Behind the Lens (Boys of Fallout Book 2)

by Cassandra Giovanni

  “You looked a bit panicked for a moment there,” Brent says as he pops the collar of his pea coat, and sinks his chin into it.

  “Not sure if it was my mom or dad’s idea–but I’ve got a Christmas surprise waiting in there that I’m not too thrilled about,” I reply, figuring he’ll find out soon enough.

  Kie rings the doorbell, and Brent leans closer to me. “And what’s that?”

  Mom opens the door, and warm air bellows out at us. I look over her shoulder and see Luke standing next to Dad in the kitchen. His eyes meet mine, and I run my tongue over the inside of my cheek.

  “My ex,” I answer, looking into the kitchen as Brent slips my jacket off for me. His hands linger on my shoulders as he looks passed the guys introducing themselves to Mom and to where Luke stands. Luke’s eyes lock on mine as Brent’s fingers slip over my arms, my body trembling at his touch. I look up at him, biting my lip. “Thanks.”

  Brent hangs my jacket up before slipping his own off silently.

  “And who do we have hanging behind?” Mom asks as the others make their way to the kitchen.

  “Mom, this is Brent–Brent this is my Mom, Judy,” I reply.

  Brent holds his hand out. “Nice to meet you.”

  Mom looks between us, and her jaw goes slack for a moment before she swallows. “Very nice to meet you, Brent. Why don’t you go on in, and I can catch up with my daughter?”

  Brent moves passed us, looking over his shoulder and smirking with a raised eyebrow before going to greet Luke. My vision tunnels on them, and I don’t even hear Mom talking as I watch Brent’s killer smile light his face as he nods at something Luke says.

  “Earth to Nat,” Mom says, moving her head into my frame of view.

  I rub my forehead. “Sorry, you were explaining why the hell you invited Luke?”

  She blinks at me a few times, before reaching out for my shoulders. “If you’d told me you were dating one of the band members I wouldn’t have done it!”

  My head jerks back. “What?”

  “You’re dating Brent, aren’t you?”

  The breath leaves my lungs in a whoosh as my fingernail goes into the corner of my mouth. “No.”

  “Well, you could’ve at least told me you had feelings for one of the band members!”

  I blink at her a few times as my head begins to pound. My eyes drift from her shaking her head to Brent. He sees me glance at him, and gives me a smile that starts my heart back up. The air squeezes in my lungs.

  “Uhhh…” I begin.

  Mom links her arm in mine as she kisses my forehead. “I can’t blame you…that smile could kill, and that body!”

  “Mom!” I reply, and I know my face is turning red.

  Brent glances at me again, mouthing the words You okay?

  I nod as I turn my face into Mom’s arm. “Shut up!”

  “You do like him then!” she says as we walk down the hall.

  “Yeah, I guess I do,” I reply.

  “I think he likes you too,” she says as we enter the room. It smells amazing, and I find myself taking a deep breath.

  “Nat!” Dad calls, coming forward and pulling me into a hug. “Your mom finally has the right amount of people for the massive amount of food she makes!”

  “Thanks again for inviting us all,” Brent says as I pry my way out of Dad’s arms.

  “Of course!” Mom replies, shooting him a smile that embarrasses the crap out of me.

  God, this is awkward.

  Luke’s eyes meet mine, and my body numbs. My stomach rolls and I feel sick as I glance at Brent and him. Brent’s hands are in his skinny jean butt pockets and as he tilts on his heels his shirt lifts, showing the outline of his hips. My face flushes, and I look at the ceiling as I try to keep from staring at him. Somehow I manage to tell my feet to move until I’m standing in front of Luke and Brent.

  “Hey,” I say, giving Luke a half smile.

  The smile he returns is weak, and I suddenly realize how obvious my attraction to Brent is.

  “It’s been a while,” Luke replies, looking down at his drink.

  “I didn’t realize you’d be here,” I say, crossing my arms and rubbing them as my hair stands up.

  “Are you cold?” Brent asks. “I can go get your sweatshirt from the bus?”

  I nod over my shoulder down the hall. “Actually, there’s one I wanted to pick up that I left.”

  Luke’s smile twitches. “Go ahead.”

  “I’ll be right back,” I say, slipping away. I feel bad for leaving Brent there with Luke, but I need an excuse to get away from the situation–luckily, my body provided one.

  I open the door to my bedroom and stand frozen as my eyes race over my perfectly made bed–the same way I left it. I walk forward and sit on it, putting my head in my hands. Luke is out there, but all I can think about is Brent.

  Brent. Brent. Brent.

  How awkward is this for him if he has feelings for me too? I squeeze my eyes shut as my hand tightens around the back of my neck. He’s acting so cool about this whole thing.

  A knock comes at the door.

  “Hey,” Brent says, cocking his head at me. “Can I come in?”

  I nod, and he comes in, shutting the door behind him. “Sorry, I just needed a moment.”

  Brent sits down next to me, stretching his arms in front of him before looking over at me. His eyes soften as he asks, “So do you still have feelings for him?”

  “I guess my mom assumed it would be a good way to bring us back together. It just feels so awkward.” Brent nods, and I smile at him as my heart jams in my throat. He looks like he cares. “But to answer your question–no.”

  I look at the ceiling before flopping back on my bed. “I never really get attached to anyone.”

  “It’s hard with being on the road so much,” Brent says, looking down at me.

  “Weren’t you in a relationship a long time?”

  Brent lets himself flop down beside me, and we turn to face each other.

  “Yeah, but it’s hard to be close to someone and stay close to them…especially when they don’t understand,” he says, and his eyes fade before coming back and staring through me until I can feel every beat of my heart. “My ex didn’t get my passion for music…and I don’t think I ever really opened up to her about anything. She never knew I could sing.”

  “How many people know besides me?” I ask.

  “My parents,” he replies, sucking in his lip as he plays with a string sticking out from the comforter. “I trust you, Nat.”

  I stand, going to my bookcase and running my fingers over each of the exteriors of the journals. My hand stops in the area where the missing journal should be. “Jace tainted my music…for a long time it was hard for me to write…especially lately.” I pull out the book from the last tour and hand it to Brent. “I couldn’t even get half-way through it. I just kept hearing his voice over and over. I couldn’t get him out of my head.”

  Brent opens the book and flips through the few pages that are filled. “These lyrics are…”

  “Angry?”

  Brent nods, his eyes meeting mine. “Why now, though? I mean you’ve been broken up for two years haven’t you?”

  I swallow. “Yeah, but it’s been hard for me to get jobs lately, and all I could keep thinking was Jace made good on his promise to destroy me…and then I started thinking maybe I just stopped being good at my job. What would I do if I didn’t do this? I don’t know how to do anything else.”

  Brent shuts the journal and places it back on the shelf before coming to lean down in front of me, taking my hands in his. “You’re just as fucking amazing as you’ve always been, Nat. Don’t doubt yourself. There’s a reason James hired you, and I for one, am thrilled that he did.”

  “I already filled the journal I brought for the tour,” I reply, letting my fingers intertwine with his.

  “So I guess the musician’s block is gone?”

  I look down at our fingers before letting my gaze m
eet his again. “Because of you.”

  “What did I do?”

  “Now I hear you when I write.”

  Brent sucks in a deep breath, and his eyes fall from mine. His hand goes to his hair as he stands, shaking his head, and my empty hands go to the edge of my bed. My knuckles go white as I squeeze the cotton between my hands.

  I said too much. He doesn’t feel the same.

  He turns to the shelf and stares at the countless journals, pages within pressed with my words and tears before pulling me into his arms. His breath washes over my neck as he whispers, “Thank you.”

  “For what?” I ask, looking up into his face.

  He cups my cheek, but the door creaks, and we jump away from each other. I yank my closet door open as Luke walks in.

  “Hey, just checking in?” Luke says as I yank the sweatshirt off the hook and slip into it.

  “I couldn’t find it,” I reply, shutting the closet door as I push my thumbs through the holes and then tie the drawstring on the front.

  “And you know her description of plum sweatshirt that looks like a sweater but isn’t, wasn’t very helpful,” Brent says as he pushes passed Luke and out the door. “I wouldn’t have guessed that was it!”

  Luke looks between me and the place where Brent just was. “So…”

  “So…” I repeat, and I can feel my nails biting into my palms as I wait for an angry outburst.

  “You guys make a cute couple,” Luke finally replies, and my head shoots up to look at him. He’s pale, and I can tell he doesn’t like the thought from the way his eyes meet mine and fall immediately.

  “We’re just really close,” I reply as he moves to the bed and sits down.

  “You should stop doing that,” he replies, and his jaw clenches.

  “Doing what?” I ask.

  He looks up at me again, his hands in fists in his lap. “Pushing away people who care about you. If anyone can get what you go through, it’s one of these guys.”

  “It’s not that easy,” I begin.

  Luke shakes his head. “Things worth having aren’t easy–that’s why I came tonight.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “Nat, I get it. This–” he points between us. “Wasn’t meant to be, but if you care about that guy…you shouldn’t push him away just to hope he’ll push back. Trust me; you’ll regret it if you do.”

  My head jerks back. “Why are you so cool with this?”

  “Because I care about you, and I can tell when you look at that guy…” He pauses, looking down at his hands as he shakes his head. He looks back up at me before continuing, “I don’t like saying it–but you never looked at me like that, Nat.”

  I open my mouth to speak, but I can’t figure out what the hell to say. Luke stands, and his footsteps fill the awkward silence before he reaches out and squeezes my arm. He leaves me there with my mouth hanging open as I try to comprehend what just happened. I’m not sure I’m going to be able to wrap my head around it. Luckily, Mom calling me for dinner makes it so I don’t have to.

  Chapter 23

  Dinner isn’t as awkward as I think it’s going to be since the guys have plenty of things to talk about with my parents. I smile to myself as we move into the living room. I can tell the band is growing on my parents, and for the first time, I think Mom may approve of my career — or at least this band. I sit between Brent and Luke on the couch, and I can’t help the natural lean of my body towards Brent as I talk to the two of them. Luke seems a little bit more comfortable with the situation, joking around with Brent about music. It seems he’s read up on some of the bands I typically tour with. It makes my chest tighten because I realize what an effort he’s been making without me even knowing it– all for tonight to find out I’ve moved on. Luke looks down at his watch and then stands, stretching.

  “I should get going. I have to wake up early to get to my parent’s house,” he says, giving me a somber smile.

  “I’ll walk you out,” I say, standing and handing my mug of eggnog to Brent. “Don’t you dare drink the rest of that.”

  Brent’s lip twitches as he tries to contain his smirk. “Of course not!”

  I roll my eyes as I watch Mom hug Luke before Dad shakes his hand. My stomach sinks, this will probably be the last time I’ll see him. He’s a genuinely good guy, but he isn’t for me. We walk down the hallway in silence, and I press my hands against my thighs as he grabs his jacket and slips it on, pulling the hood over his head.

  “Thanks for coming,” I say, leaning up and kissing him on the cheek. “It was good to see you.”

  Luke closes his eyes for a moment as he breathes in. “It was good to see you, too.”

  “Listen, I know this didn’t turn out the way you wanted it to.”

  Luke shakes his head. “Just don’t push him away, okay?”

  I put my hands in my sweatshirt pockets as I nod. “I’ll do my best.”

  Luke reaches out, stroking my cheek with his fingers. “You deserve to be happy, Nat. You just have to let him in a little bit more.”

  I close my eyes for a moment before letting them find his. “Thank you, Luke.”

  He drops his hand. “Have a good life.”

  “You can always reach out to me on Facebook or Twitter, or whatever. Don’t be a stranger,” I reply, cocking my head at him.

  “Alright,” he replies, but I can tell by his sad eyes that it’s not going to happen.

  I watch him walk to his car before shutting the door and leaning the back of my head against it to stare at the ceiling.

  Just let him in a little bit more.

  Brent is already closer to me than any of my boyfriends ever were. My head drops, and I can see Brent standing just at the end of the hallway talking to Dad. He nods to what Dad is saying, but his eyes are on me. He raises his eyebrows, and I shrug as I walk back to him.

  “Eggnog?” I say, holding my hand out for my cup. Brent scratches the scruff on his chin as he looks away from me.

  “I can’t help you with this one,” Dad replies, clapping him on the shoulder. “I know better than to steal Nat’s eggnog.”

  “You drank it?” I say, narrowing my eyes at him.

  “Maybe…or maybe Kie did,” Brent replies, nodding over his shoulder. “Really, it could’ve been any of us. None of us know boundaries when it comes to food.”

  “You ass!” I scream before jumping on his back. “That was the last of it!”

  “Holy Shi–” Brent begins, but I cover his mouth before he can get the swear all the way out.

  “Not in front of the old people!” I manage to say through fits of laughter. Brent licks my hand, and I squeal, jumping down. “Gross!”

  I use my legs to knock out his knees, and he falls to them.

  “That’s not fair!” he says as he stares up at me. “You know Krav Maga! All I have is my tongue for defense!”

  “You shouldn’t have messed with my eggnog!”

  Brent’s hand slips up my thigh, and my whole body heats with his touch, derailing my thought pattern of what I was going to do next. He takes advantage of catching me off guard and pulls my body to the front of him. He locks me there, barring my movements with his strong arms before licking my face from chin up to eyebrows.

  “You’re disgusting!” I try to pull away despite the fact I’m enjoying his body being pressed against mine.

  “Behave you two!” James calls from the living room, and in an instant, I’m aware of the fact Brent is on his knees, and my legs are wrapped around his waist as his arms bar me from moving.

  Our laughter stops at the same moment, and Brent gently lets me to the ground before standing and giving me a hand up.

  “Ummm…” Brent says as he runs his tongue over the inside of his cheek.

  I straighten my shirt. “So about sleeping arrangements…”

  “There’s your bed, and the futon in there,” Mom says, pointing her finger at me. “Door stays open.”

  “A bed?” James asks.

 
; “Futon,” I correct. “You stay away from my bed!”

  The guys look at each other before racing towards my bedroom door.

  “Wow!” Mom says with eyes wide.

  “We tend to miss real beds when we’re on tour,” Brent replies as his shoulders lift causing his biceps to flex. My mind flashes to how they felt wrapped around me, and I shake the thought from my mind. “Thanks for having us. The holidays can be rough–we have each other, but it’s nice to have a real meal…”

  I cross my arms and stare him down. “Hey! I cooked for you on Thanksgiving!”

  “Which was amazing, but sleeping in a real bed?”

  “Speaking of which, we should probably go make sure they aren’t killing each other,” I reply, nodding over my shoulder to where the muffled sounds of fighting are coming from. I give Mom and Dad a kiss before following Brent to my bedroom. “This could be awkward.”

  Brent stops in the doorway. “Really awkward.”

  I glance over his shoulder to see Kie, Aiden, and Brad cuddling on the futon.

  “Wow,” I say, my eyes wandering from the bizarre scene on the futon to the only normal one, James, sitting on my bed with the remote control.

  “I get to pick the movie since I’m getting the floor,” James replies as he flicks through the channels and stops on Charlie Brown. The guys groan.

  “Floor it is,” Brent says, and his shoulders fall as he glances at the futon and then the bed.

  “You two can sleep in my bed,” I reply, “But I get the inside.”

  Brent stiffens next to me.

  “Brent you get the middle, seeing you’re the single one and have no one to piss off,” James says as he lays back.

  I’m afraid Brent will refuse, and then Brent and James will both get the bum end of the deal, but instead he dives forward, wrapping his arms around James.

  “Will your girlfriend have an issue with this?” he says, nuzzling his nose against James’ chin.

  I burst out laughing before slipping in beside them. It’s a tight fit on my full-size bed, but I don’t mind the fact I’m so close to Brent. Soon I hear the snores of most of the band mates. I turn to face Brent and see his eyes are still open. He’s slipped off his button up shirt and is only in his black undershirt with his hands propping his head up, so he isn’t touching James or me. James is out cold, his mouth hanging open with drool dripping down his chin to his shirt.