. I was so in love that day, nothing could spoil the day, we ate, we laughed, we danced, and we made love all night. I can’t help but think of the last time we were alone together and everything he put me through, I try to push it out of my mind, to think of all the good things we did, all the good times we had, and that’s how I want to remember him.

  When I walk back into the kitchen I’m surprised to see Caleb talking to my Mum. What is he doing here? Why is he talking to my Mum?

  “Hi Caleb, what’s going on?” I say as I close the door behind me.

  “Tasha, I was worried because I hadn’t heard from you, so I came over to see if you were ok. I couldn’t sleep, I just felt like something was wrong and I needed to know that you were ok. You’ve been through so much lately.” He walks over to me and pulls me into him and hugs me tight, he whispers in my ear “Are you ok? I was so worried, I had a pain in my chest and I knew you were hurting. I’m so sorry Tasha, so sorry”