A Change Of Pace

by Freya Barker

  "Please."

  Drinks ordered, I reach over the table and take her hand. Freddy is the first one to speak, though.

  "Where's Millie?"

  "At the neighbour's with Bella. They're staying the night."

  "Okay," she says simply.

  I take that as a good sign, because to be honest, I'm having trouble gauging what it is she needs from me right now. She appears to be taking everything in stride, almost as if she wasn't just presented with a massive blow. I know I'm fucking reeling, so why isn't she?

  "I missed your exit earlier," I confess. "Drove straight home without even realizing it. I wasn't exactly thinking straight. Sorry if I gave you the impression I was bailing." I lean over the table and cup her chin in my hand. "Because I'm not."

  Her expressive brown eyes well with tears she quickly blinks away.

  "I actually barely managed to stave off a meltdown myself," she shares. "I'm okay now, though," she adds quickly.

  "How? I'm sitting here wondering how it is you seem so—I don't know—calm?"

  "Well...I don't really know that I'm calm, and I sure as hell didn't feel that way before, but maybe resigned is a better word. I don't want to waste too much energy agitating against a confirmed reality. I didn't get a death sentence, and I know what needs to be done to come out the other end."

  "Focus on controlling what you can."

  "Exactly. The truth is, I'm still more at risk dying of heart disease at my age than this cancer."

  "Here's to a cheerful statistic," I tease, lifting my beer in a mock salute.

  After that, dinner is just easy conversation and occasional bouts of flirty banter, but no heavy topics. I even get a full belly laugh out of Freddy when we walk out and I yell out, "See you next week," at our waitress.

  It's not until we get back in the car, and she spots the bag in the back she noticed before, that she asks about it.

  "Planning to spend the night?"

  I twist in my seat to face her. "I am," I confirm, waiting until she slowly nods her head, before I straighten and turn the key in the ignition. Then I add, "We're going to have to hit the road early to get to Sudbury for nine thirty."

  She stays quiet, and I wonder if she's going to balk at my bold assumption. The silence is getting heavy, and I'm about to break it, when she slides her hand under mine on the gearshift. Curling my fingers around hers, I lift her hand to press a kiss to her palm.

  I smile when I hear her mumble under her breath.

  "Bossy."

  TWENTY-THREE

  Newt

  "Almost there, honey."

  I reach over and give Freddy's hand a squeeze.

  She fell asleep before we even left Sudbury. It's been a much longer day than we anticipated, meeting not just with one specialist but two, having some lab work done, and getting a tour of the outpatient clinic where Freddy's treatments are scheduled to start Wednesday of next week.

  It's been a lot of information to take in, and I suspect she just needed to give her brain a break. My own head is still spinning.

  Over a quick lunch in the hospital cafeteria, I gave the Bennetts a heads-up that I was delayed, which wasn't a problem. Freddy needed to get in touch with Jess to ask if she'd be able to check in on the animals, and she apparently offered to pick up the dogs and take them with her. Freddy then gave her brother a call, who was scheduled to spend the night at hers. I suggested she ask he meet us at my place. I don't want to my daughter overstaying her welcome at the Bennetts, but I also don't want Freddy to face her brother alone at her place.

  I know he's going to be pissed when he finds out. I'd probably be too, if I were in his shoes, but I'll be damned if I let him tear a strip off his sister. Plus, I'm hoping the fact we'll be at my place is going to moderate his reaction.

  Alex seems to accept Freddy's story we were out for a drive when my Jeep broke down. He agreed, said he'd drop his stuff off at her place, check on the animals as she asked, and offered to bring over dinner for all of us. I'm not going to argue with that.

  "Where are we?" she asks, sitting up in her seat.

  "Almost at the Woods Road cut-off."

  "What time is it?"

  "Close to five."

  Her hands start to fiddle restlessly with the strap of her purse, and I know she's thinking about the confrontation ahead. She blows out a lungful of air when we pull into my driveway a little later and it's empty. Still, not taking any chances, instead of walking over I quickly shoot Millie a message to walk over with Bella whenever because we're home.

  That turns out to be a good call, because we barely walk into the kitchen to grab a well-deserved beer when the crunch of gravel on the driveway announces Alex's arrival.

  "I'll get it," I announce, giving Freddy an encouraging wink as I walk to the front.

  He's holding a stack of no less than three large pizza boxes when I open the door.

  "Think that's enough?" I grab the boxes from his hands and step aside to let him in.

  "I can eat one, I figure you could too, and the third is for the ladies."

  I'm afraid the grin on his face won't be there for much longer when I tilt my head to the kitchen. "Your sister is in there."

  She has her back turned when I follow Alex into the kitchen, putting the boxes on the counter.

  "Hey, Sis." I watch her straighten her shoulders before she turns around, a tense smile plastered on her face. "What the fuck?" He takes two steps toward her, then stops and swings around on me. "What the fuck?" he repeats, his face beet red.

  "I'm gonna let Freddy explain," I suggest calmly.

  "That would be good," he grinds out between his teeth, turning back to his sister.

  "Jim's wife, Ella, laid into me in the clinic's parking lot yesterday. Their marriage is on the rocks, the kids are a mess, and she'd just been served with an emergency order granting custody to Jim."

  "And what, on God's green earth, does that have any fuck to do with you?"

  "Nothing," she answers quickly before elaborating. "Other than Jim may have mentioned I agreed to see what I could do to help the kids." Alex's loud groan and dramatic eye-roll convey my thoughts on that subject exactly.

  "And I'm guessing that's not exactly the way that idiot worded it, so he effectively threw some fuel on the flames, and you under the bus. Classic Jim." He runs an agitated hand through his hair before turning to me. "I swear I should've neutered the guy back then."

  I shrug. I can't argue that either.

  Freddy

  That was a close one. For a moment, I thought he was going to slug Newt, and that would've really messed up my life.

  Of course Alex feels the need to examine the cut for himself, and I end up taking the bandage off altogether. I have to slap his hand away when he starts poking at the swelling around my eye, and by the time Newt hands him a cold one, he's calling me Slugger. I'll take it, if it comes with the improved mood. I'll have to drop another bomb on him soon enough.

  I'm pulling plates out of the cupboard, when I hear the front door slam and the patter of little puppy feet coming toward the kitchen.

  "Hey Sweet Pea," I hear Newt say.

  "Holy shit!" Millie cries out when I set the plates on the counter. "What happened to you?"

  I'm about to tell her the same lie I fed the waitress, but Newt stops me.

  "She's going to hear at some point anyway. May as well give her the truth," he says to me before turning to his daughter. "You know Jordan's mom has a drinking problem, right?" He waits for her to nod before he goes on. "Well, the reason Jordan hasn't been by is because he's at camp for a few weeks. His dad's working on getting custody, and when his mom found out, she got upset. Took it out on Freddy."

  "What does Freddy have to do with it?" she demands to know and Newt rolls his eyes to the ceiling, realizing he just potentially opened up a whole different kettle of fish.

  Alex comes to the rescue, though. "She probably thought Freddy might know where Jordan is. Who knows?"

&n
bsp; "Well, that's just fucked up," Millie announces, thunder on her face.

  "Watch your mouth, young lady," Newt immediately corrects her while Alex chuckles out loud, earning him a double glare. Mine and her father's.

  In comparison, dinner is a subdued affair and as soon as Millie has had her fill, she gets up from the table.

  "Dad, Jenna asked if I could come over to watch Big Bother with her tonight. Please? We made cupcakes this morning and we were gonna eat those. I promise I'll be home right after."

  "I don't want you walking home alone. I'll pick you up at ten, or if you want to come back earlier, call me." She's already heading for the door when he quickly calls after her, "And put on something with sleeves, it's supposed to get cold tonight."

  I can't blame the girl for bailing. For some reason, the atmosphere around the table hasn’t exactly been lighthearted, and the air only gets thicker once the door slides shut behind her, and Alex turns his eyes on me.

  "Ready to tell me what's going on? Suddenly you're playing hooky from work, going out for drives in the country. Not to mention you've been twitchy since I got here."

  I look at Newt for support, which he shows by putting his hand on my knee under the table. I take a deep breath, may as well bite the bullet.

  "I went for that check up with Dr. Heikal a couple of weeks ago." It's all I get out before Alex shoves back his chair so hard it falls backward and slams to the ground. He immediately starts pacing, his eyes never leaving my face. "She suggested I have a PET scan done."

  "Sudbury? You were up at HSN and you didn't tell me?"

  "I didn't tell anyone. It was just a scan, but it showed something in my bladder. They took it out last Wednesday."

  "You had fucking surgery? And you didn't think your brother, your only surviving relative, who happens to live three blocks from the damn hospital, was worth calling?" He fists his hands in his hair and pulls.

  "Let her talk, man," Newt says calmly.

  "None of your business, Tobias." Alex steps close and shoves a finger under his nose. "None-the-fuck of your business, you have no idea—"

  "Stop!" I yell, pushing back from the table. "Stop yelling. Newt knows all there is to know. I told him everything."

  I realize it's the wrong thing to say when Alex suddenly comes to a dead stop and his face shows a world of hurt.

  "Alex, please..." I plead. "Let me tell you."

  "Dammit Frederique!" he yells, and with a swing of his arm, he knocks a couple of beer bottles off the table. "It's back, isn't it? Your cancer—it's back."

  It takes Newt and me both to get Alex to listen. When he knows it all, he doesn't say a word, just turns his back and walks to the waterside and out to the end of the dock.

  "I hate this," I whisper, looking at my brother's dark silhouette against the water's reflection of the setting sun. "I wished so hard it wouldn't come to this."

  "Give him some time, honey." Newt wraps his arms around me from behind and rests his chin on my shoulder. "All that anger he's throwing out is just fear and frustration he can't fix this for you."

  "I know that." I also know my brother and realize we could be here a while. "I have to call Jess. She'll be wondering where I am."

  I pull my phone from my pocket and dial.

  "Dammit, Freddy. I was about to start calling hospitals, for Christ's sake."

  "I'm so sorry. Please tell me you're not waiting for me at the office."

  "Pfft. I'm a devoted employee, but that would be pushing it. No, I took your kids home with me. Bijou has already chewed one of my throw pillows and is working on my sandals. Boulder has taken over my couch, keeping an eye on her. We're fine."

  "Shit. I'll replace your stuff, Jess, I promise, but I've got a situation here—"

  "Yes, they can stay here," Jess interrupts, "but tomorrow you better have your story ready, otherwise you're not gettin' this pretty baby back. I see you every day; I know when something is off. My momma didn't raise a fool."

  "I will," I promise, eager to get off the phone. "And thank you so much for taking care of my pups."

  Newt has sat down, and the moment I get off the phone he pulls me on his lap.

  "Everything sorted?"

  "Yeah."

  He wraps his arms around me and I lean back, while we watch and wait for Alex to come back. With the sun almost gone, I can feel the temperature dropping and I'm getting chilly. Alex apparently is too, because when the sun is no longer visible, he turns around and starts walking back to the house.

  But instead of stopping, he walks right past us, not even glancing in our direction.

  "Alex?" I call after him, scrambling off Newt's lap. He stops with the sliding door in his hand, his back to me.

  "Love you, Sis, but I'm having a hard time with it. I can't do this now."

  Without another word he disappears inside.

  I knew he would need his time.

  It's not until we walk inside, with the empties and the dirty plates, when I see his car gone from the driveway and realize my ride home has left without me.

  Newt

  "Should I call him?"

  I look over at Freddy, who's been restlessly looking out the window for the past half hour, waiting for her brother's headlights to show in the driveway.

  "Up to you. Why don't you shoot him a message instead? A text is more likely to get answered given his current frame of mind."

  Right away she pulls out her phone and shoots off a message, and within a few seconds a responding ping sounds. I walk up and look over her shoulder at the screen.

  At yours with G & T on porch.

  "Gin and tonic?"

  "George and Timber," Freddy clarifies with a relieved smile.

  "Doesn't sound like he's coming back. Want to give him some space and spend the night here?" I offer, sitting down across from her.

  "I don't have anything with me. Besides, what about Millie?"

  "Shit." My eyes fly to the clock on the kitchen wall, showing quarter past ten. "I was supposed to pick her up." I shoot up, grab my zippered hoodie from the coatrack and reach for the door. "Let me just go grab her. I should have a spare toothbrush and can drive you home at the crack of dawn tomorrow. But if you really want, I'll take you when I get back."

  She's watching me through the window when I pass outside, and I give her a wave. Let her think on it for a bit. I'd much prefer she stay the night. She's exhausted already, she needs her sleep. What if she goes back tonight and they get into it? No, she's better off crashing here.

  It's chilly out, and dark—the single streetlight down by the bend in the road doesn't do much good out here. I should've grabbed the Maglite from the hall table.

  I'm still not used to the quiet here. Living in the suburbs, there's always ambient noise, but out here, you'll only hear an occasional train whistle from the tracks running just east of us. A rustle in the woods across the road has me look over, but only the closest tree trunks are visible, beyond that it's pitch black. An animal, likely. Maybe a deer or a moose, I've seen a few of them around.

  The lights are on at the Bennetts’, and I can see movement through the windows. I knock on the door, which is quickly pulled open by Jenna. Immediately, I have a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach when her face registers surprise.

  "Hey, Mr. T."

  "Newt," her mother says walking up behind her. "What has you out so late?"

  My throat is dry as I peer over their heads into the house, but only encounter the questioning glance of Jenna's dad, Matt, who steps behind his wife.

  "Newt?"

  "Millie," I force out. "I'm here to pick up Millie."

  I don't have to hear their response to know something is very, very wrong.

  TWENTY-FOUR

  Newt

  "She went home hours ago," Katie says, concern on her face as she steps in front of her daughter. "Not long after you called."

  "Yes, and then she left again after dinner to watch some show with Jenna."

  "She
said she'd ask," Jenna pipes up, peering around her mom. "I figured you'd said no when she didn't show."

  Dark spots appear in my vision and I double over, hands on my knees, trying to suck in air. A heavy hand grabs on to my shoulder.

  "Katie's calling the police." I vaguely register Matt's voice. "Are you sure she's not in her room or something?" he asks, and I force myself to think. Her flip-flops were gone from the hallway, and I can't recall seeing her phone anywhere.

  Her phone. I can call her. With shaking hands I pull my phone from my pocket and dial her number. The ringing on the other end is barely audible through the blood roaring in my ears. The call goes into voicemail and I hang up.

  "Try it again." Matt has a funny look on his face as he concentrates his eyes on a spot somewhere behind me. "Do it," he urges with more force, shooting me a pressing look.

  I hit send again and put the phone to my ear to listen to it ring. Matt walks past me, and I swing around to see him start running. "Keep calling!" he yells over his shoulder, and I do as he asks, following him down the driveway and onto the road. That's when I hear it: a corresponding ringtone somewhere ahead.

  I can't see anything other than Matt veering off the road and into the ditch in front of the first of the two cottages that separate our houses. The place is dark, but that's not surprising, since the owners only come up on weekends. I watch the man crouch down, reaching for something in the brush when my police instincts kick in.

  "Don't touch anything," I call out, closing the distance.

  "Got a flashlight on your phone?" Matt asks, holding out his hand.

  Shit yeah, forgot about that. I quickly locate it on my phone and swipe it on before handing it to him. When he aims the light at what he was reaching for—my blood freezes in my veins.

  In a haphazard pile are Millie's phone in the familiar pink case and her favourite sweater.

  Freddy

  I wonder what's keeping them?

  Newt left almost half an hour ago and Bella has been whining in her crate for the last ten minutes now. I don't know if he routinely gives her a proper walk before he goes to bed, but she'll have to do with the backyard from me tonight.