Behind the Lens (Boys of Fallout Book 2)

by Cassandra Giovanni

  “So more than one?” Jace says as Brent grabs James’ arm to prevent him from hitting Jace.

  I don’t want to know what happens next and take off running in the direction I know the tour bus is. I rush up the steps with tears rushing down my face.

  “Natalie?” Kie asks, seeing my face as I rush passed him and Brad. I don’t respond as I go into the bathroom, slamming the door, before sinking to the ground. A knock comes on the door. “Nat?”

  “I’m fine, Kie,” I reply.

  “No, you’re not,” he answers. “What happened?”

  “Nothing.”

  “I know you hate me, Nat.”

  I stand, throwing the door open and his eyes widen as he looks at me.

  “I don’t,” I pause, my chest heaving. “I don’t hate you. I hate what I see in you. I hate I see Jace Smith in you.”

  “Jace Smith?” he asks, his eyes racing over my face.

  My lip trembles. “Yeah, I’m that photographer he fucked.”

  Kie’s mouth drops open.

  “So you’ve heard his stories,” I say, and my throat is thick.

  “I…” his voice trails off, and his eyes drop to the floor.

  “You’re friends with him,” I say, and his hand goes to the back of his neck.

  He looks up, shaking his head. “I never knew it was you.”

  “Be careful what you believe.”

  He swallows as he shakes his head. “I know you, Nat. I know what he said isn’t true.”

  “Imagine how many people would believe me if I tried to stand up to him,” I say, and a fresh set of tears comes over me.

  I hear the door open again, and I know it’s Brent and James.

  Kie looks over his shoulder. “Dude, what happened to your fist?”

  Brent pushes passed Kie and pulls me into his arms.

  “I’m sorry I lost my temper…but when I saw him pushing you around — something just snapped,” Brent says, holding my head to his shoulder as he whispers in my ear.

  I nod, letting a sob roll over my body. Brent holds me until they subside and then pulls away, letting his hands come up to my face and wipe away the tear stains. James coughs, and I look over to see the rest of the band has gathered at the kitchen table.

  “We should talk about what just happened,” James says, rubbing an eyebrow. “If you’re okay.”

  “Yeah, I should explain,” I reply and my voice is hoarse.

  Brent goes to his drawer and opens it to pull out the journal. He looks up at me, and I swallow before nodding. He weaves his fingers in mine, and we go and sit down with the group. Brent places the journal on the table, opening it to the last page and then pushes it towards James.

  “This will help,” Brent says. James’ eyes wander over the page, and his brow wrinkles as he shakes his head. “That’s Nat’s lyric journal.”

  James looks up at me. “These are your lyrics?”

  I take a deep breath, licking my lips. “Yeah…my second tour was with Undertow. I’ve been writing songs since I can remember — I’ve always loved music. I was…stupid. I fell for one of the band members.”

  “Jace,” James says.

  “Yeah. I’m sure you figured out it didn’t end well. Jace knew about the journals I kept, and when we broke up, he kept the one from when I toured with the band. He stole the lyrics and changed the title.”

  “A monster wrote it,” Brent says, his voice almost inaudible, and I look over at him.

  “That’s his point,” I reply and Brent’s lips part as he shakes his head.

  “Now I get what he said,” James says, looking down at his hands. He shuts the journal and pushes it back to Brent. “If I’d known…”

  “I knew when I signed the contract that I might run into Jace. As long as he has that journal he can hold it over my head,” I reply, and Aiden rubs my shoulder.

  “We’ll figure out a way to get the journal back,” Aiden says when I look over at him. His jaw is set, and his lips press into a firm line.

  “Definitely,” Kie adds, and I can’t help the way my head jerks back.

  “You’re friends with him,” I reply.

  Kie’s lips purse. “Who needs friends like that? You don’t steal another musician’s shit.”

  “I’m hardly a musician.”

  “He stole something that wasn’t his,” Kie replies and his hands are fists on the table. “Same difference.”

  “We’re all in agreement?” James asks, looking around the table at each of the band member’s nodding. “We need to stay on good terms the best we can with Undertow. It’s not the whole band — it’s just Jace we have an issue with. But we need him to think we just think him and Nat have a past. Otherwise, we’ll never get close enough to get that journal. Once we get the journal, we’ll figure out what to do next.”

  “That could cause a lot of issues for the band,” I say, shaking my head.

  Brent’s lips twitch. “I think Jace would have a lot more problems if the record label knew he’d stolen the songs.”

  “There’s no way to prove that–” I begin.

  “Really?” Brent asks, his tongue pressing into the corner of his cheek. “I think you know every song in that journal by heart. You could tell them every lyric to whatever song he’s pinning against you just by them telling you the title, or two words from it. Us taking that journal back will be the best thing that happens to Jace Smith because I’m not against blackmailing his ass into the ground, so he’s never able to sing again. I just know you’d never do it, and it’d hurt you more if I did that.”

  My eyes widen.

  “I can’t speak for the rest of the guys, but that’s what I’m willing to do,” Brent replies, and his eyes move to James.

  James nods. “We’ll figure out a way before he can do anything else.”

  Chapter 26

  I sit between Brent and Aiden as we watch a movie. I’m nodding off, trying not to lean my head on Brent’s shoulder when my cell phone beeps in my pocket. I sit up and pull it out, glad for something to wake me up. As I stare at the screen my eyes blur. My breathing comes in short, shallow clips as my body begins to tremble. The phone beeps again, and I jump before standing and stumbling out of the room. I can barely comprehend the text messages, let alone the fact the guys are calling my name. I stumble down the steps as I gasp for air.

  I need fresh air.

  The guys said they’d help me before Jace could do anything. They’re too late.

  The frigid air of Missouri slams into me, and I pull the hood to my sweatshirt up as I bend over, my hands on my knees as the cell phone tumbles out of my hand onto the ground. It lands face up, the text messages taunting me as my stomach rolls.

  UNKNOWN NUMBER – Hey, Natalie. It’s Hayden. Jace is going to use one of your songs again.

  UNKNOWN NUMBER – I just needed to warn you before you heard it.

  The phone beeps again, and I swallow the bile as I look at it between my knees.

  UNKNOWN NUMBER – Maybe you just shouldn’t listen to the demo.

  The breath sticks in my throat, and I can’t suck it in. What did Jace do to my song, and which one is it? And how would I have access to the demo?

  “Natalie?” Brent’s voice knocks into my skull, and he pulls me into his arms. My whole body shakes against Brent as I bury my head in his shoulder.

  Not again. My mind races with the panic of what Jace has done that made Hayden feel the need to text me. He’s going against Jace, not something anyone often did; Hayden even less. Hayden is his brother.

  “Nat?” Brent whispers into my ear as he runs his fingers through my hair and then tilts my face up. “What happened?”

  I swallow as I try to breathe. The air just won’t go down.

  “Nat,” Brent says as his eyes race over my face. “Breathe. I promise I’ll fix this–whatever it is.”

  I pull my lips into my mouth, pressing them hard against one another as I look up at the sky. “I don’t think you can fix how horr
ible Jace Smith is.”

  I feel Brent’s body tense, and his voice lowers as he asks, “What did Jace do?”

  The shaky breath I take finally makes it to my lungs, and my eyes pop with fireworks as the sickening realization sinks into my body, making my limbs lead. “Jace is doing it again. He’s stealing one of my songs, but Hayden seems to think it’s going to affect me more this time.”

  “More than this?”

  I nod, and he runs his thumbs over my cheeks. I squeeze my eyes shut, concentrating on the warmth of his hands before leaning down and picking up the cell phone to give it to him.

  “Hayden’s his brother right?” Brent asks as he looks at the texts.

  “Yeah, so you figure whatever Jace did, he probably destroyed whatever he knew the song meant to me.” My eyes blur again as I scoff. “He did know me pretty well.”

  “You were in love.”

  My eyes lock on his. “No. I was stupid.”

  Brent shakes his head, his hands tangling in my hair as he presses his forehead to mine.

  “No, you weren’t.”

  “How can you know?” I whisper as the tears threaten to overflow from the edges of my eyes again.

  Brent’s thumbs go to their corners, catching them before they can drop. “Because I know you, Nat.”

  “Thank you,” I say as I look up at him through my bangs. His lips are tempting me with their closeness, and every part of me begs for him to lean closer–to press them against mine.

  “Nat–” His voice trembles. I stop breathing, but not because of pain. This time it’s something completely different. My whole body tingles as he leans closer.

  “I–” he begins, and my phone vibrates, cutting him off and reminding me of the texts and why I don’t allow myself to feel anymore. Or why I keep telling myself to stop feeling.

  I close my eyes. “I have rules.”

  “I know,” Brent replies, his voice low. “That doesn’t change anything.”

  “How?” I reply, opening my eyes as my body numbs. “How doesn’t it?”

  His thumb grazes my lips, and his eyes follow the action. “Your rules don’t dictate how I feel.”

  “They dictate how I feel.”

  Brent shakes his head, cutting me off as he leans his head down to mine. The only thing separating our lips from touching is his thumb. His breath washes over my mouth as he replies, “No, they dictate how you choose to react to how you feel.”

  At that moment, I want nothing more than to let go and to truly feel again; to feel his lips against mine, his heart beating beneath my fingers and let myself go to the overwhelming warmth coursing through my veins.

  “Is everything alright out here?” James calls from the door of the bus.

  Brent pulls away, and the breath he’s been holding comes out in a plume of frigid air. He looks over his shoulder at James. “Yeah, we’ll be in shortly.”

  “I don’t mean to interrupt, but Paul says we need to hit the road again,” James says, his brow furrowing with worry as he looks between us.

  “Okay,” Brent replies with a firm nod before smiling over at me. I follow him back onto the bus and my phone beeps again, but this time it’s the sound of my email. He looks over at me, and I shake my head before going to my bunk.

  It’s an email from Sky, and it contains Undertow’s demo because at the next tour stop I have to do the photo shoot for the promotion of it. I press my head against the wood of my bunk as I close my eyes.

  I don’t want to know.

  I don’t want to know what he’s done.

  I don’t want him to continue to control the beating of my heart or the lack there of.

  “Hey,” Brent says, and the bed indents with the weight of his body. “Was that Hayden again?”

  I shake my head, slowly opening my eyes.

  “Sky,” I reply, and my voice drifts. “Everything is so calculated with Jace, but I can never get used to it. He knew…he knew they’d make me do the promo shoot for the new album. So he put my song on that album because he knew there was no way I could shoot it without listening to it. Calculated…to inflict as much pain as possible.”

  Brent’s throat moves as he licks his lips. “Why do you let him do this?”

  I shake my head, tucking my head between my knees. “It’s like he’s always going to own a piece of me, and he keeps throwing it in my face. Proving it. You don’t get how badly I just want to let go of it.”

  Brent picks up my phone to look at the song listing that has just downloaded onto it. “I’m pretty sure I get it…Because I want you to, too.”

  “Why?” I ask.

  His eyes come back to mine. “Because I don’t think you can fully let someone in until you do.”

  “What’s that?” Kie asks as he leans out from his bunk, his head dangling in front of mine as I jump and press my hand over my pounding heart.

  “I didn’t know you were up there!” I say as I catch my breath.

  “Demo for Undertow’s new album. Jace stole another one of Nat’s songs,” Brent replies as he scrolls through the list. “Do you know which one it is?”

  I look over his shoulder at the phone and my eyes zero-in on the one labeled Grace’s Revenge.

  “I don’t recognize the names, but I’d bet it’s that one,” I reply, pointing to it.

  Kie swings down from his bed and sits down on mine. He nods at the phone before looking over his shoulder at me. “I think we should get the rest of the guys.”

  “Why?” I ask, my voice cracking.

  Kie reaches over, squeezing my hand. “Because we’re a stronger family when we’re all together.”

  My brows pinch down over my eyes as I take in the sincerity of his expression. He means it. He stands to go to the back of the bus. I hear him explain what’s going on to the rest of the guys.

  Brent smirks at me as we go into the lounge. He leans over, whispering, “Looks like you helped the tin man find his heart.”

  “God only knows how,” I reply as we sit down. I rub my hands over my tattered skinny jeans, my stomach rolling in unease as Brent squeezes my thigh.

  “You ready?” James asks as his eyebrows knit together.

  My throat tickles but no words came out. Am I? Do I want to fall apart in front of them? Maybe them being here will make it so I don’t. I still feel like Jace will win, though; that as soon as I’m alone my face will be on my pillow. Finally, I nod. Brent’s hand stays on my thigh, and I slip my hand into his. He glances over at me and gives me a reassuring smile before hitting the play button.

  The song starts with a heavy riff leading into a unique bass intro that you can actually hear; something rare in metal. Then comes the drums and my heart matches their rapid beat. I don’t have a clue which one it is yet. Part of me feels like this long intro is purposeful, meant to cause my heart to be speeding as fast as the music, so when the lyrics come it will give me a heart attack. When they do, it almost does. My forehead goes to my hands as the room spins, and Brent’s hand rubs my back as I fight the urge to vomit.

  My head shoots up, and my chest heaves.

  That fucker.

  He twisted my lyrics–changed them!

  He’s never done that before. I fight the urge to grab my cell phone and throw it across the room. To say enough and tell Brent to shut it off, so I will never have to hear it again. The song comes to an end, and I lick my lips as I press my fingers into my forehead.

  There are only two redeeming qualities in Jace Smith; his good looks and his voice, but neither are strong enough to make up for the devil inside.

  I suck air through my teeth as I sit back, finally letting my eyes meet the guys around the room. Aiden is looking at his hands on the table, his thumbs twisting around one another. James watches me carefully, and Kie looks at the ceiling as if the song is still playing. Across from me, Brad stares at the floor with his forearms pressed against his legs and his hands dangling between them. I stand, walking to my bunk with my heart pounding as I kneel d
own and pull the journal from the depths of my clothes. It’s the journal where I rewrote all the songs Jace stole. I keep it on me at all times. It’s a harsh reminder of why I don’t date my clients. I glance at the plain black cover before sliding the elastic free, so the tattered pages fluttered. The blood rushes in my ears as I look up at Brent. Despite the reminders within these pages, when my eyes meet his, the pounding and anger slip away. I hand him the journal, and he looks down at the lyrics. I stay standing, my nails biting into my palms as they form fists.

  Aiden leans over Brent and reads the words on the page. His jaw clenches and he shakes his head. “That’s fucked up.”

  I exhale, my chin jutting out as I straighten my back. “That’s Jace Smith for you.”

  “It’s been awhile since we did a cover,” Brad says, and we all turn to look at him. His body shakes from the tapping of his foot. He leans forward, brushing his hair out of his eyes. They’re angry, a departure from any emotion I’ve ever seen from him before.

  “And?” Aiden asks.

  Brad’s lip twitches as he keeps his eyes on me. “You still have pictures of Jace and you?”

  I blink hard at him as my blood rushes and heats my face. I can feel Brent’s eyes on me. I want to say no.

  But I can’t.

  I run my hands through my hair as I nod.

  “You attached to them at all?” Brad continues.

  My body freezes, and I realize I’m not. I shake my head slowly.

  “Perfect. How do you feel about being in a music video?” Brad asks, pushing his hair out of his eyes again.

  I pull the elastic out of my hair and lean forward pushing his hair back. I keep the laughter in as I pull it to the top of his head and put it into a ponytail. He blinks at me as a slow smile grows on my face, and I cross my arms.

  “That’s better,” I say with a smile.

  “Dude,” Kie says, narrowing his eyes as he leans forward toward Brad. “You have pretty eyes. You should do that with your hair more often.”

  Brad’s face scrunches up.

  “You do have pretty eyes,” I say, cocking my head. “I could cut your hair.”

  “Alright,” Brad says, narrowing his eyes at me. “I’ll make you a deal — you be in a music video for some sick cover song for us, and I’ll let you cut my hair.”