Powerless

by Catherine Johnson

  “Be dressin’ up as wee devil will we?”

  I’m very aware that Callum is leaning against the kitchen counter next to me, and that we’re alone. I am also very aware that there was a healthy amount of tension between us the last time we were in the same room. There was something about the way he was looking at me across the table last week. There was a hunger in his eyes that had nothing at all to do with the food. I couldn’t relax on the sofa when we were supposed to be watching the film. The concern about the potential danger we could all be in was unhealthily buried at the back of my mind. I just had this feeling that if we didn’t stay at completely opposite ends of the sofa, then we’d end up embarrassing ourselves in front of Donna and Michael.

  I shrug. “I was thinking maybe zombie queen this year.”

  “You sure lass? You’d look crackin’ with a wee tail.”

  I don’t know what to say. I’m still trying to untangle the premature thoughts about where all this could be going and what it all means when Callum slips his hand around my waist, underneath my hoodie, just brushing the waistband of my jeans. His hand is warm at the base of my back as he pulls me to him, and then I’m not thinking anymore. All my thoughts are centred on the feel of his lips against mine, on the brush of his beard and on the strength I can feel in his arms as he holds me close. I kiss him back, I’m helpless not to, just as I’m helpless not to run my palms over his solid, cotton-covered chest and around, over his back. I want more. I part my lips and revel in the deepening kiss, losing myself in the taste, the sensation, the possibility.

  We break apart, breathless. Callum isn’t letting me go, but I know that if we don’t regain a modicum of control that we’re about two heartbeats away from christening my sofa. I’m struggling to think of reasons why that would be a bad idea. He pulls my head down to his chest and gently kisses my hair.

  “Ah lass.” His voice is rough in a way that has an unmentionable effect on certain parts of me. “I’ve been wantin’ to do that since our run.”

  I still can’t form coherent thought, let alone words. In answer, I press myself against him more tightly against him, his arms tighten around me. I can feel his heavy sigh.

  “I doona want tae leave lass, but I need tae be gettin’ ready tae head south.”

  “Do you think they’ll tell you anything?”

  “Aye, Cooper’s no’ a bad fella. He’ll have had his reasons for no’ tellin’ us what we were in for, but I’m hopin’ time has taken the edge off o’ them.”

  “I’ll miss you.” I’m not sure I would have said that out loud if I wasn’t listening to the thump of his heart, thoroughly surrounded by the scent and the heat of him.

  “I’ll miss you too, lass. I doona like leavin’ you on your own with Bryn and Daniel loose.”

  “I’m not on my own; I’ve got Donna and Michael.”

  At that he grasps my arms and holds me away from him so that he can look me in the eye.

  “Anythin’ lass, you feel the slightest bit worried about anythin’ you take yourself tae theirs. Doona stop here on your own, trust your instincts.”

  “Yes.” I whisper. I feel the weight of his worry and that potential danger comes surging to the forefront of my mind.

  Callum frames my face with his palms and slides his fingers into my hair as he leans down to kiss me once more. I’m unable to get as close to him as I’d like, and I’m sure that that’s his intention since he has to leave soon. It doesn’t stop me trying. He breaks the kiss with a quiet chuckle.

  “You’ll be the death o’ me, lass. Stay safe for me.” He presses a quick kiss to my forehead before retrieving his sweatshirt and coat from their place on the sofa.

  “I mean it, lass. I want you whole when I get back.”

  There’s a promise in those words that leaves me breathless all over again; but after I’ve let him out and locked the door behind him, the fear of why I need to be careful leaves me cold and shivering.

  Chapter Fifteen

  No’ bein’ able tae release my wolf for all the time I spent in jail does no’ compare tae the restraint it took tae walk out o’ that bloody flat yesterday. It’s no’ just that I wanted tae get the lass naked, tae make her moan my name, tae have her fall asleep whilst I held her. Somethin’ in me felt wretched leavin’ her, knowin’ that I couldnae guarantee she was goin’ tae be safe while I was gone. That part o’ me is still tryin’ tae persuade me tae jump on the next train home. I have tae remind myself that this is the long game. What I can find out here could keep her safer for a lot longer.

  Cooper’s waitin’ tae meet me at London Euston. He’s no’ changed much since I last saw him, he still looks like a thug. He’s a hefty fella, thick in the body. It makes him look shorter than he is, but he can look me in the eye. He’s got a solid jaw made for takin’ hits in a fight. His nose is a touch more delicate for all its size, and has a permanent sideways bent now after havin’ been broken a few too many times. Life seems tae be treatin’ the lad well, he’s around the same age as me. There’s no grey in the black hair he’s still keepin’ gelled back; and if the booze has no’ caught up with him yet then his missus must still be keepin’ him in hand. I can put away ma share, but this fella can drink me under the table any day o’ the week and do the same for the next three days as well.

  “Callum! Come ‘ere fella.”

  “Coop! How’re you doin’ lad?”

  Gettin’ your back slapped by Derek, Del, Cooper is as like tae knock you on your face if you’re not ready for it.

  “You’re lookin’ well guv’nor. It’s good to see ya out. ‘Ope the screws didn’t get ya down.”

  “Nay, you know how it is; stay out o’ their way, keep your nose clean and they’re alright with you.”

  Cooper just raises an eyebrow at me.

  “Oh yeah, and clean up after yourself.” At that he lets out a laugh that’s more like a roar and slaps me on the back again. Christ! If I hadnae done all that workin’ out inside’d be worried about a few o’ ma bones. Cooper’s no stranger tae bein’ inside himself, but he did his stints as a young lad before he was turned.

  “Yeah, ain’t that the truth. Come on, ‘Chelle’s got somat waitin on ya. Figured you’d be ‘ungry. Lord knows the food on the cattle wagons is pure shite.”

  I’m no’ goin’ tae disagree with him there. And his missus is a terrific cook. I’ve spent some time here with his pack before I became Alpha. There’s no harm in keepin’ good relations between different packs and William figured that, bein’ a Scot, I was probably the only lad in his pack who could survive stayin’ with Cooper. I’m no’ ashamed tae say I nearly didn’t.

  The city’s changed a fair bit since I was here last. It’s a different atmosphere. We catch up on the every day stuff as we hop on the tube. The station smells stale and dusty with a hint o’ the mechanical; the train itself smells o’ sweat and piss. There’s somethin’ about these old tunnels that makes me long for hills and grass and sky. After a quick change at Tottenham Court Road, it’s no’ long before we’re comin’ back above ground at Bethnal Green, Coop’s patch. There’s only one pack in London, and they all seem tae stick tae the East End. The mix o’ architecture round here, elegant pre-war side-by-side with ugly, concrete modern that doesn’t date any later than the 70’s, reminds me a lot o’ the older parts o’ Manchester. Coop’s got himself a nice spot in the rat run o’ red brick Victorian terraces. He’s a builder by trade and he got this place when it wasnae much more than a shell, did all the work himself. Now he makes a decent bit off the yuppies who are after buyin’ cheap flats and havin’ them done up tae rent out or sell on.

  As soon as he lets us through the front door I can smell rich, meaty beef stew and home baked bread. Even if Michelle hadn’t obviously been Cooper’s mate, I think he would have married her for her ability tae cook alone. We head on intae the kitchen, a room where Cooper is definitely no’ the Alpha.

  “Callum. Good to see you!” She kisses me on the cheek; her hands are
stuffed intae oven gloves. Her hair is still the same flame red it’s always been, it’s no’ faded, even after all this time. It’s still half way down her back, and still got a mind o’ its own, always tryin’ tae escape whatever she’s tied it back with.

  “Get your coat off. Del! Get the lad a beer. Sit down and take a weight off. I’ll just dish this out. Good journey was it?”

  There’s still a touch o’ her Irish roots in Michelle’s accent, even though her family have been in the East End for three generations. She nudges me in the direction o’ the small, round, pine table and I take one o’ the matchin’ spindle chairs.

  Bein’ in Cooper’s house is a lot like bein’ at Donna and Michael’s, Except Coop and ‘Chelle’s kids are grown and livin’ on their own. They were both turned young, a lot of inner-city wolves are. The perils of urban livin’ I suppose. They’ve got two sets o’ twins, a set o’ two boys and a boy and a girl. None of them are identical except that the boys all take after their dad and the lass is the spittin’ image o’ her ma. That sense o’ family is still strong in this house.

  We dig intae the stew and bread. Donna’s got some serious competition in Michelle, but I’ll no’ be tellin’ her that.

  I spot, out o’ the corner o’ one eye, a fluffy penguin stuffed half behind a radiator. It looks like it’s been left tae dry off.

  “’Chelle got you chew toys tae run after now Coop?”

  “What? Nah mate. That’s our ‘Enry’s. One of Joe’s two lads.”

  “Fuck Coop, you didnae tell me you were a Grandad!”

  “Yep.” I swear his chest puffs out even further. “Twin lads, nearly a year old now. Little terrors, the both of ‘em.”

  “Congrats, fella. You too ‘Chelle.”

  “What about you, mate? You’ve been out a month. Got your eye on anyone yet?”

  “Christ’s sakes Del! Give the lad a chance to get straight.”

  Cooper feigns as much innocence as possible, which isnae much. “What? Near enough six year in the clink, fella’s gotta be gaggin’ when he gets out.”

  I just shake my head.

  “See, I’m right. Go on fella, who is it?”

  “What? I didnae say a thing!”

  “Didn’t ‘ave to mate. S’written all over your face. Go on; tell us about the bird then.”

  I decide that tellin’ him is goin’ tae be a lot easier than tryin’ no’ tae tell him. “She’s one o’ the pack. Doona think you’ll have met her if you’ve no’ been up north lately. Remember the lass I got sent down for?”

  “Fuckin’ ‘ell lad! Don’t pick ‘em easy do ya? ‘Ow’d you win ‘er round?”

  “Told her the truth, that it wasnae me.”

  “That easy eh?”

  “No’ quite.”

  “I’ll bet it wasn’t!” That sets Cooper off laughin’ again. He takes a swallow o’ his bottle o’ beer and looks at me from under that heavy brow o’ his.

  “If I remember right though, she’s a young ‘un.”

  “Fuckin’ hell Coop, you doona have tae say it like I’m a fuckin’ peado’. She’s no’ that young.”

  He’s still lookin’ at me.

  “Fuck’s sake man. She’s thirty, alright.”

  “Cradle snatcher.” It’s said with a smile. I know he’s only takin’ the piss, but it’s no’ as if the twenty year age gap hasnae crossed ma mind before.

  “Del! You’ll be bringin’ her down for a visit won’t you, Callum? We wouldn’t mind meetin’ her.”

  “Sure, wouldn’t mind meetin’ your little school girl at all.” Cooper’s voice is sly, but he’s still only pokin’ fun.

  The look Michelle gives Cooper makes it obvious he’s no’ gettin’ laid in this house for a while without some serious grovelling.

  “Whatever. Course I’ll bring her down tae meet you ‘Chelle.” I very definitely direct that at Michelle and no’ Cooper.

  “She must be worth it.” Michelle says with a gentle smile.

  “Aye, she is.”

  “Look at you, gettin’ all soppy over a bit of skirt.”

  “Fuck off you hairy-balled bastard.”

  That just sets Cooper off laughin’ again. He drains his beer and Michelle gets us fresh bottles. Looks like tonight’s goin’ tae be a long one.

  “I guess she’s why you’re ‘ere anyway.”

  “Aye. That’s it.”

  “What can we do for you?” Cooper relaxes back in his chair.

  “You know it was Bryn that attacked Becca?”

  “Yep.” Cooper nods, his face all seriousness now. “We didn’t ‘ear much. Daniel cut off a lot of ties after you went down, but we ‘eard bits ‘ere and there. Enough to put two and two together.”

  “You hear that Daniel was s’posed tae take care o’ Bryn whilst I was inside?”

  “No, but it makes sense. Couldn’t ‘ave ‘appened to a nicer dickhead.”

  “That’s the problem. It didnae happen.”

  Cooper’s bottle pauses on its journey tae his mouth. He stares at me in amazement.

  “You’re fuckin’ ‘avin a laugh!”

  “Unfortunately no’, mate. Daniel did nothin’ about Bryn. I didnae find out ‘till I got out and found him swannnin’ around like he owns the place.”

  “Shit. We’ll that’s just fuckin’ brilliant. Bryn behave himself whilst you were inside?”

  “If he didnae I havenae heard o’ it. And we’ve no’ acquired more wolves at his hand. But I’d be surprised if he’s been stayin’ home at night.”

  “Yeah, me too. Shit.”

  “Aye. We’ve got a problem there and it needs takin’ care o’ before it sees the light o’ day. If he’s been carryin’ on like I think he has, it’ll no’ be long before the Old Bill comes knockin’ on a few o’ our doors.”

  “Fuck.” Cooper mutters into his bottle.

  “Coop, you know why I’m here, right?”

  “Yeah. Course I fuckin’ do.” Cooper’s still not lookin’ at me, that’s a bad sign.

  “Coop, I doona give a shit that you didnae tell me what he was; but why’d you no’ deal with him when he was up tae his tricks here?”

  “It wasn’t as urgent. There’s no shortage of birds sleepin’ rough that no one misses.”

  “That’s bollocks and you know it is. I know you wouldnae have let him get away with it. None o’ us would.”

  “I don’t know the full story.” Cooper finally looks me in the eye again.

  “Just tell me the bits you do know.”

  Cooper’s sigh is heavy.

  “Bryn came to us after he’d been turned. He wasn’t born ‘ere. He came over from the Belfast pack. Fuck knows what ‘appened to his accent, it didn’t last long once he got ‘ere. He was ‘ere two years total. Took us a while to find out what he was up to. Like I said, he was keepin’ it to people that no one noticed was gone.

  “One of the other lads spotted him out one night just after the full moon. Bryn was comin’ out of the park, middle of the night like, with two big fuckin’ scratches down his face. Our lad decided to go into the park instead of followin’ Bryn. He smells the blood and comes across what’s left of the bird who’d been sleepin’ on a park bench. Stupid fucker ‘ad left everythin’ out in the open.

  “Anyway. Andy, the fella who’d spotted Bryn, called me and we got the mess tidied away alright. I knew what I ‘ad to do, an seein’ what a mess he’d made of that girl I ‘ad no problem doin’ it. ‘Till I got a visit from the Belfast Alpha.”

  “Cameron came tae see you on it?” Now it’s my turn tae be surprised enough for ma jaw tae drop.

  “Yep. No phone call, not even a fuckin’ carrier pigeon. Just turned up on my doorstep. Asked me to ‘ave some fuckin’ mercy on that mad cunt. I told him to fuck off. No way was I ‘avin’ that shit in any pack of mine. He started goin’ on about ‘ow it ‘adn’t been ‘appenin’ in Belfast and maybe it was the lack of open space getting to the boy. I thought that was bollocks myself but Cameron was very ins
istent that Bryn be kept whole. Very insistent if you catch my drift.”

  “Aye, I’ve met the fella. He can be persuasive.” I spent some time in Belfast for the same reason I spent time in London, keepin’ links between the packs strong. It wasnae as much fun in Belfast.

  “Yeah, didn’t want to be checkin’ under my van for fuckin’ bombs every mornin’. He suggested contactin’ you, mate. Only other place with enough roamin’ ground is Scotland, and they’re a vicious bunch up there.”

  I nod my agreement.

  “They wouldn’t have stood for any crap. Soon as he stepped out of line they’d ‘ave ‘ad him scattered to the four winds regardless. For what it’s worth, I’m sorry, mate. Cameron really did ‘ave me thinking it’d stop if the fucker got out more.”