Watching Fireflies

by Jaycee Ford

  The bathroom door was cracked open as steam bellowed out. I peeked inside, and through the steam-covered shower door, I gazed on the love of my life. Her arms lifted up as she scrubbed the top of her head. Suds rolled down her chest, hugging the sides of her body. I wasted no time stripping off my T-shirt and jeans. Her tired morning eyes popped open as I stepped under the spray. I stared into them, as they were the bluest in the mornings. I coddled her face and gently pulled her lips to mine.

  “Mornin’, darlin’.” Her smile widened as my hands replaced hers. She turned her back to me and I ran my fingers down her long brown locks. I began to massage her scalp and her head fell forward.

  “You’re going to put me back to sleep.”

  “No one says you have to wake up. It’s Friday. You’re off today.”

  “I wanted to go in and prepare an exam for next week.”

  “Do it from home.”

  “I just felt like getting out and about today.”

  My fingers slowed in her hair. I hated not telling her about Ryan, but I just couldn’t do it. I wanted to get rid of the problem before she ever found out it existed.

  “Stay home with me. There’s not much to do around here, and Paul can handle what there is.”

  She turned around as the suds rinsed from her hair.

  “I kind of feel cooped up.”

  “Well, then why don’t we go up into the mountains or something? It’s a nice day.”

  She tilted her head and stared at me. I faked a smile, hoping to disguise my worry.

  “There are a lot of towns in the mountains. Which one are you going to take me to?”

  “Have you been to Spruce Pine?”

  “Nope. What’s there?”

  “Antique shops and stuff.”

  “You’re taking me shopping?”

  “Yeah, why not.”

  • • •

  The drive soothed my nerves. My hand wrapped around hers for the hour trek into the mountains. I glanced over at Jordan as we wound up another curve. The drive did not soothe her stomach.

  “I think I should have eaten.”

  “Then it might have come up.”

  “Are we almost there?”

  “Yes, city girl, we’re almost there.”

  The moment I parked the truck, Jordan hopped out and took a deep breath of cool mountain air. She leaned up against the side, and I walked around, resting up against the truck with her.

  “Think you could eat?”

  “Maybe. Let’s give it a try.”

  I scooped her hand in mine and we walked across a calm street just before eleven in the morning. As we approached a diner, I held open the door for her as a sign at the entrance read, Seat Yourself. We headed to a table that overlooked the downtown area, and when we sat, Jordan’s face began to look normal, but was still a little pale.

  “You know, we have to go back down the mountain.”

  “Ugh… we do?”

  I nodded and her shoulders slumped as a waitress approached our table.

  “Hey, y’all. What can I get for ya?”

  I looked over at Jordan, who still looked pretty sick.

  “I don’t know… something bland… grits, maybe… with butter.”

  The waitress turned to me.

  “Same with a sweet tea.”

  Jordan reached out her hand to stop the waitress from leaving.

  “Sweet tea also, please. Thank you.” She propped her elbow on the table and rested her head on her hand.

  “You really don’t do mountains well, do you?”

  She shook her head.

  “I think I’ll go to the ladies and splash water on my face.”

  She scooted away from the table and walked behind a wall down a short hallway and into the bathroom. The waitress then brought over two Mason jars full of sweet tea. I took a sip and drowned in the sweet richness of summer, even though it was November. I set the jar back on the table, and leaned back in my chair as I crossed my arms and looked out over the street. My heart stopped when I saw a man crouched down by the front tire of my truck. I shot up and ran out of the diner.

  “Hey!” I charged, but the guy took off. He looked back over his shoulder and I stopped suddenly as Ryan’s devil smile blazed in the light of day. Fuck!

  I turned around and ran back inside. Just as I walked in through the door, Jordan sat back down at the table. Shit, what was I supposed to tell her?

  “Jordan, we have to go.”

  “Why? What’s wrong?”

  Her question riddled me and I killed a second to pull out my phone.

  “Paul just called. The cattle are out. I need to go back and help him.” I walked over to the counter of the diner just as two bowls of grits were placed on a tray. “Ma’am, could you put one of those in a container to go?” I turned back to Jordan. “Maybe eat slow. I’ll drive down carefully. I promise.”

  She nodded with such a confused face. Oh, God. She is going to hate me for lying. I just had to get Jordan out of this fucking town and I had to get her out, now.

  A CHILL FILTERED through the air as golden leaves littered across the ground. I inhaled the scent of baked pumpkin and roasted turkey. I turned from the view of the yard as I watched Tom frantically moving around the kitchen. Thanksgiving meant so much to me, but to Tom, it meant meeting my parents.

  I was so glad that Tom could cook, because I sure as hell couldn’t cook anything except a grilled cheese sandwich. He bounced around the kitchen, checking on the turkey, the stuffing, the collard greens, and the homemade yeast rolls. His nerves were shot from his perfectionism in the kitchen, and he just couldn’t seem to settle down. I knew the official meeting of the parents was a big deal, but I assured him that Cal and Marie Hawthorne were no one to be worried about.

  When the doorbell rang, I peered up at Tom, who wore the deer-in-the-headlights look like no boyfriend I had ever had before. I tried to withhold a giggle, but it was no use.

  “It’s okay, Tom. They’ll love you as much as I do.” I kissed his cheek, and turned toward the door. Hampton stood there with his tail wagging. The excitement thumped as I ran over to the door, throwing it open and jumping.

  “Daddy!”

  My big, burly father wrapped his arms around me, twirling me around like I was five again.

  “Oh, my baby girl, I’ve missed you so much!” He set me down as he said, “Marie, look at our beautiful daughter.”

  As my tiny mother come in, she placed her hands on my shoulders, her eyes glazed over with happiness. I get my spunk from Dad and my emotions from Mom. She wrapped her arms around me.

  “Jordan, you look beautiful.” I blushed and she said in a hushed whisper, “It’s the glow in your eyes, baby girl. You’ve never looked more beautiful.”

  My mother and I both laughed at our silly tears. I had attempted to keep walls up at one time, but a certain cowboy tore them down. A hand rested against the small of my back, and I turned toward the eyes of the love of my life.

  “Mom, Dad… This is Tom,” I said with a grin while I kept my eyes planted on him. He was doing his best to appear calm and reserved, but under the rugged exterior, I knew he was a fit of nerves.

  My dad grinned like the usual jokester and offered his hand out to Tom as he said, “It’s nice to meet you, son.”

  “It’s nice to meet you too, sir.” Tom shook my father’s hand as a welcoming smile eased up his face, warming my heart. He guided them into the living room, and as Tom began to walk toward the kitchen, he said, “Mr. and Mrs. Hawthorne, I hope you’re hungry.”

  My dad stopped in his tracks, scowling. I stared at him in confusion and Tom stared at my dad like he was about to run out of his own house from fear. He put up a finger in the air, motioning everyone to pay attention.

  “Let’s get a couple of things straight here,” he said, pointing his finger at Tom. Poor Tom’s eyes grew big, appearing officially frightened.

  “Number one,” he said, holding up a finger. “It’s Cal and Marie
. Mr. and Mrs. Hawthorne are my dear parents… God rest their souls,” he said as he made the sign of the cross.

  “And number two”—he paused holding up two fingers—“I’m always hungry!” He let out a roar of laughter. Tom’s nerves deflated as my mother giggled, shaking her head at my father. I wrapped my arm around my father’s waist, squeezing him tight.

  “It’s good to have you here, Dad.”

  • • •

  Tom eased up a bit on the nervousness as we continued with dinner. My dad could look scary if someone crossed him—he was such a tall, well-rounded guy—but he really was just a big teddy bear. My mother seemed frail because of her tiny frame, but she had a heart of gold with the bite of a beast.

  “Tom, why don’t you show me around your farm and let these lovely ladies do their duty and clean up.” My mother gave a teasing gasp at my father’s words and threw her napkin in his face.

  “Aw, I love you, honey,” he said as he rose and kissed the top of her head. I smiled, watching what a great relationship my parents still had after twenty-six years of marriage. I glanced over at Tom to see him watching me already with the love showing in his eyes. I always wanted what my parents had, but being in love with Tom was so much more than I could have ever dreamed. I still didn’t know how I got so lucky.

  “Let’s go, Cal. I’ll introduce you to a couple of heifers who might catch your eye,” Tom said while he stood up with a humorous grin.

  “Ha! Cattle humor! I love this guy, Jordan!” Dad’s laughter carried throughout the house as they went out through the front door. I shook my head and laughed. I loved my dad.

  I brought over the dirty dishes to the sink, and as I was about to turn toward the dishwasher, my mother’s arms wrapped around me. She peered up at me and asked, “Jordan, can we give this a minute and talk?”

  When I turned my head to look at her, she seemed a little worried. Did she not like Tom? Surely, my living with him wasn’t an issue. What on earth could it be?

  “Sure, Mama. Why don’t we go into the living room and sit by the fire.”

  I sat down and took a deep breath, but I couldn’t relax; my heart was pounding. My mother angled herself toward me and reached out for my hands, grasping them tight inside of hers. She released a breath and said, “Your father thought it was best that I told you since he can’t keep it together sometimes.”

  Now, I really started to get scared. Was either of my parents sick? Had something happened to Katherine? “Mom, you’re scaring me. What’s wrong?”

  Mom took a deep breath and begun, “I asked Katherine not to tell you this because I know you two talk all of the time.”

  My breath caught when she said Katherine’s name. I had no idea what was going on.

  “There’s a warrant out for Ryan. They went to his apartment to arrest him, but… he wasn’t there.” She looked at me with tears in her eyes. I knew there was more.

  “What else? You have to tell me.”

  The tears streamed down her face, rolling endlessly.

  “Baby, they found pictures and notes and a map of the state hanging on a wall in his bedroom. Jordan, he’s trying to find you. He has pictures of you and Tom together. I don’t know if he took them or if he hired a private investigator, but…” She shook her head, and then finished. “There were so many pictures.”

  She started bawling with no sign of stopping. I sat there with her gripping my hands, and I could barely breathe. Ryan had fled, and there was only one place he would go. He would go after what he wanted.

  The back door flew open, slamming against the wall in fury, and Tom ran toward me. My dad must have told him because Dad’s face was a fiery red. Tom knelt in front of me and pressed his hands over my mother’s grasp on mine.

  “Baby, you’re fine here. He won’t harm you. I promise.” He wrapped his arms around me as I glanced up at my dad. He seemed to cool down a little.

  “Jordan,” my dad started. “I just asked Tom, but I’m going to ask you. Your mother and I would both like to move in for a while and be near you.” He sighed and continued, “It would help both of our sanities, baby girl.” I looked up at him and nodded, but the truth was that it didn’t matter if the military police guarded this house. If Ryan wanted me, he was going to get me.

  Everyone settled down on the sofa. Tom kept my hands inside of his as he stared at me, his forehead wrinkling in worry. I shook my head. I didn’t want him to have to deal with this. It would all work out okay.

  “When Tom told us about Ryan being in town a few weeks ago, we couldn’t keep still. Now, since the police don’t know where he is, we just had to come stay here.”

  The blood ran out of my face as I stared at my father.

  “Cal.” My mother’s voice echoed, but I could only hear what my father had said. Ryan being in town a few weeks ago…

  “What did you say?” My heart pounded an erratic beat. I pulled my hand from Tom’s and lifted it to my chest in hopes of easing the racing, but it was no use. Everything that had happened before I moved here crashed down around me. I should have known better than to trust any man. I glanced at Tom, but he wouldn’t look me in the eye. He kept his head down and his eyes closed.

  “Is this true?”

  “I’m sorry, Tom. I thought you had already told her.”

  Tom’s only response was to shake his head, acknowledging what my father didn’t know. Tom’s face was riddled with worry, but this was big. He had lied to me, and this wasn’t something minor. This was pretty big.

  “Look at me,” I demanded.

  His eyes flew up to me. My voice was full of the hurt I was feeling and it broke my heart to sound so hateful toward him, but this was something he should have told me.

  “Is this true?”

  His voice caught in his throat. He closed his eyes and nodded his answer. I slipped my other hand out of his grip and stood up from the couch. I walked in front of the lit fireplace and stared into the flames. I honestly didn’t know what hurt more: Ryan stalking me or Tom lying to me.

  “Cal, why don’t you show me around the farm,” my mother said as I kept my gaze on the fire, hoping that it would send some sort of warmth through my body. Two pairs of feet walked across the hardwood floor. The sound of the front door closing confirmed their departure. I closed my eyes, exhaling slowly into the tense quiet. I didn’t know what to say. Tom had never hurt me before, and I didn’t know how to react.

  “Darlin’?”

  I raised my hand up toward him, hoping he would respect the tense quiet for a moment longer.

  “I can explain.” The leather shifted as he moved from the sofa. My blood ran cold as I recalled the last time I had heard that line, the last time I had trusted someone with my whole heart. Tears slowly bled down my face, the fire’s flames blurring in front of me. His footsteps approached, and as soon as his hand touched my hip, I stepped away from the fire, crossing the distance over to the window, trying to focus on anything other than this situation.

  “Jordan, please.”

  I turned around and my heart broke watching the tears fall from his eyes. I wanted to brush it off. I wanted to let it go, but this was a big deal. Ryan was here and Tom hadn’t told me.

  “You lied to me.” My voice cracked as I tried withholding a sob.

  “I did not lie to you, Jordan. I just didn’t tell you.”

  “Whichever way you want to paint it, you know what you did.” My shoulders shook as the sobs took over. “I just don’t understand why.”

  “You had started to have more confidence in yourself. You weren’t broken like you had been. You bottled it up real good in the beginning. It was hard to get through to you. I knew you had doubted me so much.” He took a few steps toward me, but I didn’t move away this time.

  “Tom, this doesn’t help.” I shook my head. “That doesn’t even make sense.”

  “I didn’t want you to be scared. I didn’t want you living in fear.”

  The walls closed in around me. I neede
d air.

  “I have to get out of here.” I made for the door as he hollered behind me.

  “You can’t go, Jordan.”

  I shook my head, not really caring what he said.

  “I’ll come back, Tom. I just need to breathe.”

  He grabbed my arm, keeping me from reaching the door.

  “I won’t let you go out the door!”

  What the hell? I yanked my arm from his grip, glaring at him like he wasn’t even Tom, because he wasn’t acting like Tom.

  “What? So, now you’re going to lock me in here? I can’t ever leave the house again?”

  “I’m not going to have someone else taken from me!” My heart lurched from his desperate plea. He came within a foot of me and stopped, leaving me with the breathing room I needed. “My parents were killed in a car crash. My grandfather died soon after. My grandmother died when I was a teenager. My aunt and uncle are getting up there in age. You’re all I have left.” He took a breath, but the tears kept rolling down his face. “You’re all I have left, Jordan. I’m not going to let some crazed psycho take you from me. And if that means you stay here and never leave again, then so be it, but I’m not losing you.”

  He pressed his lips to mine as if there was no tomorrow, and then he stepped away without a glance back toward me. He climbed up the stairs and closed himself off in our bedroom. In that moment, I had never felt so lost in my life.

  “RYAN WAS THERE?” Katherine asked through the phone as I flipped the page of some random celebrity gossip magazine. Not really paying attention, just busying myself while I hid away in the bedroom.

  “Yep.” I answered Katherine’s question as I filled her in on what had been going on the past couple of weeks while she was up to her ears in work.

  “In your town?”

  “Yep.” I closed the magazine and laid back on the pillows. “Tom apparently had a beer with him, too.”

  I waited as she absorbed that piece of knowledge.