Belonging

by Karen Ann Hopkins

  I certainly didn’t want to be paranoid, but from the looks they’d given me, I was sure they’d been discussing me. The realization caused my skin to cool, and I blew out a breath of frustration. All I needed was for the two of them to join forces...I’d be screwed for sure.

  Lunch was uneventful. I munched on my sandwich while the girls chattered away about all kinds of stuff. Sarah pointed out to me the boy she had a crush on. His name was Edwin. His straight, blond hair was thin and he had a hooked nose, but he was tall like Noah, and, unlike many of the other boys, he hadn’t been leering at me. Since he was sitting in the same cluster that Noah was, when I looked to check him out, Noah winked at me. I one-upped him, sending him an air kiss. That widened his eyes briefly before he closed them, puckering his lips to receive my kiss.

  “You two need to stop doing stuff like that or someone will see,” Sarah warned me.

  “Oh, I think it’s cute,” Suzanna threw out for good measure.

  Silly Maretta, with her chubby face turning pink, said, “Youuu are soooo lucky, Rose.”

  Then the subject quickly changed to the material Sarah had found to make new purses, and I zoned out trying to catch Noah’s attention again. Unlike earlier, when I’d felt as if I was about to have a nervous breakdown at the distance that Noah had to keep from me, I now felt calmer, and even flirty. The grown-ups were distracted, and for a change, Noah was able to pay some attention to me. Whenever he got the chance, he stared at me, and our eyes played games across the tables, causing the flutters to attack my insides. But all too soon, lunch was over, and I was once again working alongside the girls.

  An hour or so later, I disappointedly watched Noah head out the driveway behind a procession of buggies as I stood beside Ruth waiting for Mr. Hershberger to bring our own buggy up. I really wanted to help him with Dolly, but Ruth only shook her head when I’d offered. Although I’d seen Katie driving an open buggy on the road the day before, I could only guess that since the women prepared the meal and cleaned up after it, the men were expected to work with the horses on Sundays.

  Oh, to be such supreme masculine beings, I thought dryly, deciding that I certainly couldn’t mess with tradition.

  Luckily the sun had dried out the ground, leaving hard clumps mixed in with the wetter places. I dug my toe into the clayish stuff, disgruntled and exhausted at the same time. Seeing what I was doing, Ruth elbowed me, and I instantly straightened.

  My mood was dark as I recalled what Ella had foretold. Maybe she was right. The idea of going through this kind of ordeal every Sunday for the rest of my life was enough to sap anyone of the strength to fight.

  But there was still the evening singing later. And this time, I’d be on the team and not watching from the sidelines. The knowledge that I might have the opportunity to talk with Noah made me feel a little better, along with the warm breeze that was drying the dampness around my neck and under my dress.

  And then, I also had the night with Suzanna and Miranda to look forward to.

  4

  Noah

  “Just go ahead and spit it out, Jacob,” I nearly shouted, surprising myself at how quickly I got stirred up when Rose was involved.

  “Don’t play dumb with me. You know exactly what I’m talking about. I’m trying to help you out.” Jacob grunted after he threw the last bale from the loft. He proceeded down the ladder, with me stepping nearly on his head as I followed him.

  I grabbed his arm, forcing him to turn and face me. “Maybe you better spell it out for me,” I growled.

  “Okay, then. If your girlfriend continues to hang out with the likes of Suzanna and Miranda, there won’t be a chance in hell that she’ll make it into our church.”

  “No—no, brother. That’s not what you said up there. You were implying that Rose was a tart for falling in with those girls so quickly.”

  “Whatever, but don’t you think it’s interesting that out of all the girls in our community, she ends up hanging around with them?”

  “There’s nothing much wrong with Suzanna—she’s just a bit unsettled,” I said trying to convince myself.

  “Yeah, well, what about Miranda? You know about her reputation.”

  “Are you really going to believe the crap that Levi says about his sister? You know what a liar he is,” I retorted at the same time I heaved the bale onto the fork of the Bobcat.

  “It can’t all be lies. And besides, it doesn’t really matter whether it’s true or not, does it? If Rose spends time with those two, then she’s going to get a reputation for herself, and not the kind I think you’re wanting.” Jacob climbed into the Bobcat and roared the engine to life. Before he drove away, he shouted over the rumbling, “You better think about warning her.”

  I stood in the open doorway of the barn watching Jacob roll toward the back feed lots. Shoot, but my big brother was right. I’d thought the same thing when I’d seen Rose spending most of the day in close company with the rambunctious girls.

  But what could I do about it?

  Rose was stubborn. Here she’d gone and made some new friends in a completely foreign place, and I was going to tell her not to hang around with them? I didn’t think so.

  At this point I reckoned it was best just to leave well enough alone. After all, how much mischief could she get into with the other girls if she only saw them on Sundays for church and the singings?

  “How is your day going, son?” Father’s voice boomed behind me, giving me a good jolt. The big man was always sneaking up like that. I turned to see his beaming face and decided not to say anything to burst his fine mood.

  “All right, I guess,” I mumbled, turning my attention to the tall, dark bay gelding in the nearest stall. Oscar was on loan to us from the Weaver family until I could purchase a new buggy horse for myself. My chest still felt tight when I remembered the night that my horse, Rumor, was killed in the buggy wreck that had nearly taken my own life. There was no question of replacing him, because that was never happening. I’d been there beside his dam’s body the night he’d been born eight years earlier, and we’d basically grown up together, sharing a special friendship that few men experienced with their horses. No, another horse wouldn’t be taking Rumor’s place, but I was sure I could find a suitable horse to get the job done.

  After putting the halter on Oscar, I led him into the aisle-way and cross-tied him. Seeing a small bloody tear on his neck, I grimaced. I knew where that came from—the demon colt.

  Father seemed determined to hang around pestering me. Instead of leaving me alone, he walked up to Oscar’s side and probed the cut with his fingers.

  “Did that black-and-white colt do this?” Father asked with disbelief.

  “None other,” I replied while applying a gob of ointment to the wound.

  “He’s a spitfire,” he said, stroking Oscar’s chest.

  “Ahh, I reckon he’ll settle down once he’s cut.”

  “When are you planning to have it done?”

  “Actually, I was thinking about waiting a while to see how he looks when he fills out some more. I mean, he’s fairly well bred and all...” I trailed off uncertainly.

  “Not a bad idea to wait a time. But if I were you, I’d put the little sucker in the small paddock by his self before he hurts one of our carriage horses.”

  “Good idea, Father.”

  That was his prompt to leave, but he continued to linger, leaning against the door frame. Looking out and away from me, Father asked, “How do you think Rose is handling her new situation?”

  “I’d say she’s doing just fine.” I paused from the currying of the dark fur to stare at Father’s back. “She’s determined to make this work.”

  “Oh, I don’t doubt her determination.” He paused, before saying in a quiet voice, “But it will be difficult business for her.”

  “What are you saying?”

  He turned to me with a strange light in his brown eyes. “Son, I know and understand your optimism about Rose becoming one of us and th
e two of you joining together, but you should hold yourself prepared if it doesn’t work out as you intend it.”

  “Do you know something?” I left the horse to move closer to him. I still believe he was willing to help me reach my goals.

  “No. Nothing you should be worrying about at this juncture. But I still wonder myself whether Rose will hold true.” He leveled a firm stare on me. “And, if she doesn’t, will you be able to let her go?”

  I couldn’t help but remember the story about his own questionable relationship with a rebellious Amish girl during his youth. He’d turned his back on her, but it was for the best when he’d found true love and a life with Mother. In time, the other girl ran away, abandoning her own husband and child. Father seemed to think that my situation with Rose was similar, but it wasn’t. Rose was not the girl from his past...and I wasn’t my father.

  “I’ll do what I must,” I said without hesitation. I could have done without two pep talks in one afternoon.

  “Right, then—you be watching yourself and how you behave around Rose this evening at the singing. You’re both being watched, you know.”

  It was sound advice. “Yes, Father. I will.”

  As Father was turning to leave, I rushed to him, capturing his shoulder. “Oh, I almost forgot, Timmy and Matt want to go for a night ride later this evening. Will that be all right with you and Mother?” I didn’t see any reason for him to say no, but ever since my first encounter with Rose, I hadn’t given my folks much reason to trust me.

  Father probed my eyes with his for a very long second before saying, “I see no reason why you shouldn’t go along, but again, Noah, you have to be disciplined with yourself. You must take extra care now with your activities while your courtship is being considered.”

  “Yes, sir, I understand.”

  “And be careful on that leg. You’re healing up nicely and you don’t want to set yourself back. I can only imagine what them doctors in the big city would say if they knew you were out riding a horse before you got the brace off....”

  He chuckled, then sobered quickly and said, “And, son—” Father had made it only a few feet from the barn door when he stopped again “—please, no racing in the fields with Matthew along. You remember his broken collarbone the last time you all went for an outing and that bulked-up mare bucked him off? I can’t afford to have him out of work for any length of time with you not back yet. So keep that in mind.”

  I couldn’t help but snicker to myself picturing Matthew’s soft body trying to keep his seat on that mare of his. He was definitely over-horsed. But father’s advice was well placed and not much trouble for me to keep. I was just looking forward to an evening out with the guys for a change. Since I couldn’t be hidden away somewhere kissing my sweet Rose, I might as well be doing something to keep my mind off the fact.

  * * *

  Seeing Rose once again tucked in between Suzanna and Miranda at the dinner table was troubling. I was going to have to talk to Sarah about the situation. Rose and my sister were good buddies, anyway; it shouldn’t be much of a problem for Sarah to keep Rose by her side.

  I only half listened to Timmy and Matt trying to talk Edwin into going with us on the ride. I knew they’d be unsuccessful. The kid was a dope, never wanting to do much of anything. It was to a point that I didn’t even bother asking him anymore.

  My attention was locked on my gorgeous girlfriend. Even dressed in our Plain clothes, she still had a sexy thing going on that none of the other girls possessed. The long stray curl that escaped her cap was especially enticing, and I couldn’t help but imagine that hair wrapped around my finger.

  Women had it so much easier than we did. I knew Rose wanted me, but I doubted that her body was on fire every time she looked my way. As a matter of fact, my girl had the unnerving ability to ignore me quite well when she was supposed to. And right now as we were finishing the last bites of supper off the plates, she was doing just that—ignoring me. I watched her talking to the other girls as if she’d known them forever. I wouldn’t admit it to anyone else, but I was right jealous of those girls for having Rose’s full attention.

  I had to talk to her that evening, if only a few words. I needed to see those beautiful blue eyes fluttering at me.

  As the girls finished clearing the tables, I slowly rose, following the guys out the door. I glanced back, and catching Rose’s sweet smile for a second was enough to make me feel a tad better.

  As we made our way out to the nets set up behind the house, I looked over my shoulder several times to be sure that Rose was following. She was and with her new bodyguards in tow. Yes, I definitely needed to get word to her that she shouldn’t be hanging around with the two of them—and soon.

  The evening was getting right chilly now that the sun was settled low in the sky. It was the perfect weather for playing a game of ball, though. I wasn’t exactly showing off, but I felt a lot of pent-up energy that I really wanted to direct at Rose. Being unable to, I attacked the volleyball instead.

  My chance finally came when Rose sat down cross-legged on the grass beside our game. Either she was tired of playing herself, or she was hoping I’d join her. Miranda was the only other person with her, and the two girls were huddled closely together, talking. I waited for the girl to get up and leave, worrying that she’d sit there beside Rose for the rest of the game.

  With darkness nearly upon us, I knew I didn’t have much time.

  Sarah joined Rose at the same time Miranda went back to the net. Taking the opportunity, I looked around carefully. Not seeing any adult’s weary eyes on me, I sat myself down strategically on the other side of my sister. I would have given anything at that moment to have been close to Rose, but I wasn’t taking any chances.

  Rose eyed me happily, and my heart raced. Wasting no time, I leaned over Sarah’s lap, not caring what she heard. “Sweetheart, how are you doing tonight?”

  “Much better now that you’re within a few feet of me.” She smiled sweetly.

  Rose was smart, though. She only eyed me for a few seconds before she returned her attention on the game.

  Good girl, Rose.

  “How does your little butt feel after the ordeal this morning?”

  Rose half smiled at me in that seductive way that only she could do. “I’m feeling okay. But, I don’t believe I’ve ever sat still for so long.” Then she lost the flirty look and said, “Well, maybe when I took the ACT, but those chairs were much more comfortable.”

  I didn’t have a clue what she was talking about, but knowing we might run out of time, I said, “Hey, you need to listen to me. You shouldn’t be hanging around Suzanna and Miranda so much.”

  Her eyes rounded, and she said, “Huh?”

  “Just trust me on this one, all right?” I tried not to sound as if I was pleading, but I probably did, anyway. The way Rose’s face went from surprise to irritation sent a chill through me.

  I did believe she’s going to do what she wanted.

  Before I got to say more to her, a half dozen girls were plopping down all around us, sending me quickly on my way.

  The last look I received from Rose was a frown. She was thinking, which meant trouble for sure. Why couldn’t she just take my advice and be done with it? Deep down, I knew that Rose’s headstrong personality was one of the things that I both hated and loved about her. Things were always exciting with her, that’s for sure.

  But what would I do if she continued to hang around with the girls that others in the community believed were rebels?

  “You ready to get the horses?” Timothy asked excitedly by my ear. He’d placed his hand on my shoulder and Matt was close behind him.

  I was glad to have a diversion that night—I needed my friends to help me keep my mind off of Rose and everything else.

  5

  Rose

  Sitting on the edge of the seat, I leaned forward relishing the cool wind on my face. It was about the most fun I’d had in ages. Suzanna had her horse, Wynn, stretched out, t
he mare trotting fluidly across the pavement. The clip-clop clip-clop was thunderous and glorious at the same time. Riding in an open buggy for the first time was better than the best ride at an amusement park.

  This part of being Amish was awesome.

  Miranda pressed into my side on the front bench as one hand braced behind me and the other one held onto her cap. The darkness was nearly complete, and I searched the sky for the Big Dipper. Finding the constellation quickly, I sighed happily. Maybe this sort of life did suit me.

  Suzanna pulled back on the long reins, slowing Wynn to a jog, then a walk at the turn. I was surprised when we left the road we were on. Suzanna must have felt my wonder since she said, “Oh, no worries. We’re picking up a friend.”

  I was usually a go-with-the-flow type of person, but when Suzanna spoke the words I felt instant dread. What was the girl up to?

  “Who?” I asked, trying to remain calm.

  “You’ll see,” Suzanna spoke perkily, obviously quite pleased that she had me guessing.

  We picked up our pace and sailed into the trot again. The road was quiet, and I almost didn’t worry about getting hit by a truck. I guess it was something I’d have to deal with for the rest of my life: the buggy fear factor.

  We whisked past several non-Amish homes before slowing again to a walk. I noticed a girl standing at the end of the drive that we were approaching. I stared at the girl as my peripheral vision caught sight of the small tan-colored double-wide behind her with enough beat-up old vehicles in the yard to make it look like a used car lot.

  When the girl saw us approaching, a giant smile lit up her face, and she ran toward us in fairly athletic form. She was not Amish, and I wondered who she was.