Powerless

by Catherine Johnson

  “They’re still standing.”

  I cannae stop maself. I’m in front o’ him and I have him pinned by the throat against the side o’ is car before I feel ma body move. “What d’you mean by that?”

  His voice is strangled by my grip on his neck, but he’s no’ backin’ down from me. “What I mean by that is that it’s been a shit rough week and we’ve got a big fucking problem, but the girls are whole. You think I’m happy my mate got hurt on my own watch, let alone yours. Well fuck you!”

  What he says, as much as the emotion behind his words, has me droppin’ my hand and backin’ up.

  “Oh come on, Callum, don’t tell me you hadn’t at least suspected. It’s been obvious to Donna and me since the first bloody night you got out of jail that there was going to be something between the two of you. Remember? You put her clothes outside the room ‘cause you couldn’t settle with her scent in the room.”

  They figured it out then? They could’ve bloody mentioned it! “I wasnae sure until I had the chance tae speak tae some o’ the mated pairs in the Belfast pack last night.”

  “You could’ve asked me and Donna. We’d have fucking told you.” He starts rubbin’ his neck as he opens the driver’s-side door.

  “Christ, mate. I’m sorry.” With all the shite that seems to be flyin’ our way at the moment, the last thing I need tae be doin’ is takin’ ma frustrations out on ma best friend.

  “No problem, don’t worry about it. Natural reaction and all that. I get it Callum, really. I’m as fucked off as you about it.”

  I walk around tae the passenger side and climb in.

  Michael gives me a sideways look and grins. I know I’m forgiven, but I still feel like shite about the way I reacted.

  “Do not be telling me to drive faster. Officer of the Law here remember? I need to keep my licence.”

  “Aye, whatever. D’you want me tae drive then?”

  “Fuck no! I want to get home in one piece.”

  He puts the radio on as he sets off. The silence has nothing tae do with ill feelin’, there’s just so much we can’t talk about without the girls present, and neither o’ us seems tae have the patience for chat about sport or weather.

  Michael’s actually laughin’ as he pulls up outside his house.

  “What’s so fuckin’ funny?”

  “You mate. You’re practically bouncing in your seat.”

  “Aye. Fuckin’ lap it up fella.” I’m grinnin’ back at him. Yeah, we’re straight again.

  I make sure tae get my bag as we get out o’ the car. I’ve no intention o’ leavin this house once I get into it, unless I’m leavin’ it with Becca.

  “Where are the bairns?”

  “Here. But Donna was going to set them up in their room with some DVDs and shit. Didn’t want them to be traumatised after seeing their Aunty Becca and Uncle Callum get down to it on the living room carpet.”

  “I wouldnae give up the day job tae become a comedian just yet, fella.”

  Michael just shrugs at me, but I doona care. He can take the piss all he likes, he’s no’ so bloody wrong as far as I’m concerned. He lets us intae the house. She’s there, in the living room. She rises from the sofa as I walk in. I drop my bag and step tae meet her. Ahhhh, she’s in my arms, right where she should be and I am no’ goin’ tae be lettin’ her go any time soon. I bury ma face in her hair, breathin’ in the scent o’ her. It’s no’ as strong as when she’s a wolf, but it’s enough for now. She’s wrapped her arms around me, holdin’ me just as tight, her face against my chest. I’m seriously considerin’ stayin’ just like this ‘til the world falls down around us, but when I rub my palms over her back, she flinches as I pass high over her shoulder. I have tae pull back tae see her face.

  “Are you hurt, sweetheart?”

  I cannae believe that she shrugs at the question. “A new scar. It’s fine, it’s healed.”

  “Come on you two. School night be damned. Here you go.” Michael hands me an opened bottle of beer. When I look up and finally take in the rest of the world, Donna’s stood there with two glasses o’ wine.

  “It’s good to see you too, Callum. Welcome home,” she says dryly with a smile. “We’ve got about an hour before I need to put the kids to bed. Might as well get started.”

  I’m no’ sure if she means the drinkin’ or the talkin’. Becca takes ma hand and pulls me over tae the sofa she was sat on when I walked in. I follow her down and wrap my arm around her, pullin’ her close. She curls up intae my side, but holds her hand out for one o’ the glasses that Donna’s holdin’.

  “So. Who gets to go first?” Donna asks as she curls up next to Michael, almost mirroring Becca and me.

  “You lasses first.”

  I’m impatient tae know where my girl got a new scar from, but it’s Donna who speaks first, relatin’ her story of Bryn’s visit. The thought o’ her bein manhandled and threatened by that maniac is sour in ma mouth. Ma knuckles are white around ma untouched beer. When she gets tae the part about Becca helpin’ her change I cannae help but look at the wee lass snuggled against ma side. I squeeze her closer. I’m more proud than I can say. The fact that it’d even occur tae her tae try somethin’ like that, havin’ never done it before, not even knowin’ that she could, and succeed, impresses the hell outae me. I’m beginnin’ tae see how Donna and Michael got tae bein so sure about the two o’ us.

  “So that explains why you were textin’ me at two in the mornin’ lass?” I chide gently.

  She’s no’ cowed, she looks me in the eye. “We’d agreed you needed to carry on with what you were doing. Are you trying to tell us you wouldn’t have come home if I’d have told you what happened?”

  “No, ’cause I would’ve been on the first plane back.”

  “See, that’s why we didn’t tell you.”

  “And what about you lass? What have you been doin’ tae cut your back up?”

  “She hasn’t even told us what happened yet.” I can tell Donna’s no’ happy with Becca, but there’s deep concern in her tone too.

  “I didn’t want to have to repeat it.”

  I’m no’ likin’ where this is headin’, but I try and swallow my misgivings. I doona want the lass tae clam up.

  She extracts herself from under ma arm and stands. “We need to get the kids into bed. I’m not starting telling you all and stopping half way through.”

  I could shake the lass until her teeth rattle, but she’s right. I think Donna and Michael are thinkin’ on the same lines as me judgin’ by their expressions; but Donna puts her wine glass on a side table anyway and the lasses go upstairs tae make sure the bairns get tae sleep. It doesnae take them long, only thirty minutes or so, but it feels like an age. Michael and I finish our beers and crack two new ones whilst we’re waitin’. When the lasses come downstairs, Donna makes sure their glasses are topped up before they settle.

  “Enough prevaricating, Becca.” She commands as she resumes her seat.

  Becca moves even closer tae me. I think if she thought she could get away with sittin’ on my knee that she would.

  “When we were running last night, I wanted to give you and Michael a bit of space, so I hung back a bit. I was still keeping up with the pack. There wasn’t a problem until Bryn came at me.”

  I doona want to scare the lass with the rage that’s surging through me, but I cannae help but tighten my hold on her. I doona speak though.

  “He ran straight into me, knocked me down. At first I thought he was just trying to hurt me. And, he was, but he wasn’t after just making me bleed.”

  The wee lass has her face buried against my chest again, she’s no’ lookin’ at her friends either. The anger is white hot runnin’ through me. I’m goin’ tae stain the earth with that bastard’s blood.

  “Becca, did he...?” Donna is all gentleness now.

  “No. I knew I couldn’t fight him. I was winded after he’d knocked into me and he must have about half my body weight again on me. I ran. It was the only t
hing I could think of. I ran to the pack.”

  “It was a smart move, lass. He got his teeth intae you though?”

  “He caught my shoulder when he was trying to get at the scruff of my neck.”

  I know what that means, what the bastard was trying tae do. Bryn is goin’ tae see his fucking entrails before he dies and it’ll still no’ be enough.

  “You’re healed now, lass.”

  “Yes she is. It healed when she changed back.” Donna chips in.

  “Yeah, just a bit tender still though.”

  “Callum, mate. It’s your turn next. When Becca came skidding into the middle of the pack, Bryn had her blood on him and Daniel did fuck all about it. He stopped him from keeping after her, but he barely disciplined him at all in front of the pack. What did you get out of London and Belfast?”

  I sigh and take a long drink o’ ma beer. Daniel’s goin’ tae bleed right along with Bryn for all o’ this hurt.

  “Bryn is Daniel’s son.” I state matter o’ factly.

  The silence in the room is complete, broken by only the tickin’ o’ the clock on the mantle.

  “You fucking what, mate?” Michael is the first to recover his power of speech.

  “Bryn is Daniel’s son. He’s a half-breed though. Born tae a human woman whilst Daniel was a wolf.”

  “Is that why he’s a complete fucking fruitcake?”

  “No Donna lass. Apparently he was like that anyway, but turnin’ didn’t improve him at all, just made him worse.”

  She takes a healthy drink o’ her wine. “Well that explains a lot.”

  “Aye but that’s no’ all o’ it.”

  “There’s more?” Becca looks up me, as concerned as she is surprised.

  “Aye lass. Cooper told me that Cameron, the Alpha o’ the Belfast pack himself, got involved when Cooper found out that Bryn was no’ safe tae be allowed tae live. He’d been attackin’ homeless women in London. Cameron personally visited Cooper tae persuade him tae send Bryn north instead o’ killin’ him.”

  “Why the fuck would he do that?” Michael asks.

  “Because he’s Bryn’s grandfather. Daniel is Cameron’s son; a pure blood wolf born to Cameron and his mate who died when Daniel was a wee bairn. That makes Bryn his grandson.”

  “Then we are well and truly fucked. We can’t do anything without bringing down the Belfast pack on us.” Michael looks defeated, and more than a little pissed off.

  “Not so lad. That’s why I was in Belfast longer than I wanted tae be. Cameron’s no’ Alpha any more. Poor fella’s mind is givin’ way. The new Alpha is Aidan. Don’t think you’ve ever met him. I hadn’t seen him for years myself, no’ since before Bryn joined our pack. He’s no’ happy about having a rogue such as Bryn runnin’ free, he wants tae see him taken care o’ too. He wanted me tae spend the full moon with his pack, though, so they wouldnae be swayed by any stories o’ me no’ bein’ a full shilling when they find out that we’ve taken care o’ business.”

  Michael visibly relaxes. “So we are going to take them out?”

  “Aye, I’ll challenge Daniel in front o’ the pack at the next full moon. I cannae wait any longer. We’ve no’ the time tae try and persuade the pack that I’m worth followin’ first.”

  “I doubt we’ll have as much of a problem in that respect as you might think.”

  I look down at Becca and wait for her tae continue.

  “Last night, everyone saw Bryn chase me into the middle of the pack, and that he’d obviously attacked me. He was projecting like a neon sign. They won’t be in any doubt about why he was chasing me, about what he intended. I don’t think they think you’re the crazy one anymore. Claire said as much.”

  “Claire? The lass who was shaggin’ your fella?”

  Becca looks completely unconcerned, even though I had tae choke the words out past the thought o’ anyone else knowin’ her the way I want tae.”

  “She wanted to speak to us before we left. Said Rob had told her it was you that attacked me. It sounds like he spun her quite the story about what happened. Made you out to be a rapist as well as a would-be killer.”

  Michael chips in before I can ask her anythin’ about that. “Yeah, that might be another problem, mate. It was pretty clear last night that Rob is thick in with Daniel and Bryn. I was ready to take Bryn on straight out of the gate. I would have if it hadn’t been for Becca calming me down. Just her hand on my arm, mate and it took some of the fight out of me, whether I liked it or not. Good job too. I’d have lost. No way I could’ve taken all three of them on my own.”

  “Sounds like you’re becomin’ quite the wolf darlin’.” I’m so proud of ma wee lass, all that power she can channel. She’s an alpha too, not sure she knows it yet, though, judgin’ by the way she’s stickin’ close tae me.

  “Come on you two. I think you’ve both got some more talking to do.” I raise an eyebrow at Michael ‘cause there was a healthy amount o’ sarcasm on the word ‘talking’. “Becca stayed with us last night. I’ll give you both a lift back to hers.”

  I’ll no’ argue the opportunity that’s bein’ presented tae me. Becca gets her gear together and I pick up ma bag from the spot on the floor where I dropped it when I came in. As Becca hugs Donna goodbye, Michael and I wander over tae the car.

  “It’s not that I’m trying to kick you out, mate; but me and Donna, we could do with some time together too if you catch my drift.”

  “Aye lad, o’ course. You workin’ tomorrow?”

  “Yeah. Two ‘til midnight.”

  “I’ll see you in the mornin’ then.”

  “Yeah right, mate, if you can even walk, never mind if you can drag yourself away from her.”

  “I guess you’ll see me when you see me then.”

  Becca automatically heads for the back seat when Michael unlocks the car. I take the front passenger seat since I’ve no’ intention o’ puttin’ a show on for my friend. The way I feel right now, I doona think I’d wait tae get my hands on the lass if there wasn’t half the car between us. I need tae tell her what else I found out in Belfast. I need tae make her understand how important she is tae me now. I’ll no’ be lettin’ ma wee pale wolf go.

  Chapter Twenty Three

  I’m amazed that I’m not blushing from Michael and Donna’s complete lack of subtlety. They might as well have just said that they were kicking Callum out for the night because they thought it was high time that he bent me over the sofa. The reason that I’m not blushing is that I’m in complete agreement with them.

  It took me a while to recover myself after happenings of the night before. I was exhausted from the adrenaline and fear as much as from fending off the attack itself. I was shaken to the core by the feeling of not having a safe place in the pack. I’m not discounting Donna and Michael by any means, but wolves are pack animals we are strong because we’re a collective and I couldn’t feel all of that last night. The shared astonishment at Bryn, the dissention following Daniel’s lack of leadership and the fact that my Alpha, that Callum, wasn’t there, had the effect of pulling the earth from under my feet. I didn’t feel like myself again until I saw Callum, until I could wrap my arms around his solid body and breathe him in.

  Michael drops us off with a knowing smile which I refuse to acknowledge, purely because I’m not going to give him the satisfaction. Even though Callum is with me, I automatically check the street, looking out for Bryn staking out my flat. When we get inside I lock the door behind us and double check it.

  “Last night left you that shaken lass?” Callum asks once we’re inside the main room. I drop my bag next to his where it lies by the sofa.

  “Yes and no. Bryn was following me the other night when I had some errands to run. He kept buzzing the intercom without speaking when I was home.”

  The anger on Callum’s face isn’t pleasant to see.

  “Look, I’m sorry I didn’t mention it before. It’s been the least worst thing he’s done, though, so...” I finish with a shrug.
>
  I go into the kitchen to do, I don’t know what, fill the kettle maybe. It’s sort of a reflex when I don’t now what else to do. I think I’m in trouble for not mentioning my new stalker earlier.

  Two arms come from behind me and take the kettle out of my hands and set it back on the counter before they wrap around me, turning me as they do. Then Callum’s holding me close again and stroking my hair. I tentatively wrap my arms around his waist. I’m not sure how angry he is with me.

  “Lass, doona be feared o’ me. Please. It’s not you I’m mad at. Well, no’ much. You shouldnae have kept so much from me.”