Belonging

by Karen Ann Hopkins

  “Maybe if they got mad at her, they’d kick her out of their club. Then she’d have to come back to the real world, and get on with her life,” Hunter suggested.

  He had a point. Sometimes I forgot that Hunter was a pretty smart guy. He took all the same accelerated classes I took, and got mostly A’s. The dumb jock thing was just a facade. He actually had a brain in his pro-athlete body.

  As I grasped the door handle, I said, “Yeah, and you’ll be waiting for her in the real world, right?”

  “Maybe,” was all Hunter said as he jumped out of the truck and met me on my side.

  I didn’t like how nervous I was getting. I was going to talk to my sister, not face a firing squad, I told myself. The flakes of snow were changing back to rain again, splashing my face and head as they came down with more force. What a miserable day. The weather had definitely soured my mood, and having to deal with Rose’s bizarre form of rebellion was putting a hard edge on my emotions as I walked through the automated doors alongside Hunter. I tried to soften my face a bit, so I wouldn’t scare the old lady greeting the customers in the doorway. When she looked my way, I rewarded her with a big smile. The way she smiled back, warmly, as if she were a proud grandma, I knew I’d won her over.

  Now onto business. I hesitated only a second before heading to the grocery aisles. Hunter slunk along beside me silently. Maybe he was nervous about the encounter, too? He hadn’t been around Rose since the night of the wreck. Serve him right if he was getting all worked up. I admired that he’d cleaned up his act since the ill-fated party that seemed forever ago, but it would take a hell of a lot to erase his actions in Rose’s eyes. Even though I was usually optimistic about things, I doubted if he could pull this off.

  Glancing down the rows from left to right, I spotted a few of the Amish women pushing a cart down the bread aisle. Nope. Rose wasn’t with them. I continued my search, hoping I’d catch her alone.

  After several minutes and exhausting the grocery section, Hunter and I headed over to the beauty stuff. Hunter suggested it, and it was a good bet she’d be there. When I finally found her, she was staring at some bottles of lotion, looking pretty bored. The girl standing with her looked to be Noah’s sister. Couldn’t remember her name, but I think she was the older one.

  “Hey, sis, did they let you out of the house today?” From the look on her face, it was probably not the best thing to have said to her straight off. Her eyes threw daggers at me.

  She breathed in deep, and when she exhaled, a growling sound came with it.

  “I see you’re still a jerk, huh, Sam?” Her voice was colder than the weather outside.

  Hunter almost laughed but swallowed the sound, a little too late, because now Rose’s icy glare was directed at him.

  Clearing his throat, Hunter said, “Hey, Rose. It’s good to see you.”

  “Sorry, I can’t say the same,” she replied rudely.

  Man, she was in a fouler mood than I was. Before it got into a shouting match, I altered my voice and said as nicely as I could manage, “I want to talk to you, Rose, just for minute.”

  The Amish girl piped up. “I think we better get going.”

  Rose shot her friend an irritated look. After chewing on her lip for a few seconds, she glanced from me back to the Amish chick.

  “Sarah, I want to talk to Sam alone. Okay?” Her voice was amicable to an untrained ear. But to me, I knew what she was really saying was you better get the heck out of my way and let me do what I want.

  Sarah stepped closer to Rose and whispered, just loud enough that I could hear, “Are you sure?”

  “Yep, I’ll catch up with you at the van,” Rose said smoothly, with no room for an argument.

  Sarah sighed but did what Rose said, walking away. Smart girl.

  Rose then glanced around with nervous energy. “We need to go somewhere more private.”

  Her voice carried a kind of vulnerable twang to it. A sound I hadn’t heard coming from her mouth since she was ten. Shucks. Brotherly protectiveness began invading my senses.

  “Let’s go to my truck,” I suggested.

  She shook her head. “No. I can’t do that.” After another birdlike look around, she said, “Just follow me.”

  Before Hunter had the chance to shift his weight, Rose held her hand out, narrowing her eyes at him. “Not you.”

  For a brief second, a look of hurt flickered across Hunter’s face. I shook my head in sympathy for the guy. Falling for my sister was going to cause him a lot of heartache.

  “Go on to the truck, Hunter. I’ll be there in a few,” I told him.

  Hunter started to turn, hesitated and moved toward Rose in a blur. He got pretty damn close to her, and even though I could tell she wanted to step back, she held her ground, only swaying her upper body a bit.

  “Look, Rose, I’m really sorry about everything that happened that night.” He paused, with a deeply drawn breath, and then said, “I hope whenever your life gets straightened out, we can be friends.” Hunter waited for her to respond, but when it was obvious she wasn’t going to say anything, he left us, moving briskly away.

  “That was kind of harsh.”

  “Why? I didn’t say any of the things I was thinking,” she mumbled as she headed to the back of the store.

  She was clueless. “Sometimes not saying anything is even worse than chewing someone out,” I informed her.

  “Oh, are you a relationship counselor now?” she asked sarcastically, turning right past the shoes and then left along the aisle at the back of the store. I had to hustle to keep up with her feverish stride. She finally stopped by the shelves filled with green bags of cat food. Dozens of smiling tabbies’ faces stared at me.

  She turned to face me. After another quick search around her, she said, “What do you want?”

  I’d had my little speech memorized in my head for weeks, but now, seeing my sister in the flesh, dressed in the ridiculous clothes, I could only laugh at her. That didn’t go over well.

  Wham. She smacked me across the chest.

  “I don’t have time for your comedy show.” She looked behind her and then over my shoulder, before saying in a frustrated hiss, “I don’t have much time at all, so if you have something to say, out with it already.”

  I got myself under control, but damn, it was going to be difficult to have a serious conversation with her dressed like that. “Okay. Okay. I’m sorry. You got to understand, you look strange to me.” Rose folded her arms across her chest, popping one hip up while she waited for me to continue. She was still not happy with me. And, she didn’t seem to understand at all.

  “You know, Dad and Justin, Aunt Debbie, they were all really upset that you didn’t come see us for your birthday.”

  Number one thing was off my chest.

  She sniffed. Avoiding my eyes, she said, “Yeah, I’m sure they were.”

  “Well, what about it? Aren’t you allowed to be around your family anymore?”

  Rose shifted uneasily, not answering me. Her being without words told me something was definitely up.

  “Come on. What’s going on in your little Amish world?” Seeing her lips tighten, I surged on with my interrogation. “Are you happy with all the rules? Are you enjoying the fact that you have no freedom at all?” Still there was no response from her. “Is Noah really worth it?”

  That got her. She locked her blue eyes on me and whispered, “Yes, he’s worth it.” She sighed, then leaned back against the cat food and blew out hard, angrily. “But it’s been more difficult than I ever imagined.”

  “Have they been mean to you?”

  She shook her head. “No...not really. They are very controlling. You wouldn’t believe the half of it.” She stopped to check the vicinity again, then she rolled on. “I can’t even wear my lace-up boots when I ride.” She said it as if was the worst thing in the world.

  I shrugged. “Why not?”

  She said fiercely, “Because the Elders think they’re too flashy. Can you imagine,
my old, dingy, brown boots flashy? And that’s just the beginning of it. I can’t even wear a watch!” she nearly shrieked, although quietly.

  “Then why don’t you get out of there?”

  “I love Noah, that’s why.”

  “So you’re going to live this way, miserable, for the rest of your life?”

  “Well, it’s not all bad. The Millers and the Hershbergers are so nice to me. And I’ve made some friends.”

  “You didn’t answer my question. Are you going to continue with this craziness or what?” I was becoming irritated with her, and it probably showed in my voice, although I was trying to sound amicable.

  She pushed away from the bags and got up close, invading my personal space. When she was close enough that she must have felt that no one sneaking up on her would hear, she breathed out, “I think Noah might go English.”

  I couldn’t help but feel exasperated with her. “Oh, come on, Rose, we’ve been through this before.” When I saw her hopeful eyes, I asked, “Why? Has something changed with him?”

  “No, not exactly, but I think he might be coming around to my side.” She said it a little sheepishly, and I suddenly felt sorry for nature boy.

  “So, your plans all along were to convert Noah—and not really stay Amish yourself? Is that it?”

  “No, Sam. I’ll stay Amish if that’s what it takes to be with Noah.” She looked dramatically horrified at my question.

  “You’re not convincing me. And, besides, how much time are you going to waste on this endeavor? The holidays are in a couple of weeks. Are you planning to shun your family for Christmas?”

  Number two thing was now off my chest.

  I leveled a hard look at her, but I thought that I was being pretty mild. She needed some sense shaken into her.

  “Oh, I don’t know. I really want to see you all for the holidays, but Ruth and James have a lot of family to visit. And, there is so much work that needs to be done.”

  Then she rambled on for a few minutes, something about Mrs. Hershberger’s daughter having twins, and having to do the laundry for her, scrubbing a fence by hand and making two hundred whoopee pies for some event. I tuned it all out. None of it mattered in the least.

  Really, my sis was losing her freaking mind.

  I interrupted her. “Look, Dad wants to see you for Christmas, and that’s the end of it. So you better work it out.”

  “Yeah, I’ll do the best I can,” she muttered, staring off into space as if she were some kind of zombie.

  “We’re all going to Cincinnati to stay at Aunt Debbie’s for the holidays. Think about it, Rose—you can hang out with Amanda and Brittany, and go shopping at the mall with Aunt Debbie for the last-minute sales. You’d have a blast.”

  “Oh, I don’t think I’ll be allowed to go away for that long.”

  “Why don’t you just bring Noah with you?”

  I thought it was the perfect solution, but then she rolled her eyes and spat out, “No way will they let him do that. He’d have to have an Amish adult chaperone along, and that would be just terrible—as if his folks would even allow him to leave town during Christmastime, anyway,” she said with a pout.

  Before I had a chance to respond, a couple of Amish women appeared at the end of the aisle. At that moment, they reminded me of a pair of harpies that just found lunch.

  “Rose. Come with us now, we must go,” the older, gray-haired lady said. I figured she was the infamous Mrs. Hershberger. She was a little chubby, but still managed to be sharp-faced. Other than that, there wasn’t anything really distinguishable about her.

  “Coming.” Rose gave me a fake smile, before whirling around to join the women. When she met up with them, both women put a hand on either of her shoulders and guided her away and out of my sight.

  What a mess Rose was in. It was obvious she wasn’t enjoying being Amish, and it was just a matter of time before her house of cards collapsed. Still, I had the nagging feeling that the fool girl might do something insane, like marry Noah, before she got her head on straight.

  If I had anything to do with it, that wasn’t going to happen. I’d tell Dad about my encounter with Rose when I got home, and I’d encourage him to go ahead with the family crisis intervention plan he’d been talking about. That’s what he called it, but what Dad really meant to do was to kidnap Rose from the Amish and force her to live in Cincinnati with Aunt Debbie and Uncle Jason. This charade had gone on long enough. We’d all figured she’d only last a few weeks at most with the strict disciplinary lifestyle of these people. But, to all our amazement, especially Tina’s, she’d proven she had a pretty tough constitution. Four months was enough, though.

  I suddenly remembered a discussion I’d had with Summer weeks ago, and after a few seconds of thought, a plan began to sprout. Someday, Rose would thank me for it.

  I slowly walked through the store, not paying any attention to the people passing by me. I was too absorbed in thought.

  Dad needed to take action—the sooner the better.

  * * *

  I sat at the table waiting for Dad. I figured any minute he’d come surging through the doorway. I had a million thoughts swirling in my mind—I was on the verge of a major headache. Mostly, I was focused on getting Rose out of her delusion, but images of a certain redhead kept making appearances, too.

  The fact that our relationship hadn’t gotten past niceties in the hallways at school was killing me. She wouldn’t let me pick her up in the mornings, and every night after practice she was already gone. She’d laughed when I’d asked her to the movies, and when I would spot her in the sea of students, she’d actually turn around and head the other way after making eye contact. We had lunch at the same time, but she stayed in the far corner of the room with a few other country girls. What the hell was wrong with her?

  Before I had the opportunity to ponder the question further, Dad swept into the kitchen with a gust of cold air following him. He shut the door quickly and headed for the fridge to get his usual glass of milk.

  “How was your day?” he asked, filling his glass to the rim.

  I wasted no time with small talk, needing to get it out so I could forget about it. “I saw Rose at Walmart.” My words had effectively gotten his full attention.

  “How is she? Did you ask her why she didn’t come by for her birthday?” Dad said, instantly annoyed.

  “I don’t think she’s ever coming home. She seems to have taken to this Amish thing just fine, and she has her sights on a wedding in the near future.” I threw in the last bit to really stir him up, which it did.

  “Damn it. I should never have listened to Tina about this. Sure, a normal, weak-willed girl wouldn’t have lasted a week with those crazies, but our Rose is stronger—and more stubborn—than that.”

  Dad pulled out the chair beside me and leaned back. He stared at the ceiling for a few seconds, then wiped his eyes vigorously with the hand not holding the glass.

  “Listen, I’ve been thinking about what you and Aunt Debbie have been planning...” Seeing Dad’s eyes narrow, I remembered that I’d eavesdropped on his telephone conversations to know that bit of info. “Sorry, Dad, you talk kind of loud—and I heard you say something about taking Rose back. Have you got any ideas how to go about it?” I asked, guessing already that he didn’t have anything near as developed as what I had planned.

  “I don’t know. Tina has advised me that it would be traumatic for Rose and everyone else if there is a large crowd around, but I can’t easily go onto the Hershbergers’ or the Millers’ properties, either, and do it without causing major problems with the neighbors.” He looked up and squinted at me with a suspicious face and said, “Do you have something in mind, Sam?”

  I smiled at him, knowing that in a couple of minutes he’d be impressed. “Actually, I have it all figured out already...and you won’t have to worry about making a scene in the neighborhood—and we’ll get Rose back.”

  Dad leaned in, focused on me completely as I talked. He nod
ded several times and asked questions or made points here and there. By the time the discussion was over, he looked a whole lot more relaxed.

  “That might actually work, Sam. But you’re sure that you can arrange the timing of it all?”

  “I’m sure.”

  “Then, the only part of this business I see a problem with is the letter,” Dad mused out loud just as Justin walked into the kitchen.

  Dad looked at me, and I nodded my head toward my unsuspecting little brother, who just so happened to have a very similar writing style to Rose’s flowery doodles. The whole artsy thing had bypassed me entirely to pop up in both my younger siblings.

  Dad’s eyes widened in understanding, and for a second I wondered whether he was so desperate to get Rose back that he’d bring Justin into the chaos and deception.

  I didn’t have long to guess, though, when Dad said, “Justin, come on over here. I have something very important that I need to talk to you about—something that I need your help with.”

  21

  Rose

  It was wonderful to sit beside the woodstove, sipping creamy hot chocolate with the sound of Summer’s giggles sparking the air. The perky redhead was wearing a hunter-green sweater that set her eyes off brightly, and I couldn’t help but wish that I had something similar in blue.

  No way was that possible now.

  “If you saw your brother’s confused face each time I blew him off, you’d laugh till your head popped off. It’s classic, it is.” She blew on her hot drink and eyed me with uncontrolled mirth.

  Some weird sibling protection instinct snarled in me, and before I could pull it back, out of my mouth sprang the words, “Why do you hate him so much?”

  She set her mug down on the table and stretched her arms over her head, reminding me of a fluffy house cat that had just woken from a nap.

  Tilting her head slightly, she said, “I don’t hate him.”

  “You certainly act like you do, taking pleasure in hurting him and all,” I scoffed.