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by Lisa Shelby

  Or is this just another excuse to push him away?

  Climbing into my aunt’s backseat I see the hats that we will apparently be wearing to tea. “Oh, Aunt Lena! These are so cute. Please tell me I get to wear the black one with lace along the brim?”

  “It’s all yours, my dear. I’m so glad that you like it. I know they’re all silly, but I thought it would be fun,” she says as I grab the pretentious hat and place it on my head.

  It’s nice to hear my mom happy and excited. She and my aunt are Chatty Cathie’s all the way to the Heathman. My aunt decides to go all out and forgoes trying to find downtown parking and pulls right up front to the valet. Wow, she really is doing it up today! Valet, ooh la la!

  The Heathman is famous for their doormen who are dressed in full English garb. The doorman that opens my mom’s door is fully outfitted in his red doormen’s coat and pants along with his high white socks and his fancy black hat. The Heathman is beautiful in all of its holiday splendor.

  The tearoom is always fabulous with its large, ornate tapestries and paintings. The addition of all of the holiday lights and Christmas trees in every corner just adds to the grandness of the room. But the big tree in the corner that reaches the second floor is the showstopper. The Heathman is a Portland classic, and it is such a shame this is the final year of the English holiday tea service.

  After we’re seated at our corner table and left with our list of teas to choose from I scan the room. I know that Mickey’s date was at noon and I am sure that he’s gone already, but for some reason I have this feeling that he’s near. It doesn’t take long to see that I should always go with my gut. Over at a small table for two next to the grand tree is the most precious sight I have ever seen. Dressed to the nines for his date in a dark grey suit, is Mick. He’s engaged in an intense conversation with the cutest blond I have ever seen. He’s attentive and hanging on her ever word.

  I wish I had my camera with me.

  In the middle of the animated story she’s telling, I can see when she sees me out of the corner of her eye. She gasps, her eyes get big and she exclaims, “Auntie Alex!”

  Mick turns to look over his shoulder and the grin that was already on his face stretches even wider. Deciding it’s rude not to go say hello, I excuse myself and walk over to their table.

  Before I get there Ireland is out of her seat and runs right to me and wraps her arms around my upper legs. “Auntie Alex, I love your hat!”

  “Why thank you, sweetie, I love your dress. You look beautiful, as always.”

  “Thank you. Look at Uncle Mickey! He dressed up fancy too!”

  Mick is now standing next to us. He leans forward, kisses me on the cheek and on a hushed whisper that only I can hear he says, “You look beautiful, Sweet Thing.”

  I feel his kiss and his words all the way down to my bones. Oh, what this man does to me. Standing in the middle of a tearoom with a five-year-old attached to me and he still makes me hot and bothered. All it takes is his touch or hearing him call me ’Sweet Thing’ and I lose control of my senses. Every touch and every word is etched into my soul where I keep everything good that Mickey has ever given me. It takes the five-year-old standing in front of me to wake me from my dreamlike state.

  “Auntie Alex, are you here on a date too?”

  “Yes, Auntie Alex…are you here on a date? I didn’t know you were going to be here. You didn’t mention it when I told you about my date,” he asks inquisitively. If I were a betting woman, I would say that I sense some jealousy in his question. But this is Mickey Jacobs, he doesn’t get jealous. Does he?

  “Well, not really a date. I’m here with my mom and my aunt. My Aunt Lena surprised us today. She made the reservations months ago. She knew we would just be hanging out at my dad’s place so she decided to take us out. She wanted to be sure that we could have tea at the Heathman before it’s gone.”

  “You’re lucky, just like me, Auntie Alex! Isn’t it bootiful?”

  “Yes, it is beautiful, Ireland. We are both very lucky ladies,” I say as I bring my attention up to the man who makes this room even more exquisite than all the fancy artwork and holiday lights. He lights up every room he’s in. I wish he didn’t light me up as well. He’s getting harder and harder to resist as each day passes. Seeing his love and devotion to his niece is incredibly endearing. It’s actually kind of sexy too. He really is a good man, if only he could give me what I need. I know him too well for that though, even if he says different.

  “Well, I better let you two get back to your date.” I look down at Ireland and say, “Merry Christmas, little lady. Make sure you get to bed early tonight so that Santa can pay you a visit. The sooner you go to bed; the sooner he’ll be here. Don’t forget to leave cookies and milk too,” I say as I tap her cute little button nose with my index finger.

  “Merry Christmas, Auntie Alex. I promise to go to bed early and Mommy and me already made cookies. I can’t wait!”

  I bend down and give her a hug and then when I stand the handsome man, in his perfectly tailored suit takes me in his arms and says, “Merry Christmas, Alex. I’ll call you later, okay?”

  “Okay, Mick.”

  Before he lets me go he says, “You really do look beautiful. I love your fancy hat. I’ll call you later.” He kisses my cheek and takes my breath and another piece of my heart away with him.

  CHAPTER

  FOURTEEN

  Throw Down Your Guns

  Mick

  Dude, don’t be a coward.

  Since when are you afraid of a girl?

  Just get out of the truck, pick up the packages and walk to the front door.

  I’ve never had to give myself a pep talk to approach a girl. Maybe the difference here is that she’s not just a girl. She’s a woman, and not just any woman. She’s my Sweet Thing.

  I used to think what I felt for her was that protective instinct that I’ve had since that night at her house. The night when she was a scared eighteen-year-old whose family secret was being revealed and she felt like everything was crumbling down around her. Staying by her side that night felt right to me. There was nowhere else I would have been. Knowing she needed somebody and that I could be that somebody for her made me feel like a man. That protective feeling has turned into so much more. I still want to protect her, but now I have this overwhelming need to make her happy too.

  I know that she isn’t the kind of person that you can buy with gifts. That’s not what I’m doing here with my arm full of gifts and a Santa hat on my head. I just want to make her smile. It’s something she doesn’t do enough but when she does…it is a sight to behold. Just the thought of seeing her surprised face at seeing me at her front door on Christmas morning makes it hard to contain my own smile as I approach her front door.

  Well, here goes nothing.

  I knock and wait. When I hear the first lock start to turn, my heart starts to beat faster than it has in a long time, and I feel an excitement that I haven’t felt since I was a kid.

  Maybe it’s the Christmas Spirit?

  Maybe it’s something else?

  I hear the second lock and the door swings open and my heart sinks.

  I feel sick.

  I feel pissed.

  I feel stupid.

  “Hey bro, nice hat,” says the guy in nothing but a towel.

  “Thanks bro,” I reply back with a mix of sarcasm and fury that I have no intention of hiding.

  Having no shame in his appearance he lifts his arm and holds the door open. “You here for Alex?” I just stare at him. Everything inside me wants to throw my arm full of gifts to the ground and tackle his skinny ass and beat the shit out of him. “She’s in the shower, but you can come in and wait if you want.”

  This is why! This is why I don’t do relationships and don’t ever want more than sex!

  Fuck this!

  “Nah, that’s okay. Just give her these and tell her Mick says, Merry Christmas.” I shove the gifts at him and storm my way back to my truck.<
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  I practically rip the door off when I swing it open. I slam it shut, rip the stupid fucking Santa hat off my head and yell, “FUCK!!!!!!!!” at the top of my lungs.

  Merry Fucking Christmas to me!

  I take a few calming breaths and start the truck. I turn the music up as loud as I can. I usually lean towards hip-hop, but right now, I need something loud. I opt for some old-school Rage Against the Machine to get me through my drive back home. I don’t want the girls to see me upset on Christmas morning. Besides, it’s really my own fault. She has always said she wasn’t on the same page. She’s never promised me anything or said she wasn’t seeing other people—or fucking other people for that matter. Nope, this is all on me.

  Turning into my driveway, I turn the music down and shut the engine off. I take a deep breath and try to get myself back into the Christmas Spirit. I reach down and grab my phone out of the center console and see that I have a text. A text that I didn’t hear come through because I was too busy having a mantrum and decided I had to blast loud music like a fucking teenager. The text is from Alex. I don’t really want a lame ass explanation, but I need to know what she has to say so I open the text with a shaky thumb.

  Sweet Thing: Thank you so much for the gifts. I’m so sorry I missed you. I have a present for you too! I’ll be sure to bring it to your NYE party if I don’t see you before then. I have to run to my aunt’s for Christmas brunch so I’ll FaceTime you later today and open my presents. Does that work?

  Sweet Thing: Oh, and my cousin said you looked cute in your Santa hat. Sorry I missed it. Will you wear it when we FaceTime later tonight? ; )

  Relief isn’t a strong enough word to explain how I feel when I read the word cousin in her message. Not only was towel boy her cousin but I believe Alexandra Stotts was just flirting with me! She was flirting and she wants to FaceTime so that I can see her open her presents. Hell yes, I’ll wear my Santa hat for her. I’d like to see her in a Santa hat too. Just a Santa hat.

  This day just went from bad to fucking great!

  Sexy Beast: Sounds perfect. Just text me when you’re done at your aunt’s.

  Sexy Beast: Merry Christmas, Alex.

  With a newfound energy, I bound out of my truck and look forward to the rest of my day with the other ladies in my life. I burst open the front door and am greeted by Frank in his red Naughty but Nice, holiday shirt. I never thought I would be one of those people that would put clothes on their dog, but when the shirt is a gift from Ireland, well, I’d put him in a tutu if that’s what had been in that gift bag. I have to admit…he looks like a stud in his shirt, and he seems to like it.

  I give him the attention he’s looking for and then I see Ireland still prancing around in her nightgown. She’s playing with her multitude of presents and Emily and Jonathan are watching her from the couch.

  They couldn’t look happier.

  And I couldn’t be more envious of Jonathan Kelly in this moment. He has it all. Emily and Ireland are moving in with him and he’ll get to see them each and every day. I know that he only lives minutes away, but I’ll miss them. Not only will he get to see these two every day but he’s got what I’m beginning to realize I want.

  A partner.

  A family.

  I’ve known that I wanted more from Alex, but now I realize this is what I want.

  I want it all with her. She’s my best friend, but she’s so much more. I don’t know if I feel scared, sick or elated.

  She’s the one. The one that I want to have a family with. The one that I want to sit on the couch with and watch our children play with their presents on Christmas morning.

  Well, fuck me!

  Alex

  It’s early afternoon and I’ve had a great day with my family, but I can’t wait to get home! I can’t wait to FaceTime with Mick. I hate that I missed him this morning, but just knowing that he was here started my day off just right! I can’t wait to hear how his day went. Emily was finally going to spend time with their little sister, Sidney. It’s a big day for him. I know how much Emily getting to know Sidney means to him, and I think Em will be glad she did it and sorry she waited so long.

  The elation from seeing his gifts on my dining room table to Teddy telling me how cute he looked in his Santa hat has kept me going all day. I was even happy to see my Dad. I feel like there’s nothing that could darken my skies today.

  I’ve just dropped Teddy and Mom off at Aunt Lena’s and am headed home to change and meet up with the girls at Cami’s later when I get a text that starts to darken those sunny skies of mine. It’s from my neighbor, Jean.

  Jean: Merry Xmas, Alex. It’s Jean and I just thought you would want to know that the guy the police took away from your place a few weeks back is here. He’s knocked on the door a couple of times. He left once but he’s back and parked across the street.

  It appears my skies are not only dark but stormy as well.

  I pull my car into an empty parking lot and text a thank you to Jean. Next, I try not to do what I do best…close myself and my feelings off. My elation is gone and now I am filled with fear, anger and exasperation. These aren’t feelings I want to feel, but getting back to my group meetings has reminded me that I can’t shut down. I need to feel these things, but I need to not let them take over. I need to use my brain.

  Remembering my promise to Mick, I pick up my phone and call him.

  He answers on the second ring. “Hey Sweet Thing, you ready to FaceTime?” He sounds so freaking happy and I hate to ruin his day but…I promised him.

  “Mick…”

  “Shit. Alex, what’s wrong?”

  “I am so sorry to ruin your Christmas, Mick, but you told me to call you if he came back. Well…he’s back.”

  “Do you mean Kevin? Is that fucker there?”

  I can tell he’s trying to keep his cool but he’s barely keeping the illusion together.

  “It appears so. My neighbor just texted me to let me know he’s parked across the street from my place. He’s knocked on the door a couple of times and it appears he’s playing the waiting game now.”

  “Where are you, Alex?”

  “I pulled into the Fred Meyer parking lot off Hwy 224. I know I can’t go home; I guess I’ll join my mom at my aunt’s.”

  “No! Alex, you are coming to my place. I don’t want to hear anything about it. You turn that car of yours in my direction. Once you’re here, Kelly and I will go pay your guest a little visit and remind him about your restraining order,” he says with a powerful authority that I can’t argue with.

  “Okay Mick, but I don’t want to ruin your Christmas. You don’t have to deal with him. Can’t we just call it in and have him arrested?”

  “Oh, I’ll call it in, and he will get arrested, but I think a conversation is in order first. You don’t worry yourself about it. Just get here.”

  “Thanks, Mick. I’m on my way.”

  “See you soon.”

  Minutes later I pull up in front of Mickey’s house to see him sitting on the front steps. The moment he sees me pull up, he rushes off the steps and is opening my car door before I even get the chance to turn the car off.

  Stepping out of the car, I can feel the tension radiating off of his body. He looks me in the eyes and then seems to take quick inventory of me to make sure that I’m really there. He takes my face in his hands and his eyes are on mine with more care and concern that I have ever seen from them.

  “You okay?”

  Grabbing on to his forearms as he continues to hold my face I reply. “I’m okay, Mick. I’m just so grateful that Jean texted me. Just the thought of being face to face with him again makes me sick to my stomach. Thanks for letting me come over. I know it’s Christmas and you’re probably enjoying time with your family.”

  “Alex, I’ve been wishing you were here all day. I’m gonna be even happier with you here. I wish it were for a different reason, but I’m happy nonetheless. Now, let’s get you inside where it’s warm.”

 
He kisses me on the forehead, shuts my car door, pulls me into his side and walks me up the front porch steps and to the front door.

  I didn’t notice the crowd in the front window as we made our way to the house, but once we’re through the front door I see it. Emily, Jonathan, Ireland, Mick’s mom Cheryl and Cami all witnessed Mick’s greeting at the car and the way he held me as we walked up to the house.

  As if reading my mind, he turns me so that I’m facing him and quietly says, “Jonathan and I are going to go take care of things. I think now may be the time to tell those that love you your secrets. Tell them everything, Alex. Tell them about your childhood, Kevin and since it seems the cat is out of the bag tell them what you want about us. I don’t ever want to be one of your secrets, Alex. Remember…I’m just waiting for you to catch up. You tell them what you want, but I think they deserve to know the real you and what you’ve been through.” With another kiss to the forehead he asks, “You okay if we go? You need anything?”

  This man surprises me every day. As I look over at my friends, who I know love me unconditionally, I know that he’s right. They do deserve to know the real me. They also deserve to know why it is I called Mick today and not one of them. That part almost seems harder than the rest. I don’t know exactly how to tell them about the two of us. I don’t really know what we are, but it’s clear that we’re something. He’s Emily’s brother. Will she hate me? Will they all tell me how stupid I am to think that Mick could really want more than a one-night stand?

  “Alex?”

  “Sorry, I’m fine, Mick. Thanks for everything. Please be careful and don’t do anything that could get you in trouble.” Looking over at Jonathan I say, “And that goes for you, too.”

  “Yes, ma’am,” Jonathan says as he ruffles Irelands hair and gives Emily a chaste kiss. He walks out the front door and Mick gives me a small smile and says, “I’ll be back, baby. Now go talk to the girls and remember…I got you.”

  Mickey Jacobs has me.

  In what world?

  I remember that I’m not alone when Cami’s voice chirps, “Yes, chica. Why don’t you come over here and talk to the girls? I have a feeling there’s a lot that we need to be filled in on. I was just picking these two up to meet you at my place anyway. Here seems like just as good of a place so let’s stay put and chat, shall we?”