Because of You

by Maria E. Monteiro

  “Now tell me again why you think I should do this?”

  “It helps take out your frustrations. And it’s better than beating up your garage doors.”

  “I’m not sure I can do this. How about you go first.” I know as soon as I get into that batting cage he’s going to realize I have no athletic skills. Leah was right when she said I sucked at cheerleading. Sports and me do not mix well.

  “Okay.” He puts on the blue helmet, grabs the silver bat, and heads inside.

  I’m actually getting excited to see him hit some balls. He brings the bat forward and hits the first one far. I love the sound of the bat hitting the ball. It gives me an inner thrill. He hits another sending it further than the one before. He continues, each ball bouncing harder off the bat. I’m starting to think I’m not the only one dealing with stuff today.

  “Wow, it looks like you had a lot of frustration to get out too,” I say, when he’s done.

  “You can say that. Here, it’s your turn.” He hands me the bat.

  “I’m still not sure about this.”

  I walk into the cage and place the bat on my shoulder. I try to remember how he was holding it and do my best to imitate him. He begins to laugh.

  “You see I can’t do this.”

  He walks into the batting cage. “Come here I’ll help you.” He stands behind me, and begins to explain how I’m supposed to do it, but I can’t hear a word he says.

  The heat from his chest radiates on my back causing my legs to shake. I inhale his cologne and waves of sparks run through my whole body. Come on Jade focus.

  He wraps his strong arms around mine to show me how to exactly hold the bat. His lips are so close to my face. My heart feels like it’s going to explode to a million pieces. He whispers in my ear, “Like this.”

  “Okay, I got it.” I need him to get out of here before another part of my body has a reaction to having him so close to me.

  He walks out and the pitching machine throws out the first ball. The white ball comes flying towards me. Come on Jade move the bat and hit it far. Just imagine it’s Trisha’s face. I say to myself.

  The ball picks up speed the closer it gets to me. I can’t see Trisha’s face no matter how much I try. All I see is a white ball coming straight towards me. Right as I’m about to hit it I duck down and scream in fear. I just knew if I didn’t move it was going to hit me instead of the bat.

  Austin starts laughing harder. I walk out the batting cage and hand him my bat and helmet. “I’m sorry but I can’t do this. Here you take my turn.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “Yeah, besides I’m having more fun watching you.” He smiles brightly and walks back into the batting cage.

  “Thanks for bringing me here. It’s exactly what I needed,” I say walking back to his car.

  “But you didn’t get to hit anything.”

  “I know. But I still had fun.”

  “Stick with me and I’ll make sure you have fun all the time.”

  Did he really just say that? We drive home listening to Led Zeppelin’s The Ocean as emotions tug my insides in every direction. I can’t take this anymore. I lean forward and lower the music. “I still don’t get why all of a sudden you wanna be my friend again. It doesn’t make sense,” I blurt out.

  He looks at me lost and then smiles. “Hanging out with you these last couple of days made me realize I missed what we used to have when we were kids. You know, you and I used to be really good friends.”

  “Yeah, until you chose to start teasing me and treating me like a parasite instead of a friend.”

  “He shakes his head. “I’m so sorry. I was an idiot.” He pulls up in front of my house. “Do you think you can ever forgive me?”

  I don’t answer him. I’m not sure what my answer is. “I guess my mom’s home,” I say looking at the light coming out of my house.

  “Yeah.” I don’t know why, but I don’t want to get out of his car. “Hey, are you hungry?” he asks.

  I turn to face him and say with a warm smile. “Actually I am.”

  “You wanna go get something to eat?”

  “Yes.”

  He drives off and heads towards the pier. There’re tons of restaurants there. I can’t believe how much my excitement in my stomach is escalating right now.

  “Where do you wanna eat?” He asks, parking his car on the crowded street.

  “I’m dying for a burger and cheese fries from the boardwalk.”

  “Are you serious? You wouldn’t rather go to a restaurant?”

  “Not really. Is that okay?”

  “Yeah. It’s actually pretty perfect,” he says with a pleased smile.

  The boardwalk is packed with everyone trying to hold on to the summer for at least one more day. As happy as I am that most of these people will be gone by tomorrow it’s also kind of sad this place will be empty again.

  Austin goes to get the food while I go to sit at a table by the Ferris Wheel. It’s the perfect kind of night where every star glows just right.

  “Here you go,” he says, giving me my burger and cheese fries.

  I take a big bite and go straight into a food heaven. I even let out a moan of pleasure making him laugh. “It’s that good, huh?”

  “Yup.”

  “I like seeing you happy and not trying to beat up your house.”

  “I saw my dad with his girlfriend at the mall today,” I confess. I hate sharing my issues with anyone, but for some unexplainable reason I don’t mind telling him.

  “That’s why you were so angry?”

  I nod. “He was holding her hand and laughing while they shopped for baby clothes. It makes me sick to see them acting like a family.” I take a sip of my drink while I try to fight my stupid tears again. I’m not going to let him see me cry again. “I thought the day he left my house was the worst day ever. I never thought it was going to get worse. My father sucks.”

  “My father likes to remind me how great my brother Blake is.”

  “Huh?”

  “That’s the reason I had to go hit some balls at the batting cage. Every chance my dad gets he makes sure to point out what a loser I am.”

  “You’re not a loser. Maybe an arrogant ass, but not a loser.” He spits out his drink as he begins to laugh. It’s my turn to get him to smile. “Blake is boy wonder and anyone next to him is nothing more than a peasant.”

  “Very true.” Austin laughs harder.

  I remember how perfect Blake was. In high school of course he was the most popular guy. Girls drooled as he walked past them. His chocolate brown hair was always perfectly styled, and his grey eyes could melt any girl’s heart.

  Blake was captain of the football, basketball, and baseball team. His perfect body is proof of his athletic skills. He also managed to make high honor roll each semester. When he had time to study, I have no idea. Blake liked to party and had a different girlfriend each week. His schedule was pretty busy.

  I always imagined Austin being a carbon copy of him. I never knew he was always being compared to him and falling short.

  “I guess all fathers suck,” I say.

  “Yes they do.”

  We spend the next two hours walking around the Boardwalk talking. I allow the hatred I have for him to bury itself deep inside of me, and actually have a good time with him. I didn’t even realize how much I needed this.

  “Thanks for everything,” I say as he pulls up to my house. “You know you can park your car in your driveway. I don’t mind walking across the street.”

  “No way. My mother would kill me if I made a girl walk home. Even if it is across the street.”

  He goes to open his door, but I stop him before he pulls the handle. “You don’t need to open my door. It’s really nice of you to do it all the time, but this time I could do it myself.”

  “Oh, okay. Hey.”

  “What?”

  “Give me your phone.”

  “Why?”

  “Just give it to me.” I hand
it to him and he begins to tap on the touch screen. “I’m putting my number in it so if you ever need me you can call me.” He taps the call button making his phone ring. “And now I have your number too.”

  I start to laugh. “Okay. But trust me I’m never going to use it.” I step out of his car and make sure to grab all of my bags.

  “Hey,” he calls out before I could close his door.

  “Yeah?”

  “I’ll see you later.”

  I nod. I walk towards my house and wonder if he’ll even look my way when I see him in school. Today was easy to open up to him and even felt like it did when were kids, but I’m still not sure I can trust him.

  9

  Back to School

  I set my alarm clock to wake me up two hours before I have to head to school. I know I’m crazy, but I really need every single minute of those two hours. It takes me over forty-five minutes to pick out an outfit. I think I have tried on about twenty different ones. I’ve finally decided on my cream lace shirt, pale pink tank top, and my dark jean shorts.

  I spend an hour blow-drying and flat ironing my wavy hair straight. I don’t know why I even bother, by midday my hair will be frizz ball again. I use my last fifteen minutes to apply enough make-up on to look like I don’t have any on. It’s so hard being a girl sometimes.

  “Good morning,” my mom sings sitting at the island drinking her coffee. She’s all dressed up for work. “Are you ready to head back to school?”

  “Not really.” I open the fridge and grab a Greek yogurt for breakfast. “Are you going to work early?”

  “Yes. I have to meet with one of the brides and take her to look at different venues. I swear it was not this hard when I was getting married...but then again look how that turned out.” She giggles while her eyes fill with anguish. I walk over and give her a tight hug. I don’t know how she can plan weddings after what she’s been through.

  I pull away from her just in time to look out the window and see Austin getting in his car. I want to look away, but I can’t. Instead I feel a sudden rush of affection for him. This past week has changed something in me. I’m not sure if this is a good thing or a bad thing. He drives away just as Farrah pulls up.

  “Do you need me to give you a ride to school?” My mom asks standing up.

  “No. Farrah’s here.”

  “Oh, okay.”

  “Well I better go.”

  “Have an amazing first day. I love you,” she says grabbing my head with her two hands and planting a kiss on my forehead.

  “Thanks. I love you too.”

  I turn around and run out to meet Farrah.

  “You look hot,” She says when I get into her car, which once again is freezing.

  “Thanks. So do you.”

  “You ready for junior year?”

  “Actually I’m ready for senior year. Why can’t we just skip the eleventh grade?”

  “I don’t know. But it should be an option. God knows I’m ready to go away to college.”

  “Me too,” I say as Farrah takes off making her tires screech.

  I get out of the car and breath in the warm salty air. Having our school only blocks from the ocean can at times be a bad thing. When the weather is nice like today it takes everything you have not to want to ditch school and head there.

  “I can’t believe how warm it already is,” Farrah says stepping out of her car. She pulls the hem of her ruffled olive green dress down.

  “I know.”

  “If it isn’t my favorite girl and her friend,” Logan says draping his arm around both our shoulders.

  “Whatever,” Farrah barks, pushing his arm off her. “I’m gonna go find Josh. Because you know he called me and we went out to dinner last night.”

  “I know. You texted me to inform me. And like I told you last night, good luck with that,” Logan responds.

  “You’re an ass! Jade, I’ll catch you later.” Farrah walks off to meet up with Josh, who is standing by Derek’s pick-up. I can’t help but quickly look for Austin. I kind of feel relief when I don’t see him. I don’t know why I’m so scared to face him.

  “Why do you do that to her?” I ask Logan continuing to walk inside the school.

  “Because I know that idiot she’s mooning over. Trust me she’s gonna end up getting hurt.”

  “Awww, you care for her.”

  “No! I just don’t wanna deal with her breakdown when he ends up hurting her. Farrah is already a pain in the ass to deal with. I don’t even wanna see what she’s like as an emotional wreck.”

  I start to laugh, opening my locker. I turn my head and stop laughing when I spot Garret and Cara walking down the hallway holding hands. They look so happy. I think I’m finally starting to feel the sting from our break up.

  My legs begin to shake as I can literally feel my heart chip away. It was only two months ago I was the one who was holding his hand.

  Garret begins to make his way towards Logan and me. Cara’s sinister smile grows the closer they get to us. This is what I get for dating one of Logan’s friends.

  “Are you okay?” Logan whispers.

  “I’m fine.” I put on a fake smile, but it quickly disappears when from the corner of my eye I catch a glimpse of Austin leaning against the green lockers right across from us. He is talking to some redhead girl, who’s doing everything she can to flirt with him. This is not how I wanted to start my junior year.

  “Hi guys,” Cara chirps. Garret lets go of her hand and places his arm around her fat shoulders. Okay, they’re not really fat, but in my mind they are.

  “What’s up?” Logan says, shaking Garret’s hand in there stupid boy way. Garret keeps his eyes on me as he pulls Cara in closer. I’m sure he’s still waiting to see me break down.

  To be honest I’m fighting with every thing I have to stay strong and act like having them in front of me is not killing me. I swear Garret is just like my father. He needs to flaunt his new shiny toy to everybody, not caring whom it might hurt.

  I quickly glance over at Austin again while Logan talks to Garret about some car and notice he’s now staring right at me. I give him a weak smile. Why does this have to be happening in front of him?

  “So what do you plan to do with yourself now that you’re not cheerleading anymore?” Cara asks tilting her head to the side. Did she get that question out of Leah’s How to be a Bitch book? Why is everyone so concerned what I’m going to do with my time now that I’m not cheerleading? I wish I could reach over and slap the freckles off her nose.

  Garret and Logan stop talking to listen to my answer. “I’m gonna...a...”

  “Aha, excuse me,” Austin says stepping up to us. “Here, Jade you left your hair tie in my car last night.” He unleashes his dimples on all of us. I swear I can hear the thump as Logan, Garret, and Cara’s jaws hit the floor.

  I have to stop myself from laughing. “Thank you, I was wondering where I left it.”

  “So what’s your first class?”

  “Biology with Mr. Rakes,” I respond.

  “Cool. My class is right by there, I’ll walk you.”

  “Okay. I’ll see you guys later,” I say, stepping away from them. I quickly glance over my shoulder to see them all still staring at us as we begin to walk down the hallway. “Thank you for doing that.”

  “No problem. Anytime. How did you date that guy anyway? He’s such a dick.”

  “No he’s not.”

  “Any guy who brings his new girlfriend over to talk to his ex is an absolute dick.”

  “You’re right.”

  “So are you sure you’re okay?” He asks furrowing his eyebrows.

  “I’m just perfect.”

  “Yo Austin!” Some of his friends call out as we walk past them. He turns and nods hello.

  “Look, I’m cool now. You can go over to your friends.”

  “Nah, I said I would walk you to class and that’s what I’m gonna do.”

  “It’s not necessary. I really am okay. Besides
my classroom is right around the corner. Thanks again for your help. I’ll see you later,” I say and quickly escape his side before he can say anything else. I need to get away from him before my heart can continue collecting feelings for him.

  I wish I could say I’ve been paying attention to my teachers, but I haven’t at all I have been doing is thinking about Austin. I’ve tried to fight any thoughts of him, but it’s not working.

  “Okay, talk,” Farrah says, meeting me right before lunch. So far we only have first period together.

  “Talk about what?”

  “About you leaving your hair tie in Austin’s car.”

  “How did you hear about that?”

  “It’s all over the school.” Damn Cara! I’m sure she’s the one telling everyone. “So tell me, what were you doing in Austin’s car last night?”

  “Nothing. I didn’t have my keys to get into my house. He took me to the batting cage. That’s it.”

  “Ohmigod, Jade. You should go for him. I mean I know he was an asshole to you in the past, but he might have changed. It would be so awesome if the two of us were dating best friends.” I can see her mind working fast. She already has us in the same limo heading to prom together.

  “Whatever you’re thinking stop it right now. I don’t even really like him. He’s a big idiot.” I try to convince myself as much as I try to convince her.

  “Why not? He’s hot! And he lives across the street from you. How perfect is that? And once upon a time you guys were best friends.”

  “That was a long time ago. He’s a huge ass, who changes girls more than his socks.”

  “You’re right,” Logan says joining us. “I was about to ask you what the hell you’re thinking getting involved with that asshole.”

  “Both of you listen to me right now, I’m not getting involved with Austin Evans. We are not even friends,” I turn around just in time to see him walk into the lunchroom. I have to stay away from him until all these unwanted feeling go away.

  The rest of the week goes by pretty fast. Staying away from Austin has become impossible. He always shows up where I am. I try to ignore him, but he makes it hard to. He always finds a way to engage me in a conversation, and before I know it I’m thinking about him even more. I swear the last six years I hardly ever saw him in school, and if I did I didn’t care. But now he seems to be everywhere.