Belonging

by Karen Ann Hopkins

  Just before I reached the door, I was tugged back by an invisible string. What had Ella been looking at, anyway?

  I crossed the kitchen and grabbed up the envelope. My heart stopped. I took a deep breath and held the paper up closer to my eyes. It was the letter to Sarah—from Rose.

  Rose’s fancy cursive writing and the little drawn flowers in the left-hand corner froze the blood in my veins. Sarah had told me a couple of days ago that she’d received a letter from Rose. She’d said that Ruth, Suzanna and Miranda were also honored with short notes from my ex-girlfriend, thanking them for their helpfulness and friendship in the community. There was a buzz in the church about Rose finally making contact—and the fact that she hadn’t even mentioned me once hadn’t escaped anyone’s notice, either.

  I’d washed the information from my mind. It was inevitable that I’d hear about her sooner or later, but the timing was kind of strange with me about to get engaged.

  Looking down at the already opened letter, I was tempted to pull out the note and read. If anyone had the right to do such a thing, it was me. But to prove to myself that I was really done with Rose and that she wouldn’t be chasing me around in my dreams, I let the envelope drop onto the counter.

  I only half noticed the return address in the upper corner. Guess she was hoping to be pen pals with my sis.

  Unwilled, Rose’s beautiful face blocked my vision—I remembered so clearly the soft smile that would play on her lips, and it warmed my insides. I had to forget her, I inwardly screamed. I wouldn’t let her destroy my new life.

  When I opened the door and stepped out into the moist spring air, the trickle of a thought still played within my head.

  Why was Ella so fascinated by the envelope?

  * * *

  Constance cuddled under my arm, and I breathed in the fresh lilac scent of her shampoo. She always smelled nice and fresh, not Rose’s sexy smell that would drive a man crazy, but the kind of smell that made me want her without feeling I had to have her.

  I never wanted to feel the insanity of that kind of need again.

  The creaking of the porch swing distracted me, and Constance’s silence didn’t help any. I wished she would say something, make it easier for me to work up to asking her, but she was a quiet girl and I couldn’t expect her to suddenly be talkative that night.

  It wasn’t exactly that I needed reassurance, but I wanted a sign that I was doing the right thing. The determination that I’d felt earlier had diminished when I’d neared Constance’s home.

  Turning, I lowered my face and touched my lips against hers. It was pretty much the same as always; Constance opened her mouth willingly and joined my passion with enthusiasm.

  Her kisses were sweet and sufficient to arouse me, but I was always the one who had to initiate the contact. Constance’s complacent personality, combined with her fragile, doll-like face and body, were any guy’s dream, and I had to reassure myself again that I was lucky if she’d have me.

  Constance was not Rose, and a part of me hated that fact—but the rest of me was grateful. This sweet girl beside me wouldn’t cause the kind of drama that came with a wild English girl, and staring down into her large dark eyes, I knew I was doing the right thing for once.

  “Constance, in the past few months you’ve become very special to me, and I can’t imagine my life without you in it. I love you...and I pray you’ll be my wife.”

  I held my breath, waiting.

  But she didn’t leave me hanging for long. Constance’s face lit up, the inner shine lightening my heart when she breathed softly, “Of course, I’ll be your wife. I love you so much.”

  And for the first time, Constance came to me, pressing her body into mine as she sought my mouth out with hers. Her forwardness awakened a desire in me that had been dormant for so long. I knew I’d made the right choice.

  At long last, my heart was content.

  30

  Sam

  Pressing Summer into the couch, I could barely control the heat spreading through my body. She ran her mouth over my neck, stopping to nip me here and there and then move on again.

  It had taken a while for Summer to drop her barrier, but now that she had, she was driving me insane. I didn’t have much time to dwell on the fact that she was still holding out on me, refusing to let go completely, when her mouth found mine again.

  Somehow, she’d managed to get on top of me and was straddling my waist while she kissed me. Her sweet smell of vanilla, combined with the feel of her hair brushing my face, had me so worked up that I could hardly breathe.

  Broaching the no-fly zone, I eased my hand up under her shirt and began exploring. The soft moan that erupted from her lips drove me on more confidently as I rolled her on her back and began trailing my tongue over her sensitive jawline. I wanted her to want me—more than anything I wanted this girl to belong to me completely.

  “Oh, you’re going to make me faint dead away, you are,” she groaned, lifting my head so she could kiss me again.

  I felt that was a good sign, and I charged through Summer’s comfort zone, running my hand under her bra—big mistake.

  As if the lights had come on in the middle of the night, Summer snapped out of her friendly state in the blink of an eye.

  She grabbed my hand and pulled away at the same time. “Now, what do you think you’re doing, Sam Cameron? I didn’t give you the go-ahead to start touching my boobs—and with your little brother in the house and all. That’s just plain sick.”

  As frustrated as I was, I couldn’t help but chuckle at her choice of words. She was so damn adorable—definitely a girl worth waiting for.

  “Justin is off in some faraway fantasy realm slaying dragons on his Xbox. Trust me—we don’t have to worry about him.” I sat up, reaching for the cola and taking a swig. I hoped the cold liquid would settle my body down. Otherwise I’d need a cold shower.

  Summer ignored me for a few minutes, pretending to watch the B horror flick on the TV, but I didn’t let up staring at her. Finally, she faced me and crawled back on my lap, taking the can from me and having a drink herself. The little action told me she wasn’t pissed, and I was elated just to have her on top of me again.

  “I already told you, Sam, I’m not having sex with you for a looooong time. And no amount of your lips, tongue or hands is going to change my mind.”

  I grinned; couldn’t help myself. “Yeah, you did tell me that. But you can’t condemn a guy for trying.”

  I began smoothing her wild hair behind her ears, wondering how long it would take to get her into another make-out session.

  “Stop it, Sam. I just remembered something important to tell you.”

  Her face brightened, and I resisted the urge to kiss her. Instead, I settled back on the couch, holding her snugly on my lap.

  “I was going to tell you first thing, but then you got me all distracted.” She blushed and said, “Guess what Suzanna told me this morning?”

  I had to search my brain—who the hell was Suzanna?

  Summer sighed, rolling her eyes. “You know, the Amish girl that I hang out with sometimes. The one who was good buddies with Rose.”

  I still didn’t have a clue.

  Summer’s face was now flushed from frustration instead of embarrassment. “The blonde girl that you gave a ride to that night when we were walking on the road...”

  The girl’s face suddenly materialized from memory. “Oh, yeah, I remember now—what about her?”

  “Not about her, silly. It’s what she told me is the news.”

  Her face was so excited that I humored her and pretended to be interested.

  “Okay, please tell me all about it.”

  She swatted me a little harder than necessary, saying, “Don’t be stupid. This is important. You better listen up.” She took a deep breath, and once she was sure I was all ears, she let it out, and said, “Noah is getting married in June.”

  The news exploded in my head. Summer had finally managed to get my min
d off her luscious body.

  “That was quick. What the hell, is the guy some kind of polygamist?”

  “Huh?” Summer was confused.

  “You know, one of those Mormon people who shack up with several wives.” The lights still hadn’t blinked on in Summer’s eyes, so I continued. “Wasn’t he going to marry my sister just about four months ago? How could a guy go from a dramatic relationship like that to marrying another girl in such a short time?”

  Summer finally got my gist. “He’s hooked up with a little china-doll type who has no personality whatsoever. She just smiles and worships the ground Noah walks on. Least, that’s what Suzanna says.”

  I thought for another minute. Having Noah officially off the market was the best news I’d heard in a long time.

  “I wish him a long and prosperous marriage—without Rose. Hah.”

  Summer was twirling the strands of my hair that were at my ears, and I thought we were about to get back to business when she said, “Noah hates Rose now. He’ll never forgive her for breaking up with him in a letter. It about killed him.”

  Her words again cooled my vigor and unfortunately caused a bunch of crazy thoughts to drift into my head.

  “How do you know about the letter?” Shit, did Rose know, too?

  “Suzanna just told me about it today. Guess the Miller family has finally let the information slip. You know them Amish like to keep their secrets, but stuff always gets out eventually.”

  Damn it. Not good, not good at all. I must have had some serious agitation on my face, causing Summer to ask, “What’s wrong? You look like you just upchucked a frog.”

  I glanced at her cute face but had to turn away. I hadn’t really thought about the Noah situation for weeks. Rose was happily dating Hunter, and he was treating her like the queen she thought she was. Hell, Dad was even seriously thinking about bringing her back to Meadowview now that the suspender-wearing Romeo was out of the picture.

  Everything had worked out just the way it was supposed to.

  Then why did I feel like shit?

  Dad and I had worked in Rose’s best interest. If we hadn’t made our move when we did, Rose would be the one getting married, instead of some brainwashed Amish chick. The letter had been the icing on the cake—the one thing that would keep Noah from tracking Rose down as if she were a bleeding gazelle. He had to believe that Rose didn’t want him anymore. That was the only way we’d have success.

  “What’s going on?” Summer took both her hands on the sides of my face and tugged me until I was staring into her glittering eyes. “You can tell me anything. Really, you can.”

  Feeling her softness against me and my eyes wandering over her anxious face, I had a moment of clarity. I could trust her.

  “Summer, Dad and I did something...something that probably affected Noah’s feelings toward Rose.”

  Her face dropped.

  “Go on,” she urged quietly, removing her hands from my face but not leaving my lap. I guessed I had a few more minutes of her sitting on me before she was shrieking and heading for the door.

  “The day that Dad kidnapped Rose from the parking lot, Noah came by that night with some other people from the community. There was this one old dude with him. I think he was the bishop or someone.”

  Summer interrupted. “Was he scary-looking?”

  “Yeah, I guess so. I didn’t have a great view from the corner of the window.” I had no clue what difference it made.

  “Yep, that’s the bishop, then.”

  Getting back on track, I said, “Dad and I knew that Noah wouldn’t let up on Rose unless he thought that she didn’t want him anymore.”

  “What do you mean?”

  I sighed in disgust with myself and Dad. “It was a shitty thing to do, but we did it for Rose. It was the only way to get the two of them separated, so she could move on with her life the way it was supposed to be.”

  Summer’s voice held a trace of panic, and I figured she already knew, but she asked, anyway. “What are you saying, Sam? What did you do?”

  I locked my eyes on hers. “Justin wrote the letter. Not Rose at all. She doesn’t know a thing about it. My kid brother wrote the letter to look like Rose’s handwriting under Dad’s direction. And mine.”

  I waited for her wrath to come, but instead, after several uncomfortable seconds, she sighed. “So this means that Rose never dumped Noah, right?”

  I nodded.

  “And, Noah, thinking that Rose didn’t want him, moved on with his life and hooked up with the perfect Amish girl—and Rose, thinking that Noah didn’t want her, because of what he told me, landed in Hunter’s lap. But Noah only said the things he did to me cause of his hurt feelings that Rose had left him...which she didn’t.”

  Her rambling was a good thing—I think. At least she wasn’t yelling at me for being a jackass.

  “Sam, you have to talk to Noah, and quickly,” Summer pleaded. She leaned into me, nearly jumping out of her skin.

  “No—the last thing I want is for him to go hunt her down and drag her back into the nineteenth century with him.”

  Summer’s jaw set, and she pulled back. “You can’t just let him go and marry that other girl believing that Rose doesn’t love him—because she does. And he loves her, too.”

  “I sure as hell can. I got what I wanted, and so did Dad and Justin. Rose is back. That’s all that matters. I’m not doing anything to mess things up now.” Before Summer could attack, I said, “Look, Noah’s perfectly happy with this new girl. You said so yourself that she’s perfect for him. And I know for a fact that Hunter loves Rose and treats her like she’s a Disney princess. And Rose has fallen for him. So what’s the big deal?”

  Summer’s voice rose to such a high level that I worried Justin would be woken from his gamer coma. “The deal is, Mr. Romance-Wrecker, that it’s all a lie—a big fat lie. How can you go on living your life knowing that you and your Dad cut up true love?”

  “Very easily—because I know it was the right thing to do.”

  Her eyes bulged, and I guessed I was going to have a couple of lonely weeks ahead of me, but I felt fairly certain that our relationship had matured to the point that my little sister’s love life wouldn’t disrupt it forever.

  I began to change my mind when I heard Summer’s next words.

  “You listen to me, buddy. Either you’re going to tell Noah the whole truth, and let destiny have her way...or I’m going to do it for you. The difference between the two options is that if I’m the one that has to get the job done—” she breathed out with deliberation and promise “—then it’s over between us. Do you hear me, Sam Cameron? There’ll be no more kissing and feeling—nothing. And I keep my promises.”

  I wouldn’t have taken any other girl seriously, but this one I did. Summer’s face was set in grim determination. She wasn’t kidding.

  I either set my sister up for a life of servitude and misery, or I lost the girl of my dreams.

  This time the choice was easy.

  * * *

  Sitting in my truck in the Millers’ driveway gave me some time to think, weighing down my mood even further. The light drizzle wasn’t helping matters, either. It was as if Mother Nature was against me. Plus, I got the creepy feeling that most of the Amish family was peering out from the windows spying on me. It was probably to be expected with the cryptic answer I gave to the little boys who’d come out to see what I wanted.

  It wasn’t any of their business, anyway.

  I wanted to get the conversation over with and go my merry way. Maybe, when the deed was done—and with a little sweet-talking—my girl would come over and hang out with me that night.

  The fact that Summer was convinced that my dad was the grim reaper wasn’t going to help my life, either. My first priority was getting things patched up myself with her, though. Later, I’d worry about the family dynamics. And there was still Rose to consider.

  At least Summer had agreed to put the ball in Noah’s court. He cou
ld do with the information what he wanted. No need getting Rose riled up for nothing if the dude was going to stay happily engaged to his new squeeze—which was what I believed would happen, anyway.

  Summer had a different prediction, but I could only pray that she wasn’t right.

  The old work truck coming up the driveway got my attention. It was showtime.

  Amos and Noah stood in the rain for a minute looking in my direction before Noah broke away, coming toward me alone.

  I blew out the air I’d been holding in. I really hadn’t wanted to talk to the dad also. Dealing with Noah was quite enough.

  Noah opened the passenger door, and without leaning in, he asked, and rather rudely I might add, “What do you want?”

  “I need to talk to you.”

  Noah half laughed. “I’m busy.”

  I watched the water dripping from the side of his outdated hat. Damn, I was already in a sucky mood, and his arrogance was pressing my last nerve. “It’s important.”

  I could tell he was still ready to bolt, so I added, making a mental deliberation that I wasn’t going to beg him, “It’s about Rose. You need to hear me out.”

  Uncertainty flashed across his features, but after looking off into the rainy field for a couple of seconds, he climbed in.

  The water belting the outside of the truck obscured the world from view, and within seconds the windows were fogged over from our breath. It was clear that neither one of us was anxious to talk to the other. I must admit, if I were setting up a movie scene, this would be a good one for the final showdown.

  “What’s so important that you’d hang around in the rain waiting for me to get home from work?” Noah asked with narrowed eyes. It was obvious the guy was good-looking, but I still couldn’t fathom what my sister saw in him.

  “I came here to give you some information that might change your mind about your wedding. I really hope it doesn’t, because from what I hear, you’ve found yourself a real nice Amish girl to settle down with.”

  “Just spit out what you came here to say. I don’t have time for you and your mind games.”