Love Me ~ Through the Storm

by Renee Kennedy

  Oakley lifts her eyes. “Is that your code word for finding a piece of ass, Kane?”

  I don’t see the normal amusement in her eyes. In fact, she looks hurt. I search her eyes, but I’m not seeing any happiness. Don’t chicks freak the fuck out when they get engaged?

  “We may find a little of that, too.” CJ says, offering me a fist bump.

  “Don’t let us keep you then,” I say, giving CJ a halfhearted bump.

  Oakley says to Quinn, “Q, will you help me get my stuff back stage?”

  “Knock ‘em dead, Oak.” I tell her.

  Quinn picks up her guitar and lifts his chin to us, “See ya, dudes.”

  “Good to meet you two,” CJ calls out while they walk away.

  Quinn throws his hand up in reply but Oakley doesn’t look back.

  “Fuck, man, tell me that by taking care of her, it means you’ve been hitting that ass.”

  “She’s like my little sister. If you don’t want me to beat the shit out of you here and now then you better just shut the fuck up.” I’m not in the mood for him. I’m ready to get the fuck out of here.

  “Geez, man, ease up. Come on let’s find a new girl to replace Gretchen.”

  I let out a deep breath and give my head a little shake. “Yeah, let’s go, I need to be focusing on the reason we’re here, the business, but it would be really great if I can also find some chick that I can fuck the shit out of tonight.”

  “That’s what I’m talking about. I saw some pussy over there that we need to check out.” CJ points over to a strawberry blonde girl with huge tits.

  “She would be good for tit fucking; she’s definitely bangable.” I need to get my dick wet and forget about everything for a while.

  “Alright then, turn on the charm and let’s do this shit.”

  10

  Oakley

  The Next Day

  Going to the ROTC center to watch Quinn get sworn into the Air Force upsets me more than it should have. I told him I would think about his proposal while he is away, but I still don’t think he is going to like my answer. But, now that he’s leaving, why is it hurting so much? How the hell am I supposed to figure out my feelings when they feel like they’re on a rollercoaster?

  His mom, Dawnelle and his uncle Dustin came up to see him off and wish him well. They’ve been walking around since they got here with pride shining through their eyes and genuine smiles on their faces. For me, well, the smile is forced and I’m sure it doesn’t look genuine, but I’m here and that is all I can do. Quinn pulled me into his arms one last time before getting on that bus. He held me, holding me tightly against his body, while I trembled and choked back tears. I know he thought they were tears because I was going to miss him and I will, but to me they were tears of letting go. Of closing one chapter of my life and starting a new one. We shared one tender kiss then he got on that bus and left me.

  “Oakley, please honey, join us for lunch,” Dawnelle says after we watch the bus pull out.

  “I’d love to, but I’ve got to get ready for school tomorrow. I put everything off until today, so I could spend more time with Quinn.” What I really need is a reprieve from keeping up a brave front, from being strong. I need to be able to process what has happened during the last few days. I have to have things together by tomorrow so I can concentrate on my classes. We say our goodbyes and head in different directions.

  I decide I need to go see GG. She has always been in mine and Clay’s lives. But, when my parents died, GG was the one who helped me. She held on to me and cried with me. She wanted me to stay with her while I finished school so she could provide me with the support she knew I needed. She voiced her doubts about Clay and me living on our own, but we were determined to make it happen, or at least Clay was.

  I pull up at GG’s house, so thankful to see that she’s home. I see her at her kitchen window so she must be washing dishes. I toot my horn to get her attention then get out of the car and wave.

  GG meets me at the door before I can knock. She’s the cutest thing, being as big as she is tall makes her waddle when she walks. I find comfort that she hasn’t changed her appearance at all since I’ve known her. She still wears her salt and pepper hair in tight curls around her face.

  “I was wondering when you were going to grace me with your presence.” She gives me a quick hug and takes a step back, holding my hands out to the side. “Let me see you.”

  I turn around for her like a little girl. “All grown up,” I tell her.

  “All grown up, my foot! Get in this house, sister. You're too skinny, like a stiff breeze would blow you away. Ya need to be eating more.” She pulls me in and shuts the door. “Oakley, I’m so happy to see you. I’ve missed ya something fierce,” she says as we walk into the kitchen.

  “Oh, GG,” I close my eyes and shake my head. I take deep calming breaths, trying hard not to break down.

  She wraps her arms around me again, “Oh, honey, what’s wrong? You can tell GG. You know I don’t like seeing any of my young’uns hurt’n or upset.”

  I pull away from her, being here with her, being comforted by her reminds me of right after Mom and Dad passed away. “GG, I’m trying so hard to be strong and to quit dwelling on things.” I wipe away a tear that is trying to escape.

  “Sit…Sit and tell me about these things you are dwelling on, sister. Let me get you something to eat.”

  “Do you have those brownie cookies?”

  “I happen to have some toffee brownie brittle left over from The Dive. I’ll get us both some milk and a plate of those while we talk.”

  I love her food. She has the best restaurant in all of Tennessee, or at least I think so. The Dive has been in her family a long time. She renamed it The Dive when she took it over because it was in much need of repair.

  GG puts the plate of cookies in the middle of the table then places a saucer and a glass of milk in front of both of us. “Now, honey, tell GG what’s the matter? Ya know sometimes before you can get strong, you have to get all the bad stuff out.”

  “I feel like no one wants me.” Why’s this so hard to explain? Does this make me sound self-centered?

  “Not wanted? Pfft. You know that’s the furthest thing from the truth, but go on.” She takes a cookie and dunks it in her milk.

  “Everyone leaves me or I’m…I’m just invisible to them. Mom left me, GG, she didn’t love me enough to stay here and Quinn left this morning for the Air Force. He broke his promise to go to college with me and then join.” I set my cookie on my plate, and place my arms along the edge of the table.

  “Honey, what your mom did has nothing to do with her love for you. You need to understand she hadn’t been thinking in her right mind for weeks.” GG pauses, and lets out a long sigh.

  “Yeah, I know but…”

  GG starts again. “As for Quinn, well, he’s merely a boy. I promise you,” GG smiles gently, “as much as you think he’s the one, he isn’t. When the right guy, the one, comes along, you’ll know ‘cause there won’t be any questions. It’s something you will feel deep in your soul.”

  I nod.

  “Honey, I remember my mama telling me once that if you can picture yourself with them in ten years, then they must be a decent man.”

  “I can’t picture much of anything ten years away,” I say quietly.

  She looks down at her wedding ring. “When my husband died, Oakley, I felt that way, too. You know, there are many steps to getting better, but the first step is acknowledging ya know that something is wrong.” She reaches across the table and lays her hand on mine.

  “I feel so empty most of the time and every time I try to talk about what happened, you know, that day…” I look down at her table and run my fingers over the worn wood. “I freak out, I…I lose it, I throw up, I can’t stop crying and I get so cold that I’m shaking down in my bones.” I peek at her from under my lashes and reach for her hand. “I’m scared, GG. I fear I’ll never be able to get over their deaths. I keep thinking about
what all Mom won’t be here for. She won’t be here for when I get married, or have my first baby.”

  “You should be thinking about what she was here for, relive those good memories, not that I’m a doctor of any kind. I know that’s easier said than done, especially all by yourself. Maybe you should talk to someone who knows how to help you deal with these emotions that come up when you think or talk about the day they died.”

  “Kane told me the same thing. He’s actually been a big help getting me through some rough patches.” I take another bite of the crisp chocolaty goodness.

  “I’m glad Luther Kane’s helping you, I’m sure you're helping each other.” She reaches over and strokes my hand that’s holding hers. “I heard about the fall out with the band. I really think he’s more misunderstood than he is bad. You never know why a person does what they do until you walk in their shoes.”

  “Oh, and god, GG, Quinn asked me to marry him.” I hold out my left hand showing her the ring, and I let out a deep sigh.

  “You don’t sound too happy about your engagement. Do you want to talk about that?” She props her chin on her hands.

  “I know I’m too young to get married, but I don’t want to lose him, too. I don’t know if I can handle losing one more person right now.”

  “Honey, you need to really think about your relationship with him. If you were really in love with him, you’d be a little excited. First off, fear of losing someone isn’t a good reason to get married. I think that if you decide to stay in the engagement, you need to make him understand that you’re not going to want to get married right away. There are things you and he need to do before you get married. One of which is learning to live on your own. There is such thing as a long engagement, a lot of people wait years after saying yes to a ring.”

  “Yeah, I guess so.”

  “I have a question for you though and you need to think about it really hard before you answer. Do you think you could be holding on to him just because he’s convenient?”

  I shake my head.

  “Don’t answer yet, just listen to me for a moment.” GG holds up a hand. “I don’t want to make you more upset than you already are, but I want you to think about everything, what ya feel and why ya feel that way.”

  “You’re right, though I think my heart isn’t telling me he’s the one. My heart is confused.”

  “All the more reason to take things slow, honey. Why don’t we change the subject to something happier, for now?” GG asks. “So tell me about that bossy little dog of Lizzie and Clay’s.”

  I laugh. “You would think that Chico’s their child. They talk to him like he’s a baby and Lizzie takes pictures of him all the time. If I have to see one more picture of him sleeping in a sunny spot, I’m unfriending her on Facebook.”

  “That’s hilarious. He sure was opinionated at Bailey and Cash’s reception. He nipped at my nose when I tried to hug Lizzie.”

  “He’s very possessive, that’s for sure.”

  We sit quietly for a while just enjoying each other’s company and the brittle, but I need to get back to the dorm to get ready for the first day of classes. “GG, thank you. I needed this today. Just talking out some of these emotions with you… it’s helped me. I’ll look into finding a counselor or someone like that to talk to, but I was wondering, can I still come by and talk to you, too?”

  “Oakley, I’m here for you, night and day. You’re one of my young’uns, and I expect you to come to me when you need help.” GG gets up and takes the couple of steps to me then pulls me into her arms.

  She hugs me like a mama would, and I feel all warm and loved, with her gentle squeeze and her hand brushing my back. Something tiny inside me releases, a little weight is gone. GG took it as her own. I hold on to her a little longer, loving the way it feels to be hugged by a mom, even if she’s not my own. I see what all the guys love about her, and I sense my own fondness of her swell inside my chest.

  GG sends me home with the remainder of the cookies and makes me promise to come back soon. I think she’ll probably get tired of me because I’ll be around so much.

  During the ride back to my dorm, my phone rings. “Hey, Lizzie,” I say, putting the call on speakerphone.

  “Hey, Oak!” Lizzie and Bailey say in unison.

  “We wanted to call and wish you luck for your first day of classes tomorrow,” Bailey says.

  “Thanks, guys.”

  “What’s the matter?” Lizzie asks.

  “What do ya mean?”

  “I know you. I can hear it in your voice, what’s wrong?” Lizzie asks.

  “Oh, it’s nothing. You know, just anxious about starting classes tomorrow.”

  “I’m not buying that shit, are you, Bailey?”

  “What’s wrong, Oakley? We’re here for you. Hello! Big sister here. Talk to me,” Lizzie insists.

  “Can you really hear that something is wrong from my voice? Do I sound that bad?”

  “Yes,” they say simultaneously.

  “There’s no hiding from you guys, huh?”

  “No, sweetie, so unless you want us showing up in your dorm room in about two hours, spill,” Bailey says, sweetly.

  “Quinn decided to skip college and go straight into the Air Force. He got sworn in today and left for his training.”

  “I’m so sorry,” Bailey says.

  “That jackass! I’ll cut off his balls for this!” Lizzie yells.

  “For goodness sakes, Lizzie, I’m freaking in the other room and you just killed my ear,” Bailey says. “Are you okay? What can we do? Want us to come up?”

  “I’m fine, I can do this. Kane has been helping me with some of my anxious feelings. He’s been talking me through them, and I think some of it is starting to make sense to me.”

  “That’s good,” Bailey says.

  “The fuck it is. You need to be careful, Oakley. If he tries anything on you, uggggh, I’ll…mess him up. I swear, he better leave you alone.” Lizzie growls.

  “Calm your tits, he doesn’t think of me like that. Besides, I think you probably totally overreacted with whatever went on between the two of you,” I tell her.

  “Overreacted, overreacted? You can’t be serious. Oh Mi Gawd! I can’t believe you even said that. He tried to kiss me while I was crying over your brother. He tried to get me drunk so I would sleep with him.”

  “Lizzie!” Bailey says.

  “Just trust me, Oak, I didn’t overreact. Oh, oh was Megan overreacting when he did the same thing to her? Huh? Oh, that’s right, he got her pregnant.”

  “All I’m saying is that you were drunk, Lizzie, and you have the tendency to see things…” How do I tell her that she sees everything in an exaggerated manner?

  “Lizzie, what I think Oakley is trying to say, not that it was this way with Kane, but you can be a little dramatic,” Bailey says.

  “Me, dramatic? If that isn’t the pot calling the kettle black, Bailey Reynolds. I was drunk because he was trying to get me that way.”

  “It’s Bailey Wilson now and you’d had two bottles of wine before he even showed up. Just saying.” Bailey giggles.

  “Okay, okay, whatever! You still need to watch your ass around him.” Lizzie huffs.

  “I will. Promise,” I tell her.

  “We love you, Oakley. We don’t like to see or hear you hurt. Now, back to Quinn. What happened between you guys?” Bailey asks.

  “Yesterday, when he got back in town, we met and he asked me to marry him,” I say a little more quietly.

  “What!” Lizzie says.

  “Oakley, honey, you are still so young. I know, pot—kettle, but damn, you’re younger than me,” Bailey says.

  “I didn’t technically say yes.”

  “What does that even mean?” Lizzie asks.

  “He wants me to wear the engagement ring and think about it for the three months while he’s away in his training program.”

  “Oh. You didn’t say yes and he didn’t take no for an answer,” Lizzie says.
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  “I guess.”

  “Baby Girl, Clay is going to have a shit fit,” Lizzie says.

  “So is Cash,” Bailey chimes in.

  Cash is the half-brother we found after Mom and Dad’s accident. None of us had any idea about the other. Boy, was that a crazy depressing time. Good thing Margie, Cash’s mom, has a big heart and isn’t the type of person to be resentful. Why Dad did this to everyone is a mystery that died with him, and something I probably wouldn’t comprehend anyway.

  Baby Girl is my brother Clay’s way of keeping me little forever, and now the girls are starting to use the name, too. I’m not liking that, but I don’t want to make a big deal about it. I’ll save that fight for another day.

  “Don’t tell them, not yet. I haven’t made up my mind and there isn’t any need for Clay or Cash to go off the deep end. I really want to stay here and go to school. Q wants us to get married at the end of this semester then I’d go with him to wherever he gets stationed. Truth be told, I just couldn’t find a way to say no, without being a bitch.”

  “Like hell, that’s not going to work. Why should you give up your dreams and goals for him to run off and play G.I. Joe? Nuh-uh, no way. Don’t be letting him rule you. Put your foot down, Oakley,” Lizzie says.

  “Lizzie, shut the hell up and let her breathe so she doesn’t have a panic attack. Oakley, you have time to make up your mind. Don’t make any rash decisions. I’ll come up on Wednesday to see you. We can talk without Lizzie.”

  “Screw that, I’m coming, too.”

  “You have class.” Bailey reminds her.

  “So?” Lizzie says.

  “Bailey, I’d love that, but I have classes all day on Wednesdays. I’m really fine. I’ve made up my mind that these panic attacks aren’t going to rule my life anymore.”

  “Then why did you sound so down when you answered? We really want to help. You’re my sister-in-law, and you’ll probably be Lizzie’s before long, too,” Bailey says.