Belonging

by Karen Ann Hopkins

  I hesitated. I’d already thought of a million ways I could tell him the truth, but none seemed to elicit the outcome that I wanted. How could I tell him that Rose never dumped him, and not have the guy sniffing after her all over again?

  “Is Rose okay?” There was a change to his voice, as if his mind had suddenly come alive with possibilities for my visit.

  Damn. I could tell by the tone of his voice, he still had feelings for my sister.

  “Rose is fine. Actually, she’s more than okay. She’s been dating a good buddy of mine, and they’ve become really close.”

  Noah’s voice roughened instantly. “Why is that my concern? Did you come over here to rub Rose’s loose relationships in my face?”

  “Hey, don’t make insinuations about her. First you want to marry my sister, and then several months later you’re engaged to some other chick. You should talk, stud.”

  I tried to control my voice, and I didn’t punch him, which showed my patience with the guy. When his hand hit the handle, and he was ready to exit the conversation, I stopped him.

  “Wait. Don’t leave until you’ve heard me out.” Noah’s eyes snapped fire at me. But he stilled his body, waiting. I thought of Summer’s sweet face and found the reason to go on.

  “Rose didn’t write that letter.”

  Noah’s brown eyes widened, and his mouth dropped open. “The handwriting was hers—I know her writing,” he said defensively.

  I shook my head. “It was Justin’s handwriting in the note to you. Dad and I encouraged him to do it. He has that same kind of artsy doodling style that Rose has. He missed Rose as much as Dad and I did, but he was less verbal about it. We told him what to write and he did it, with the extra incentive of finally being allowed to get online for Xbox Live. You were tricked by a thirteen-year-old with an addiction to the game world.”

  I watched Noah digest the information, his face staring out at the watery world.

  “She didn’t go to the city on her own?” he asked carefully.

  “No, man—Dad forced her to go live with our Aunt Debbie. She sure didn’t want to.”

  After a couple of minutes, his silence began getting on my nerves. It meant that he was thinking hard, which probably didn’t bode well for my sister.

  In a last-ditch effort to interrupt the inevitable outcome, I said, “Noah, sounds like you got a great thing going with your new woman...and Rose is happy with Hunter. Let it go. The two of you were never meant to be together, anyway. It was just a mistake.”

  Noah’s head snapped at me, his eyes becoming slits. But he didn’t say a word. Instead, he grabbed the handle and flung the door open. He jumped out into the storm, slamming the door without a backward glance.

  The seat he vacated was still wet from his body, my only clue that the conversation had been real. Clicking on the windshield wipers, I caught one last view of Noah before he entered his house.

  There was bound to be some interesting discussion in there tonight. I revved the engine, letting Noah slip away from my mind. After all, I hopefully had a date with my little redhead, and I didn’t want to be late.

  Only time would tell what kind a blowout would come from my confession. Till then, I wasn’t going to lose sleep over it.

  31

  Rose

  I pressed my forehead with my fingertips, trying to force the answers in. God, I hated trig. The warm sun shining through the window on to my paper made it even worse. I wanted to be at the stable, riding Lady in the arena on this beautiful spring day.

  The past few days of straight rain had given me some serious cabin fever. It figured, the gray skies finally broke up, and I was stuck alone in the house doing homework.

  The tangy smell of the daffodils below the window wove together with that of the drying pavement in front of the house to bring on a wave of nostalgia. I loved springtime. Closing my eyes, I let the sound of the birds twittering to each other fill my head.

  Just a few more questions and I could climb into my pickup and head to the barn. I couldn’t help but smile that I finally had my license—and my own wheels. Opening my eyes up, I gazed through the window at the red truck in the driveway and grinned.

  Guess Dad finally did trust me.

  Probably the dinner a couple of weeks ago with Hunter had helped with Dad’s lightening-up process. The fact that Hunter was doing pre-med classes and willing to transfer his scholarships to play football for the Ohio Bearcats had convinced Dad of our seriousness as a couple.

  Checking my phone, I saw that if I worked quickly I might even have enough time to hang out with Amanda and Brittany that evening, watch a movie and pig out on junk food. Since Aunt Debbie and Uncle Jason were away for a couple of nights at a conference, I’d welcome the company.

  It was a shame that Hunter was in Meadowview and on strict orders from Dad and Aunt Debbie not to come for a visit this weekend. And way too bad that he was on a mission to impress everyone in my family with his good manners and behavior.

  I worked the last questions out the best I could and slammed the book closed. I had the twinge of worry that they were all screwed up, but the sunshine was calling me and I had to listen. Grabbing my purse and hoodie for later when the sun went down, I breezed out the front door.

  Even with my sunglasses on, I needed to shield my eyes from the rays. That’s when the out-of-place vehicle parked in the cul-de-sac caught my attention.

  Why was an old work truck parked in front of the house?

  My heart froze, and a chill went up my arms even though the warm breeze was caressing them. The vehicle looked just like the Millers’ work truck—and the old guy driving it looked just like Mr. Denton.

  My breathing stopped altogether when I heard the truck door slam shut, and I saw Noah walk around the front. He stopped beside the driver’s window and leaned in for a few seconds before stepping back and watching the truck drive away.

  Then he turned around.

  The world went dizzy, and the last thing I felt was the hard, cold cement of the porch as I crashed down to it.

  * * *

  “Rose. Rose. Wake up. Please talk to me—or I’m going to call Mr. Denton to come back and take you to the hospital.”

  I wouldn’t open my eyes.

  Oh, my God—my, God. Noah was here, in the suburbs of Cincinnati, cradling my head in his lap—cooing to my limp body as if he gave a damn. What was going on? Maybe I’d hit my head and had a concussion.

  I must be dreaming.

  I risked it and peeked through my eyelashes for a second before slamming them shut tightly again. He was there—and he’d caught me looking at him.

  “Rose, stop acting like a ninny and open your eyes. I just saw you do it, so I know you’re awake. Come on...” He fluctuated between pleading and threatening, causing me some major indecision.

  When he picked me up like a child, I finally popped my eyes open.

  “I can walk just fine, thank you.” Who did he think he was, picking me and carrying me around?

  “I better carry you in. You might have a fractured skull or something.” He was strong enough to easily hold me with one arm and his fully recovered knee, while he pushed the door open with his other hand.

  Then he had the nerve to say, “You know, you really should lock the door when you leave. This might not be the inner city, but there sure are a lot of folks around here, and some of them might like to sneak in here and wait for a pretty girl like you to return.”

  “Put me down—right now.”

  I squirmed, but he wouldn’t drop me. Instead, my movements seem to tighten his grip.

  Finally, after making a sweep of the downstairs, he deposited me onto the couch. He sat down beside me, flinging his arm over the back of the seat. Then he let his chocolate-colored eyes wander slowly over every inch of me.

  My head was swimming with the impossibility of it all. That Noah was sitting only inches from me on my aunt’s couch, over a hundred miles away from where he was supposed to be, had redu
ced my brain to mush. But that wasn’t the terrifying part; the way his eyes traveled over me was. The warm explosion in my belly and the tingles shooting through me could not be denied.

  I still wanted Noah like no other—even Hunter.

  “What the hell are you doing here?” I wasn’t going to let him turn me into a puddle. I wasn’t going there again.

  Before I could react, he reached out and took a handful of my hair and brought it to his nose. I pulled back, yanking my hair—and it hurt—away from him.

  “I’m so pleased that you didn’t cut your beautiful hair. I was so worried that you had.” His eyes settled onto mine, calm and confident.

  He went to touch my face, and I swatted his hand away and stood up. Noah was in sync with me and rose at the same time.

  “I’m sorry. I understand that this must be a shock for you to have me showing up out of the blue.”

  “That’s putting it mildly,” I said. “What do you want from me? Why did you just get dropped off like...like you were invited?” My brain was frazzled, and my body was attacking me from the inside, wanting to fling itself into Noah’s arms.

  God, I wanted to melt into him so bad it was killing me.

  “Haven’t you talked to Sam at all in the last couple of days?”

  “No. Sam and I aren’t in the habit of chatting on a daily basis. What does he have to do with any of this?” I searched his face for answers, only to see a slight smirk rise up.

  “Well, then, this might be a bit of a shock to you. Let’s sit back down so that we can talk.” He reached out for me, and I jumped away from him and ran.

  It was stupid, I know. Maybe back when he’d gotten out of the hospital I could have outrun him, but under normal circumstances, compared to his perfectly muscled construction worker body, I was a slowpoke.

  I did manage to clear the stairs and make it to my room before he was on me. I didn’t get the door shut, though.

  “Stop acting like an infant. This is serious. We need to talk.”

  He grabbed my body, putting me into a wrestler’s hold, and lifted me onto the bed, where he then deposited me.

  He sat down facing me, too close for my taste—or safety from myself.

  “Rose, clear your mind of all this nonsense and just listen to me. Your brother came by two days ago to talk to me. I guess he had a revelation of conscience or something, because he admitted doing a terrible thing to us.”

  I stared at him, waiting. I couldn’t speak, I could hardly breathe.

  “He told me that the letter that your father gave me the night you were taken was a fake. They had forged the thing to make me think that you didn’t want me. That you left me on your own free will.”

  “What letter— They who?” The desperation that had appeared in his eyes scared the crap out of me, but his words, they triggered an understanding of the reason that he hadn’t come to my rescue—that they had all abandoned me—it made sense.

  “Your father— He had Justin write a letter that basically said that you had decided that the Amish world wasn’t right for you. It said that you didn’t want me to contact you—that you wanted to move on with your English life.”

  The tears began to trickle, but I sucked them back in. “My dad did that—he lied to you about me not wanting you?”

  “Yeah, and Sam was in on it. That’s why I never tried to contact you. I thought you had decided that I was no good for you, that the Amish life was not what you wanted.” He took my hands and moved in closer to me. Close enough that I could feel his warm breath on my face.

  “Rose, sweetheart, if I had known that you were forced to leave, I would have come for you. Like I did today, I would have hired a driver and come and gotten you, taken you away into hiding somewhere until you turned eighteen.”

  His eyes were so intense; his hair fell about his head in a beautiful mess. The sight of him caused my heart to thump faster in my chest and liquid warmth to spread out to every inch of my flesh.

  My mind suddenly processed that we were completely alone. No chaperones for miles and miles, no one to spy on us—or stop us from doing anything.

  I had missed his touches and his kisses so much.

  “You would have done that for me? Left your family and community to take me away like that?”

  His answer was significant in a way that I didn’t even understand myself, and I caught my breath until he spoke.

  “Darling, I would have gone to the edge of the world to keep you with me. The only reason I gave you up is because I thought that’s what you wanted me to do. I believed that you really wanted to go back to your old life, and I wouldn’t force you to stay with me if you didn’t want to.”

  The dam of my emotions broke, and my tears flowed freely. “I needed you so badly. I waited for you to come, but you didn’t. And then Summer told me what you’d said to her—and I gave up. I gave up on us.”

  “I’m so sorry. I never stopped loving you. Even though I was angry, I couldn’t stop. I tried to convince myself that I didn’t have to have you in my life—that I was better off without you, but just under the surface you were always there. Every night I dreamed of you and no other.”

  Noah’s eyes were wet when he crushed me into his chest. I buried my face in his shirt, holding on to him for dear life. I’d dreamed of this moment too many times to count, but I never thought it would happen. His hands on me felt real, but I still wondered in a far corner of my brain if I was imagining it.

  He sure felt real when his mouth finally smashed into mine, his tongue urgently spreading my lips and entering my mouth. With unthinking instinct, I responded, pressing against him with my heart full of thankfulness that I was once again in his strong arms.

  “God, I’ve missed you...please let me touch you—please,” Noah begged as he gently pushed me back.

  He didn’t need to plead with me. I wanted him—all of him.

  My tongue kept up with his, my hands roaming over his body until I freed him from his stupid shirt.

  I only caught a glimpse of his muscled chest before his head blocked my view as he bent down to kiss and lick parts of my neck. I didn’t need to see his body when my hands were my eyes. While he kissed and probed me with the fierceness of a caged animal finally set free, I rubbed his hard belly with my hands, loving the feel of his strength.

  It didn’t take long for him to free me of my shirt. When Noah unclasped my bra and pulled it away from me, I sighed. He moved back just enough to look at me, and although I probably should have blushed, I don’t think I did.

  It felt so comfortable, so right. We belonged together. There was no doubt of that in my mind anymore.

  As Noah started on the top button of my jeans, I knew I wouldn’t stop him. There was no need to stop now.

  The hell with everyone who’d tried to keep us apart—

  They had failed.

  32

  Noah

  How could I feel exhausted yet completely awake at the same time? Staring down at Rose’s sleeping face; her mouth slightly open, her eyes fluttering from a dream, I was overcome with an incredible love for her. The intenseness of it all squeezed at my insides, almost to the point of pain.

  Was love supposed to hurt like this?

  I let my eyes travel down lower to where the blanket was slipped back, exposing her bare breast. The sight sent a flash of heat surging through me, and I quickly pulled the cover up, hiding her forbidden body from my view.

  I sighed, laying my head on the pillow as images of the night before reared up in my head. I tried to shake the thoughts away, knowing full well that if I didn’t change direction right quick, I’d be waking Rose.

  I hadn’t planned to make love to her, but finally having her in my arms again had completely undone me. I couldn’t stop the hurricane of desire that had taken hold of us both.

  It would have been impossible.

  But now, lying beside my love, with the shimmer of sunshine streaming in through the flowery curtain, I worried about wh
at I’d done. It wasn’t just about breaking an oath to the church or God. There was the real possibility that I’d gotten Rose with child.

  Glancing at her angelic face, I groaned, shutting my eyes. She wasn’t ready for that kind of a responsibility yet. Rose was still in need of babying herself. But I had to make plans just in case.

  Father had allowed me to begin keeping my carpentry paychecks a few months back, so I had a few thousand saved up. Not enough to move out straightaway, but enough to build on.

  I was lucky that Father had been so generous with me; most of the young men in the community had to wait until they turned twenty or twenty-one to be allowed to save their own earnings. Up until then, we had to give about ninety percent of our paychecks over to our parents. It was a situation that most accepted easily enough until we were ready to settle down with our own wives. Then the prospect of having to wait an extra year to have the money could strain a parent/child relationship.

  Maybe I was jumping the gun. I understood the cycle of mating. There was a good chance that Rose wasn’t even fertile right now. But, if she was, and all the times we... Ack, she would definitely be pregnant.

  My mind started racing again, thinking of the possibilities, until a name popped into my head, causing a totally different kind of pain. Constance.

  What was I going to do about her?

  I’d been so intent on finding and talking to Rose that I had totally forgotten about Constance—the girl I was supposed to marry in just a few months.

  I had committed a terrible sin. Even though I knew deep down that I didn’t really love Constance, I was willing to enter a marriage with her just to erase Rose from my mind—and hurt my ex-girlfriend.

  The little groaning, growl that came from Rose as she stretched and rolled closer to me set off all the bells my body needed to jump from the bed.

  I quickly found my pants and pulled them on, not taking any chances of falling from grace yet again.

  Feeling a little safer, I sat on the side of the bed, while I put my shirt on. I knew what I had to do now, marry Rose as soon as possible. No more games.