Because of You

by Maria E. Monteiro

  “No big deal.” I hate that I’m actually feeling comfortable with him.

  Austin turns on his car as I lean back and close my eyes. I sit right back up when I hear The Allman Brothers Band’s, Whipping Post come blaring out of his speakers. “You’re listening to The Allman Brothers?”

  “Hell yeah. I listen to all those classic rock bands. What is it that your father used to say, ‘There’s no music like the music that came out in the late sixties and early seventies. It was all groovy man’,’” Austin says laughing.

  I can’t believe he still listens to it. My dad used to take us to the basement and teach us all about the music from that time period. He said it was important we appreciate all kinds of music and not only what was playing on the radio stations.

  He puts the music up louder making me happy I don’t have to talk to him anymore and have my heart begin to forgive him. I have to remember the real Austin. The one who ran off when I was younger never to talk to me again. The Austin, who left me standing on the street last night like I didn’t even matter. Not the one who keeps showing me he remembers our past together.

  A few seconds later, he lowers the music. Please don’t let him start talking to me again. “I’m really sorry about last night,” he utters.

  “It’s not a big deal.” I stare out the windshield refusing to look his way.

  “I got out of Derek’s car and went looking for you, but you were already inside your house.”

  “Like I said it’s not a big deal,” I lean forward and put the music up again. I don’t want to hear his excuse for being a dick last night. I don’t want to forgive him.

  He presses the volume on his steering wheel and lowers the music again. “You wanna go get something to eat?”

  “No. I just need to get home.”

  “What time do you have to be at work?”

  “In an hour.”

  “What time do you get off?”

  “Nine.”

  “Do you want me to pick you up? Maybe we can get something to eat then,” Austin says pulling up across the street from my house.

  I can’t take this anymore. I don’t understand why he’s trying to become someone in my life. “What do you want?” I ask.

  “What do you mean?”

  “Why do you keep acting like we’re friends? We haven’t been friends in years.”

  “I know. I guess I was hoping we could get to know each other again.” He stares at me without blinking.

  “Well I don’t want to. I like not knowing you. Lets just keep it that way,” I snap and jump out of his car. I can’t allow myself to get close to someone I don’t trust. I don’t need him breaking my heart again.

  7

  Had Enough

  I walk into Delights exhausted. Logan is behind the counter helping out the long line of customers. I knew I shouldn’t have gone to beach today. How am I going to survive for the next four hours?

  “Hey, how was the beach?” he asks when he spots me.

  “Okay. Why didn’t you come?” He could’ve saved me from Austin.

  “I had to see my dad. It was our monthly visit.”

  “Did Summer go this time?”

  “Nope.” Summer hates her father as much as I hate mine. She’s lucky though she’s not forced to see him like I am.

  I put on my pink apron and begin to take the next order. “How was it?” I ask Logan.

  “I guess okay. He brought the new girlfriend.”

  “Can I help you?” I ask the next customer in line.

  “Yes, mint chocolate chip on a waffle cone please,” the older man says.

  “What’s she like?” I ask Logan as I get a waffle cone.

  “Let’s just say she makes your dad’s girlfriend look like her babysitter.”

  “Are you serious? What is it with our fathers and much younger women? It’s like they need to prove they still have it by dating these stupid women.”

  “I know. I hope I never turn out like them,” Logan says with a far distant look in his eyes.

  “You won’t.” I hand the man his cone. A huge smile appears on his face. I think it’s funny how ice cream can make people so happy.

  I walk over to Logan and give him a tight hug.

  “Thanks, I needed that.”

  We both continue to take orders. The lines do not slow down and when the movie theater clears out it gets even worse. I wish this running around would keep my mind from wandering, but it doesn’t. Every spare chance I have I find myself thinking of Austin.

  I keep picturing the way his dark eyes looked at me last night, and how his arms grabbed me in the water. I also find myself watching the door expecting him to come in. He’s been popping up everywhere I am lately that I totally expect him to show up here.

  By the time my shift is over I begin to feel disappointment enter my body. I hate how badly I want to see him and that I allow myself to feel let down once again. I can’t let this happen. I have to stay away from him.

  “You better go lock the door before anyone else comes in,” Logan says grabbing the broom.

  I walk to the door and just as I’m about to lock it Farrah appears with a huge grin on her face. I’m going to guess things with Josh went good this afternoon. “Hi, I’m so happy you’re still here,” she says walking in. I make sure to lock the door right behind her.

  “Get out! We’re closed,” Logan teases.

  “Nice to see you too.” She turns to me and says, “Thank you so much for allowing me to give Josh a ride home. He ended up inviting me inside his house, where we spend the next hour making out!” She jumps up and down like she’s just been shown her prize is a new car on The Price is Right.

  “Ohmigod!” I give her a tight hug.

  “I’m not really sure what’s going on between us, but he said he would call me later. I still can’t believe it. I’ve only been waiting for this day since the ninth grade.”

  “I hope he really does call you, but I doubt he will,” Logan says shaking his head while he sweeps.

  “Logan?! How could you say something like that?” I scold him.

  “What?” He shrugs like he didn’t say anything hurtful. “I’m just saying, I know how Josh is and how many girls he’s hooked up with this summer. I hope he does call you back and you’re not just another hook up.” I can’t believe he’s saying this to her. I know he’s not a big fan of Farrah, but he doesn’t have to be so cruel.

  “You think he’s gonna call me?” Farrah asks losing all the color on her face.

  “If he knows what’s good for him, he will,” I state hoping it will make her feel better.

  I sit at a table and listen to Farrah relive the whole day again to see if there’s any proof she might just be another hook-up, while Logan cleans up the whole place by himself. It serves him right for being so mean.

  “So do you think he’ll call me?” She asks again as we walk out of Delights.

  “Don’t worry he’ll call you,” I reassure her, but to be honest I’m not too sure. Josh does hang out with Austin and that whole group of guys is made up of insensitive jerks.

  “I hope so. I’m so sorry I’ve been so self involved with this I forgot to ask you how did it go with Austin?”

  “Fine.”

  “Did anything hap...”

  “NO! He just dropped me off that’s it.” I need to shut her up before Logan hears more. I don’t need him questioning me.

  “Well, I better go. I need to go check on my mom. She hates being home alone with all the kids. I’ll call you later,” Farrah says giving me a hug goodbye. “Logan, it’s been real. See you guys later.”

  We watch her drive off before Logan begins to drill me, “What did she mean you and Austin?”

  “Nothing. I let him drive me home from the beach so Farrah could drive Josh home.”

  “I hope that’s it. Because if Josh is bad news, Austin is worse. Remember what he did to Olivia and me. I also play football with those guys and I hear them talk in the locker roo
m. They’re both assholes, who are just like our dads.”

  “I know. It was just a ride, that’s it. You know Logan, sometimes you’re too over protective. I’m scared for all of Summer’s future boyfriends.”

  “ What do you mean? She’s not allowed to date.”

  “She’s fourteen. The same age you were when we dated.”

  “So. She’s still not allowed to date.” “

  Until when?”

  “’I go to college.”

  I start to laugh. “Oh God, you’re too much.” I unlock my car doors. “Come on get in, I’ll give you a ride home.

  Farrah is coming early to pick me up to go to the mall. It’s our tradition to go back to school shopping right before the first day. I think we like the pressure. Every year my mother pouts about me wanting to go without her, but this year she’s so busy with three different weddings she just gave me her credit card without any hesitation.

  “Thanks mom,” I say ready to walk out the door. This was too easy.

  “A...Jade.” She calls out. I knew it was too easy.

  “Remember no more than...”

  “I know two hundred and fifty.”

  “Actually that card is still in your father’s name so make it five hundred.” She smiles and makes me so proud of her. “What the hell make it seven hundred?”

  “No way! Thanks Mom.” I run over and give her a tight hug. This year my wardrobe is going to rock.

  I run out to the steamy morning and jump into Farrah’s yellow Volkswagen Beetle. I swear it’s so cold in here you could hang meat. I don’t know how she gets it this cold. I put on my pink sweater and tuck my legs in to keep warm.

  “So, guess what?” She says with a sparkle in her honey brown eyes.

  “What?”

  “Josh called me last night! I can’t wait to tell Logan he was wrong!”

  “I’m sure he’ll be happy he was wrong.”

  “Yeah right. Anyway, he told me Derek is having a party next Saturday and he asked me to go.”

  “That’s great. I hope you have a great time!”

  “Oh no, you’re coming too. It’s the first party of the school year. Besides I already told Josh I was bringing you.”

  “I really don’t wanna go to some party. I’m not in the mood. Besides I have to work that day. It’s my last day at Delights.”

  “Oh come on, Jade. Besides, we’ll have to celebrate you’re last day at work. What a perfect way to do that than a party?”

  The last party I went to was a disaster and I promised myself I wouldn’t go to another, but there’s a part of me that wants to start this school year actually having fun. “Can I ask Logan to come?”

  “Fine. But make sure you tell him Josh did call me.”

  “I will.” This might not be so bad. I hope.

  Farrah and I walk around the whole mall visiting every other store. I swear I wish I had more money. I think I would get almost everything on the racks.

  I actually had` no problem spending seven hundred dollars. I spent my father’s money like nobody’s business. I got two pairs of flared jeans and two pairs of Skinny jeans. I also bought six very cute tops, three sweaters, two pairs of boots, a pair of converse sneakers, three dresses, one pair of killer heels, and not to mention a book bag. I love shopping more than anything in this world. It always makes me feel better.

  “This was so much fun,” Farrah says trying to hold all her bags in one hand.

  “I know. We need to...” I come to a grinding halt when I hear a familiar laughter.

  I turn my head just in time to see my father and Trisha walking out of Baby Gap. She has twice as many bags as I do. They both look shocked to see me. “Hon, what are you doing here?” My father lets go of Trisha’s hand and tries to give me a hug. I move out of the way just in time.

  “School shopping.”

  “Hello Farrah, you know Trisha,” he says.

  “Hello Mr. Miller. Yes, how are you Trisha?”

  “Good, thank you. Hello Jade,” Trisha says with her ridiculous smile.

  “Hi,” I mumble trying all I can not to make eye contact with her. I’m afraid if I stare into her eyes I might actually kill her.

  “Did you get everything you needed?” my father asks.

  I nod.

  “Well, we were just going to get something to eat, would you girls like to join us?”

  “No. We were just leaving,” I snap.

  My father’s eyes quickly lose their glow as I reject him. Why is he acting like he cares for me? “Oh okay. Well, don’t forget I’m picking you up this Friday for our weekend. Trisha can’t wait to show you your room.”

  “I really worked hard on it,” she adds proudly.

  “I already have a room at mom’s house.”

  “Jade Faith Miller!” Did he really just use my whole name?

  “Whatever. We have to go.” I turn around and try to walk away from them as fast as I can. I hate them so much.

  “Jade! Wait up!” Farrah calls after me. I don’t slow down instead I speed up. I can’t wait to get out of this mall. “Jade! Jade! Jade will you slow down. Jade!”

  “What?” I scream finally stopping to face her.

  “Do you wanna talk about it?”

  “No. I just wanna get out of here.”

  Farrah knows me well enough that when I say I don’t want to talk about something it means just that. She and Logan never push me to talk about anything that has to do with my parents.

  I know Farrah is dying to ask me more questions about everything that just happened, but she doesn’t. Instead she starts talking about the party again. She’s really good at pretending nothing is wrong too.

  “Thanks for everything,” I say when she drops me off at my house.

  “No problem. Are you sure you’re okay?”

  “Yeah. Thanks.” I give her a grateful smile. “I’ll see you tomorrow!”

  “Yes. Junior year is gonna rooocccck!” She drives away still screaming the word rock. Sometimes I really think she’s a nut.

  I just hope I make it through this school year without any earth shattering news or any kind of heartache. Who am I kidding? With my father and his stupid choices my life already sucks.

  I still can’t believe how many bags they had in their hands. Why can’t my father see Trisha is using him for his money? There’s no way she’s really in love with him. He’s just too old for her.

  I look in my bag for my keys and realize they’re not there. I ring the doorbell and knock on the door but no one answers. I quickly call my mother, who informs me she’s with a client and won’t be home for another two hours. Great, this is all I needed. I can’t believe I forgot my keys.

  Between seeing my father and my missing keys my blood begins to boil. This is bullshit! I take my bags and throw them against the garage doors with rage running through my body.

  “Whoa, what did those doors do to you?” Austin asks behind me.

  “Oh God, what do you want?” I don’t turn around to face him. All I want to do is throw a tantrum in private.

  “Nothing. Trust me. I was just about to jump in my car when I saw you beating up your garage doors. So what happened? Did they say something mean to you? Because if they did I’ll knock them out.” He begins to head towards the doors like he’s about to get into a fight with them.

  I grab his arm to stop him while trying my best not to laugh. I hate that he can always calm my emotions down. “You’re an idiot.”

  “Yeah, I’ve been told that.” His dimples appear. “So what happened?”

  “I forgot my keys and my mom won’t be home for another two hours.”

  He grabs my bags and starts to walk towards his car. “Where are you taking those?” I ask following him.

  “To my car.”

  “Why?”

  “Cause I’m gonna get you out of here for a while.”

  “I don’t wanna go anywhere with you.”

  “Fine, stay here. But your bags are coming with
me.” He begins to put them in his car. “I will not allow them to stay here and watch you beat up your house.”

  Damn he irritates me. “Where are you taking me?”

  “Just get in the car,” he says opening the passenger door for me.

  “Fine, but I’m telling you now, where ever you’re taking me I’m not going to like it"

  “Yeah, I know,” he says closing my door.

  8

  Getting out Frustrations

  I sit in his car trying to slow my angry heart down. This day really sucks and now I’m stuck with Austin again. Where the hell is he taking me?

  He turns his car into the Big Mike’s Batting Cages parking lot. Why would he bring me here? Does he really think I want to watch him hit some balls?

  “What are we doing here?” I ask with no amusement in my voice.

  “Getting our frustrations out. I love coming here when my dad is driving me crazy. It makes me feel better. You’ll see.”

  He hops out of the car and runs to open my door. “Why do you keep doing that?”

  “What?”

  “Opening the car door for me?” I don’t know why it’s starting to get on my nerves. It makes me feel like I have to thank him or something.

  “One thing my mother taught my brother and me was to always open a door for a girl.” He laughs. “Okay, you’re the first girl I’ve done it for. I don’t know there’s something about you that makes me want to leap out of my car to open the door for you.”

  My heart jumps at his words. Damn him. “Well stop it. I can open my own door.”

  He laughs even harder. “No. Sorry.”

  “Whatever.”

  He tells me to sit on a bench while he goes to get helmets and bats. I turn around and watch other’s practicing their batting skills while my brain and heart begin an inner conflict.

  I know very well not to get sucked into by his charisma, but my stupid heart keeps reacting to things he says. I need to be strong and remember all the hatred I have for him.

  “Hey, you ready?” he asks holding two aluminum bats and two blue helmets.