Crossing the Touchline

by Jay Hogan

  There was a wariness in his eyes I still didn’t like but guess I deserved. “Okay then.”

  FRIDAY TRAINING ran over time, so I was late arriving at Cam’s apartment. It was three days since our coffee and I knew I was still walking a fine line in the relationship stakes. My screw-up wasn’t gonna be just glossed over and neither should it be. I knew what Cam had gone through with Dom, what it had cost him, and I’d been an insensitive bastard.

  The best part of the whole fiasco? Cam admitting, over our coffee, that he’d only gone out for a short drink with his friends the night of the dinner. I’d been stupid worried at the time and I was so relieved my eyes teared up. Not that I didn’t trust him, because I did, but this gulf of secrecy between us and the outside world screwed with my head. I hated it and it finally gave me an inkling of what Cam felt when I went out with Sonja, or anywhere socially without him. It didn’t matter that I wasn’t interested in Sonja, what mattered was Cam’s feelings taking second place to a pointless lie.

  Living like this was fucking exhausting. The whole fiasco had made me realise how much we walked on eggshells around each other when we weren’t alone, and I needed to do something about it before I lost him. I needed to grow the fuck up and deserve him.

  I reached his door and put my hand up to knock when it opened seemingly of its own accord, revealing an empty hallway and the soft drift of Adele. A little taken aback, I hesitated, then jumped in my boots as a naked leg snaked around the door, and a hand whipped out to haul me in. Holy moly. My dick went from zero to nuclear in two seconds flat.

  I had just enough time to take in the billowy, midnight-blue silk kimono that fell in butter-soft folds from his shoulders to be collected by a tie around his slim waist before he fisted the front of my shirt to pull me close. Goddamn. I dropped my duffel where I stood and did my best to reel in my tongue, which had unravelled itself to the floor.

  “Don’t move,” he purred.

  I hadn’t the slightest intention of it. He had my complete and undivided attention.

  He circled me, trailing a hand over my body and leaving a drift of citrus and vanilla in his wake—not to mention the scorching tease from his fingertips on my skin. I was transfixed, every nerve and fibre on high fucking alert.

  He pressed up against my back, and the seductive slide of his hands around my waist sent a shudder through me. Then something solid pressed against my arse, and the heat of his breath brushed my ear. “I want those clothes off, mister.”

  I damn near incinerated on the spot and I’d been in his apartment all of thirty seconds.

  “Now.” He added a slightly pissy edge to his tone that had my dick dancing in my jeans. I hauled my T-shirt over my head and had my jeans and briefs off in a flash.

  He slapped my naked butt, none too lightly, then cozied in close. “Hey there, beautiful.” His hands caressed the skin on my lower back in soft, teasing circles that dipped into my crease. I was at full mast, and he’d barely even touched me. In that moment, I was up for whatever the man wanted. If he wanted to fuck me in reverse cowboy on top of the goddamn Sky Tower, I’d have agreed in a heartbeat.

  He then slid past into the lounge, the kimono billowing to the floor in an ocean of blue, exposing that spectacular, lean and tight body in all its smooth, olive-skinned glory. He was naked bar a tiny pair of black silk briefs stretched over his taut arse like a second skin, highlighting every delicious square inch of bunched muscle action as he moved. Damn sexy. My mind drifted into a hundred fantasies.

  “I’m waiting.”

  Shit. I bolted to where he leaned against the door of his bedroom, the look in those tawny eyes nothing short of predatory. I rocketed to a halt, nearly swallowing my tongue in the process. He tilted my chin, taking my lips in a sweet kiss, but…. Not. Nearly. Enough.

  I slammed him back against the door, deepening the kiss, and he went soft in my arms. I freaking loved that he gave himself to me like this, wasn’t about control all the time. I liked having my time, liked knowing he trusted me, that I could be that for him as well. But God, was he a handful, fussing and wriggling for position. I slapped his butt, which saw him jerk to a standstill, eyeing me with a dangerous smirk.

  “Brave boy.” His eyes travelled me like a flame.

  In answer, I dropped soft kisses down his throat, and he hummed in approval. Sliding a hand around his waist, I dipped under the silk of his briefs and into his crease. He groaned and pushed back, swallowing my finger for a hot second or two. Then he twisted out of my grip and grabbed my hand.

  “Bed, now,” he huffed thickly, pushing me onto the mattress. “On your back.”

  I scrambled onto his bed like my life depended on it, and he crawled up my body, briefs still on, not stopping till he straddled my hips.

  He stared down, tawny eyes on fire. “Touch me.”

  I didn’t need to be told twice. I slid his briefs down over his dick, but left them in place, and took him in hand, stroking firmly. His head fell back, and he made the most glorious growling sound. It wasn’t long till he batted my hand away and reached for the supplies. But rather than slicking his own cock up, he turned his attention to mine.

  Huh. “Cam?”

  “Shhh.” He bent down and pressed a kiss to my lips. “I need you inside me tonight. Is that okay?”

  Holy fuck. Was that okay? The thought alone nearly had me lose my load. Big breath, big breath. “Yeah. I’m, ah… down with that,” I croaked.

  He grinned like sunshine, sidled a little farther up my body, pulled those sexy-as-shit silk briefs to the side, and lowered himself onto me in a single breathtaking slide. His eyelids fluttered closed and he groaned. That I didn’t lose my shit in that one moment was a miracle in itself, and I desperately fought to keep it on lockdown as I waited for him to adjust.

  Then his eyes finally opened, and those golden orbs fixed me in place. “Ready to ride, sugar?”

  Fuck. Was I ever. The position was intense, giving him all the power to control the depth and speed—did I mention toppy? All I could do was hang on to his hips and rise to meet him on each stroke. Our skin slapped together in an erotic rhythm, but the sexy sounds spilling from Cam’s throat were what really had me transfixed. I couldn’t drag my eyes from his face, his expression lost in chased pleasure and need. I couldn’t believe that was all down to me, that he was mine, that he wanted me and only me under him.

  After a while he flipped us, putting himself on hands and knees so I could take control for a bit, and I nearly exploded at the mere sight of myself sliding in and out of his arse, those silken sexy-as-shit briefs pushed to the side but still cupping his heavy balls. Running a hand over the slick material, I imagined ripping them off. My breath hitched, and I lost rhythm for a second. Did I dare?

  Cam glanced over his shoulder, brows peaked. His pupils were blown, his eyes heavy-lidded and needy. What the hell. Forgiveness not permission, right? I twisted my fingers in the flimsy silk and yanked. His eyes flew wide as the briefs ripped apart and fell around his knees. He looked totally debauched, and it was the sexiest damn thing I’d ever seen.

  He snorted in amusement, blew me a kiss, and turned back around as I lunged into him again. Then just before the finish, he flipped us once more, putting me on my back and steering us both to release, before collapsing on top of me.

  Sweat and semen slid thick between us, but neither of us had the energy to move, so we just lay there, catching our breath. Eventually he rolled to the side, running his fingers through the fluids on my stomach whilst pinning me with a satisfied smirk.

  I chuckled, reading his mind. “Yeah, maybe give a guy some warning next time.”

  He pouted adorably. “No fun in that.”

  “Mmm.” I kissed his nose, which always seemed to make him wriggle for some reason. “But next time I want to prep you.”

  He pushed up on his elbows. “You’d like that?” He sounded surprised.

  I kissed him again. “I’d love that.”

  And dam
n if he didn’t blush.

  PINS AND needles coursed through my arm, but there was no way I was moving a goddamn inch with Cam snuggled in tight against my side, snoring softly, all long limbs and steamy olive skin.

  The previous night had been a marathon session, with round two seeing Cam on some hell-bent mission to wreck me, and boy didn’t I feel it now—in the best possible way. I figured we’d both be needing concealer for the marks, but I wasn’t complaining, and any doubt I may have harboured about his investment in me had been well and truly fucked out of me. He was clearly all in, and I couldn’t keep the grin from my face.

  He shifted beside me, reaching a hand up to curl his fingers in my hair before his breathing settled into a slow in and out once again. I let my hand trail up his arm and along his jaw, unable to resist leaning over to press a kiss on the corner of his mouth, one of my all-time favourite spots. I’d swear his lips turned up, but his eyes remained closed, and all sorts of feelings jostled together inside my chest, demanding attention. Attention I couldn’t afford to give, because of the impossible choices those thoughts gave rise to.

  What I was feeling for the complicated man in my arms was troubling and exhilarating and terrifying. He’d carved out such a large piece of real estate in my life in such a short time that I wasn’t sure I’d ever fully fill the void when he left. And leave me he would—nothing surer if I didn’t come out soon. Like a caged bird, he’d tire of the restrictions and the secrecy, and it was gonna hurt like a motherfucker. I’d pored over my options for hours but still couldn’t find a solution that kept Cory safe and Cam in my life. But I wasn’t gonna give up.

  Cramps in my belly reminded me I needed to pee in the worst way, and with one more glance at his adorable sleep-rumpled face, I slid my arm free from his head and made my way to the bathroom. And, ouch, yeah that was gonna be uncomfortable for a day or two.

  After pulling on a pair of briefs, I sneaked to the kitchen to get some water and raid the fridge. At 6:00 a.m. I hadn’t expected to find Jake already sitting at the breakfast bar with a cup of tea in one hand and the paper in the other.

  He looked me over with undisguised appreciation and nodded. “Morning.”

  “Ah… morning. Early start?”

  His gaze shifted back to the paper. “Yeah. Presentation at nine.”

  “Oh. Good luck.”

  “Thanks.”

  Yep, I was full of scintillating conversation. As I headed back to the bedroom, the main bathroom door opened directly in front of me, and Trent—or at least that’s who I assumed it was through the steam—strolled out in nothing but a towel. My turn to stare and swallow. The guy was seriously hot, and the water dripping from his still-damp hair did nothing but add to the overall effect.

  A soft, strangled sound slid over my shoulder, and I turned to find Jake open-mouthed and positively drooling, the possessive look in his eyes revealing a great deal about what Trent actually meant to him.

  Halfway off his stool, he suddenly seemed to remember I was there and dropped back down, glaring. “Fuck sake, Trent. Put some clothes on,” he grumbled.

  Trent snorted, gave a sly grin, and made his way over to Jake, wrapping his arms around the guy and taking his lips in a soft kiss.

  When they finally broke apart, Jake wore a deep blush to the roots of his hairline. “Yeah, well… whatever,” he sighed, somewhat dreamily.

  Trent ruffled his boyfriend’s hair, then took a step my way, Jake’s hand trailing absently over his hip as he turned. They were so gone for each other, I wondered if they even knew it.

  “So you’re the reason Cam’s been keeping a low profile for weeks. Don’t think we’ve met. Trent Cowley.” Trent stuck out his hand. “You’re Reuben Taylor, right? Congratulations on your selection.”

  My hand froze halfway to meet his, and my stomach went to ice. Fuck.

  Jake grabbed his boyfriend’s elbow. “Shit. You can’t say anything, babe.”

  Trent stared at Jake for a minute, then turned to me with a nod. “Right. No problem. Hell, the first gay All Black would’ve hit the six o’clock news, right? Your secret’s safe, man. We all do what we gotta do, right?”

  Relief washed through me. From what Cam had said, I was pretty sure I could trust the guy. “Thanks.”

  He held my gaze. “You think you might, though? Come out?”

  My throat tightened.

  Jake pulled on Trent’s arm. “Leave it.”

  Trent frowned. “Sure. Be a great day when it finally happens, though, right? Just saying.” The two men headed for Jake’s bedroom.

  “Sorry,” Jake mouthed over his shoulder to me.

  I shook my head and mouthed back, “It’s fine.”

  To my surprise, Cam was awake and scrolling through his phone, and from his expression, I guessed he’d overheard the conversation.

  “Everything okay?” he asked carefully.

  “Fine. It was gonna happen at some point, him being with Jake and all, right?”

  “Yeah. Did it freak you out?”

  “A bit,” I admitted, taking a seat on the mattress beside him. “Things seem serious between those two. They’re like a couple of lovebirds.”

  Cam smiled. “I hope so. They’re good together. If Jake doesn’t get cold feet and bail on the whole thing. He’s still a bit freaked-out by it all.”

  I bent down and nuzzled the side of Cam’s neck. He pulled me down to lie alongside and threaded his legs through mine to hold me in place. “He seems a good guy.”

  Cam’s head shot up. “Is that so?” he growled, pulling me in to nip at my lower lip with some serious intent. “Just remember who you belong to.”

  “Never want that to change.” My thoughts zeroed in on my raw butt and I winced. “But I might need a rain cheque?”

  He slid me a sideways smirk. “Aw, poor baby.”

  I cupped his junk and gave a soft squeeze. “Cheeky little shit.”

  “Wanna punish me?” He latched his mouth onto mine and turned the sexy volume right the fuck up.

  I pulled back to plant a kiss on his nose. “Not happening, sugar. We need to be out of here—” I checked the clock. “—like, now.”

  He had work at eight, and I had a Blues team meeting at eight thirty, followed by lunch with a couple of the senior ABs as part of their mentoring programme. They helped newbies navigate the ins and outs of the team, giving us a first port of call for any questions.

  After disentangling myself from Cam with difficulty, I scrambled to my feet, gabbed his hand and hauled him into my arms. He immediately wrapped his legs around my waist and an armful of nearly naked Cam was no laughing matter, akin to holding ten sexed-up tomcats with one thing on their minds.

  “So we should save time and shower together, right?” he purred, rubbing his jaw against my cheek.

  I planted him on the floor and held him at arm’s length with a hand to his chest.

  He leaned against it and eyed me wickedly.

  “Stop,” I growled. “I know that look, Cameron Wano. And if we shower together, it’ll be all over and we’ll never get out of here. So, you first.”

  He shrugged. “Whatever.” Then he swished off, turning just before the bathroom door to send me a wicked grin. “You need a soothing gel or anything, boo?” He bit his bottom lip suggestively.

  I drilled him with a glare. “Fucker.”

  He winked and disappeared to do his thing, and with Cameron, I knew from experience, that thing took some considerable time. Low maintenance he was not. So I set about making breakfast and thanking my lucky stars.

  THE BLUES had a bye on the weekend, which meant Cam and I had our first opportunity to lounge around his apartment for a whole two days without interruptions. We left only once to sit Cory for Craig, taking him to the park for an ice cream. My nephew was getting more and more comfortable with Cam, even holding his hand to cross the road. It was a huge step forward for Cory and seeing them get along gave me all sorts of warm thoughts about a family of our own. />
  But as much as I hoped that things would change quickly with regard to Craig or my father so I could come out, the reality was, I increasingly doubted it would happen soon enough to save what Cam and I had, and the very thought gutted me. I’d even revisited the idea of adopting Cory myself, even though I had less and less time available. But for some reason, this time when I raised the topic in a roundabout way with Craig, he dismissed the idea out of hand. Not interested. He was doing better, he said. Things were working out. But I was pretty sure my dad had been all up in his head about it, again.

  Winter took a break after our weekend together, leaving Auckland bathed in glorious sunshine, and a temperature close to twenty degrees Celsius. I had the car window half down on my way to the LGBT youth centre while I chilled to a bit of Grace Jones. The woman was usually a recipe for a pretty good mood if I’d been heading anywhere else.

  How Cam had convinced me to do this I had no idea. Strike that, I knew exactly how. He’d got me in a weak moment, enough said. So, here I was. Way to keep a low profile, right? But I couldn’t deny the guy anything, it seemed. Except coming out. Yeah, except that. Which was probably how I found myself here. This, at least, I could do.

  LGBT kids didn’t always get the support they deserved from elite sports bodies, so it was kind of nice to be able to turn that around, especially in rugby. As the national sport, most of these kids grew up watching the All Blacks. For better or worse, it came with the territory. I wasn’t here under the All Black umbrella today, too little warning for them to make it official, but they had no problem with players going under their franchise names, with permission.

  I’d wrangled Mathew to accompany me from the Blues, plus fellow All Black Carter Robinson, who was in Auckland for the week, and who happened to have a gay younger brother. They kind of covered my gay arse too, both seen as stone-cold hets, so I’d get a free ride on that alone.

  It was just after four when I pulled in alongside Mathew, who was busy leaning on his car. He raised his hand in a half-hearted greeting, and I sighed. Things had been kind of tense between us, and between him and Cam as well, after the whole Eden Park fuck-up.