A Life Without Fear (Life #2)

by C. S. Jacobs

  “Angelica, you know that’s not what I meant. I don’t want to leave you, damn it. I want to be with you, and I want to help you get through this. Stop pushing me away.”

  I’m looking down at my feet, unable to meet his pleading eyes. He tips my chin up with his fingers. “Let’s try and put that ugly incident behind us and together let’s try and get to a better place. Okay?”

  “Okay,” I merely whisper. He pecks me softly on my lips.

  “I’ll see you tomorrow, Angelica. Can I join you and Rodger on your morning run?” he asks with a hopeful tone to his voice.

  “Yes, you may.” Pulling him closer to me for a tight hug, his arms come around me and hold me tightly. He smells divine and I’m hoping I smell like him after I let go. My dreams will be fabulous if I do. After a short time, I pull away. “Goodnight Blake.”

  “Goodnight Angelica.”

  He waits on the steps until I walk inside my house, giving him one last wave before I close the door, hearing his car pull away a minute later. He’s such a gentleman.

  Placing my leftovers in the fridge, I call Rodger and head up to my room then change quickly and jump into bed. I smell of him still, such a delicious scent. Tomorrow is a new day, I’ll go to work whether they’re expecting me or not. I need to discuss things with Bill in person and get back to my life. With a new sense of control, I quickly fall into a deep sleep.

  My internal clock wakes me at 4:30 a.m. thankfully since I forgot to set my alarm. Hurrying to change into my running clothes, I brush my teeth, throw my hair into a messy ponytail and head downstairs just as there’s a knock on my door. Opening it, there stands the most handsome man in the world. His smile makes my body tingle. His running outfit is perfect, basketball shorts and a fitted long-sleeved shirt. Today he’s wearing a dark gray beanie and it’s really working for him.

  “Good morning, Angelica, are you almost done checking me out? Or should I turn so you can get a different perspective?”

  “Yes, please turn with your back facing me.” I wink and he laughs.

  “Are you ready?”

  “Yeah, let me just grab Rodger’s leash.” Turning for the hall closet, grabbing it I leash him quickly.

  “Have you ever run without him leashed?”

  “Yes, a few times but people freak out and think that he’ll attack them or their dogs. I don’t like dealing with their remarks and nasty looks. It’s just easier this way.”

  “You know at my parent’s property in Hawaii they have a dog-friendly beach nearby that you could run him on without a leash.” He raises his eyebrows.

  “Subtle there Blake. Trying to get me alone on an island…I like the way you think.” Knocking his shoulder, I lock up the house and put the keys in my shirt zipper. “Ready?”

  “Always.”

  “Well, let’s go.”

  So we do, we head left down my street and quickly find our stride. The air is freezing so our breaths are seen in puffs in front of our faces. Rodger’s breaths sound a little more labored this morning as well. I’m going to have to put his coat on him for runs from now on. He hates it, but it helps keep him warm. We run for about two miles before I stop and sit on a bench.

  “Are you okay?”

  My panting is as heavy as Rodger’s. “Yeah, I’m fine. Those days spent not exercising has really put a damper on my running. I just need a minute.”

  He sits next to me and pets Rodger as I try to calm my breathing down. A few minutes later I’m feeling better and we head back in the direction of my house. We never talk when we run which is nice. I’ve never understood how people can run and talk. Liking the solace of it, I need quiet or music but not talking. Once we arrive home, I notice Joey on the steps waiting holding Starbucks. My smile is huge when I see him and he stands when he sees us and we embrace in a big hug.

  “Ewe A.P. get off me you smell like ass.”

  “Oh, shut the hell up and give me my coffee.”

  “Such a polite princess you’ve got here, Blake.”

  “I wouldn’t have her any other way.”

  “Barf.” He sticks his finger in his mouth pretending to make himself puke, so I smack him in the shoulder. “I’ll be inside, I don’t want to see you guys make out.”

  “Good, I was just about to fuck him on the steps.”

  “You’re one sick bitch!” Joey yells before he slams my front door.

  “Angelica as much as I would love to fuck you on the front steps perhaps we’d be warmer in the back seat of my car.” He winks as I slap him in the arm too.

  “You sicko, you know I was kidding.” Kissing him tenderly, he grabs me by the back of my head and pulls me into a deeper kiss. I’m holding Rodger in one hand and my coffee in the other, so I have to awkwardly hug him until he releases his hold on me. “Wow, now that’s a good morning kiss.”

  “Get used to it.” He walks away and heads to his car. “Have a good day, Angelica, I’ll call you later.”

  “Bye, Blake.” I give him a wave then head inside.

  Hearing Joey in my room, first I feed Rodger and then head up to see what he’s up to.

  “What are you doing in here?” I call from the hallway.

  “I’m getting your clothes ready.”

  “For what?”

  “Don’t play dumb, I know you’re going to go to work today. I also know you’re going to be nervous, so the least I can do is beautify you. I’m trying to find an outfit that won’t show the ten pounds you’ve gained in your ass.” Snatching a pillow, I throw it at the back of his head and hit my mark. “You bitch. You’re welcome by the way.”

  “Thank you, Joey, I love you.” He knows me so well and I’d be lost without him.

  “I love you more, Angelica. Now hop in the shower you stinky bitch, we don’t have much time.” I grab another pillow, but he ducks before this one hits him. “Nice try!”

  Heading for the shower laughing, I hop in and let the refreshing water wash away my run soothing my tired muscles. When I come out, he has my black Hugo Boss blazer and matching pencil skirt, with a long-sleeved white shirt and my signature black L.V. heels. The man has great taste. Dressing quickly we sing along to Sam Hunts ‘Take Your Time’ a song we love. Once I’m dressed, I sit on the bench in my bathroom and let Joey work his magic. Thirty minutes later my makeup and hair are finished, so I grab my purse and briefcase while heading out with Joey following me.

  “Thanks, Joey.”

  “No problem. I’ll ride to work with you.”

  “What are you doing?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “You’ve never ridden to work with me. Don’t do this Joey, don’t make shit weird. I’m fine. Is that was this was about? You want to babysit me?” My inner bitch is out in full force, I know he means well, but I hate it.

  “Don’t overreact Ang, I’m just trying to be helpful.”

  “And you did help me this morning which I’m thankful for, but I don’t need you to hold my hand all the way to work.” From behind me, I hear a car door close, turning in time to see Blake walking toward us dressed in a perfectly tailored blue suit with a matching coat and gloves. “You’ve got to be shitting me, are you here to take me to work too?” He stops in his tracks.

  “Well, I was, yes, but I take it that you don’t want a ride?”

  “No I don’t want a ride nor do I want company in a taxi. I want to go to work like I have for every other day that I’ve gone to work in the past. I appreciate what you’re both doing for me, but I just want to go back to the way things were before...”

  “I understand that, forgive me for upsetting you.” Blake walks up to me and kisses my cheek. “Have a good day at work, you look breathtaking.” With that, he turns on his heels and heads to his waiting town car.

  “Great! Now I feel like a complete asshole,” I whisper to myself.

  “You should, asshole. We are just trying to be nice and support you.”

  “I appreciate that I do, but I need to do this on my own. I
need you both to understand that he’s gone. He’s in jail. He won’t be showing up at my work. And on the off chance that hell freezes over and he tries, I’m sure Bill has him blocked from entering the building.”

  “Good points. Fine asshole, ride the taxi alone, I’m going back to bed.” He turns and flags down a taxi, never looking back.

  Walking back to my brownstone, I take a seat on my steps and rest my head in my hands. Why am I such a bitch? I know they mean well, but I already told them both that this is all on me. How am I supposed to work on myself if they keep interfering? Taking a deep breath, I get back up, grab my bags and flag down a taxi. It’s only when I’m standing in the street do I notice that Blake’s town car is still parked in the same spot. He’s looking at me, I shake my head and thankfully a taxi emerges. Hopping in, we pull out quickly from the curb and head to work.

  The taxi ride is short like always. I didn’t need my usual Starbucks, so I head straight to my building. I see Charlie immediately, his face lights up when he sees me walk in.

  “Good morning, Charlie.”

  “Good morning, Angelica. Have a good day up there.” He smiles kindly.

  “Thank you, Charlie.”

  Thank God, the first person today to treat me normally! Charlie was there the day I ran out of the building. He knows something happened. I’m sure if he’s been warned not to let Edward enter the building again. But he acted like it was just another Tuesday. For that alone I’m immensely grateful. God, I hope everyone else does the same. The ride up in the elevator is quick and the walk to my office is even quicker. Smelling the coffee brewing; I know Bill is in his office. I didn’t tell him I was coming in because I don’t want there to be some sort of weird welcoming committee waiting for me.

  Maybe I should have told him?

  Fuck, I need to get this over with. Putting my stuff away then very slowly making my way back to Bill’s office, instead of just walking in like I normally do, I knock on his door. He looks up and his initial reaction is shock, his eyes are wide and his mouth is open, then a smile emerges. I return his smile from the doorway.

  “Angelica, it’s wonderful to see you. Please come in and have a seat.” Walking across to one of the leather chairs in front of his desk I sit down.

  “Good morning Bill, it’s nice to see you as well.”

  “I’m surprised to see you back so soon, I expected you’d maybe take the week off. Whatever time you needed I would’ve happily allowed.” He sounds concerned. God dammit, I need to add his name to the list.

  “I’m fine, Bill. I just want to get back to my routine. If that’s okay with you?”

  “Of course, it is.” He steeples his fingers in front of his mouth before he continues. “I know you have probably had a lot of advice and encouragement lately. I know you are a savvy business woman and just want to get back to it. It’s one of the many qualities about you that I admire. But there are a few things I need to say.” I nod at him. “I spoke to your grandfather at great length yesterday. I know all I need to know with regards to Edward Logan. I need you to understand that he’s not permitted in this building and for that matter nor is the company that he was trying to work with. I was assured that they knew nothing of what Edward’s intentions were, but I was not going to risk anything.”

  “Thank you, Bill.” That damn lump has returned to my throat. “I hope that my behavior didn’t embarrass the company or cost you too much money.”

  “Angelica you did neither. Business is a game and sometimes we don’t like the players, so we don’t play with them. It’s as simple as that. It would take a lot more than their one company to take us down. Especially not when I have colleagues like you on my side.” He winks at me.

  “That means a lot, Bill. I hope you’ll forgive my behavior, I promise it won’t happen again.”

  “Angelica, you have nothing to apologize for. Now, enough of all that, we have a lot of work to do. Let’s get to it.” He smiles kindly as I rise.

  “I can’t wait.” Smiling back, I then head for the door. Before leaving his office, I turn around. “Thank you, Bill.”

  “Stop, there’s nothing to thank me for. Now go on and get to work.” He dismisses me with a smile.

  Heading back to my office with a new sense of determination, it’s time for me to get my head back in the game and do what I love. Bill’s reaction and conversation with me was not what I’d expected, it was much better. I knew he was a good man a long time ago, but today he reassured me of that. Starting up my computer, I open my email account. While it loads all of my messages, I grab my cell phone and text both Blake and Joey that I made it safe and sound. I also apologize for being a bitch. They both respond almost immediately.

  Joey: Thanks for the memo bitch, I’m trying to go back to sleep. You couldn’t have messaged me in a few hours? I’m used to your bitchiness, now leave me alone.

  His response makes me laugh out loud. God, I love that man.

  Blake: I’m glad to hear that you made it to work safely. You were not a bitch Angelica and don’t call yourself that again. Your emotions were scattered, it’s me that should apologize for not giving you space when you’d already requested it. It won’t happen again.

  No, fuck, that’s not what I meant. I like it when he randomly shows up at my front door. Now I’ve scared him away. God damn it, but didn’t I tell him I don’t want to be babied? I need to get my shit straight.

  Me: Please don’t apologize, and please don’t stop randomly showing up to give me rides. Just give me a few days to get back into my routine. To get back to how my life was before Edward ruined it.

  Blake: I knew you wouldn’t be able to resist my charm for too long ;) xoxo

  Me: You cocky fuck. ;) Now let me work.

  Blake: I’m only trying to put a smile on that gorgeous face of yours. Have a good day back at work Angelica.

  I sigh to myself, what a charmer. I must stop pushing before he decides he’s sick of my shit and finds someone better than me. Remembering my emails, I see I have eighty-eight new messages waiting for me to open and respond to. Joy. Doing what I do best, I get straight to work.

  My day went great, everybody was kind and no one made any remarks about what happened on Friday. The way the whole office acted really contributed to making my return easy. By 6:00 p.m. I was heading home. When I walked out to the curb to hail a taxi, I saw Joey walking toward me. I sigh loudly and roll my eyes so he could see, just to annoy him, of course.

  “Oh, stop it you child. You know you can’t get rid of me so quit the act. Let’s go eat and enjoy a glass of wine.”

  “Sounds good.”

  We end up and a small Italian restaurant not far from his apartment. The tables are almost all full, but of course, Joey waits for nothing and we’re seated rather quickly. We order every appetizer they have and a bottle of Rosé. Joey tells me how his shoot went today, he also tells me he met a new guy named Liam. He’s a well-known photographer in the business. Today at the shoot apparently there was a ‘connection’—Is what Joey called it?—and they exchanged numbers.

  “Don’t fuck this up, Joey. He sounds like a good guy.”

  He mock coughs. “Pot meet kettle.” I throw an olive at him. “Bitch! You know it’s true.”

  “Yeah, yeah, I know, no need to rub it in. At least I’m trying with Blake. Are you going to try with this guy?”

  “Who knows if it’ll even be anything, but we’ll see. I’m over sticking my dick in any willing candidate. Which, let’s be honest, everyone is a willing candidate when it comes to me.”

  “Good God you’re a cocky bastard. You do know that, right?”

  “I’ve been told that I’m very cocky.” He winks at me.

  “Ewe, you sick fuck. I don’t want to hear about your cock!”

  We fall into a fit of laughter. Our food comes out and we talk some more about JoJo’s work. He asks me if I’ll go on a hike with him soon. Of course, I agree, the last time I didn’t go he dropped his camera in the
mud. I only have one glass of wine. I’m not trying to go cold sober in the slightest I just want to ease up a bit. Joey notices, but he doesn’t comment on it. After dinner, we head out to hail me a taxi. Once he flags one down for me, he kisses me on the cheek then walks off toward his place down the street and I’m home in a matter of minutes. Once I pay the taxi driver, I head inside to feed Rodger. I’m spent. The run, a long work day and a late dinner with Joey have left me exhausted.

  Heading straight to my room to start the water in my Jacuzzi style bathtub, I turn it on. Water comes out of four wide mouth faucets. Choosing a bubble setting before pouring in the required amount of my favorite vanilla oil, I turn on my stereo. I’m feeling tired so I pick a mellow station on Pandora, The Cranberries ‘Linger’ pours out of the stereo, their best song in my opinion. Stripping quickly out of my outfit, I snag my phone and my Kindle on my way back to the bathtub. Joey knows how much I love baths and reading, so he bought me an awesome attachment that serves as a small table that hovers over the bath, perfect for my Kindle and occasionally a glass of wine. While sliding into the hot water, I’m careful not to wet my hair, immediately feeling my body ease. God, I love baths. I text Blake, he’s been very quiet today, but I know it’s my own doing. I would have yelled at him had he checked on me throughout the day. The man is catching on quick.

  Me: Good evening kind sir. I am home and in the bath, thought you should know that ;)

  Blake: Well ma’am it seems you’ve made me hard with that amazing visual.