Powerless

by Catherine Johnson

  “Aidan. You’ve no’ changed fella.”

  “Aye, but ye have. It’s good to see ye Callum.”

  We shake hands. It’s as much o’ a test as a greetin’. It’s no’ so much tae do with a lack o’ trust, it’s more o’ a natural thing when two Alphas meet, feelin’ out the competition.

  “Come on, let’s get a move on. I don’t know if yer hungry, but I’m ravenous.”

  He leaves his car where it’s parked in the hotel car park, the sky is grey with the threat of rain, but it’s holdin’ off so far. We walk a few streets tae a place that he suggests. Tae be honest, anywhere that serves red meat is fine by me. We’re soon sorted with a couple o’ pints and a plate o’ steak each. Aidan gets straight tae the point.

  “So, Daniel didn’t kill Bryn. I have to say, Callum, I’m disappointed but not that surprised. I mean, I’m surprised at Daniel for taking the risk, but not for not havin’ the guts to end Bryn.”

  “What makes you think that Daniel doesnae have the guts tae put Bryn down? He’s the Alpha.”

  “Aye, but he’s also Bryn’s father.”

  I drop my fork, it clatters against my plate. A couple o’ other diners turn tae stare, but quickly look away once I regain ma composure. I take a swallow o’ beer before I can continue.

  “Did I hear that right Aidan? Bryn is Daniel’s son?”

  “Aye. He is.”

  I take a couple more minutes just tae digest that piece of information, tae roll it round in ma head a little and get used tae it.

  “Why does he keep it a secret? Why’ve I never felt that sort o’ bond between them?”

  “Because of what Bryn is, Callum. Bryn’s mother was human. Daniel wasn’t.”

  “I’ve heard tales about that sort o’ thing, but I’ve no’ ever met the result o’ such a union.”

  “It doesn’t happen often. Ye know it’s not possible for an unmated pair of wolves to breed?”

  I nod and let him continue with his explanation.

  “And ye know it’s not possible for a female wolf to have kids by a human male?”

  I nod again.

  “Well it is possible, but not common, for it to happen the other way around. But we usually don’t recommend it.”

  “Any reason in particular? Do they all turn out like Bryn?”

  “No they’re not all psychotic. It’s rare that it happens at all, and there’s a much higher chance of defects. It’s the same as dogs bein’ able to mate with wolves in the wild. It can happen, but it doesn’t work out well for the offspring. There used to be laws bannin’ the turnin’ of half-wolves.”

  “Because o’ the defects? That’s no’ usually the case. I’ve seen other wolves that had disabilities before they were turned.”

  “Aye, we were all about the equal opportunities before it was cool.” He laughs dryly. “More like all about what looked like vulnerable prey. Anyways, no, it’s not because of the defects. It’s because a half-wolf can never fully be a pack animal. It’s just not in their nature to be able to integrate.”

  “See now, that explains a lot about Bryn.”

  “Oh Bryn was always a wanker anyway, even before he was turned. Always was one of those fellas who was always lookin’ for a fight. He couldn’t keep his gob shut to save his life. He was always scrappin’ even as a kid.”

  I sit back in my chair and digest all that information for a moment before speakin’.

  “Well that explains why Daniel didnae kill him like I asked him tae. He never had any intention o’ it. And if Bryn has ever had help livin’ out his sick little compulsions, no wonder it’d be Daniel helpin’ him. But it doesnae explain why Cameron interceded on Bryn’s behalf when Bryn was caught red handed in London.”

  “Ahh, well that’s the part ye’ll be needin’ to ask Cameron yerself. I know him and Daniel were always close, but I don’t know why he’d help Bryn. Not when he’s such a liability. I always assumed it was because Daniel was once a member of our pack. I can take ye to see Cameron on Friday. He’s livin’ with a family from the pack, they’re takin’ care of him and keepin’ an eye on him. I just need to give them a bit of notice, and to remind Cameron who ye are. He doesn’t do well with strangers these days.”

  This is cuttin’ it fine tae the full moon which is Saturday. I’d wanted to be back by then, I want tae be with ma pack, tae be with Becca, when the moon’s high and glowin’, but I need tae get tae the bottom o’ all of this.

  “Thank you for this Aidan. I know you doona have tae tell me anythin’ if you doona want tae.”

  “We’ve all got somethin’ to lose in this Callum. The Manchester pack isn’t a small one. If our secret gets out, we’ll all be hunted. Those people runnin’ around out there struggle to even accept their own species just ‘cause they’re from another country or have different coloured skin. They’ll not be understandin’ us at all. I don’t fancy being caged and tested. I certainly don’t fancy bein’ shot on sight. It’s bloody hard enough to keep yer hide in one piece in this city as it is. It’s harsh, but there’s a reason why we had the old laws, and there’s a reason why Bryn needs to be dealt with. If Daniel can’t do it, someone else is goin’ to have to.”

  “I can promise you that he’s no’ goin’ tae get any second chances from me. But I doona want my own pack rippin’ me to pieces for it. As far as they all know I’m the dangerous one. I’m the one that attacked a lass and turned her. I need tae show them they’ve been lied tae.”

  “Aye. You do. How is the lass doin’? She settle into the pack okay?”

  “Yeah she settled in just fine. Been a bit rough for her since I got out though.”

  “I bet it has.”

  Aidan leans back himself and looks at me, really looks at me. I’ll no’ flinch under that direct blue stare o’ his, but I’m wonderin’ what he’s lookin’ for.

  “Ye never found a mate yet Callum did ye?”

  “I’ve no exactly been lookin’ for the past six years.”

  “There’s somethin’ different about ye since the last time I saw ye. For someone who should be rippin’ the place apart ‘cause ye couldn’t change for nearly six years, yer remarkably at peace with yerself.”

  “Your no’ the only person tae mention that.”

  Aidan just raises and eyebrow in question.

  “Cooper said pretty much the same thing while I was in London.”

  “Were the two of ye talkin’ about the girl then as well?”

  “Aye, we were.”

  “Has it crossed yer mind that there might be a bit more than coincidence between the two of ye?”

  “It has. I’m no’ certain though yet.”

  “I’ve never been lucky enough myself. There’s a few in the pack who are. I’ve never asked them about it though.”

  “There’s only one mated pair in our pack. I’ve never had reason tae ask them for any details.”

  “Maybe ye should?”

  “I might, when I get back.” I like the fella, but I’m no’ exactly comfortable havin’ this conversation with him. I’m no’ as close tae Aidan as I am tae Cooper.

  Aidan smiles and shrugs. “Speakin’ of gettin’ back. It’s a damn shame but bein’ a werewolf doesn’t pay the mortgage.”

  Aidan settles the bill for lunch and we talk about general shite, nothing tae do with wolves or packs, on the way back tae the hotel. We part on Aidan’s promise tae call me with a time that he’ll pick me up on Friday. I take myself off tae watch a film for the afternoon, I just need tae kill some time again.

  I wait until six o’ clock. I’m reckonin’ that Becca will be at home by then. I need tae hear her voice, especially after that random text this mornin’, I need tae hear that she’s okay. This time she answers.

  Chapter Eighteen

  “Hiya.” I’m done being pissed off that he hasn’t been in touch. After yesterday, after what happened to Donna, I’m just happy to hear from him at all.

  “Finally I manage tae catch you lass. Are you alright?
It was a touch late for you tae be sendin’ that text this mornin’.”

  “Yeah, I know. “ Shit, I can’t tell him why I was only just getting in at that time. “I couldn’t sleep.”

  “You sure you’re alright, though?”

  “Yes, I’m fine. How’s London?” Technically I’m not lying, technically.

  “I’m no’ in London at the moment. I’m in Belfast. I tried callin’ you yesterday tae let you know.”

  There’s no snippiness in his tone, I know he’s telling me that he wasn’t trying to hide it from me.

  “I know, my bad. I’d left my phone in my handbag when I got home. You’re in Belfast? Couldn’t Cooper help?”

  “Aye, he could. But there were more questions than answers after he’d told me what he knew. I need tae chase them down before I can come back.”

  “Are you going to be there for long? If you say you’ve got to go to Majorca or anywhere else that isn’t pissing down and freezing this time of year, I’ll know you’re lying.”

  He laughs. “Nay lass, If I cannae find the answers here they’ll no’ be found at all.”

  “Will you be staying there for long?”

  “At least ‘til Friday, lass. I’m no’ as close tae the people I know here. I have tae give them some time, and there’s been some changes in their pack that need tae be worked around. I’ll tell you more when I’ve got as much o’ the story as I can get.”

  “Do you think you’ll be back for the full moon?”

  “I’m hopin’ so, but I cannae promise.”

  I’m silent, thinking about the prospect of running with the pack on the full moon without him. I’m not only thinking about how we’re going to manage with Donna, Michael and me in the same space as Bryn; I’m thinking about how much I’m going to miss running with Callum. The ache is back. I feel so very far away from him. I’m overwhelmed with the longing to be held by him, to be close to him.

  “Becca? Are you still there? Are you no’ able tae talk? I thought you’d be at home.”

  I try to keep my voice steady. “I’m here. Yes I’m home. I didn’t get in long ago though; I haven’t even managed to get changed yet.”

  “What’re you wearin’ lass?” His voice has taken on that rough tone that makes me restless. I start walking towards the bedroom only for something to do with myself. I can’t stay standing still.

  “I’m still dressed for the office.”

  “That’s no’ an answer lass.”

  “The usual I suppose. Suit, top, heels.”

  I can hear his low chuckle. “Lass, you’re no’ enterin’ into the spirit o’ this properly.”

  Dink, and the penny drops. “Oh, yeah, that’d be me being a little slow on the uptake there. So you’d rather have some more details? It’s a black suit. Skirt, not trousers. A grey jumper, it’s not that sexy, but then it’s freezing here. It is a v-neck and there is cleavage though.”

  “If it’s cold you’d have tights on then?”

  “No. I can’t stand them. I’ve got stockings on.”

  I’m not sure whether that was a cough or he was choking on something. “The sort with suspenders lass?”

  “No, the skirt’s too tight for that; everyone would be able to tell, the ones with just the lace at the top.”

  “Sweetheart, if your shoes are no’ six inch spike heels, do me a favour and lie.”

  Now it’s my turn to laugh. “They’re not quite six inch and they’re not spike heels, but they are high heels, black, with a little strap around the ankle.”

  “Ahh, darlin’; if I was there now, the things I’d do.”

  His voice is still low and heavy. I’m intrigued, I want to know what he’d do, partly to call his bluff, to see if he’ll tell me, and partly because I’m hoping he will. I want to hear him say those things. They do say that curiosity killed the cat, good job I’m a wolf then, really. The expectation of what he might say makes me breathless; my words are almost a whisper.

  “What? Would you do? If you were here.”

  The sound that he makes can only be described as a growl.

  “Are you sure you want tae play this game lass? There’ll be no backin’ out halfway through.”

  “But you’re all the way over in Belfast.”

  “Darlin’ if you change your mind, I’ll make you pay double when I get back.”

  “I’m sure.” It sounds like I’m onto a winner either way, to be honest.

  He growls again. I feel it low in my stomach, and lower. I had turned the light on when I walked into the room, but I flick the switch off and lie down on the bed. I leave the curtains open. The last light of the setting sun is barely enough to illuminate the room. As the window faces east, I cannot see the sunset, just the creeping dark of the night.

  “If I were there, I’d want tae kiss you. I’d be holdin’ you tight. I’d no’ let you get away lass. I’d want tae feel every curve o’ your body against mine.”

  I arch off the bed slightly. Even with the best part of two hundred miles between us, my body wants to get to his.

  “Lass?”

  “Yes?”

  “Your turn.”

  I can feel myself blushing, at first I’m too self-conscious to say anything; but it’s not like anyone can see me, or hear me, except for Callum.

  “I’d be kissing you back. I wouldn’t want to get away. I’d press myself against you. I’d be holding you tightly too. I’d need to; I think my knees would be weak.”

  “I’d run ma hands over your hips, over that lovely arse o’ yours. I’d want tae check you were no’ lyin’ about those stockings.”

  “I’m not.” My hand that isn’t holding my phone is following the path he’s describing. “Hmmmm, I hope you’re going to hitch my skirt up. I want to hook my leg over your hip. I want closer.”

  “Ahhh lass I would. I’d love tae feel that soft skin o’ yours, above the lace, over your hip. If I slid my hand under your skirt, what underwear would I find there?”

  “A thong, red lace.” I’m not even lying. I dressed for the temperatures and the weather this morning, but I had to cheer myself up a little, so I picked a bright colour for my lingerie. The thong is a natural choice given the fit of the skirt. I hear that low rumbling growl again, and I think, the sound of a zipper being unfastened. Two can play at that game. It’s inelegant, but I raise my hips off the bed so that I can tug my skirt up to my waist.

  “Sweetheart, once I found that I’d have you backed against a wall before you could draw breath.”

  “I’d want to run my mouth over your neck, kiss my way to your shoulder. Would there be a shirt in my way?”

  “No’ once I’d got you against that wall. I’d be wantin’ tae feel your skin on mine. My shirt, whatever, would be gone. I’d be slippin’ that jacket off your shoulders. I’d no’ so much be kissin’ your neck as bitin’ it before I pulled that jumper off you. Would your bra be matchin’ the thong.”

  “It would. Give me a moment.” I put the phone down and sit up. I slip out of my jacket and pull off my top before lying down and picking the phone up again.

  “Where’d you go, lass?”

  “Just following your lead. Needed to shed a few layers.”

  “Lass you’re killin’ me. Are you laid out like that now?”

  “Yes.” My skin’s on fire, I can almost feel his eyes on me.

  “By gods I want tae see you like that, lass. I want tae be able tae touch you. I want tae know what your breasts feel like covered in that pretty red lace. I want tae know how they fit intae the palm o’ my hand. I think maybe they’d be more than a handful.”

  He’s been paying attention. I remember the way he touched me on the night that we ran together. I trace the path his fingers took with my own, lightly down from my shoulder, along the side of my breast, over the sensitive skin of my scars. My own touch makes me shudder and gasp. For the moment, I can only imagine how much more intense Callum’s touch would be.