Powerless

by Catherine Johnson

  “Would you tease me?”

  “Aye lass I would. I’d play with those pretty breasts until you were crazed. I’d suck those little pink nipples o’ yours through that red lace ‘til you moaned. Lass, do that for me.”

  “Okay.” I breathe and start to run my palms over my breasts. My nipples are already hard; pinching them is almost painful, but only almost. I want to follow his instructions. I know he can’t see whether or not I comply, but it’s important to me not to cheat either of us.

  “I’d want to be undoing your jeans. I’d want to get my hands on you.”

  “I wouldnae let you, lass. I’d want you on that bed o’ yours. That’s where I’d be takin’ you next.”

  “When would I get to touch you?”

  “When I decide tae let you. I think maybe I’d take the time tae get your skirt off. I’d want tae see what you look like in nothin’ but all that lace and those stockings.

  I want to tease him like he’s teasing me. I put my phone down long enough to get out of my skirt as well. When I pick it up, instead of speaking straight away, I take a quick photo of myself and text it to him. The moon has only just cleared the tops of the hills beyond my window. It’s almost whole. The light isn’t great, but it’s enough to show the contrast between my skin and the underwear. I can hear his phone beep when the text lands.

  “You want to check that message.”

  “Oh sweetheart.” I hear him groan.

  “Well I’m on the bed, Callum. If I’m not allowed to touch you, what are you going to do with me?”

  “Sweetheart, with you lookin’ like that, I’d be kneelin’ between those thighs o’ yours. You’d be watchin’ me, as I strip that thong from you, as I lean forward tae taste you.

  Another visual that steals my breath and my ability to think for a moment. “Your beard would tickle me.”

  There’s a low chuckle. “Aye, lass, it might. I doona think you’ll be mindin’. I’d be grippin’ those pale thighs o’ yours. I’d be wantin’ tae keep you still whilst I take my time.”

  “I can almost feel you here. How hot your breath would be on me.”

  “Sweetheart, go on, touch yourself.”

  I do as he asks. I slip my fingers into my underwear. It feels like a poor substitute for the bliss that he’s describing.

  “Are you wet for me, lass?”

  “Yes, you know I am.”

  “Good, because I’m hard as rock for you, my lovely.”

  “Are you...?” I can’t say it; I don’t know what words to use.

  “Aye lass, I am.”

  “Jesus, Callum. I can’t stand this. I want you here. I want you in me. Over me. I need to feel you.” My fingers are still busy. I want more but I’ll take what I can get.

  “Sweetheart, I want that too. I want tae be buried in you so deep. I want you tae feel me. I want your eyes open when I make you come, I want you tae see me there. I need you tae know it’s me.”

  “Callum... I’m...”

  “Let go, lass. Let me hear you.”

  I do let go. He’s so far away, but I can feel the heat of his body above mine. Almost before I know it, I’m coming. As the orgasm takes me I can hear him, and I know he’s coming too. Knowing what he’s doing, that he’s doing it because of me, for me; well, that might just be the sexiest thing I’ve experienced yet. I say yet, something tells me that once Callum is back on home soil that things will get very interesting very quickly. I’m limp on the bed, panting. The sweat on my skin is cool and I shiver a little.

  He is equally breathless when he speaks again. His voice is barely more than a rasp. “Becca, when I get back, you and me are goin’ tae need some time together.”

  “Yes. Agreed. Do you think we can manage to get somewhere private? I don’t fancy being arrested for public indecency.”

  “Aye, lass, I think we can manage that. I’ll call you on Friday when I know more. Hopefully I’ll be lettin’ you know when I’m gettin’ back.”

  “Okay. I’ll be waiting. Friday.”

  “Friday, lass. Take care o’ yourself.”

  “I will. You too. I want you back in one piece.”

  He laughs. “I’ll do my best, darlin’. Night.”

  “Night.”

  We hang up. I wrap myself in my duvet to keep the chill from my skin and almost immediately I am deep into a completely dreamless sleep.

  Chapter Nineteen

  When my alarm woke me this morning I was a little disorientated. I’d slept for around eleven hours, a completely solid state of unconsciousness. At first I was a little confused as to why I was dressed in my underwear with my stockings and shoes still on and wrapped in my duvet like a sausage roll, until the memory of the night before came flooding back. Just the recollection of Callum’s words, his voice, what happened between us, flooded my skin with warmth and caused me to curl up into a ball. Now I miss him more than ever. I am desperately hoping he’ll be able to come home in time for the full moon.

  I didn’t particularly want to leave my little nest, but the alternative was staying in my flat all day felling sorry for myself. At least work would keep my mind occupied. I sent a quick text to Donna to let her know I was alright. There were a couple of texts and a missed call from her on my phone. I knew she would be worried since I hadn’t checked in with her the night before. We’ve agreed to keep tabs on where we’re all up to during our days as much as we’re able. Donna lets me know when she’s back from dropping the boys at school and from picking them up. I let her know when I’ve made it to the office and when I’m safely home. Donna has been keeping the doors and windows to their house locked at all times.

  What happened when I arrived at the station this morning only proved our theory that we needed to be completely paranoid. For once I’d managed to arrive in enough time that I wasn’t rushing, or arriving at the same moment as the train. I wasn’t the first on the platform, but I was definitely one of the early few. Unfortunately, one of the other people waiting was Bryn. I didn’t see him at first; I was busy rooting through my handbag looking for my travel pass. When I’d found it, I looked up and saw something at the end of the platform that caught my eye. It was Bryn. The fact that he was dressed in all black was what had caught my attention. The platform isn’t usually full of people dressed for a carnival, but a big guy like Bryn dressed in stalker casual does stand out.

  At first I considered leaving, finding somewhere else to wait for the next train, but then I reasoned he’d probably only wait for me to come back. I don’t actually know what he does for a living, but I’ve never seen him on this train to Manchester before, and after his threat to Donna it was just a little too coincidental. There was no way I was going to let him know that I was afraid, so I put my shoulders back and my head up and thought about anything except him. I could feel his presence as one of the pack, I could tell without looking that he wasn’t moving. It began to dawn on me that he was trying to intimidate me, that he had no intention of attacking me at a station that was rapidly filling with other commuters. I really will have to stop saying bad things about the herd I travel with every day.

  Today would not have been a good day for the train to be delayed or missing, but by some minor miracle it turned up on time. As I’d been early, I was one of the first to board. I was able to find a spot near a window so that I could see if Bryn tried to follow me onto the train. He didn’t, but he did pick me out from the crowd in the carriage and kept staring at me until the train had pulled away.

  I let Donna know as soon as I got off the train in Manchester. She was furious and scared for me at the same time. She was adamant about meeting me at the station when I was on my way home, but I didn’t think it was necessary. I knew there would be a crowd of people getting off the train with me, and the walk to my flat is entirely along a busy main road, with lots of people from the train going the same way. I knew there would zero opportunity for Bryn to try anything. With the busy junction at the station full of rush hour traffic, he woul
dn’t even be able to pull me into a car without a lot of people taking notice.

  I’ve had the text message from Donna letting me know that she’s had no problem picking the boys up from school. I send one letting her know that I’m safely inside my flat with no sightings of my new stalker. I wonder if Daniel knows what Bryn’s doing, if he’s sanctioned it, or if he’s lost control of his pet nutter.

  I’ve swapped a few texts with Callum throughout the day. I didn’t tell him about my morning adventures. The texts were more along the lines of our telephone conversation last night, which proved to be quite distracting at work. At one point I almost photocopied something five hundred times instead of only five times. Fortunately I caught it at twenty copies.

  I throw together a salad with pasta and pesto from a jar. I make an effort to eat decent food, rather than relying on microwave meals, but I’m big on the quick and simple stuff that doesn’t mean using every pot and pan that I own. After I’ve eaten I boot up my laptop and message out invites to Donna’s birthday firework get-together to the members of the pack that I’m in contact with on Facebook. That takes care of most of them, but there are one or two that don’t use social media that often, or who plain don’t like it. For those members I have written invitations. I don’t know everyone’s address, but I know at least one way to get in touch, phone, web, home address, of everyone in the pack.

  I wash the dishes from my meal and grab a coat and my car keys. Now that I’ve sent out the web invitations I better get the paper ones delivered. I send a text to Donna to let her know that I’m nipping out. I’m parked on the street outside, and I’m unlocking my car door, when I realise that someone is parked on the opposite side of the street. I’m thinking that they must be some sort of idiot; the street isn’t wide enough for them to be parked there, when the interior light I the car flashes on and I see that the driver is Bryn and he’s watching me. He wants me to know that he’s watching me, or he’d have kept the car in darkness.

  I get into my car fast and hit the internal locks. I decide to carry on with my plan for the evening and see if Bryn follows me. I quickly run through the address I need to visit, none are in remote places. Apart from the fact that it’s dark and will be fairly quiet on the streets, I should be able to get from road to letter box and back without incident. Yes, I know that Donna is going to go ballistic when she finds out that I took the risk, but what else am I going to do? Get a bodyguard? Never leave my flat except for work? I’m aware I’m being dangerously stubborn; I never said I was perfect.

  I pull away from the kerb and check my rear view mirror. Yep, my new stalker is following me. Fantastic. I’m all for accessorising, but I’d rather have had a new handbag. I really don’t want to show his how much this freaks me out. Fear is weakness, weakness is vulnerability, and vulnerability is something that can be attacked. I am not going to set myself up to be attacked.

  There are only five addresses to visit and Bryn follows me to every one of them. It occurs to me that the place I’m actually going to be most open to an assault is trying to unlock the heavy door to my building. That door opens onto a landing at the top of a flight of stairs. The doors to the other flats are on the floor below. If Bryn’s quick enough, he could grab me there and no one would know. I drive to the closest twenty-four hour supermarket and park in one of the mother and child spaces close to the door. I have more pressing things to think about than a few dirty looks from other shoppers, and besides, who would be bringing their child to a supermarket at this time?

  The brightly lit store feels wonderfully safe, there are quite a few people milling around. I grab a basket and dive into the clothes section, straight to the ladies underwear. If Bryn wants to get too close here, he’s really going to draw attention to himself. I phone Michael whilst ambling up around the displays. He’s been working the day shift today so I know he’ll be home now.

  “Hey Bex. What’s up?”

  “Hi Michael. Can you do me a favour?”

  “Have you got the details of the person you’ve crashed into?”

  “Oh so funny. I wish. No it’s not that. I nipped out to deliver the invites for Donna’s birthday. I did text her.”

  “Yeah she told me.”

  “Yes well, Bryn’s been following me since I left my flat.”

  “And you went anyway? Becca!”

  “Yes, I know no sense of self-preservation whatsoever. Look, he hasn’t tried anything, he hasn’t even gotten out of his car, but I realised that I don’t want to be messing around with that front door in the dark. I’m in the Tesco in Stalybridge. If he’s followed me in I can’t see him. Is there any chance you could drive over to mine? If you’re just sat outside with the light on in your car it’ll put him off trying anything while I get inside.”

  “Bex I’ll do more than that.”

  “No you won’t. You’ll stay in your car. Michael we can’t prove anything. I didn’t even take a photo of Donna before she changed. We have no proof at all that Bryn’s doing anything wrong. If you go for him, he’ll just say you attacked him out of the blue. Your job, everything would be at risk if you were up on an assault charge. We can’t handle it that way.”

  “Fucking hell, I hate it when you talk sense.”

  “You know I’m right. Look, all I need is to be able to get back inside. No more running around at night, I promise. I’ll only go to and from work, at least until Callum gets back and we can figure out what to do next.”

  “Becca, if you don’t stick to that I’m going to start sitting outside your flat myself.”

  “I promise. Give me half an hour, I’ll get some groceries whilst I’m here so I won’t need to nip out for anything for a few days, okay?”

  “Okay, I’ll be outside yours in half an hour.”

  I know very well that if it weren’t for the fact that someone needs to stay home with the boys, that both Donna and Michael would be waiting for me outside my flat and I would not be getting away with just letting myself in. I already know I’m going to get a phone call from Donna once Michael lets her know that I’m safely inside.

  Since I’m already in the lingerie area, I pick up a couple of pieces that catch my eye. Thinking about Callum’s view of them makes the events of the night so far a little less scary. I buy enough supplies to last me for a few days and I make sure that I have my car keys out and ready before I leave the safety of the store. I haven’t seen Bryn whilst I’ve been shopping, and I don’t pause to look for him when I get outside, I keep my focus on getting to, and into, my car as quickly as possible.

  He must have been waiting though; I see his car behind me as I drive back to my flat. Michael is there as we agreed with the interior light on. Being the intelligent guy he is, he’s parked so that there’s space in front of him for me to leave my car. I leave the engine running whilst I gather my bags and get my door keys ready. The car key is a remote lock; I’ll take care of that just before I close the door behind me. I wave at Michael; he just frowns and shakes his head at me. I check my rear view mirror again before I turn the engine off and get out. I see that Bryn’s car has pulled in behind me, but he must realise who it is in the car in front of me after I’ve waved, as he pulls out into the road again and drives off. I make sure his car is out of sight before I leave the safety of my own and get into my flat in record time.

  Sure enough, after about the same amount of time it would have taken Michael to drive home my phone’s ringing with a very irate Donna on the end of the line.

  “Rebecca! Did you know he was watching you when you went out? Why did you not turn around and keep your arse in that flat?”

  “I know it was stupid. It seemed to make sense at the time. It was only when I’d finished dropping the invites off that I realised that he’d have the best chance to grab me while I was getting back in. Don’t worry; I’ll be hermit Becca from now on.”

  “It’s not for long sweetie. Come on; is it really worth the risk?”

  “No it’s not, you’re ri
ght. Tell Michael ‘thank you’ for me.”

  The intercom buzzes, informing me that there’s someone at the main door who wants me. At this time of night, with two people who would normally visit me in their house and the other not even in the same country, the list of people I’m going to let in is non-existent.

  “What was that?”

  “The intercom, just stay on the line a minute.”

  “I press the button to answer the intercom. “Hello?” There’s no answer, only static. Almost as soon as I’ve released the button, it buzzes again. I answer it again, but still no one speaks at the other end.

  “What’s going on Becca?”

  “Someone’s outside the building, pressing the intercom but not speaking.”

  “Can they get in?”

  “Only if they slip in whilst one of the other residents is coming or going.”

  “Check that bloody door of yours is locked now!”