Behind the Lens (Boys of Fallout Book 2)

by Cassandra Giovanni

  My jaw clenches, and I look straight ahead. Brent heaves a sigh, tucking his head into my shoulder, and my muscles relax without my permission.

  “I mean, the reality of this life…doing what you love, it’s not easy,” he says, and he pauses before continuing. “We get asked on tour when we knew this was our dream, but sometimes I wonder if the question should be when will you decide the dream isn’t worth it. Do you ever feel that way?”

  I turn to face him, pressing my forehead against his. “Sometimes…in moments like this I do– because we’ll rarely get this. We don’t get to have a normal relationship, but that feeling when I capture the perfect picture overrides the logic that the payoff is minimal.”

  Brent entwines our fingers, and his eyes close before he looks at me and asks, “Do you think someday they’ll be something that will make you want more than that?”

  “Do you mean something or someone?” I ask as I keep my eyes locked on him. I want to turn away to avoid the conversation, but I can’t stop myself.

  “Someone,” he answers, and his hand moves to my chin, thumb caressing the contour of my face.

  “I always thought there’d be someone that wouldn’t make me, that they’d understand.” The breath catches in my throat, and I struggle with the words as they rise in my throat. “But I never thought there was anything better than that feeling, that there was anything more than that.”

  “Now?”

  My head and heart feel like they’re about to explode.

  “I still don’t see a reason I’d need to give up my career,” I reply, putting emphasis on the last word.

  Brent’s eyes follow his hand as he moves a piece of my hair out of my face. “You wouldn’t want an ordinary life? Kids… a white picket fence, someday?”

  I lean up and kiss him. When I pull away, I press my forehead to his. “Only if they have your eyes.”

  “Brown? Really?” he asks, and his brow furrows. “I think I’d prefer them to have your eyes.”

  I chew the inside of my lip, and he cocks his head at me in question. I play with the strings on the hole at the knee of his jeans.

  “Nat?” he says.

  “Have you,” I begin, but my voice drifts.

  “What?”

  I exhale before looking up at him. “Have you ever thought about what you would do if you weren’t a musician?”

  He lowers his head, narrowing his eyes at me. “Don’t laugh.”

  I shake my head, signaling to the zipping of my lips.

  “Civil engineer,” he says, and my eyes widen.

  “Like designing bridges and stuff?” I ask, and he nods. “Why would I laugh at that?”

  His shoulders lift. “Because I’m a screamer in a metal band.”

  “That’s just what you do, it’s not who you are,” I say, reaching up and cupping his scruffy chin. I turn back around, leaning into his arms again. “So why civil engineering?”

  “I was in construction before this became a real job, and I always thought it would be cool to design the things I was putting together,” he says as he relaxes. “What about you, what would you do?”

  I inhale, letting the breath out slowly. “I honestly never thought about doing anything but being a photographer. What could I do?”

  Brent clears his throat. “Baby photography?”

  I turn and punch him in the shoulder, and he puts his hands up. “What? It’s still photography!”

  “You sound like my mother,” I reply with narrowed eyes.

  “That’s a little disturbing,” he replies wiggling his eyebrows.

  I roll my eyes, and his lips go into a stern line. He locks his gaze on mine, and my breath catches in my throat. “You already have three successful songs out there. Maybe you could write music and sell it. I can help teach you guitar, and we could work together to put music to some of your lyrics.”

  My jaw goes slack as I stare back at him, and the blood rushes in my ears. “I’m not sure I could learn guitar.”

  Brent smiles. “I thought Aiden and I made it look easy.”

  “You do, but I know better.”

  He looks down at his Converses, playing with the frayed laces. His shoulders lift as he says, “Well if you can’t learn, we can always just do it together.”

  I inhale, and turn back to the sunset, lifting his arms around me. “I like that idea. Together sounds amazing.”

  Brent rests his chin on the top of my head. “Together it is.”

  Monster's Epitatph

  Undertow

  Lyrics By: Natalie Scott

  I fall asleep

  Dream of your face

  As miles drift by

  Baby, I just want to close my eyes

  And find you by my side

  Baby, I just need to hear your voice

  The voice that set my heart on fire

  Come on, baby, sing me that melody

  The one you wrote for you and me

  Sing it softly

  Until I can dream

  Can dream of you and I

  Baby, I wish I could stay

  Stay in this dream

  But our dreams pull us apart…

  Baby, I just need to hear your voice

  The voice that set my heart on fire

  Come on, baby, sing me that melody

  The one you wrote for you and me

  Is it enough?

  Is it enough to make you stay?

  I know we’re miles away

  But if I hear you sing

  That song

  Then I know it’s worth the pain

  Baby, I just need to hear your voice

  The voice that set my heart on fire

  Come on, baby, sing me that melody

  The one you wrote for you and me

  Baby, just remember that melody

  The one you wrote for you and me

  And these miles

  I promise they’ll be gone

  I promise, baby, I’ll be

  Coming home

  Sing me that melody

  Sing me to sleep

  Our song, baby

  Sing me that melody

  Grace's Revenge

  Undertow

  Lyrics By: Natalie Scott & Jace Smith

  Fill me with your love

  Fill me with those words

  The reasons why you’re mine

  I can’t stop the pull, the need inside

  To be by your side

  Lies, Lies, Babe, the words you said were lies

  You’ve filled me with them

  Filled me with your deceit

  You tried to hide

  The reasons why

  You destroyed what was mine

  I can’t stop the pull

  The need inside

  To be tortured by the way you hide

  When I look into your eyes

  I know my search is done

  I’ve found the one

  The one who calms my heart

  And knows who I am — truly

  There’s no more reason to run

  Lies, Lies, Babe, the words you said were lies

  You’ve filled me with them

  Filled me with your deceit

  You tried to hide

  The reasons why

  You destroyed what was mine

  I can’t stop the pull

  The need inside

  To be tortured by the way you hide

  This is a war

  And I promise, babe,

  I’m gonna win

  You started a war, baby

  And I promise you’ll regret

  Shattering everything that was us

  Lies, Lies, Babe, the words you said were lies

  You’ve filled me with them

  Filled me with your deceit

  You tried to hide

  The reasons why

  You destroyed what was mine

  I can’t stop the pull

  The need inside

  To be tortured by t
he way you hide

  Staring at the Sun

  Makeshift Chemistry

  Lyrics By: Natalie Scott & Brent Andrews

  I’m staring at the sun

  Wishing for the moon

  Waiting on the days to slip through

  Until I’m back to you

  I let my fingertips touch

  the edge of the stars

  I fall under their spell,

  dreaming of you

  I wonder now,

  Is this the edge of oblivion?

  I let my fingertips trace the edge

  As my hopes and dreams collide — concede to the empty depths of the sky

  I’m staring at the sun

  Wishing for the moon

  Waiting on the days to slip through

  Until I’m back to you

  I give in to the sky

  Close my eyes against the shadows of the dark

  Miles of stars…

  Of darkness…

  Are nothing

  I’m staring at the sun

  Wishing for the moon

  So I can dream of you

  So I can tell you the things

  I don’t have the strength to say

  My hopes…my dreams

  They concede to the depths of the sky

  They’re you…

  You…

  Saving You for Last

  Makeshift Chemistry

  Lyrics By: Natalie Scott

  I’ve lost myself in the abyss of you

  Engulfed by the blackness of your soul

  You’re the air suffocating me

  I can’t–

  Can’t

  Can’t breathe

  I’ll fight my demons one by one

  Savings you for last

  You snaked your way into my soul

  Wrapped yourself around my heart

  I’m saving you for last

  I should never have trusted the devil

  The demons you said you’d drowned

  But I should’ve known —

  Should’ve known you weren’t that strong

  You were the only demon to drown

  I‘ll fight my demons one by one

  Savings you for last

  You snaked your way into my soul

  Wrapped yourself around my heart

  I’m saving you for last

  Yeah, babe, you warned me

  You warned me

  You had demons

  But how can you call them demons

  When you treat them like old friends?

  They’re suffocating me

  You were the only demon to drown

  Can’t

  Can’t

  Breathe

  I’ll fight my demons one by one

  Savings you for last

  You snaked your way into my soul

  Wrapped yourself around my heart

  I’m saving you for last

  I’m sick of drowning

  Sick of succumbing to the dark corners of when you

  Said you were mine

  Lies

  I’ll fight my demons one by one

  Savings you for last

  You snaked your way into my soul

  Wrapped yourself around my heart

  I’m saving you for last

  You’re the only demon left to drown

  I’m saving you for last

  Darkness

  Unfinished Song

  Lyrics By: Natalie Scott

  The darkness throbs

  Spreads and consumes each inch of my skin

  I can’t escape

  No matter how I try

  Can’t you see I’m drowning?

  I’m fighting off this feeling

  Crawling beneath my skin

  Echoing from my core

  I’m collapsing from within

  The sickness hollows me out

  I won’t fall apart

  Won’t give into the cruelty in your eyes

  I’ll stand up to your lies

  I’m fighting off this feeling

  Crawling beneath my skin

  Echoing from my core

  I’m collapsing from within

  Edge of Oblivion

  Lyrics By: Natalie Scott

  A thousand wrong directions and n0 where to go

  The world spins,turns upside down

  And rights itself

  But still…

  Still all I can see and hear is the filth

  I close my eyes tight

  But I can still feel it…

  Swelling inside–

  A curse

  Your love

  You left me at the edge of lies

  A thousand wrong directions and n0 where to go

  The world spins, turns upside down

  And rights itself

  But still…

  Still all I can see and hear is the filth

  I feel my thoughts unravel

  As I come undone

  You’re the one who pushed me

  To the edge

  Now the world crawls with your filth–

  Your lies

  As I stand on the edge of oblivion

  A thousand wrong directions and n0 where to go

  The world spins, turns upside down

  And rights itself

  But still…

  Still all I can see and hear is the filth

  This life 3,2,1

  Only lasts so long

  Why waste it on the oblivion of days?

  Test fate

  At the end of oblivion — the filth

  I see it rots your soul

  A thousand wrong directions and n0 where to go

  The world spins, turns upside down

  And rights itself

  But still…

  Still all I can see and hear is the filth

  At the end of oblivion

  The world spins, turns upside down

  And rights itself

  The world spins, turns upside down

  And rights itself

  Losing You

  Lyrics By: Natalie Scott

  I’m losing touch with my mind

  Losing sleep

  Your lies, making me blind

  Are you happy now?

  Happy to see me fallen down?

  Was this the way you wanted it to be?

  Did you intend to break me down?

  I think I see it in your eyes

  I’m losing you, losing you

  But the thing you could not hide —

  It’s in your devil’s smile

  Behind this strength

  You tried to hide

  But now you’re losing me

  Losing me

  Because behind that devil’s smile

  I see all your lies

  All your lies

  Was this the way you wanted it to be?

  Did you intend to break me down?

  I think I see it in your eyes

  I’m losing you, losing you

  But the thing you could not hide —

  It’s in your devil’s smile

  Are you happy now?

  Not that you’ve been running

  All these years and I found out

  The reason why

  It’s all lies

  Was this the way you wanted it to be?

  Did you intend to break me down?

  I think I see it in your eyes

  I’m losing you, losing you

  But the thing you could not hide —

  It’s in your devil’s smile

  Masochist's Dance

  Lyrics By: Natalie Scott

  Destruction is nature’s will

  You add to it just for the thrill

  The thrill of breaking things down (ME)

  You know, some days I’m just not okay

  Some days I can feel myself fade

  Life’s a masochist’s dance

  One of beauty and frailty

  Nature’s full of cru
el games

  Ones that will define us

  Fill us with love or hate

  Humanity’s distaste

  Me — Me — I’ll just fade

  Today, I’m just not okay

  So we stand by without much to stay

  Watching each other battle through revenge’s grace

  What cruel games we play

  Why do we dance this fatal game?

  When no one loses

  And no one wins

  All we do is fade

  And some days, I’m just not okay

  Life’s a masochist’s dance

  One of beauty and frailty

  Nature’s full of cruel games

  Ones that will define us

  Fill us with love or hate

  Humanity’s distaste

  Me — Me — I’ll just fade

  Today, I’m just not okay

  Broken

  Lyrics By: Brent Andrews

  When all I see is yesterday

  How can I move on with today?

  When all I see is your face

  How can I dream of anything but your pain?

  All I want to see is your heart free

  But all I see is broken

  Dear, why won’t you let me fix you?

  Let me in.

  Let me in.

  I believe.

  I believe.

  When all we see is broken,

  The pieces we need to be complete,

  Are one another.

  When all I see is yesterday

  How can I move on with today?

  When all I see is your face

  How can I dream of anything but your pain?

  Knowing My Demons

  Jace Smith

  Lyrics By: Jace Smith

  You know me

  All my demons

  So why can’t you see

  I’m on my knees

  I’ll change

  I’ll change for you

  Cause I miss you, baby

  What do I have to do?

  You know me

  All my demons

  So why can’t you see

  I’m on my knees

  Once it was all a game

  But then I watched you leave

  And when I lost you

  I lost a part of me

  Baby, it’s a part I need