Behind the Lens (Boys of Fallout Book 2)

by Cassandra Giovanni

  “I have a better idea,” Brent says, standing and going to his bunk. He pulls out my journal from this tour and flips through the pages until he lands on Saving You for Last. “We do one of Nat’s songs, and we make sure Jace knows she wrote it.”

  Aiden leans back in the seat. “Sick new song, beautiful girl burning pictures of Jace Smith and,” he puts his chin on his fist; “Brad Cunningham with his hair cut–now that would be epic.”

  Brad leans forward. “I’m in if Nat’s game.”

  James turns with his mouth open to stare at him. Brad puts his hands behind his head. “What? Kie says I have nice eyes, and I’m sick of all of you good looking idiots getting all the attention.”

  “Man, Nat is going to be burning pictures of Jace Smith, I think that’s going to win over your pretty eyes,” Brent says, and my eyes shoot to him with a smirk on his face.

  Brad leans forward, fluttering his eyelashes at Brent. “Are you sure? They’re very pretty.”

  “Brent prefers Nat over all of us,” Kie replies, pursing his lips.

  James rolls his eyes before looking over at me. “What do you say, Nat? You want to be in a music video?”

  I bite my lip as I look at the guys. They seem to think it’s a great idea, but my stomach twists uncomfortably. Jace isn’t someone to fuck around with.

  “While I’d love to cut Brad’s hair, I don’t know that taking Jace on is a good idea. He still has my lyrics. He can just keep doing this over and over.”

  Brad slowly pulls the elastic out of his hair. “Oh, well. Guess my beautiful eyes will just have to wait.”

  I laugh. “I’m still willing to cut your hair.”

  He shakes his head. “Not until you take Jace Smith on. The guy needs to be put in his place.”

  I glance out the window, and the twisted lyrics repeat over and over in my head.

  Was I strong enough to beat Jace’s demons?

  Chapter 27

  I swallow, staring down at my camera in my hands and a chill rushes over my body. Minutes. I have minutes before I have to face Jace again. I close my eyes, inhaling and when I open them Brent’s walking out from the lounge on the phone.

  “Great, it’s a plan,” he says before hanging up and sitting next to me. “How are you holding up?”

  My stomach flips. “Fine.”

  Brent raises an eyebrow. “You sure?”

  “Totally,” I say, but my voice is high-pitched. “Plus, you’ll be there.”

  His hand goes to the back of his neck, and he swallows.

  “Aren’t you?” I ask, and he shakes his head. “Why?”

  “James and I are getting your journal back,” he replies, and my head jerks back.

  “How?”

  Brent shrugs. “Kie got me in touch with Hayden.”

  “Hayden?”

  “He’s going to make sure the bus is open, and he let us know where the journal is,” Brent replies, and my mouth goes slack.

  I try to inhale, but my chest is too tight. “No shit.”

  Brent nods. “But Aiden’s going to be there with you. He knows Krav Maga too.”

  The bus comes to a stop, and I bite my lip. Brent squeezes my knee before standing and nodding to Aiden.

  “You’re up, man,” he says to him as he jumps out of his bunk.

  Aiden grabs Brent’s hand, and they do that guy thing where they grab fists and half-hug.

  “Get that journal back,” Aiden replies, patting him on the back.

  “You kick Jace’s ass if needed,” Brent says, and his tone is joking, but his eyes are serious.

  Aiden looks over at me. “I’m pretty sure Nat can do that.”

  I give a weak smile as I think about the other day when I ran into Jace. I couldn’t get my brain in gear to walk away, let alone kick his ass. I inhale and head towards the door. I pause with my hand on the knob and Aiden squeezes my shoulder.

  “I’m right behind you, Nat,” he says, and I look over at him.

  I somehow manage to force one foot after the other as I head inside the industrial building we’re doing the shoot in. Once I’m on the set, I realize there’s no turning back. Jace is already here along with the rest of the band. Hayden looks up from his drums and gives me a stiff nod before looking at Aiden. He gives him a similar nod before glancing around the room. His jaw tenses and his eyes harden. My gaze follows his to Jace who stands leaned back against a wall with his arms crossed. Jace’s lips pull up into a smile as he raises an eyebrow at me.

  “Natalie,” Jace says as he walks towards me.

  “Jace.”

  His head jerks with a soft chuckle as he stops in front of me. “I didn’t think you’d come.”

  “I have a job to do,” I reply as I look up at him, straightening my back.

  “Mhmm…yeah, you always did put work first,” he says, and his green eyes flash.

  “Bro, let’s get this show on the road,” Hayden says, and Jace’s gaze goes to Aiden standing behind me.

  “Isn’t this sweet. Do the other ones know about how you’re with this one, too?” Jace asks, and bile rises in my throat.

  I ignore the comment and nod to the set. “This is a perfect place for a photo shoot. So why don’t we get going?”

  “Sure, whatever you’d like Nat,” Jace replies before turning and going to the microphone.

  I set up the extra lighting I brought with me, and then take a few test shots before settling into my rhythm. I ignore the fact this is Jace and give directions to each member including him. He’s as attractive as ever as he looks up with both hands resting on the microphone, a seductive frown on his lips. The bad boy always worked for him. I swallow as I step back and bring all the guys into the frame. My body tenses as I pause, thinking of what I need them to do next.I ask them to play a song so I can get some live action shots and Jace cocks his head at me.

  I swallow hard.

  “So…” I begin and then stop, biting my lip. One of Jace’s eyebrows arches and I find the will to continue. “It would be great if we could get some live action shots of you playing.”

  Jace’s face lightens as he smirks and then glances over his shoulder at the band. “Grace’s Revenge, boys?”

  Hayden’s eyes close, and he shakes his head. “Really, Jace?”

  Jace turns around to face him, and Hayden’s eyes go down to his drumsticks.

  “Grace’s Revenge,” Jace repeats.

  My toes curl, and I fight the urge to flee. Aiden stands from where he’s been sitting and comes next to me.

  “You got this, Nat. It’s never going to happen again,” he whispers in my ear with one hand on my shoulder. I tilt my head slightly and nod. Jace sees the interaction and narrows his eyes on us before putting his hand up where the rest of the band can see it and counting down from 3 to 1. I only heard the song once, but the heavy riffs that it starts with are ingrained in my memory. I swallow, and the song becomes white noise as I concentrate on taking pictures of each of the guys. When the lyrics kick in, I do my best to ignore them, but Jace makes a point of singing directly to me. His eyes are venomous as he hits the chorus he changed to be as nasty as him.

  Lies, Lies, Babe, the words you said were lies

  You’ve filled me with them

  Filled me with your deceit

  You tried to hide

  The reasons why

  You destroyed what was mine

  I can’t stop the pull

  The need inside

  To be tortured by the way you hide

  The next verse is harsh as I maneuver my way around the band, and Hayden’s eyes rise to meet mine. His face is pale, and he looks as if this physically pains him. My throat thickens as the words sink into me, and I pause, closing my eyes and inhaling.

  This is a war

  And I promise, babe,

  I’m gonna win

  You started a war, baby

  And I promise you’ll regret

  Shattering everything that was us

  When I�
�ve gained my composure, Hayden mouths the word sorry, and I shake my head as I go to take pictures of the bassist. The song seems to drag on forever, and when it’s done my limbs are heavy with exhaustion.

  “Alright,” I say, looking down at my viewfinder. I have almost five hundred pictures to go through later– to relive this again. I swallow before letting my eyes come up to the band. “I think that’s a wrap.”

  As I walk by Jace, he grabs my arm, pulling me in close as his fingers slide over my neck and toss my hair over my shoulder. My body shakes in repulsion as his voice, carrying its sickening sweet cadence, meets my ear, “Sing me something softly.”

  His breath teases the exposed skin of my tattoo with the same words; words I wrote for him. My chest tightens as I gulp in air and my blood rushes with rage.

  Absolute rage.

  Contain it.

  His lips curl closer, brushing my ear as he repeats the words again.

  Something inside me snaps. Jace knows I can kick his ass, but he doesn’t think I’ll do it. He thinks he has the same control he’s always had, and a part of me realizes he does. That’s the reason I can’t do that music video; the reason I’m letting him hold me against him singing my song.

  A war.

  A game of control.

  And I’m about to lose it.

  My teeth grind into each other as the lyrics slip into soft cynical laughter, and I’m done.

  Fuck it.

  I grab his arm, still lingering at my shoulder and wretch it behind him, grappling him into the ground.

  “Did you forget I’m the monster?” I ask as I dig my elbow into his back.

  I drop Jace on his face as he swears at me. He stands up, and I fight the urge to punch him when his eyes meet mine. His chest heaves.

  “I was right to call you the monster.”

  I lift my chin. “Maybe you should’ve looked in the mirror, and saw the monster I wrote it about.”

  Jace steps forward, and I see Aiden stand from where he was sitting. I put my hand up to stop him from lunging across the room at Jace. This time I stand my ground.

  “A monster you created,” Jace says before walking by and ramming his shoulder into me.

  My body doesn’t budge, and I press my eyes shut as I count to calm the beating of my heart. Jace stops, and I hear his boot spin against the concrete as he turns back to face me.

  “You know what’s sad, Nat?” he says, and he rolls his tongue into his cheek before continuing. “The fact you think any of the guys from Makeshift are any different than me. You’ve fallen for one of them, whether or not you admit it. I can see it in your pictures. I know which one it is. He’ll wreck you too. We’re all the same. He’s got issues, just like I had them.”

  “Had them?” I ask, stepping forward as the hair on the back of my neck stiffens. “You have them. You don’t want to let me go, so you keep trying to wrap me up in your fucked up games.”

  “Maybe I still love you, Nat. You ever think that?” he says, and he shakes his head as his hands go into the back of his hair.

  I blink hard as I step back. “If this is love, I’d rather rot in hell. You have control issues. This is all about control. You still want it, and you know what? I gave it to you! I sunk back into the background afraid of what you’d do to my career if I didn’t–but you know what, that’s what you wanted! You have no control over anything, do you, Jace? Your whole fucking world spirals out of hand every five minutes, and you are the only one to blame. How close are these guys to dropping your ass from this band?”

  Jace’s green eyes race over my face as his mouth twitches. “He’s got the same issues, Nat! Anger. Rows of girls who can’t wait to fuck him. Pot. Alcohol. The things you despise! The things that make you hate this business as much as you love it. Just you wait, Nat. He’s going to disappoint you just like I did, and the saddest part is you let him in deeper than you ever let me. You love him more than you even know. I don’t have to break you anymore, Nat–because Brent Andrews is going to. You’ve put the noose around your neck.”

  Tingles rush up my spine as we stare at one another.

  “You’ll never change, Jace,” I say, my voice stable despite the fact my whole body is beginning to tremble. “But I’m done hiding in the dark. You’re going to look damn good on the cover of this album, an album that’s only going to sell because of me. Because of my song. Rot in hell knowing that. Without me; without my lyrics, you’re fucked.”

  I turn, and I can see Brent standing at the door. There’s a blue journal in his hands.

  “You’re fucked,” I repeat as I walk out the door.

  Chapter 28

  “I can’t believe you got it back,” I say as Brent hands me the journal. I run my fingers over the cover before opening it and running my fingers over the worn pages. Jace must have read it over and over. I bite my lip before looking up at Brent. “Thank you for doing this for me.”

  “Of course,” he says as he sits down next to me on my bed.

  I run my hands through my hair. “There’s one more thing I need to do.”

  Brent’s eyes rush over my face. “Sure, what is it?”

  I swallow. “I want to do that video.”

  Kie drops into my vision from his bunk. “Did you just say you want to do the video?”

  “Yes,” I reply, and he jumps down to rummage in his drawer. He pulls out a pair of buzzers and scissors and heads to the lounge. “Bradley! You’re getting a hair cut!”

  Brad tosses the remote control to the video game he’s been playing down. “What did I miss?”

  “Nat’s agreed to do the video,” Kie replies, wiggling his eyebrows at Brad. He holds up the tools that will do the deed. “Which means you’re getting shaved.”

  “No one said anything about having a shaved head,” Brad says, and his voice cracks as he looks at me.

  I stand, taking the buzzers and scissors. “Don’t worry. I’m not going to shave your head.”

  Brad swallows and goes into the kitchen where Aiden and James are waiting. Aiden thumps Brad on the back as he sits down next to him.

  “Dude, it’s just hair. It grows back,” Aiden says as he scoots away from him so that he won’t get hair all over himself.

  Brad swallows, his face pale as he looks up at me. “You do know how to do this, right?”

  I roll my eyes as I slip the scissors in my back pocket and flip the switch on the electric buzzers. I raise my eyebrows up and down and Brad groans.

  “Ready?” I ask.

  “Just do it,” Brad says.

  Kie, James and Brent sit across from us to watch. Kie winks at me as he lifts his phone up.

  His voice is grave as he says, “Here we have the native long-hair-scene-boy giving into the fact he is actually a man. Let’s observe what happens as his boyhood is shaved to reveal a man…we hope.”

  “One…two…” I don’t bother to give him a three before I touch the buzzer to his skull.

  “Oh, shit!” Kie laughs.

  “No going back now,” James says as he watches.

  Five minutes later and seventy percent of Brad’s hair is on the floor. I change to a longer length and then step in front of him, making sure the sides are even before pulling up the front of his hair, so his eyes show. He’s pouting with a puppy-dog look in his eyes, and I can’t help but laugh.

  “I promise it’s not that bad,” I say just as Kie comes around the front with his phone.

  “We zoom in to watch the miraculous transformation,” he says and Brad holds up his hand to flick him off as the last of the hair falls to the floor.

  I stand back and put my hands on my hips, sucking my lip in as I look at him. He’s adorable. He gives me a broad smile, and I can’t help the one I return.

  “Are my eyes really that nice?” he asks, running his hands through what’s left of his hair. It must feel like he’s bald.

  “Being able to see your whole face is nice,” I reply as I step forward and rub his scruff with my palm. “
Well, sort of.”

  “Wait until Anna sees this!” Aiden says as Brad stands and goes to the bathroom.

  Kie is still recording and follows Brad.

  Brad curses and Kie leans forward, slapping his knee.

  “You should see his face,” Kie says over his shoulder, and I glance at Brent leaning against the bunks.

  “Is it that bad?” I ask, cringing at the string of swears coming from the bathroom.

  Brent shakes his head, his nose wrinkling as he does. “He’s just in shock.”

  “Man up and get your ass out here,” James calls from the kitchen. “We have music to write.”

  ~~~

  After ordering the pictures I sink into my bunk, listening to the debate going on behind me, followed by disjointed guitar, bass and tapping against the table that symbolizes the drums. I roll over on my side, pulling my knees to my chest as I try to fight the wave of nausea rolling over me.

  I’m taking Jace Smith on.

  I sit up putting my forehead to my knees. I did it in the lyrics I wrote recently, but I never thought I’d do it in such a forward way. I smile at the thought, leaning over and opening my drawer to pull out my lyric journal. I reread the lyrics over and over again. The pencil is beginning to fade from my constant flicking through the pages. I run my fingers over the words.

  You’re the only demon left to drown

  I’m saving you for last

  I suck my lower lip into my mouth, closing my eyes as I pull my hair into a ponytail, tighter than I normally do. My fingers slip up my chin to the area behind my ear. The skin is smooth, but I know exactly the motion the words shape, following the path of my hairline and sweeping behind my ear where the music notes flow out. My chest begins to rise as I look at the lyrics on the page. The exact opposite of the ones behind my ear.

  For the same person.

  I stand and yank the door to the lounge open, interrupting Brent mid-scream.

  “You okay?” Aiden asks, his hand resting over the strings of the guitar to stop their movement. I know the blood has drained from my face as heat spreads from my chest.