Watching Fireflies

by Jaycee Ford

  “Do what?”

  “I… did… not… stutter.”

  “He had a beer with him?”

  “Uh huh. He sure did.”

  “My mind is not comprehending.”

  “He didn’t realize it was him. I mean, I can’t fault him for that. I had just assumed that he would at least know what the guy looked like.”

  “You know what they say when you assume.”

  “Yep.” I sighed along with her.

  “So, are you doing okay?”

  “I’m fine, really. I’ve been stuck inside the house. Unless the house burns down, I’ll be just fine.”

  “Let’s not give crazy Ryan any new ideas.”

  “I don’t think he’s coming within two thousand feet of this place.” Until the cops found him, this was my life. “So, anyway, since it doesn’t look like I’m going to Charlotte for Christmas, why don’t you come here?”

  “I can definitely do that, or maybe for New Year’s.”

  A genuine smile crimped up my face. Sometimes the love of a best friend could make everything so much better.

  When the initial shock of being literally hunted wore off, I had become raging mad. Not only did I fear what would happen when Ryan actually took me, but the constant coddling from everyone in my life became too much to deal with. I didn’t need the military police to protect me. I had Mom, Dad, and, worst of all, Tom. One of those three, Paul and Ellie, or Lance were always with me. The only time I left that house after Thanksgiving break was to teach my classes. After finals were over, I was bored out of my mind.

  The only problem with all of this was that I knew Ryan would find a way to get me. He was just waiting for me to be alone. I knew he was watching me. I could feel him, and I was now at the point where I was fed up with everything. I was imprisoned in my own personal hell.

  After reading the eighth book in same number of days, I got up from the recliner and went into the kitchen. I needed a drink that wasn’t my mother’s hot chocolate. Not caring that it was only eleven in the morning, I reached into the cabinet above the fridge and pulled down some good ol’ whiskey. I got a glass from the cabinet next to the sink and began to pour without a shred of guilt. After pouring about three shots’ worth in the glass, I threw it all back with a big glug. The burning sensation tore down my throat to the pit of my stomach. My eyes watered as I exhaled the fire from within. Steeling my nerves, I proceeded to repeat. The burning wasn’t as harsh the second time. The whiskey began to work its numbing magic.

  A thump echoed near the back door. I turned around to find Tom with tears in his eyes. My poor cowboy… he didn’t deserve this. The glass crashed down to the floor as I started to crumble. His arms wrapped around me, holding me up while I sobbed.

  “I can’t do this anymore.” I sobbed into his chest.

  He picked me up and carried me up the stairs. As he laid me on the bed, he whispered, “Jordan, we can get through this. They’re going to find him and it will be over. Just hang on, darlin’.”

  “Can we just get out and do something today? Like meet everyone at Dixie’s, and drink a beer, or go shopping for Christmas gifts?” The sobbing subsided, my childish antics embarrassing me. I just needed a break.

  “Let’s do both, huh? We’ll go shopping today and meet everyone out tonight. And when we get home, we’ll take a nice bubble bath together.” Tom looked at me with a hopeful grin and I gripped my arms around him. He pressed sweet and tender kisses along my cheek and lips, and then rested his forehead against mine, trying to calm my breathing.

  “I love you. I’m so sorry this is happening. I just want you to not stress over it, or hate me because of it, either.”

  I pulled back from his whisper and gazed into his worried eyes. I traced my fingertips down his shaven cheek, absorbing the feel of his skin. I shook my head at his words.

  “I love you more than life itself. As much of the hell I had gone through over the summer, I would take it a thousand times worse if it meant I got to be with you. I’m so sorry for getting mad at you. I understand you did this for me, for us.”

  He shook his head and I stopped speaking.

  “It was selfish of me. I won’t ever do something like that again. You’re my life. I want to share all of me with you.”

  I reached up and pecked his lips, melting in his words, as his arms wrapped around me in a tight hug. For the first time in weeks, I felt okay.

  “Come on, sexy. Go get dressed, and we’ll get your parents and everyone else a gift.” He smacked my ass as I got up from the bed. I missed us. This whole ordeal and my childish antics during it had put a damper on our relationship. I didn’t worry that we would ever be over, but the drama had pulled the spark out of us. Maybe today would be a good recovery day. Christmas spirited the air and I got to spend it with the people I loved.

  After a trip to the mall in the next town, a trip to the market, and a quick stop by Ellie’s to buy a new shirt for tonight, we came back home to make dinner for my parents. We decided to drag them out with us to Dixie’s Tavern. It would give them the opportunity to get to know Ellie and Paul better. Tom even convinced Lance to come as well. He suckered him by saying that I wanted him there and guilting him with the fact that I hadn’t gone out much over the course of a month. Lance and Paul seemed to be on better terms, but only when Ellie wasn’t the topic of conversation.

  After stowing the Christmas gifts in my closet, I went back downstairs to find my dad opening a bottle of wine. I glanced around the table at the three most important people of my life, and I hated myself for how ridiculous I had been acting. None of them deserved it.

  “Hey, baby girl,” my dad said as I arrived at the table. They all looked at me so lovingly. I sat down and let out a sigh of relief. It was the most content I had felt all week.

  “Hey y’all,” I said to gain their attention. “I’m really sorry for the way I’ve been acting these past few weeks. I didn’t really understand why all of this was happening and I think I lashed out at the ones around me, and unfortunately it was all of you.” I wiped away the traitorous tear that escaped, and continued, “But I hope that tonight we can at least try to forget about everything and enjoy the evening.”

  I looked up at Tom, and he smiled and winked, which allowed me to exhale a withheld breath and smile back. I sniffed the steak Tom had grilled for us, and I finally felt at peace. I wanted to enjoy the night knowing that nothing would happen to Tom and me and everything would be okay. Ryan would be caught soon. I just had to have a little faith.

  • • •

  Finally, freedom had arrived. As I walked through the door of Dixie’s Tavern, our little group said my name in unison. I grinned from ear to ear as Tom wrapped his arm around my waist tighter and led me and my parents to a table near the bar. Paul and Lance both shook hands with my father, but while Paul nodded curtly at my mother, Lance grabbed her in a big Lance hug, which made her laugh like a hyena. She wasn’t used to the ways of Lance yet. She would soon be immune to them, but it wouldn’t happen tonight.

  Paul ushered Ellie to sit down next to my mother then he went to the bar to get two pitchers of beer for everyone. My mom and Ellie started talking clothes and the guys were talking Panthers. I was going back and forth between the conversations since I loved both clothes and football equally. The talking turned louder as the third round of pitchers emptied, and for one moment, I had forgotten everything. All of the bad was swept away under a rug as if it never happened. My life was here now with Tom, and I owed every bit of my happiness to him.

  Several pitchers of beer later, the whole group of us, parents included, started to play a drinking game. It was my dad’s idea to play Quarters, which really wasn’t that shocking. He revisited his college days when he had a few beers, and Mom would just laugh at everything. I believed my parents were getting a little drunk, much like the rest of us.

  Angela showed up at Dixie’s, and Lance then became unavailable. Paul and Ellie moved away from us, but with
the thick crowd in here, I couldn’t tell where. My dad and Tom were still chatting as my mother rested her head on the table. She pretty much passed out.

  “Hey, Jordan!”

  I turned around to find a few students from my evening class. I assumed they were at least twenty-one, but I really wasn’t sure.

  Getting up from the table, I went over to the group at the bar and said, “Can y’all even be in here?”

  They all laughed, and one of my students drunkenly said, “Yep, we’re all twenty-one.”

  I eyed them suspiciously, and said, “Fine, fine. If y’all say so.”

  Another one of my students turned around with a tray of shots and said, “Let’s go, Jordan! Show us what you’ve got!”

  I caved into the teenage peer pressure. We all grabbed a shot and held them out in the middle of our circle as the girls in unison chanted, “One! Two! Three! Shoot!”

  And down the hatch it went. I didn’t even know what we were shooting. Then another girl cheered and hollered, “One more! One more!”

  Before I could even protest, there was another shot in my hand with a sugar-coated lemon on the rim. That would mean this clear liquid was vodka. The counting chant had begun, and the familiar burn scorched down my throat.

  About two shots later, the room was fuzzy. The only member of our little group I could find was Tom, but his head was leaning against the wall while he slumped in his chair. Just as I was about to wake him, my stomach churned from the toxins I had consumed. I began to do the “beer before liquor, liquor before beer rhyme” in my head, but I couldn’t remember which one got you sicker. I stormed down the hall into the bathroom and emptied all of the poison from my stomach.

  After wiping my tears and my mouth with some toilet paper, I thought it was definitely time to call a cab. As my stomach seemed to settle, I unlatched the stall door and pulled it open.

  An intense pain struck my head. I saw nothing but stars, then total darkness.

  “TOM?”

  “Tom!”

  A continuous nudge poked my shoulder, my name echoing over and over. I cracked open my eyes that felt like sandpaper and peered up at Mrs. Betty. She sighed and said, “I called you a cab, Tom. It’s three in the morning and the bar is closed.”

  I looked up at her, squinting from the light and my confusion, and I asked, “What?”

  Where did everyone go? I sat up from my slouching position against the wall, and I winced due to a screaming headache. I shook my head a little trying to find some relief, but it didn’t work. Betty helped me up from my seat. I staggered slightly, but composed myself. When I got my bearings, I knew something was wrong.

  “Betty, where’s Jordan?”

  She blankly stared at me, and replied, “Tom, I don’t know. I assumed she just took a cab back with her parents. Everyone seemed pretty messed up.”

  “Okay, Betty. Thanks again for the cab,” I said and left the tavern.

  I climbed into the back of the waiting cab and instructed the driver where to go. I distinctly remember Cal and Marie going home. He had to help her out of the bar. Why on earth would we have drunk so much? I guess we all needed a night to let go a little, but the uneasiness in the pit of my stomach wouldn’t disappear. I couldn’t figure out what all happened. I knew Jordan wouldn’t leave without me. I didn’t remember her leaving, and impatience began to set in.

  “Excuse me, sir. Could you go a little faster? I need to get home.”

  He nodded and sped up, curving around the mountain roads at a high speed, but I didn’t care. I needed to see my girl.

  He turned into the drive as I pulled out a twenty-dollar bill, and I thanked him when he stopped in front of the house. I darted out of the car with my keys in hand. I fumbled at the door, my hands shaking from nerves. As soon as I got it unlocked, I barged up the stairs to our bedroom to find the bed still made. The shake from my hands spread throughout my body as my blood turned cold. I went into the bathroom, finding it empty as well. I ran back downstairs to look throughout the house, but it was dark and empty. I went to the back of the house, to the guest suite, and knocked on the door. With no answer, I pounded this time, hoping to wake up Cal and Marie. Cal opened the door, a little groggy, and peered at me through half-closed lids. Then he became startled when he saw my face.

  “Please say she’s in here.” My vision blurred as my eyes glazed over with tears. Marie appeared at the door with tears already coming down her face.

  I turned around, grabbing the cell out of my pocket and dialed Jordan’s number. The voicemail answered, “Hi, this is Jordan. Leave a message.”

  Choked up already, I croaked out, “Darlin̓, please call me.”

  I called again immediately, hoping she would answer, and she was sleeping at Ellie’s or something. The voicemail answered again. I hung up, slamming my phone down on the kitchen island.

  “Fuck!”

  Cal and Marie hurried back into their room and changed out of their sleep attire as I grabbed my phone again. I dialed Ellie, and she thankfully answered on the third ring.

  “Please say she’s with you?” I said before she even said hello.

  “Shit,” she muttered. “Tommy, is she not with you? Where did you last see her?” she said, choking up.

  I tried to think. As Cal and Marie joined me in the kitchen, I said, “I saw her taking a shot with some girls that she taught over at the community college.” I was trying so hard to think through the drunken blur of the evening. “That’s all I remember, Ellie! I can’t remember anything else!”

  I could hear her sniffles through the phone. “Tom, call Lance just in case. I’ll be over there in a few minutes, and I’ll bring Paul.”

  The call ended, and I dialed Lance.

  “This better be good,” he answered.

  “Lance, have you seen Jordan?” I snarled.

  “What? Jordan? I’m with Angela right now, and have been ever since we played quarters.” The line stilled.

  “Tom? Do you think…” He didn’t continue and I heard movement in the background.

  “Tom, I’ll be there in a few.” The line went dead.

  I looked at my love’s parents. Marie was sobbing uncontrollably while Cal stared blankly at nothing. I held the phone in my hands, willing it to ring. I dialed Jordan’s cell again to no avail.

  That bastard took her. He took my girl.

  In a fury, I grabbed the vase that was sitting on the countertop and threw it across the room. Of course, it was no cure for my mental anguish. I laid my palms flat against the cool granite while they continued to tremble. Cal came over to me and rested his hand on my shoulder.

  “Son, you have to stay strong for her. She needs you to be strong,” he said. Marie wiped her tears and started to make a pot of coffee. Cal continued, “I’m going to put a few logs on the fire. You call the police, Tom.” A tear slipped from his eye, and his lip began to quiver. “We’ll have to wait twenty-four hours to officially file a missing person’s report, but we still need to call the police.”

  As I was about to dial 911, Paul and Ellie barged through the front door. “Tom,” Paul began, “I called my brother. He’s on his way over.”

  I nodded at him. A few moments later, Lance came in looking troubled.

  “Lance? Are you okay?” Ellie asked, walking over to him. He buried his head inside of his hands, and his shoulders shook from sobs.

  Ellie wrapped her arms around him as he said, “I shouldn’t have left with Angela. I shouldn’t have left.”

  He looked over at me and left Ellie’s arms. He walked to a few feet in front of me. His sobbing reduced to sniffling as he said, “Tom, I’m so sorry. I should have been watching out for her.”

  I shook my head and said, “Lance, she wasn’t your responsibility. Don’t put the blame on yourself.”

  He looked sullen and walked over to the sofa before plopping down. The room became silent as everyone stilled with nothing to do. I had nowhere to look. It was still dark out, being only 4:30 i
n the morning.

  Everyone sipped their coffee, while I paced near the front door, waiting for Caleb.

  “And I’m to have nothing more to do with Angela,” Lance blurted out.

  We all looked at him, wondering why he would bring this up.

  “Why is that, Lance?” Ellie asked.

  “She had the nerve to claim that Jordan was faking and that nothing really happened to her.” He shook his head and continued, “She never did like Jordan. We’re aware of why, but I didn’t think she would say something like that.”

  Ellie peered up at me from the other side of the room, “Tom, you don’t think…”

  “No. Angela’s not smart enough to do something like that,” I said with utter certainty.

  Caleb finally arrived and questioned us each individually as to when we each saw Jordan last. Unfortunately, all of our thoughts were blurry.

  “Officially, a missing person’s report can’t be filed until this evening,” he said looking at Cal and Marie. He turned to me and added, “But unofficially, we’re going over to Dixie’s to look at the security film.”

  When it hit 8:00 in the morning, Cal said he was going into town to ask around for people who might have seen her and would also head over to the police department. Marie and Ellie stayed at the house in case Jordan ended up coming home. Lance, Paul, and I hopped into Caleb’s cruiser and headed toward Dixie’s. We arrived to a very tired looking Betty.

  “Oh, Tom,” she started, wrapping me in a hug, “I wish I was paying more attention. I had no idea anything like this was going on.”

  I pulled back from her and said, “You’ll be doing a lot of help by allowing us to look at the security tapes.”

  “Y’all come back to the office, and we’ll see if we can find anything.” She motioned all of us to follow her into the back of the bar. She opened up the door to her office, and immediately turned the monitor around for us to see. Logging into her computer, she said, “I have six cameras set up around the perimeter of the bar. These cover the cash register, the length of the bar, the front of the bathrooms, and both the front and back doors. There are also two cameras outside, one in the front and one in the back.”