Because of You

by Maria E. Monteiro

  “It’s never too late.” Logan leaves my side and walks deeper into the house.

  Maybe I should talk to him. I don’t know if it’s the alcohol or not but I begin to walk right towards Austin. Logan is right. I need to tell him the truth.

  Farrah gives me an approving smile as she sees what I’m about to do. I take a deep breath right before I tap his shoulder. He turns to face me and once again anger spills all over his face.

  “Can we talk?” I ask, rocking my body weight from one foot to the other.

  “No. I don’t wanna talk to you.”

  “Please it’s important.”

  He shakes his head no.

  “Please Austin. Please,” I beg.

  “Fine.”

  He follows me outside to the front of the house where it’s not so loud and we won’t have another audience to witness our next round.

  “What do you want?” he asks avoiding my eyes.

  “I want to explain everything.”

  “There’s nothing for you to explain. You cheated on me.”

  “But it’s not that easy.” The alcohol is making it hard for me to find the right words. How am I supposed to explain everything without making him get mad at his mother or me?

  “It’s not easy?” He throws his hands up. “How about it’s not easy being me. I loved you Jade. All I wanted was to be with you, while you didn’t care at all about me. We’re you just trying to get back at me for what I did to you six years ago?”

  “No! I...” Tears begin to make their way out. I touch his arm only to make him flinch back as if my touch just burned him. “Austin, I...I...it was a mistake I should have...”

  “You’re right, it was a mistake. It was my mistake to ever go out with a girl like you.” His voice rises as he begins to spit out everything he feels. “How could you do this to me? The thought of you with Garret turns my insides. You don’t know hard it’s been not to knock that asshole out. Or how hard it’s been not to see you. How hard it’s been to hate you.”

  “You hate me?” I utter.

  “I do. I hate you for all this pain I’m feeling. I just wanna get away from you. You don’t know how happy I am that I’m never going to have to see your face again. You disgust me! I wish I never brought you back into my life.”

  “That’s enough!” Farrah calls out stepping outside with Logan next to her. “Why don’t you shut up and listen to what she has to say.”

  “I don’t wanna hear it,” he says through gritted teeth. “I’m done with all this bullshit.”

  “Why are you such an ass? Just take one minute and listen...”

  “Logan stop.” I put my hand out to stop him from talking. “He’s right. This is over.” There’s no way I could get him to forgive me now. His hatred has grown too much. Maybe this is for the best. He could head to college without any strings attached to Cisco Beach.

  I wipe my eyes. “I’m sorry for everything. I never meant to hurt you.”

  “I’m sure that’s what your father said to your mother too,” he spits out before walking back inside.

  “Hey!” Logan yells going after him.

  I grab his arm to stop him. “Logan just let him go.” I hate the feeling I have all over me. I’m really starting to believe I cheated on him.

  “Are you alright?” Farrah asks taking me in her arms.

  “No. I really need to get home.” I need to keep it together until I get home. I can’t fall apart until then.

  I run inside of my father’s house and straight into my room without telling anyone I’m home. The pain inside me is so bad I feel like every part of me is being tortured.

  Why did I tell him such a horrible lie? He’s always going to see me as the girl that cheated on him. I didn’t think it was going to make me feel so dirty. I’m no better than my father.

  “Jade, are you okay?” My father asks peeking his head inside my room.

  I shake my head no. “How could you do it?”

  He walks further in and sits on my bed. “Do what?”

  “How could you cheat on mom? How could you look at yourself in the mirror knowing what you were doing? I only lied about doing it and I feel disgusted with myself. Didn’t you?” Everything I’ve had trapped in my heart is now escaping through my mouth.

  “It was very hard. I’m not proud of what I did to your mother or you girls. I hate to say I was being selfish, but you also have to understand things with your mother were not right. And they hadn’t been right for a long time.”

  “So why didn’t you leave her. Why did you have to cheat on her?”

  “I wish I had an answer for you. What happened between Trisha and me just happened. I really wish it would’ve been different.” Tears begin to stream down his face breaking my heart even further. I have never seen him cry. “You have to know it’s nothing your mother or you girls did to make me do what I did. I was just unhappy with lots of different things in my life and when I met Trisha she sparked a happiness I hadn’t felt in a long time.” In a weird way I can understand him. Austin sparked my happiness too. “I will forever feel guilty for what I did to all of you. You and Carrie are my daughters and will always be the most important people in my life.”

  “But you’re about to have a new baby. You don’t need us anymore.”

  “I will always need you. You, your sister and the new baby are my life. I will never leave you girls. Hopefully one day Carrie will be able to forgive me and the day she does I will be here waiting with open arms.”

  “Dad, it really does hurt to lose the person you love,” I cry.

  He tucks me in his arms. “Oh sweetie, I know.” I cry so hard it becomes hard to breath. My dad just holds me just like he did when I was little and got hurt.

  “Stewart!” Trisha says wobbling into my room. I pull away from my father and wipe my eyes.

  “What?” my father says turning around to face her.

  “My water just broke.” I look at her bare legs and see a stream of clear liquid running down her leg.

  “Oh my God, it’s time?!” My father jumps off my bed to hug Trisha.

  “Yes, it is,” Trisha cries. Her blue eyes are full of fear and happiness.

  I can’t believe that thing in her stomach is about to come out. I have no idea what to feel. I think the rum is beginning to numb my insides again, why didn’t it do that earlier?

  “Okay you go get ready. I’ll grab your bag and call the doctor.” My father zooms out the door but comes right back in. “Come on, aren’t you coming?” he asks me.

  “You want me to come?”

  “Of course. I want you to be there to meet your brother or sister.”

  “Okay. Dad?”

  “Yeah?”

  “I love you.”

  “I love you too.” He smiles and embraces me one more time before rushing out to get everything.

  34

  Jade ~ n ~ Austin

  Trisha has officially been in labor for ten hours now. This baby is already acting like Carrie doing things on it’s own time. I called Carrie to tell her, but she chose not to come. I was afraid she was going to be mad I was here, but she wasn’t.

  I also spoke to my mom. I could tell she was upset. When it comes to my dad it’s hard for her to hide her feelings. I asked her if she wanted me to come home but she said no. She also thinks it’s important I meet my new brother or sister.

  I have to admit I’m afraid to see it. I mean what if I don’t like it? What if it starts crying as soon as it sees me? I can’t deal with all of this.

  “So, do you have a sister or brother?” Farrah asks, walking into the waiting room with Logan by her side.

  “What are you guys doing here?”

  “Your dad texted us. He thought you could use some company while you wait,” Logan replies.

  “Thanks for coming.” I wrap my arms around both of them and squeeze them tight. “You know you guys are the best.”

  “Yeah we know,” they both state at the same time. I’m so gl
ad they came. I didn’t realize how much I needed them here until I saw them.

  “How are you holding out with everything that happened last night?” Logan asks.

  “Okay I guess. I mean I’m really trying not to think about it.”

  “Well if it makes you feel any better, I heard Austin is no longer going to North State. Your plan worked,” Farrah says, looping her arm into mine.

  I smile. “You know what, it kind of does. He deserves to be happy.”

  “So do you,” Logan adds, taking a hold of my hand. I’m so happy I still have him in my life.

  “Jade!” my dad calls running into the waiting room.

  I whip around to face him. “Yeah?”

  “Would you like to come meet your new baby brother?”

  “I have a brother?”

  “You have a brother,” he says with a proud smile.

  I look at Farrah and Logan half laughing and half crying. “I have a brother.”

  “You have a brother,” Farrah sings swinging her arms around me.

  “Congrats big sister!” Logan takes me in his arms and hugs me tightly.

  I can’t believe I have a brother.

  I walk into Trisha’s room afraid of what I might see. She is lying on a hospital bed holding a small baby bundled up in a white blanket with a light blue hat on his head. Trisha looks up and smiles. “Would you like to meet your brother?”

  I nod. She hands me the baby as I each part of body shakes with fear. I haven’t really held a lot of babies in my life. My fear grows taking his small frame into my trembling arms. I’m afraid I’m going to hurt him. All I keep reminding myself is to make sure I hold the head, that’s what Farrah’s mom kept telling me when I held her baby.

  I glance down at him and my heart grows with pure love for him. He’s so cute. His round little porcelain face is perfect. He opens one eye and I swear I see him smile. An immediate desire to protect him takes over me and pushes out all my fear. “What’s his name?” I ask, not taking my eyes off him.

  “Corey James, but we’re going to call him CJ,” my dad answers sitting down next to Trisha.

  “Those are Carrie’s and mine initials.”

  “Yeah, I know,” he says with a huge smile. He takes Trisha’s hand and gives it a sweet kiss. I’m not sure I’ll ever be okay with them being together but at the same time I’m so happy to be holding CJ in my arms, and in a weird way to have Trisha in my life. She’s really turning out to be a good stepmother.

  I stay in the hospital all afternoon watching Trisha’s friends and family stop by to meet CJ. Right before visiting hours are over Carrie walks in. She looks as nervous as I felt before, but I know the minute she sees CJ she’ll love him as much as I do.

  “Would you like to hold your brother?” my dad asks her.

  “Maybe. I mean yes,” she answers.

  I walk over and hand her the baby. Carrie’s arms tremble just as bad as mine did. “His name is CJ for Corey James,” I proudly announce.

  “Nice to meet you CJ.” Her eyes become glossy. “Good thing they put my initial first because CJ sounds so much better than JC.” We all laugh. It’s going to take Carrie time to forgive my dad, but I’m sure she will. If anything, she’s going to be a good sister to CJ just like she’s been to me.

  When it’s time to leave I decide to head out with Carrie. I really need to see my mother and make sure she’s okay. The truth is I just want to give her a tight hug, and tell her I love her.

  The minute Carrie turns onto our street my heart becomes tight with sorrow. The For Sale sign in front of Austin’s house is reminder that he’s really leaving. I step out of the car just as he walks out of his house. Our eyes connect for a quick second before he jumps in his car and drives off. It hurts so much to see him.

  “You need to tell him the truth,” Carrie says walking alongside me.

  “I tried.”

  “And?”

  “It’s too late.”

  “It’s never too late.”

  “This time it is,” I say opening the front door.

  We walk into the house and find our mother sitting in the living room looking at one of our family photo albums.

  “Mom, are you okay?” I ask sitting next to her.

  She wipes her eyes. “Oh yes. Just remembering when you two were babies.” She closes the photo album. “So, I hear you have a new baby brother.”

  “Yeah.” I’m afraid to give her details, or tell her how much I already love him. I don’t want to hurt her more than she already is.

  “Well CJ is lucky to get two older sister like the two of you.”

  “How do you know his name?” Carrie asks as surprised as I am. We both sit on either side of her.

  “Your father told me.”

  “Dad? When did you talk to him?” I ask.

  “Earlier when I called him to congratulate him.”

  “You called him?” I ask still confused.

  “Yes. Your father will always be important to me, mostly because he gave me the greatest gifts ever.” She grabs both our hands. “My two beautiful girls.” We all begin to shed tears as we hug her.

  This is been a tough year for all of us, and I’m happy it didn’t destroy us. We might not be the family we were once before, but we are still a family.

  “I’m starving, how about we order a pizza and make it a Netflix night?” My mom asks.

  “That sounds perfect,” Carrie and I agree.

  By the middle of July a SOLD sign is placed on top of the FOR SALE sign of Austin’s house. My mother learned the Evans have to be out by August 1st. I can’t believe in a couple of weeks I’ll look out the window and see a whole new family living there.

  Ever since I learned about the official sale I’ve become even more depressed. All I do is go to work and then imprison myself in my room. I hardly see Austin and when I do he doesn’t even look my way. I miss him so much.

  The only time I do feel happy is when I’m with CJ. I can’t believe how much I love him. He’s such a good baby. He keeps my dad and Trisha up all night, but tends to sleep when I hold him. What can I say, he loves his older sister.

  Carrie hasn’t really come by that much. I don’t blame her. With her wedding right around the corner she’s been a bit stressed out, and has been driving my mother crazy.

  I’m pretty sure if I’m ever lucky to fall in love again my mother will beg me to elope. Although, I really doubt I’ll ever love someone as much as I love Austin. Then again, my mother found Tony after losing the love of her life.

  My mother is getting closer with him, and I hate to admit I’m starting to like him. Tony makes her happy and that’s a huge plus on his side. But don’t get me wrong I’ll never think he’s good enough for her. To me my dad will always be the perfect one for her, but that’s the way I see it, not the way they do.

  I think this summer sucks even more than the last one. Farrah and Logan keep begging me to go out with them all the time, but I always say no. I don’t want to ruin their fun. Besides Logan is officially dating Becky now and I believe he needs to spend all the time he can with her. Next year Becky will be in the same place I found myself this year when she has to deal with Logan going away to college.

  I wonder if Austin is all packed and ready to move to Texas yet. It kills me every time I realize I’m never going to see him again. I miss him so much it hurts to breathe. Two months away from him has not helped my heart heal. I’m basically a dead soul walking around trying to get through the day.

  “How was work?” Trisha asks when I walk into my house.

  My dad just waves as he speaks on the phone.

  “It sucked. Where’s CJ?”

  “Sleeping.”

  “Who’s my dad talking to?”

  “I have no idea.”

  “Well I’m gonna go to bed.”

  “But it’s only six. We didn’t even eat dinner yet. Please stay in here with us,” Trisha says, draping her arm around my shoulders. She’s been so good to me
. Many times she’ll stay up with me allowing me to just cry in her arms. I no longer wish for her death.

  “I’m tired. Besides I’m not hungry.”

  “Ok no problem. See you in a bit,” my father says into the phone and then hangs up. “That was your sister.”

  “Carrie? What does she want?”

  “She said she wants you to get dressed. She’ll be here in twenty minutes to pick you up.”

  “What? I don’t wanna go out.” She probably wants me to do wedding stuff with her. I’m really not in the mood. I pull out my phone and call her back, but she doesn’t answer.

  “Please call her back and tell her I don’t wanna go out,” I order my dad.

  “Sorry. She told me she’s not taking no for an answer. So you better go and get ready.”

  I want to stomp my foot on the floor like a four year old and scream NO! Why can’t everyone just leave me alone? I turn around and head to my room to pout until she arrives.

  My sister appears at the door exactly twenty minutes later. “Hello Carrie.” My father goes to give her a kiss on the cheek but she moves out of the way before he can reach her. I wish she would stop treating him like a diseased man. Trisha stays back and doesn’t even try to say hello.

  “Is that what you’re wearing?” Carrie asks me, coming in further. I decided not to change and stayed in my black leggings and white T-shirt.

  “Yes. I don’t feel like getting dressed up,” I answer wishing I didn’t have to go with her.

  “You know, you really are a brat.” She rolls her eyes in frustration.

  “Whatever.”

  “Let’s go.”

  “Where are we going?” I ask walking right behind her.

  “You’ll see.”

  “Have fun,” my dad says at the door.

  “Thanks,” Carries mumbles. Right before she walks out the door she turns around and says, “Um...Dad?”

  “Yes?”

  “I was wondering if you were busy next Friday?”

  “No.” My dad straightens up. He knows that’s Carrie’s wedding rehearsal.

  “Good. Be at the church by six for the rehearsal. That way you won’t mess it up when you walk me down the aisle on Saturday.”