Because of You

by Maria E. Monteiro

  “Who was that?” I have a feeling I’m not going to like her answer.

  “Your father.” I was right. “He wants you to start spending every other weekend with him like the court papers order.

  “But I don’t want to. You can’t make me go.”

  My mom closes her eyes taking a deep breath in. “Hon, I know you don’t want to go, but you have to go. The judge granted him visitation. He’s your father, he wants to spend time with you.”

  “I don’t wanna go. He can’t make me go!” Why is he forcing me to spend time with him?

  “I’m afraid he can. He can take me to court if he thinks I’m trying to stop him from seeing you.”

  “But you’re not.”

  “Yeah, but it’s my word against his. It’s just every other weekend,” my mother pleads.

  “Why is Dad being such an ass?” I try to fight the tears that want to force their way out. He has a new family, why does he need me?

  “Don’t call your father an ass! He’s just trying to have a relationship with you.”

  “Why just me? Why not Carrie too? The last time I checked she’s his daughter too.”

  “Because she’s over eighteen and lives four hours away.”

  “So I’m being punished because I’m only sixteen?” My tears no longer can be held back. It’s not fair I have to be forced to do this.

  My mother walks over and wraps her arms around me. “Oh honey, having a relationship with your father is not a punishment. He’s your father and just because he’s having a new baby does not mean you’re not still his little girl. Take this as a chance to built the relationship you two once had.”

  I pull away from her still feeling hurt. “It’s never going to be like it was before.” It’s not fair! I hate my father for doing this to me. “I need to get out of here.” I walk right back outside.

  The mugginess in the air makes it hard for me to breathe. I swear if I could I would throw myself on the ground and throw a tantrum just like a two year old. Instead I sit on my front step and lower my head to let my tears travel down my face.

  This is not fair. I don’t want to spend the weekends with him and having to watch that thing grow in Trisha’s stomach.

  “What’s wrong?” A deep voice asks surprising me. I look up and see Austin kneeling in front of me. Oh God, what does he want now?

  “Nothing.” I quickly wipe my eyes.

  “It doesn’t look like nothing. Is it your parents again?”

  I nod. I know if I try to speak I’ll begin to cry again.

  He stands up and offers me his hand. “Come on.”

  I shake my head no.

  “Come on. I promise I won’t bite you. Come on lets go for a walk.”

  I give him my hand and allow him to help me up. A part of me wants to run inside and get far away from him, while a bigger part of me wants to go with him. I must be going crazy because I begin to walk along side him.

  “I can’t believe summer is over. I’m not ready to go back to school,” he says as we walk up our street away from both of our houses.

  “Me either.” I utter. “Can I ask you a question?”

  “What’s up?”

  “What are you doing out here? Shouldn’t you be at some party getting drunk or hooking up with some girl?”

  “Wow, you really think so little of me.” He laughs.

  “I don’t think anything of you.”

  He stops laughing and furrows his eyebrows shaking his head. “Well there were no parties or girls happening tonight.” He begins to laugh again. “Is there any way to get you to crack a smile.”

  “No.” He continues to give me a goofy look and I can no longer control the muscles of my mouth. The corners shoot up into a smile.

  “There it goes. I like seeing you smile a lot more than seeing you cry. If you wanna talk I make a good listener.”

  A part of me wants to trust him and tell him everything going on in my head. If this was ten-year-old Austin I was talking to right now I would tell him in a heartbeat, but seventeen-year-old Austin is a different story. “I’m not in the mood to share.”

  He places his hands over his heart and pretends I just hurt him. “That hurt. You don’t wanna talk to me, that’s cool. I’ll be okay.”

  “Well, if you’re in such a mood for sharing why don’t you tell me why you’re out here tonight. What do you want from me?” I need to know what his agenda is, because I can’t take this game he’s trying to play with me any longer.

  “To be honest I was out here because I needed to get out of my house too. Sometimes I wish my dad would leave my mom.” He lowers his head and seems now afraid to look me in the eyes. “You know my dad can be a real asshole sometimes, especially when he gets on his holier than now soapbox.”

  I remember always being afraid of his father. He always looked mad. I never even heard him speak sweetly to anybody. “He was starting on how I need to be like my older brother and become more serious and how just because this is my senior year it does not mean I get to slack off. He said this year it should only be about my studies if I want to go to the University of Texas, blah, blah, blah, blah. I had to get out of my house.” He picks up a stone from the road and throws it hitting the stop sign making it vibrate with a loud bang.

  “My dad is having a baby,” I blurt out. I don’t know why I feel safe sharing this with him. “And now he wants me to spend every other weekend with him and his Barbie Doll.”

  “That sucks! You should...” A car turns the corner shining its bright white light at us. We both jump back onto the sidewalk.

  The pick-up truck pulls over and Derek and Josh pop their heads out of the passenger window, “Yo, what’cha doing?” They ask Austin.

  Austin’s demeanor changes and an air of cockiness immediately enters the thick muggy atmosphere. This is the Austin everyone knows. The one I’ve been happy to stay away from all these years.

  “What’s up? What you fools doing?” He says stepping to the passenger window.

  “We were on our way to Ariel Moore’s house. There’s a bunch of people there. You wanna come? Or are you busy with something else?” Derek asks motioning to me.

  I don’t know why I expect him to say yes, but instead he answers, “Nah, I’m not doing anything. I’m down for a little fun.” He turns to face me with an arrogant smile and says, “You okay. Right?”

  I nod while anger begins to spread through my veins. I hate him so much and I hate myself more for actually trusting him. I turn around and begin to stomp back towards my house as I hear him get into the pick-up truck. They drive past me laughing. Okay, I’m not sure if they were really laughing, but I wouldn’t put it past them. Austin is probably telling them what a loser I am.

  I hate him so much and I hope I never have to look at his stupid face again.

  6

  Beach Time

  I’m still mad at myself for opening up to Austin the way I did, not that I told him anything that’s really a secret. Sooner or later everyone is going to know Trisha is pregnant.

  “Come on girlie girl get dressed,” Farrah says, running into my room. “I stayed up late last night telling her everything that’s going on in my life. Well I didn’t tell her about my walk with Austin, but I did tell her about my dad and the new baby. I felt it was only right to open up to her now that I had told that loser.

  She knew exactly how I felt. Her parents aren’t apart, but a year ago they announced they were having another baby. Farrah was devastated. She didn’t like the idea of having yet another brother or sister. She already has two older brothers, Paul who’s twenty-two and Kevin who’s twenty. She also has three younger sisters: Melissa, who’s ten, Candice who’s five, and Brenna who’s four. That house is crowded enough.

  Her new baby sister Jane was born three weeks ago. She’s the cutest baby ever, but Farrah is exhausted from having to watch her other siblings while her parents watch the baby.

  I’m glad it’s always been just Carrie and me. I d
on’t want another sister or brother. Especially one that only has the same father as us. I’m never going to see that thing as my real sibling.

  “What are you doing here?” I ask her.

  “I came by to take you out. I thought we’d go to the beach and enjoy looking at the tourists one last time, before they’re all gone.”

  “Don’t you remember I get to see them every day at work.”

  “Yes, but you never get to see them with their bathing suits on and their shirts off.” She forms a wicked smile. “Come on Jade, come to the beach with me.”

  I’m not really in the mood to go anywhere, but at the same time I need to get out of this house. “Fine, lets go, but I have to be back early. I have to work tonight.”

  “No problem. Go change so we can go already.”

  I can’t believe how packed this place is already. Lines of bodies are spread out on the sand. What time do these people wake up to get here anyway?

  We choose a spot as close as we can to the shoreline. Both Farrah and I would rather be in the water than lying out on the sand trying to get color. Besides both of us already have a nice tan going on. It’s one of the perks of living in Cisco Beach.

  We begin to lay our towels on the boiling hot sand when I hear that familiar deep voice say, “Are you following me?”

  I slowly twist around and see Austin and Josh standing behind us with their towels in their arms. How in the hell did he find me again? This beach is huge. I’m starting to think he’s the one that’s following me.

  “I should be asking you that?” I exclaim with disgust in my voice.

  “Hi guys,” Farrah sings, with her sexy smile. I know she’s excited to see Josh.

  “Hi,” Josh responds giving her the same smile back.

  “Do you guys wanna join us,” she asks. Oh please let them say no.

  “Sounds like a plan,” Austin says, placing his towel right next to mine.

  “Don’t you have somewhere better to be, like maybe Ariel’s house?” I ask hoping he realizes I don’t want him here.

  “Nah,” he answers with his stupid dimples on display. I’m really starting to hate those things.

  He is totally ruining my day. I kick off my Converse and begin to undo the button on my jean skirt but suddenly stop when I see him removing his orange University of Texas T-shirt to expose his body. He has turned his baby fat into one hundred percent pure lean muscle. His abs remind me of the ones you see on an infomercial for some exercise DVD. I try to look away, but my eyes won’t cooperate. I gaze up at his face and he’s obnoxiously grinning. He must have noticed I was checking him out. “Oh get over yourself.”

  He starts to laugh and sits back on his towel. I finish taking off my skirt and white tank top to reveal my red and black-stripped bikini. I feel a little self–conscious standing here half naked in front of him. I start to wonder if he still thinks I’m gross.

  I glance over at him and see his eyes sparkle with pleasure as they travel from my legs to my chest. I blush feeling my heart pound against my chest. Why is he checking me out?

  “I think I’m ready for a swim.” Austin quickly blurts out, jumping to his feet, and runs towards the water. “You coming?” He calls out.

  Farrah and Josh stand up to join him. They all dive into the water like it’s nothing. I wish I could be like them, but I’m very cautious when it comes to doing things like that.

  I enter the water slowly calculating each step so I can control which part of my body gets wet. I bring my arms half way up my chest, afraid if the water touches them I will go into hypothermic shock.

  I shiver with each step I take. I can’t believe how on a hot day like this the water is so cold. Someone swims by and splashes me with tiny drops of freezing cold salty water. I let out a little loud scream. People really need to be careful where they swim.

  I glance up at Austin and see an ingenuous look come across his face. He quickly disappears diving underwater. I look around to find him, but I can’t see him anywhere. I don’t trust him. I know he’s up to something.

  My legs try to handle the cold water as I prepare to run back out. But before I can take one step a splash sprinkles on my back. I whip around just in time to see Austin’s arms coming in my direction. In one swift move he scoops me up.

  “Austin! No!” I manage to scream before he throws me in the water bringing a cold shock to my hot skin. I come back up to see him, Farrah, and Josh laughing their heads off. “You’re an ass!” I take my hand and splash water towards him, which only makes him come after me again. I try to escape but he’s too fast for me. Once again he picks me up and tosses me into the water like I’m some beach toy.

  I come back up and try to keep a firm face as I glare at him. His goofy smile disappears. I try my best to keep my guard up but the part of me that’s actually having fun can’t hold my composure any longer and I begin to laugh, which makes him laugh again.

  We all play in the water for another hour. Many times Farrah falls prey to Josh’s arm. She’s on cloud nine right now. I’m so happy for her.

  I on the other hand swim around, trying my best to ignore Austin, but he makes it so hard. He keeps swimming along side me and twirling me around the water. I’m actually enjoying being here with him.

  A shot of fear runs through my body as I realize I’m starting to trust him again. I can’t do this. The only person that’s going to end up getting hurt in this situation is me. I can’t allow this to happen. I walk out of the ocean trying to keep any happy emotions sheltered. I can’t drop my guard like I did last night.

  They all follow me out. “That water felt amazing,” Farrah giggles, cozying up closer to Josh.

  “Yeah, I haven’t had this much fun at the beach in a long time,” Josh says, enjoying his view of Farrah’s pink sparkly bikini, or should I say her chest stuffed in the bikini top.

  “I thought that was you,” a squeaky sound shrieks behind me. I turn around to see who everyone is looking at. Leah is standing right behind my towel. Really, do these people have Low-Jacks on each other?

  Her blond hair glistens in the sun giving her an angelic air while her eyes give me an evil look. Her sister and two friends stand right next to her giving me the same look. I wonder if I’m going to get threatened again.

  “What are you doing here?” Austin asks, leaning back on his elbows.

  “Enjoying the last days of our summer vay-k.” She lays her oversize beach towel right next to Austin’s. “You guys don’t mind if we join you?”

  “Not at all,” I say with a sardonic smile. I put my sunglasses on and lie back hoping I can make them disappear.

  “So I missed you last night, Austin,” Leah says. “Why didn’t you come to Ariel’s?” Wait, he didn’t go? But I saw him get in the truck. Maybe they all changed their minds. “Josh said you had to help your mom with something.”

  “Yeah. I’ll be there the next time,” he responds. I’m confused. Why didn’t he go?

  “So, Jade?” Oh God, why does she have to talk to me now. “What are you going to be doing now that you’re not cheerleading?”

  “You’re not cheerleading anymore?” Austin asks shocked.

  “Everything I couldn’t do when I was too busy cheering like an idiot,” I answer sitting up to face her.

  “Well it’s all for the best. You really weren’t any good at it.” Her sister and friends begin to laugh. Farrah’s mouth drops open, while Josh tries his best not to join in the laughter.

  This is bullshit. I don’t need to sit here and have to listen to these people who have no real importance in my life. “It’s been fun, but I gotta go.” I get up and start to get dress.

  “Wait, do we really have to go?” Farrah asks, motioning her eyes towards Josh.

  “I have to go to work, remember?” I hate tearing her away from her crush, but I can’t stay here a minute longer.

  “Hey, it’s cool. I’ll take you home, and Farrah can drive Josh home. If that’s okay with you?” Austin asks F
arrah as if I don’t have a say in this.

  “Yeah, that’s perfect,” Farrah quickly answers.

  “Wait a minute, isn’t there someone else who can take her home?” Leah questions. “Sweetie, isn’t there someone you could call so you don’t ruin our fun?”

  “It’s cool. I have to get home too,” Austin says picking up both our towels.

  Farrah gets up and gives me a quick hug goodbye. “Thanks for doing this.”

  I try to come up with something to say, but all I manage to do is part my lips without a sound coming out. Everything is happening so fast and before I know it I’m walking towards Austin’s car with him.

  “You don’t have to give me a ride. It’s not a far walk,” I finally manage to say.

  “No. It’s cool, besides I owe you.”

  “For what?”

  “For giving me a reason to leave.”

  “What? You don’t like being goggled at by one of your groupies?”

  He let’s out a small laugh. “Only if I’m being goggled at by the right girl.” He gazes up at me. I try to ignore the tingling feeling going on in my body. I will not fall for his charm.

  “I just hope I don’t get threatened again.”

  “Who threatened you?” Austin asks opening the car door for me. Wow, I didn’t think he was this type of guy.

  “Forget it.” I place my towel on the black leather seat so I don’t get it all wet.

  He grabs my arm making my heart race again. “Who threatened you?” His eyebrows furrow in concern.

  I know I have to tell him before he thinks it’s something more serious. “Holly, Leah’s younger sister. She warned me to stay away from you. You know if you’re dating Leah, you’re not behaving like a good boyfriend.”

  “Ha! She’s not my girlfriend. We’re just friends.” He walks around to the other side of his white Honda Civic and gets in. “I’m sorry she threatened you.”