She's Far From Hollywood

by Jo McNally

  “No, they didn’t. They took an escape route, yes. And perhaps understandably so. But to a better place? Maybe for them, but what about the destruction they left behind in this place? Did any of them have spouses? Children?” He didn’t move, but his eyes flicked away from her in acknowledgment. “What about them, Cole? What does their place look like? Their parent is gone. Their lover is gone. Their child is gone. That’s a forever pain, Cole. Forever. That’s the destruction those people left in their wake.”

  “You can’t possibly understand.” His lips curled into a snarl.

  Good. His anger was something she could hold on to. It was an emotion, and it was better than the frightening numbness she saw when she first stumbled into the glade. If she could keep him angry, she could keep him talking so they could figure a way through this.

  “You’re damned straight I don’t understand. Because it’s bullshit!” His nostrils flared, but she pushed ahead. “Do you really think those friends of yours had no chance for happiness in this world? Do you really think they were doomed to be miserable all of their days? Do you think you’re doomed, Cole?” He opened his mouth to speak but she rolled right over him. “It’s not your fault that Travis lied to you and said he was okay when he wasn’t. You once told me not to blame myself for someone else’s actions. Don’t those words apply to you, too?”

  He dropped his head, and she thought for a moment that she was getting through to him. She wanted to reach for the gun, but she was afraid it might go off. Instead she stood, hoping to distract him. She turned to face the inky water and walked up the bank to the large oak tree standing there. When she turned back, Cole’s eyes were following her.

  His voice was strained when he spoke, as if he was in a battle of wills with himself. “I should have known what Travis was planning. But I’m lousy at helping people. I thought Vickie was doing great. She had parents who loved her and supported her. I even asked her out for drinks one night, thinking we had a lot in common. She turned me down with a kiss on the cheek, and the next week she was dead. Sean’s wife was expecting their third child, and he had everything to live for.” Cole took a ragged breath. “I remember clapping him on the back and feeling so damned happy for him. That was a week before he slammed into that tree. And Tim? Well, Tim was engaged to his high school sweetheart. He was telling everyone how great he was feeling, reaching out to thank people who’d helped him. Then one night, he did just what Travis did. He took a shotgun...”

  Cole’s next move startled her. She thought maybe he was going to drop the shotgun, but to her horror, he braced the stock on the ground between his legs and faced the gun straight up. His fingers were nowhere near the trigger, but tears sprang to her eyes when he dropped his forehead onto the barrel. Maggie was barking wildly in the truck. “How could they do it, Bree? I just don’t get it.”

  A moan escaped her lips, and her stomach roiled in protest. She backed up and the old rope that was hanging from the tree brushed across her shoulder. She grabbed it for support as her legs nearly gave way in fear. He was no longer aware of her presence. His eyes were closed as he continued to rest on the shotgun. He looked weary and broken. He was hurting. He was afraid. But he did not want to pull that trigger. She just had to help him realize it.

  She lifted her chin and forced her voice to remain steady. There wasn’t much else to do but call his bluff and pray he’d come to his senses.

  “You know what? Fine. If that’s really what you want, Cole, then fine. But god-damn it, if you’re going to pull that trigger, you’re going to do it in front of me. I’ll be the last thing you see before you go off to your happier place.”

  He raised his head and looked at her, his brows gathered in confusion. “What? I’m not going to pull...”

  “Please don’t do this, Cole. We have something here between us, and you can’t do this. Not now.”

  “You shouldn’t want anything between us. I’ll just bring my garbage into your life and destroy it. I’m no good for you. I told you that before. Hasn’t tonight proved it?”

  “I don’t believe that. I know you care about me. Please...” Her fear was making it difficult to breathe, much less think of a more persuasive argument that didn’t involve begging.

  He shook his head sharply. “I’m no good for anyone. You can’t rely on me. You shouldn’t. Look at me. God help me, look how weak I am. You can’t put your trust in me...” He dropped his head again, but the shotgun was now tilted off to the side. Her heart squeezed tight in panic. Her hands wrapped around the rope and she had a crazy idea.

  “You’re wrong, Cole. I’m going to jump into this water right now, and you’re going to have to stop me or save me. One or the other. I trust you to do one or the other.”

  She tried not to think about the dark, murky water below. Cole raised his head slowly.

  “You can’t swim.”

  “No shit, Sherlock.”

  Was it her imagination, or did she see a glitter of something other than anger in his eyes when he heard the sarcasm in her voice? She pulled back on the rope, as if getting ready to swing out into the darkness. She was really hoping he’d stop her before she ended up in the water.

  “This is me, trusting you.”

  “Go ahead, Hollywood. But don’t count on me to save your ass. That water is ten feet deep, so you’ll have to figure out how to swim pretty fast.”

  “I’m serious. I’m jumping in.” Please get up and stop me...

  “Why would you do that?”

  She stepped up onto a rock right at the edge of the steep bank, keeping the old rope in her hands as if she knew what she was doing. “I don’t want you to hurt yourself, Cole. I need you to put that gun down and come help me.”

  She met his eyes and lifted her chin defiantly.

  “Hurt myself? Bree, I’m not...” He looked down at the shotgun and back to her. “It’s not even loaded...”

  In the next breath, several things happened at once. The large rock she was balancing on rolled out from beneath her, bouncing into the water with a splash. Instinctively, her fingers tightened on the rope, which kept her from falling, but sent her swinging out over the dark pool. Which was where the rope broke, dropping her into the center of the deep water from six feet above. There wasn’t time to make a sound before she went under. She could feel weeds or something slimy against her legs, but she never touched bottom. Her arms jerked out straight and she started to thrash, hoping she was heading toward the surface, but it was too dark to tell which way was up. It crossed her mind that she might just die here in the blackness. Then she felt an iron grip around her waist, tugging her hard against a solid body. Her mouth opened in surprise and she swallowed what felt like gallons of water.

  She and Cole broke the surface together. Cole was towing her to the shore, but she was in complete panic mode, coughing up water and trying to pull away. She struck out at him and struggled to escape his grip.

  “Let go of me, you son of a...! Let go of me!”

  He ignored her and swam with confidence toward solid ground. She was still swinging at him when he turned and spoke slowly, as if talking to a wild animal. His hands held her firmly.

  “Put your feet down, Bree. It’s shallow now. You can walk from here...”

  Still sputtering with anger that was more terror than anything else, she shoved herself away from him and immediately went underwater again. Was he trying to kill her?

  He pulled her up and held her closer now. “Brianna, stop fighting me. You need to put your feet down. Stand up, Hollywood.”

  For some reason, her brain couldn’t comprehend his instructions, and she started going under again. Cole swore and dragged her up onto the dirt, not stopping until only their lower legs were still in the water. She lay on her back next to him and closed her eyes, trying to settle the adrenaline that made her feel like her body was trying to
break free of her skin. Facing death will do that to a woman. Cole’s lips landed on her forehead and he stayed there, pressed against her. He was trembling. Perhaps overcome with the trauma of almost losing her? Her eyes snapped open.

  Nope.

  He was laughing. Not just a little chuckle, but a whole-body-shaking belly laugh. His eyes were closed tight, as if he was trying to stop but couldn’t. At last he pushed himself up and looked down at her, shaking his head and grinning.

  “We’re a hell of a pair, aren’t we?” Her heart swelled as she looked deep into his eyes, sparkling with life again. She lifted her hand to his cheek and he kissed her palm before leaning into it. “Honey, I was never going to shoot...”

  She couldn’t bear to hear him say it. “We are quite a pair, Plowboy.” Maggie was barking hysterically in the truck, in an absolute frenzy.

  Cole looked up and down the length of Bree’s body. “Are you okay?”

  When she nodded, he stood and pulled her to her feet. Her hair hung down in dank strands, her cotton dress was plastered to her body and revealed pretty much everything, and she’d lost a shoe. But he didn’t seem to mind any of that when he tugged her into his arms and plunged his tongue into her mouth as if his life depended on it. She wrapped her arms around his waist and kissed him back. He was okay. They were okay. But Maggie was still very unhappy.

  They pulled apart and went to the truck to release her. Fortunately, dogs didn’t hold grudges, and she leaped around their feet enthusiastically once the door was opened. Cole walked toward the log again with Maggie prancing at his side. He bent to pick up the shotgun and glanced up to meet Bree’s stricken face.

  “I can’t believe you thought I was going to do that. I would never...” He looked at the gun in his hands then back to her. “Damn it, I must have scared you to death. It was a stupid thing to do.” He pulled back and sent the gun spiraling out over the river. It splashed into the darkness and vanished. She didn’t let herself breathe again until he turned back to face her.

  “It’s not like I don’t have other guns,” he said, “but neither of us needs to be looking at that particular one again.” He walked up the bank and stopped just inches from her, not touching her with anything but the warm and solemn caress of his eyes. “I’m sorry, Bree. You didn’t deserve to be put through that.”

  Something finally connected in her brain.

  “Did you say it wasn’t loaded?” He’d never intended to harm himself. “Maybe you should have shared that fact a little earlier in our conversation.”

  She’d nearly drowned for nothing. Then she stared into his dark eyes and knew it wasn’t really for nothing. He’d been in pain, and even if it wasn’t exactly suicidal pain, it was bad enough. He’d suffered a shocking loss, and who knew what might have happened if she hadn’t come after him. No, she didn’t regret it. She’d saved him, even if it wasn’t from imminent death.

  The corner of his mouth quirked up as he watched her processing her thoughts.

  “You’re something else, Hollywood.” She just nodded, suddenly exhausted from the emotional roller coaster of the past couple of hours.

  “Brianna...” He put his hands on either side of her face and stared into her eyes. “What happened here...what I did...what you thought I might do...” He closed his eyes and inhaled deeply before opening them again. “I haven’t been in that dark of a place in a long time, but I have been there before and I’ll probably go there again. The nightmares. The losses. The memories. The anger... Just like Travis and the others, I can’t unsee what I’ve seen. Sometimes it’s too much. It’s all just too damned much to take. You deserve better.”

  She pushed up onto her toes and kissed his lips softly. Her love for him nearly broke her heart in two.

  “You don’t have to bear that burden alone. I’m right here. You have friends. Family. You’re not alone, Cole. But I do think you need to find a therapist you can work with. Promise me you’ll think about it.”

  He nodded. “I’ll talk to Chris about that inpatient place at Flat Rock. Maybe I do need some help.”

  She stared at him then gave him a grin. “I knew you needed help from the first day I met you hunkered over a glass of whiskey.”

  “Is that right?”

  “Mmm-hmm. I just had no intention of being any part of it. Or you. But here we are.”

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN

  “HERE WE ARE,” Cole agreed. He tried to rein in all the emotions careening back and forth inside his head as he stared down at the irritating, irresistible woman standing in front of him. How had they gotten to this place, where she was as much a part of him as breathing? He shook his head and looked over her shoulder at the black water.

  Bree couldn’t swim. She was especially terrified of water she couldn’t see through. And while her unexpected plunge wasn’t part of the plan, she’d been standing there daring him to stop her from jumping in. She’d trusted him to rescue her, even after he told her he wouldn’t.

  He hadn’t ever intended to pull the trigger. That was why he’d dumped the shells out of the gun before he got out of the truck. He frowned. If he never intended to harm himself, then why did he take the time to unload the gun? Because he didn’t trust himself, that was why.

  He wanted to understand what Travis was feeling and thinking when he decided to end his life. What demons had forced the kid to that point? Were those same monsters inside his own nightmares? That was what he’d been wrestling with when the rock flipped out from under Bree’s feet and she’d plunged into the water without a word. Before the water had finished splashing from her impact, he’d forgotten about demons and leaped in after her.

  He looked down at her beautiful face and swallowed hard. She was patiently waiting for him to sort things out in his head and decide what their next move would be. Her eyes were warm and filled with emotion. He couldn’t describe it, but it was more than affection he saw there. More than lust, although her hand was now resting on his buttock, and she gave him a playful squeeze as if she knew exactly what he was thinking.

  His arms slid around her. He didn’t kiss her, just pulled her in and held on tight. It occurred to him that she was like an anchor. Not the kind that got wrapped around bodies to drown them, although he knew she was capable of pulling him under. But right now? Right now she was the kind of anchor that kept a fragile craft from being swept to sea. The kind of anchor that dug in and held, even in the roughest storms. The kind of anchor that might just save a man’s life.

  The only thing powerful enough to make him think of leaving this safe haven was the increasing hum of hungry insects overhead. He nudged Bree toward the truck reluctantly, and she climbed in with as much reluctance as he felt. He wrapped his arm around her shoulders and nestled her against his chest.

  “You knew where to find me.”

  “It’s one of your favorite places.”

  She shivered in his arms, and he wasn’t sure if it was from adrenaline or cold. Just in case, he reached behind the seat and fished out an old blanket. He wrapped it around her and pulled her close, leaning back against the door. Bree curled her legs up onto the seat, and Maggie settled down on the far side, resting her head on Bree’s feet. They all just needed a moment to decompress.

  “Did you tell anyone where I was?”

  She didn’t lift her head, yawning as she answered.

  “No, I just ran out the door as fast as I could, and I forgot my phone....”

  He shifted and reached for his phone on the dash where he’d tossed it hours earlier. It would be irresponsible not to let someone know they were both alive and safe.

  Ty answered before the first ring finished.

  “Where the hell are you? Is Bree...”

  “Bree’s with me. We’re fine.”

  “Jaysus, man, you had everyone in a freaking panic here. Your house has mor
e people in it than it’s probably ever had. Tammy, Emily and Nell have been crying their eyes out. Chris and Jerome just got here from Fayetteville. Arlen stopped over after I called him looking for you. We almost called the sheriff...”

  “Ty, take a breath and listen to me, okay? We’re both fine.” He glanced down and realized Bree was sound asleep against him, worn-out from the emotional evening he’d put her through. Was staying here by the water a way to avoid dealing with the firestorm that was surely waiting for them? Yup. But it was also a way for him to have a few hours to get his head straight, and for Bree to recover. He’d certainly slept in less hospitable places than the cab of a truck. “We’ll see you in the morning.”

  “In the morning?” His normally calm brother sounded like he was about to crack. “Are you kidding me? How am I supposed to keep everyone under control until the morning? Where are you?” Ty took a deep breath and lowered his voice. “Are you really okay?”

  “It’s been a hell of a day, Ty, but I’m really okay. We’ll talk tomorrow. Tell Chris and Jerome to make themselves at home for the night. Hell, you can all stay there if you want. Give everyone my apologies or whatever.”

  “So Bree knew where to find you?”

  “She did. And it’s a damned good thing.” He heard Ty’s sharp intake of breath. “We’ll be there for breakfast.”

  He swiped the phone to end the call. One more reach behind the seat produced an old jacket, and he shoved it between him and the door to act as a pillow. Bree’s lips parted as she sighed and rearranged herself against him. He dropped a kiss on her head then leaned back to close his own eyes, welcoming the peace of an exhausted sleep.

  Her mumbled cries woke him when morning was just a sliver of pink through the trees. She was dreaming, and his heart fell when he realized what she was dreaming about.

  “Please, Cole... No...don’t pull the trigger...please...”

  His T-shirt was soaked with her tears. She was sobbing in her sleep, dreaming of him holding a shotgun to his head. Guilt swept over him for putting that horrible image in her mind. He stroked her back softly with his hand and whispered what meager comfort he could.