Behind the Lens (Boys of Fallout Book 2)

by Cassandra Giovanni

  “Still awake?” I ask, and my chest tightens.

  Brent’s eyes lower to me, and he nods before pulling his arms in and turning to face me. “Believe it or not, this isn’t the first time we’ve had to sleep on top of each other.”

  “Still better than the bunk beds?” I ask, my eyes searching his face.

  His lips tip up as he nods. “So what did you ask Santa for?”

  I give a light laugh, shaking my head. “I don’t need anything.”

  I sit up and scoot down to the end of the bed, reaching under it and pulling out a package. I move back next to Brent and hand the Christmas gift bag to him. His head jerks back.

  “For me?” he asks, forehead wrinkling as he looks down at it.

  “I have something else for you and all the guys tomorrow, but this is personal,” I reply, biting my lip. I nod at the package. “Open it?”

  He swallows as he reaches in and pulls out my lyric journal that I started at the beginning of the tour.

  “Why?” he asks, his voice a whisper as his eyes rise to mine.

  “I want you to have it. I have copies of all of the songs, but I want you to make them into something beautiful. I don’t want–” I swallow, exhaling through my nose before continuing, “I don’t want you to forget how beautiful your voice is — don’t wreck it.”

  Brent’s hand starts to move to my face, but instead, he lets it fall over my hand as he closes his eyes for a moment before replying, “I promise, I won’t.”

  “Good,” I whisper as his eyes meet mine, moving back and forth over them. “I don’t want to have to imagine it for the rest of my life.”

  Brent shakes his head before moving off the bed and tucking the journal into his backpack. He slides back in next to me, and we lay down facing one another.

  “Is there something you asked Santa for?” I ask, smiling at him.

  “Santa can’t give me what I want,” he replies, eyes locked on me.

  “And what’s that?”

  “Mhmm…” His eyes drift over me again. “I can’t tell you; then it won’t come true.”

  “That’s only with birthday wishes!”

  Brent’s shoulders lift, and his lips curl softly at the edges. I fight the urge to trace them with my finger, closing my eyes for a moment. I open my eyes as Brent shifts. “You uncomfortable?”

  “Arm is falling asleep,” he says, and I sit up.

  “Lay down on your back,” I reply, and I can feel my heart threatening to break my ribs as I think about him being in my bed. James sucking in a deep breath brings me back to reality.

  “Why?” he asks, brow furrowing over his brown eyes.

  “Just do it!”

  He does as I say, looking up at me. “There’s not enough room for you now.”

  I lay down beside him and place my head on his chest. It rises beneath me as he inhales deeply. His hand settles on the curve of my waist, and I have to squeeze my eyes shut to keep myself from reacting in the same way.

  “Better?” I ask, breathless.

  “Screw Santa,” he replies, his chin resting on my head.

  “Merry Christmas, Brent,” I say.

  “Merry Christmas, Natalie.”

  His other hand finds mine on his chest, and he intertwines our fingers before kissing my head. I close my eyes as our chests rise, our breathing perfectly in time with one another and drift off.

  Chapter 24

  We spend the next two days at my parent’s house, and I take my time with my last real shower, relishing the pressure and continued warmth. When I get out the band is already packed up and ready to go, waiting in the living room. Mom squeezes my shoulder as I walk passed her in the kitchen and I stop, looking over at her. Her face is strained, deep lines forming around her mouth as she stares back at me and tries to force a smile to her lips.

  “Mom, it’s okay. I’ll be back in a few months, and I promise I’ll call more,” I say, and she pulls me into a hug.

  “That’s not it, Sweetie,” she replies, and her voice is choked.

  I look up at her and shake my head. “What’s going on?”

  She swallows, nodding over my shoulder to where the guys are sitting in the living room. “It’s not my place to say.”

  Brent’s leaning forward staring at his hands, and his shoulders are tense. His eyes rise to mine, and my stomach drops.

  They’re firing me.

  Jace.

  She squeezes my arms again, and I go into the living room. No one else looks as distraught as Brent, and my brow furrows as I sit down next to him. He stays leaning forward, and James smiles over at me. I hope he’s not this happy about firing me.

  “There’s been a slight change in plans,” James says, and he looks around at the guys who all seem pretty excited. Kie appears to be the most since I don’t think I’ve ever seen him smile this much.

  “Oh, really?” I ask, and James nods.

  “Fade Burn is dropping off the tour,” he replies, and my body tenses.

  No. Please, no.

  “Homesick?” I say, and my voice squeaks. Kie looks over at me with one eyebrow up.

  “They always planned on taking a break once we hit Mass, since this is where they’re from, but it’s a bit more extended than Sky originally anticipated. Luckily, we were able to get another big name band to join us,” James says, and my ears rush with white noise. I don’t hear the name, but I read it on his lips.

  Undertow.

  Brent’s gaze meets mine from the corner of his eyes. I lick my lips, nodding.

  “Cool,” I manage to choke out.

  “No,” Brent says, standing and cracking his neck. “There has to be someone else we can get.”

  “Huh?” James’ head jerks back. “Why?”

  “Anyone but Undertow,” he says, and his voice is hard as he puts his hands in his jean pockets.

  “You have a problem with them we don’t know about?” Kie asks, blinking at him.

  Brent puts his hands up. “I get you’re buddy-buddy with Jace, but he can’t be trusted.”

  The room spins, and I press my eyes shut as I push my hands against my thighs. It doesn’t help. I feel like I’m going to puke. If Undertow is on this tour, then I’m going to have to see Jace.

  Somehow I manage to ground myself. “It’s fine, Brent.”

  He turns to me, and his brows shadow his eyes. “Nat.”

  “Okay, someone needs to fill me in on what’s going on here,” James says as he looks at Brent and me.

  I swallow, taking a shaky breath before replying, “Jace Smith and I don’t exactly get along.”

  “Oh,” James says, and his shoulders slump. “Sky did say she tried really hard to find another band, but the label thought Undertow was the best fit.”

  “It’s nothing to worry about,” I reply, and my chest rises as I force a smile to my lips. “We should probably get on the road, though. I assume Undertow will be meeting us after Cleveland since that’s just you guys playing?”

  James nods, but his eyebrows are knit together in concern.

  “Let’s hit the road then?” I say before standing and going to say bye to Mom and Dad.

  Once we’re on the tour bus, I suggest we watch the Big Bang Theory season I got Brad for Christmas. It keeps us busy and means Brent doesn’t have time to try to talk to me. I don’t want to think about the fact there’s no way for me to avoid seeing Jace now, let alone discuss it. I’m just happy I have a few more days where I don’t have to deal with him. When we get to the venue, the guys do sound check while I set my camera up, and then we go back to the bus where a magazine representative is waiting to interview the band. Brent looks over at me with those puppy-dog eyes, and I feel sorry for not letting him in, but right now I don’t want to let anyone in, even him. I change into workout clothes and then call a car to bring me to a local gym. At least I have some time alone to burn off some of the anger and fear boiling in my system. The guys are gone when I get back to the tour bus. They have a private
VIP acoustic session set up before the night’s concert, which I assume they’re getting set up for. I make my way back to my bunk to get a change of clothes and find an envelope sitting on my pillow. I open it to find a card with velvet penguins on the front of it. I smile as I run my fingers over them and then look at the note inside.

  Meet me in the VIP lounge of the House of Blues at 5:00 and bring my guitar with you (please.)

  –Always, Brent

  It’s 4:30, and I’m not going to have time to take a shower and get inside. I heave a sigh and pull out a fresh set of clothes. I’m going to be nasty again after the concert, so it’s no big loss as long as no one comes too close to me. I freshen up the best I can, slip my camera strap over my neck and then grab Brent’s guitar case from his bed before heading over to the venue. I haven’t heard Brent scream since he messed up his vocal cords, and I’m afraid for him. I close my eyes before opening the door and slipping into the room. I navigate my way passed the audience whispering as they stare at the band in the front of the room sitting on stools. Aiden has his guitar, and Brent and James sit in the middle. Brad and Kie look awkward with no instruments off to the left. I watch as Brent taps his black converse’s against the chair as he stares at his hands in his lap. His eyes rise as I reach him, and a smile spreads across his face. I bite my lip as my insides flutter.

  “Hey,” he says, standing and taking the case from me. “You made it.”

  “You were waiting for me?” I ask, and I can’t help the breathlessness of my voice.

  Brent nods. “I’m opening the VIP session, and I couldn’t do it without my guitar.”

  I look over at James, who shrugs. “Acoustic screaming session. This should be interesting.”

  My eyes lock on Brent as he sits back down, cracking his knuckles before taking the guitar pick out of his mouth. He closes his eyes, his chest rising as he breathes in through his nose. My hands naturally reach for my camera.

  “No,” Brent says, shaking his head without looking up at me. “Don’t be a photographer for a minute.”

  He breathes in deeply before his eyes finally meet mine, and I nod as I step back and sit on the only stool left at the front.

  Brent’s chest rises, but the air doesn’t come out, and I realize how mortified he is as his eyes race back and forth over my face. I mouth the words, Smile, and he closes his eyes before doing exactly that as he exhales. He looks down at the guitar and begins to pluck the chords, his feet tapping to the beat before he begins to strum. I watch as his shoulders tense as he opens his mouth and starts to sing.

  I’m staring at the sun

  Wishing for the moon

  Waiting for the days to slip on through

  Waiting for the moment, I find my way back to you

  Each of the guys slowly turn to face him, and their expressions are blank as they stare at him. He continues to look at the floor; his eyes half closed as he concentrates on the song and the guitar. He breathes in as he nods to the beat and his eyes rise to meet mine. I swallow as I feel the tears welling in my eyes.

  I let my fingers touch the edge of the stars

  I fall under their spell, dreaming of you

  I wonder now, is this the edge of oblivion?

  I let my fingertips trace the edge as my hopes and dreams collide–

  Concede to the empty depths of the sky

  Can’t you see, darling?

  I’m staring at the sun…

  Wishing for the moon

  Waiting for the days to slip on through

  Waiting for the moment, I find my way back to you

  I’m not breathing, but it doesn’t matter. I don’t need to. He chose one of my unfinished songs. It’s one that I could never figure out the ending to. That was all I wrote, and I know whatever comes next is entirely his. He looks down again, plucking the strings before he sings again.

  I give into the sky

  Close my eyes against the shadows of the dark

  Miles of stars…

  of darkness…

  Are nothing.

  When your voice speaks to my soul.

  He begins to strum again, eyes back on mine.

  I’m staring at the sun…

  Wishing for the moon

  So I can dream of you

  So I can tell you the things I don’t have the strength to say

  My hopes…my dreams.

  They concede to the depths of this sky

  They’re you…

  You…

  He strums the strings, and the power of them slowly fades until there’s nothing but silence. His arms rest on the top of the guitar as he watches my reaction.

  “Merry Christmas, Nat,” he says.

  I open my mouth, but nothing comes out. I stand, each step painfully slow as I close the space that separates us. Brent stands, placing the guitar down and I wrap my arms around him as I close my eyes and tangle my hands in his hair.

  “Thank you,” I say as I go up on my toes, so my lips are against his ear.

  His is voice barely audible as he moves my hair down the back of my neck to whisper against my bare skin, “Is it the way you imagined it?”

  I nod, refusing to let go of him.

  “I’m glad,” he says, and I can feel the smile on his lips as they graze my ear, sending electric shocks through my body.

  Kie coughs, and I finally open my eyes. The room around me spins, and I realize there’s a crap ton of girls behind us that probably want to kill me and they came to see a VIP session, not whatever this is.

  I pull away from Brent, and my hands slip down to his shoulders. His hands run over the skin of my arms, and I can’t help the way my chest fills with air.

  “We’ll talk later, okay?” he asks as he moves my bangs out of my eyes.

  I nod, feeling my face heat as I think about the fact I need to turn back around to find my seat. I concentrate on the stool, ignoring everything around me before turning and sitting. I pull my camera strap over my shoulder and pop off the lens cap.

  “You could’ve told me you know how to sing,” James says to Brent just loud enough for me to hear.

  “You never asked,” Brent replies as he smiles at the crowd before sitting down and clapping his hands together. “We’ll take some questions now.”

  Chapter 25

  The guys have already done their soundcheck, and I stand on the stage, absorbing the quiet that will disappear in mere hours. I drop my head back, closing my eyes and let the few lights that are on soak into my skin before looking down at my camera and flipping through its settings. I adjust for the poor lighting and begin to snap test shots. After looking at the preview of the picture I change the ISO and increase my shutter speed, so my exposure won’t be affected as much by the light. The shots will be grainer, but I can adjust that later if need be.

  “So I see you didn’t learn your lesson.”

  I freeze as I stare down at the camera and the hair on my neck stands up. I don’t want to look up.

  “Jace,” I reply, and I watch his shadow on the ground I’m staring at.

  “I figured you would’ve quit after what happened with us, but…” he says, stepping forward out of the light and nodding to me. “Here we are, and you’re doing photography for my label.”

  I finally look up, cocking my head at him. “Yeah, it’s your label.”

  “You haven’t changed one bit, have you, Natalie?” he asks as he stops in front of me.

  “What was I supposed to change?” I reply.

  He towers over me with those menacing green eyes, and my jaw clenches as I take him on for the first time in three years. His face has aged; the corners of his eyes are now wrinkled, but it only adds to his appeal. My heart doesn’t flutter the way it used to, though. It seems to have stopped beating altogether.

  He runs a hand through his hair, and a sick smile comes to his face. “You’re still a musician whore.”

  I step back, my mouth dropping open before I gain my voice and say, “Let me remind y
ou, you’re the one that cheated on me!”

  My blood pulses in my ears as I watch his thin lips press into a line. He crosses his now fully tattooed arms, and one eyebrow goes up.

  “Maybe you should’ve stayed then,” he replies.

  I fight the shaking of my body as I stare at him. A metallic taste fills my mouth.

  “I couldn’t!” I say, my voice trembling. “You know that! This is my career. This is my life!”

  Jace’s nostrils flare as he steps forward. “So how many members of Makeshift Chemistry have you fucked?”

  I try to step away from him, but with each move back, he moves forward. Movement from the front of the venue catches my eye, and I see Brent and James walking down the aisle.

  “Can’t answer me, whore?” Jace says as he leans down over me.

  “None!” I scream in his face and something in my brain clicks. I push him back. “I made that mistake with you!”

  “You were supposed to love me!” Jace says, grabbing my wrists and pulling me into his chest.

  “You never loved me!” I reply as my body trembles. Krav Maga, Nat! You know it! But my body won’t work.

  “How could anyone love you?” Jace chuckles as he pulls me up, so my face is inches from his. “You only love one thing, your God damned pictures.”

  “Let her go!” Brent yells as he somehow manages to jump up onto the stage. Jace drops me just as Brent’s fist connects with his face and I fly backward, skidding onto my ass.

  “Brent!” I say as I scramble forward, standing and grabbing his arm. “Stop! He’s not worth it.”

  “I…” Brent’s voice drifts off as his chest heaves, his eyes moving between Jace and I. “Alright.”

  James goes to help Jace, who is grinning despite his growing black eye and dripping nose. “I guess I figured out who you’re fucking.”

  My body goes numb as my eyes water, my hand dropping from Brent.

  “Do you want to die?” James asks Jace before shoving him back into the drums.