Ruthless (Dark MC Romance)

by Vanessa Waltz

  My head pounded as his hand stroked my hair, pausing at the base of my neck to squeeze. “I’m trying to do the right thing, too. I’m trying to get you off the dope. I can’t let you stay with him, and it’s not just because I’m crazy about you, it’s because he’s a fucking lunatic.”

  I just wrapped my arms around his waist and held him in a fierce grip, listening to the drumming of his heart.

  “He has to be stopped. Cain’s bad for the club, and there’s really nothing else in my life except the MC.” He frowned. “I spent my whole life just existing, not knowing what the hell I should do with myself. It’s like I’ve a hole in my chest and I’ve been filling it with stuff this whole time.”

  His words struck a chord with me.

  “Coke, beer, and cigarettes,” I said softly. How many lines have I snorted and how many shots have I drunk to numb a feeling?

  Spike was the same way, except he buried himself in the violence and despair, not allowing himself to care about any of it.

  He clung to me as fiercely as I held him.

  “Jesus Christ, all this time I’ve been…” He couldn’t finish the sentence. Remorse shone on Spike’s face as he gently disengaged his arms. “Meet me at my place.”

  I rubbed my arm. “I—I don’t know.”

  He smiled weakly. “Julia, what’s the point of hiding?”

  There’s no point. Not anymore.

  “I’ll get some things and meet you there.”

  He nodded and swept me in his arms again, his lips hungrily devouring mine again. His fingers dug into my hair and my hands were flat against his chest, smoothing over its contours. Desire tugged inside sharply when Spike pulled away. I felt nervous in that overwhelming, butterflies-in-stomach sort of way. It was addictive. He kissed me again under my ear, the heat searing my neck.

  “Don’t take too long.”

  * * *

  Uneasy.

  That’s how I felt about returning to the apartment. I could still see the vitriol lining Cain’s face when I told him to fuck off. Hurling insults at Cain was stupid and dangerous.

  I shouldn’t have done it.

  I don’t know what possessed me. I was a survivor—I didn’t take stupid risks, I wasn’t emotional. Maybe it was the absence of coke, but I felt less tolerable to everything. Everything that simmered inside me for months suddenly exploded like a meth lab. Meeting Spike awakened that part of me that longed for freedom. I was tired of being his captive. Fucking sick of not having any say in my life.

  I sat in my car for a few minutes outside the apartment, my hands trembling on the steering wheel.

  You’re just going to get a few things and get out. In and out. Fast.

  I braced myself to open the car door, but I sank back in the leather seat.

  Just fucking do it!

  The door swung open and I followed it without a moment’s hesitation, even though my blood raced. I stared up the long staircase and my head swam. Heels clipped on the concrete as I grabbed the staircase to steady myself. Clonk. Clonk. The loud sounds echoed through the deserted complex. Right then, I wondered where the hell everyone was. Everything was unnaturally silent, and yet every sound crashed in my ears as if the volume was turned up.

  Everything’s fine. Everything’s fine.

  I slipped my key in the hole.

  Everything’s fine.

  The door creaked open to the darkened foyer and I stepped inside quickly. A blast of recycled air hit my face. My nerves blazed that this was wrong.

  Go back. Run.

  My torso already twisted back towards the door. There was shifting sounds—movement behind me.

  Already on high alert, I screamed without knowing what or who it was. An arm shot out and grabbed my shoulder and then a body pressed up against me. I elbowed him hard and I felt cold steel against my temple. Knowing what it was, I instantly froze.

  “Simmer the fuck down,” a familiar, poisonous voice breathed in my ear, his voice slightly dented with pain.

  Pike. That piece of shit.

  Ahead, River stepped from the hall into the kitchen, eating an apple that he plucked from the bowl of fruit.

  “God damn, those are some beautiful tits.”

  His hand groped up my body. He gathered a handful of my breast and squeezed hard.

  “What the fuck are you doing?” I screamed. When he didn’t stop, I elbowed his ribs hard.

  “Fucking cunt,” he swore as he sucked in breath. “I would pistol-whip you, but Cain told us not to hurt you.”

  “C—Cain?”

  River smirked between bites of the apple. “Yeah, he’s on his way.”

  How the fuck did he get out early?

  My whole body seized with terror. It must be some sort of trick. “No, he’s not supposed to get out until next week.”

  They laughed, sending another thrill of fear up my spine.

  Spike has no idea.

  I ripped myself out of his arms and ran into the kitchen. River’s lean body blocked my way. Whirling around, I saw Pike glowering at me with his gun aimed at my heart.

  “Cain told us to shoot you if you tried to escape.”

  “I just need to go to the fucking bathroom.”

  He squinted at me.

  “There’s no window in the bathroom,” I said in exasperation. “What the fuck am I going to do?”

  “Something stupid, probably.”

  “I won’t lock the door.”

  “If I hear the sound of a lock, I’m breaking the door down.”

  I just wanted to be away from them. Closing the door behind me, I looked around the white, cramped bathroom. There were razors behind the medicine cabinet and bleach under the sink. I opened the cabinet and took out a blade quietly, slipping it in the palm of my hand, and then I sat on the toilet seat and looked at the blade grinning at me.

  Cain was coming back. He would return in a towering rage. I would be lucky to survive the night.

  I could slash my wrists and end all of this. Wouldn’t it be better to end it on my terms? In my mind, I saw my bloodless corpse sprawled on the bathroom floor, while Cain looked at me impassively. I took the blade and held it over my wrist, staring at the blue veins snaking under my pale skin. It bit into my skin.

  Just slice. Do it really quickly.

  My fingers trembled and a small dot of blood bloomed where the edge of the razor dug into my skin.

  I can’t do this.

  I curled my fingers around the razor, grinding my teeth as the blade cut into my skin. No matter how desperate I felt, I didn’t have the guts to go through with it. Cursing my cowardice, I sank my face into my hands as tears shook from my body.

  No, I have to at least try.

  I gripped the blade in my fingers and then decided to hide it under my thigh.

  In the distance, I heard the front door open.

  “Get out,” he said in that terrible, cold voice.

  Bodies shifted in the apartment, their footsteps growing more and more distant. A final slam vibrated through the apartment. My heart throbbed higher and higher until I felt it in my throat, my mouth.

  The footsteps stopped in front of the door. I looked at my last barrier of protection, which I hadn’t even locked. The door swung open and my raw eyes averted to the wall. I was too afraid to look at him, but I imagined his body standing at the entrance, his eyes narrowed in hatred.

  He came closer and closer, until I couldn’t deny his existence. His legs stood in the corner of my vision.

  Just go away inside. Shut it off.

  Cain crouched in front of me, looking neither angry nor pleased. He took my hands in his and turned them over.

  “What’s this?”

  He found the bloody mark on my wrist and finally my trembling eyes met his. “Nothing.”

  “Being with me is that bad?”

  Surprise gripped me. Was this a trick? I searched his eyes and found nothing. “Yes,” I admitted.

  He nodded, frowning. Then he released my h
and and slapped my face so hard that I fell against the bathtub. I tasted blood in my mouth and raised my fingers to my lips, still reeling in shock.

  “This is all my fault, Julia.” He raked his hands through his hair. “If I had broken you properly in the beginning, you would have never done any of this. I apologize for that.”

  The razor blade sat on the toilet seat. He hadn’t noticed it yet.

  My body was stiff as he pulled me into his arms. He’s crazy. I shrank against his chest. “Why—why didn’t you?”

  “Because I wanted to see what it would be like. And then you decided to betray me.”

  His hands pinched my arms as he pulled me back, and then I saw the fury in his face.

  “I did not betray you,” I snarled.

  “I don’t fucking believe you.”

  “You changed when you started using Red. You were hurting me.”

  Cain smiled at my desperate attempt to defend myself. “No, sweetheart. I’ve always been like this. I just held it back for your sake. Now, I don’t give a fuck.”

  He yanked my head forward and I cried out in pain as his lips sealed against mine. His tongue forced through my lips, aggravating my split lip. His hands tore apart my shirt and slid under my bra.

  Tears streamed down my face as he ripped it off. This isn’t happening. He groped my tits and uttered a satisfied groan.

  “Weeks without fucking you was torture,” he hissed. “When I’m done with you, you’ll never look at another man again. Hell, you might never look at anyone again.”

  I lunged for the blade sitting on the toilet and grabbed it. I wanted to slice his neck, but he gripped my wrist. He caught it so easily, like it was nothing. Then he bent it backwards until I screamed in pain. I dropped the blade.

  “And what were you planning to do with that?” he asked in an amused voice.

  “Kill you.”

  He chuckled. “I can’t be killed, sweetheart.”

  “Go fuck yourself,” I spat.

  The smile that spread across his face was eerie. “I’d rather fuck you.”

  Then I finally fought him, pummeling his body with my fists. I screamed as he laughed at my attempts to get him off. He ripped down my jeans as I wept and I rolled on my stomach, thinking that he couldn’t rape me in that position. I was wrong. He pinned me down with his knee in my back and then his heavy weight fell over my back.

  Spike! I wanted to scream.

  My ears pierced with my own screams as he split me open. His hot hand wrapped around my mouth. He lunged forward and his hand caught my screams, but it was also suffocating me. My lungs burned and I forgot the terror of being forced. I just wanted air.

  Give in.

  He groaned in my ear as he thrust forward again. Black spots invaded my vision. I embraced the darkness.

  * * *

  A metal, clanking sound woke me up. I opened my eyes. I was in a cellar somewhere and it was cold. I was naked. I swallowed hard, feeling the rawness between my legs. Cain leaned over me, fastening something to my wrist. Handcuffs.

  What new horror was he planning for me?

  His face looked revitalized, as if fucking me gave him energy. He even whistled happily as he worked, securing my legs to the bedposts.

  “Cain.”

  The pale eyes glanced at me after he secured my right leg. He sat down on the mattress, his hand traveling from my calf to my thigh, circling around, but he swept up harmlessly and smoothed my stomach.

  He laughed to himself. “Damn, your body is just begging to be fucked.”

  “Raped,” I corrected him in a harsh voice.

  His fingers squeezed my nipples until I whimpered. “I never understood the appeal, until now. It always seemed too easy. Boring. But it wasn’t at all. I felt excited.”

  Sick freak.

  I didn’t understand how I had ever felt any attraction towards him.

  “What are you going to do about Spike?”

  He shrugged. “You should be more worried about what I’m going to do to you.”

  I didn’t like the steely glint in his eyes. “You don’t need to do this.”

  “What happened to your spirit?” he sneered. The pale eyes bored into my head. “Tell me to fuck off again, I dare you.”

  Fuck you. Hating him, I kept my lips sealed. My body vibrated with rage. He had me under his thumb and he knew it. What was the point in fighting? Let him think he won. Spike will come for me, I know it.

  But what state would I be in when he finally came?

  Cain stood up to his full height and I shuddered as I saw the outline of his cock against his jeans.

  He saw me looking at it and smiled. “Not tonight. I have something else planned.”

  He bent down and picked up a box that I ignored until now. Scurrying, rustling noises filled the box. I waited as he dipped his hand into the box and gasped as I heard a squeak.

  “No.”

  Cain grinned as he pulled out a long, grey rat by its bald tail. The rat thrashed in his grip and squeaked in pain as he held it up. A white terror seized me and I threw all of my energy into yanking the restraints.

  “NO!” My biceps strained as I yanked the chains, already sobbing. “No, please!”

  “I remembered that you had a fear of rats. And they say men are self-absorbed. I had Pike procure these filthy animals for you. Isn’t that thoughtful of me?” He pinched the rat’s head carefully so that it couldn’t bite him and held it over my torso.

  “NO, PLEASE! DON’T!”

  “I don’t think you realize how much you mean to me. Before I met you, I was a shell. You make me feel things I never knew existed.”

  I didn’t listen to his babbling. I could see the rat’s beady, red eyes staring at me, it’s incisors as sharp as razors. The headless pigeons flashed through my mind again.

  “You’re going to tell me what happened while I was gone, or I’ll let them loose.”

  “Nothing happened. NOTHING! I swear!”

  “Did you fuck him?” he spat with venom.

  I bawled my eyes out, thrashing in the restraints. “NO! We—just, we hung out!”

  Disappointment shone in his eyes. He lowered the rat to my stomach as I begged him, and the rat was frightened from all the sounds, and a stabbing pain pierced my stomach. Blood dripped down my skin as I looked, terrified, at the rat’s red muzzle. It bit me.

  “You know, rats are fascinating creatures. They know when, for instance, their prey is helpless. They’ll take a few exploratory bites and then they’ll devour.” He spoke in a matter-of-fact tone, but his face was cold.

  “STOP! PLEASE!”

  He offered me no sign that he heard my pleas. “Tell me the truth, and it will stop.”

  “I AM TELLING YOU THE TRUTH!”

  “I don’t believe you.”

  He dropped the rat on my stomach and it smacked my skin before it scurried away. I let out an ear-splitting shriek that made him wince.

  Then he turned the whole box over on my body. I sobbed as the heavy bodies bounced on my abdomen, one of them scratching my skin as it fled away. Cain’s eyes blazed as he watched me struggle.

  “Well, then. I’ll leave you here for tonight.”

  “Cain, please. PLEASE DON’T LEAVE ME HERE! They’ll kill me!”

  He turned around. “I doubt it.”

  “PLEASE!”

  My desperate screams echoed in the small chamber but Cain kept his back turned, walking towards the door with his hands in his pockets. The rats darted from corner to corner.

  “Sweet dreams, Julia.”

  The light died in the room. I sobbed for him to stay, not to leave me, even when I knew it was hopeless.

  The door slammed. The rats squeaked as I whimpered in the darkness, my head whipping around. I heard their feet running everywhere, climbing up the bedpost as their noses sniffed the air, searching for the source of the scent of my blood.

  Just go away. Go to some dark corner in your mind.

  Icy tears slipp
ed down my face as I heard them scurry next to me. I wasn’t even sure if I was only hearing things.

  They’re just rats. Stupid, furry balls of flesh.

  A warm body crept on my leg and I shrieked. Forcing myself to remain still, I waited for it to bite me. I couldn’t see a damn thing in the dark so I had no idea what it was doing.

  Hours passed and my heart rate slowed down. I wasn’t being eaten alive. The rat that climbed on my leg was still there. Light shined through the cracks of the door and sent rays across the room. I saw the beast sitting on my leg, its eyes closed. The others were out of sight, probably huddled under the mattress.

  It was sleeping on me.

  Its tiny cheeks twitched in its sleep as its sides expanded and deflated regularly. I still didn’t want it on my skin, but watching the rat sleep made the fear dissipate. Surprise flooded my chest and a smile twitched on my face.

  Thanks, Cain. You may have cured my phobia.

  The light behind the door poured inside as it was flung open. I threw my hand over my eyes. The rat squeaked and scratched my skin as it fled from the noise.

  Heavy footsteps descended the small staircase, filling my body with dread. I drew my knees up and stared at the wall.

  I need to act like I’m breaking.

  My mouth twisted and I stared at the same point on the wall, even as Cain’s footsteps grew louder. I wanted to flinch when he grabbed my shoulder roughly and shook it.

  I rolled on my back as he pulled my shoulder. The blonde man’s head hovered over me but I stared at a spot behind his shoulders.

  I wanted to look dead.

  “Julia,” he prompted.

  You wanted a mindless slave, so that’s what I’ll give to you.

  His hand gripped my jaw and slapped my cheek several times. It stung, but I didn’t flinch.

  “Get up.”

  I lay there like a limp doll, falling to the floor when he yanked my arm. My cheek smacked against the floor and I saw the rats huddled together in a corner, their eyes shining like coins.

  “Rats,” I whispered.

  “Get the fuck up.”

  I moaned and twitched on the floor as I heard Cain’s impatient tone. He would realize that he pushed me too far. He’d lower his guard. And then, when his back is turned, I’ll stab him—right between his shoulder blades.