Defiant Ecstasy

by Janelle Taylor

  Gray Eagle had heard the loud gasp of astonishment as Alisha had grabbed his arm. His thoughts of the crowd’s reactions were, a ska kaskapi had dared to touch a warrior in anger, to argue with him, and to interfere with his judgments. But, he was mistaken ...

  They were shocked and amazed to see the white girl beg for the life of the one who had tried to kill her, her enemy. Could one be so forgiving and kind of heart? More and more, Gray Eagle’s people had come to accept this rare and special girl who was their captive.

  He roughly yanked his arm from Alisha’s grasp and shoved her backwards to White Arrow. His black scowl told her to be still and silent. Alisha broke free and ran to the post, placing herself between him and Chela’s back. She pleaded again, “Hiya! Hiya, Wanmdi Hota.”

  The air was charged with the intensity of violent emotions. He came forward with the catlike grace and ease of the puma, a cryptic expression upon his face. He forcefully pulled her away from Chela and spoke to his koda.

  “Take her to my teepee and hold her there, even if you must bind her. Do this before our truce is cruelly ended and Chela has her revenge ... but in a much different way. See to it, my koda, that she does not force me to ... to do something I might regret to my dying day.”

  White Arrow seized her in his strong, iron vise and pulled her away. She called back to Gray Eagle over his shoulder, “Hiya, hiya, Wanmdi Hota ...” He willed his ears to close against her pleas, for he could not change his responsibilities.

  Chela comprehended Alisha’s actions and many of her words. She was astounded and confused. She begs for me after what I tried to do to her? Why? I have tried to hurt her many times and tonight, I would have killed her. Could it be the Great Spirit has given her the heart of an Indian and the body of a wasichu? Could it be she is not an evil spirit? But why! Why should she try to help me?

  Chela realized, she knows why I tried to slay her. She understands my hatred. She sees I love Wanmdi Hota and knows he is mine. She knows he has put her in my place in his teepee. I have been blinded by hate and jealousy! She cannot control Wanmdi Hota’s actions anymore than I can. She is at his mercy more so than I. If he truly loved her or was under some spell of hers, he would not hurt or use her as he does. He taunts us both for loving and wanting him! I have placed the blame on the wrong one. It is Wanmdi Hota who should feel my hatred and anger, not the white girl. She can no more help being born wasichu than I can help being Oglala. I can also see she is truly different from other wasichus. Wanmdi Hota will be sorry, for the Great Spirit will punish him for his cruelty to one He has chosen to honor and protect. He will pay for his dishonor and abuse to me also! It would serve him right for the Great Spirit to take away his little white bird ...

  Truth has its way of shining through in the darkest hour, as it did for Chela just then. Chela knew there was no way Wanmdi Hota would ever love or want her, but as the law of their tribe demanded, they would join. He would never belong to her. What will he do with the white girl when we are joined? she thought. Will he trade or kill her, or will he keep her? Perhaps the Great Spirit has sent this white girl to soften the hard, cold heart of Wanmdi Hota. She is protected from everyone but him. I do not understand this, for she is wasichu. She has suffered much. I hope if he trades her, it will be to someone kind like Wanhinkpe Ska. I must think and pray on these matters later ...

  Belatedly, Alisha had recognized the warrior’s icy stare and chilling voice and knew their meaning. Powchutu’s warnings about open defiance and disrespect returned to haunt her. She could still see the smoldering, raging eyes and hear the deadly tone in Gray Eagle’s voice.

  I do not care if he does punish me this time, she fumed defensively. I had to try to stop the beating. He does not understand the heart and mind of a woman in love. At least this time, the punishment will have a just reason! I will know I did what I had to do. Now, he will do what he has to do. Can we be any less than we are? Could I live with myself if I had not tried to prevent the beating?

  Alisha sadly realized they all had their roles in this drama and they had no choice but to play. If I must suffer for what I did, then so be it, Alisha concluded. It will not be the first time.

  Alisha tried to summon her courage to defend her actions, but knew she had made a grave mistake in judgment. She thought, which is more important—me, Chela, or Wanmdi Hota’s leadership and honor? All the pleading in the world would not have changed things tonight. How could I have been so stupid as to think he would listen to me?

  Alisha realized then she was lucky she had not taken Chela’s place at the stake. If he beats me again while the old lashes are still unhealed, she thought, I would surely die. The next time, I will never be able to remain silent. I will never know how I did so before. She cringed as she heard the loud snap of the whip. An agonizing scream rent the night air, and she heard Chela cry out for mercy and forgiveness. Another lash, an anguished scream, then silence ...

  Two lashes? Alisha thought. He only gives her two lashes? Perhaps it is because she is Indian and I am white, or because of who she is to him and the tribe. Still, even two lashes are agony.

  Alisha had not heard White Arrow leave or Gray Eagle enter. She was startled when he stepped before her line of vision. She inhaled nervously and tugged at her lowered lip with her teeth. He studied her face for a long time as he fought to control his anger and disappointment in her behavior. She gazed deep into his unfathomable, jet eyes. Her own eyes were begging for understanding and love.

  Her alert senses made her aware of the tight rein he held on his emotions. For once, his face revealed these things to her. He was thinking of how much depended upon his next words and actions. In just a few minutes of cruelty and coldness, he could wipe out all the love and tenderness they had so recently shared. He was torn between wanting to reach out and pull her into his embrace and tell her he loved her and understood what she had done, and wanting to punish her brutally for shaming and defying him so soon. Why could she not bend all her will to him? Why could she not love and trust him enough to obey him without question?

  Gray Eagle believed if he gave into his first desire, she would sense his leniency and weakness toward her. Would she take advantage of it? Would it only bring out more defiance and dishonor at another time? If only so much did not ride on this decision ...

  He saw and heard how his people were amazed at her attempt to help Chela. They had learned of Alisha’s friendship with Powchutu from the braves who had been at the fort. They were all aware of the Great Spirit’s vision concerning her. They knew Alisha felt no hatred for the Indians. She had befriended one in need, even at the risk of harm to herself. They knew how she had done this very thing for Gray Eagle when he was the captive of the white people. Had she not proven she was a friend to the Oglala and would accept them if they would allow it? Had she not shown she could, and did, love one of them? It was as if she were Indian in heart and soul. Was this what the Great Spirit saw in her which made her special to Him and deserving of His protection?

  An eternity seemed to pass as they faced each other in the quiet stillness. Alisha stared at him, wondering what was going on inside him. Her heart hammered in her chest as she handed him the same knife which Chela had tried to kill her with earlier. She had seen it lying on the ground by the mat and picked it up without White Arrow’s notice.

  He glared at the knife she held out to him, but did not move to take it from her. She reached for his hand and placed the knife in it with the blade pointing toward her. She lifted his hand, allowing the blade tip to rest at her heart. Her hands on his were cold and trembling. She raised her eyes to his in sadness. Tears glimmered there. Her expression tore at his heart.

  Gray Eagle was shocked. Was she asking if he wished her death, or if death was the punishment for her deed tonight? Surely she was not begging him to kill herl Had his actions wounded her this deeply? Did she feel there was no hope for his love and acceptance? Did she want to die rather than live here with him? Why did she not speak and
let him know what she was telling him with her behavior? Why did she just stand there looking so tormented and vulnerable? Did she think he might whip her again and was pleading for a quick death from the knife?

  How could she believe he could ever plunge a knife into the one whose heart he loved? The past two days have not wiped out the fear and mistrust from her heart, he realized. This is the second time this day she has shown this to me. If I punish her now, I will only prove this to her.

  The warrior pulled the knife away from Alisha’s heart and turned to leave. She sighed in relief and closed her eyes as the tears began to flow down her ashen cheeks. The flap dropped back into place and he was gone.

  Alisha walked over to the mat and sat down, trying to make some sense of the drama between them just now. At least he did not kill me or beat me, she mused. But what does this mean? What does he want from me? Could it be possible he does not wish to hurt me? Could it be he has feelings for me after all?

  Perhaps he only wants to think of a better torture this time. He will never let this go unpunished. Pride and honor! Shame and face!

  Those four words burned into her brain, just as they had done at the fort. They had cost her everything but her life.

  I have ruined everything with my actions tonight, she agonized. I have helped Chela to win him! I have handed her victory on a silver platter. No doubt, he is out there now trying to come up with some dreadful torture, or perhaps taking care of his beloved intended ...

  Alisha began to cry at her own folly and for the loss of her short, blissful reprieve. Having seen and felt Gray Eagle’s desire and tenderness would only make his hate and rejection more painful. Oh, Wanmdi Hota, she cried in anguish, what have I done? For a short time I chipped away at your heart of stone. My love heated it and caused its coldness to melt a little. But there was not enough time for more. It isn’t fair! It isn’t fair... I have not had you long enough to lose you again ...

  A cold chill ran down her spine. She trembled with the certainty that this time she had lost him for good. Her dream of the night before flashed vividly in her mind. Had it been a premonition? A little white bird was not greater than an eagle. A power stronger than his would take her from him. Was that power hate, revenge or death?

  Alisha mourned her mistake as she rocked herself near the mat she and her brave had shared. Softly sobbing, she fell into a deep, dark sleep.

  From his seat by the center campfire, White Arrow had seen Gray Eagle leave his teepee and walk into the edge of the forest, alone. From the look on his face and the slump of his proud shoulders, he knew his koda needed to talk to someone who loved and understood him.

  He joined him as he leaned against a large tree trunk and asked, “Do you wish to talk, koda?”

  Gray Eagle nodded yes. He talked for a very long time, telling White Arrow things which had been bottled up inside him for many weeks. He poured out his heart to his best friend. He told him of Alisha’s stay at the fort and of all that had taken place there. He spoke of her many heartaches and abuses at the hands of the whites. He told him about her troubles with Mrs. Philsey and the Lieutenant. He spoke of her conflict with General Galt and the other men at the fort. He spoke of the hard and painful time given her by the Brown girl and the other women. He talked about her life and abuse at his own hands. He explained her friendship with the scout Powchutu and of his help to her those many times.

  White Arrow’s face and eyes flashed anger and pain many times during these revelations. He smiled and happily nodded as he heard of what had taken place between his two kodas on their way home. Gray Eagle spoke of everything which had taken place since he had first met and captured Alisha. He talked on and on, purging his mind and heart of all hate, bitterness and revenge he had ever felt toward her. His speaking cleared many of his own doubts and fears. His thoughts and emotions became clearer to him as he talked about her and of how she had changed his life, and he, hers. He spoke of happy times, sad and lonely times, cruel and bitter times—all the times which had passed between them.

  “She did not resist the taking of the fort. She accepted its necessity. But most of all, koda, she did not resist me until tonight. She came to me in love and desire. I tell you, Wanhinkpe Ska, she was totally mine, of her own free will. My people watch my courage and wisdom. I do not know how to deal with her actions and words of this night. I feel as if the ground is sliding from beneath my feet. There is danger nearby for I can feel it breathe upon my neck. I smell a storm in the air, and I am helpless to prevent its coming. I have nearly lost her twice before. I cannot do so again. She is my heart and spirit. Life without her is dark and lonely. What I do this night will be between us forever.”

  White Arrow listened to all his koda said and replied, “She knows you are very angry with her and greatly fears your reaction. But I feel she fears your turning from her far more. I saw this in her eyes when you argued with Chela. I saw her shame and sorrow at her actions tonight. She knows she did wrong. I would forget what she did and go on as yesterday and today. If you return to your coldness and torture, you will surely lose her forever. She waits for you to come to her in love and with forgiveness and acceptance. If you do not, she will close a part of her heart to you forever, and you will never feel or know her complete love and trust. She will not view forgiveness and tenderness as weakness on your part, nor will our people. She knows what a great warrior you are. Our people know what she did tonight and understand. Mercy is also a part of a great leader and chief. As I have said to you before, her life and destiny are in your hands. Do not let her slip as water through your fingers as you nearly did before. Her people made her suffer, and you have made her suffer. She has not known or felt happiness and peace for a long time, but for the past moon. Let her have this happiness and peace now, Wanmdi Hota. Allow her what she has earned. Forget she is wasichu. See her as Alisha, the woman you love and desire above all others. I pray you will not lose her again by your actions this night.”

  Gray Eagle knew White Arrow spoke aloud what he alone wanted to say. “You are right again. You speak wisely, Wanhinkpe Ska, my koda. All you say is what I feel and believe with my heart and mind. I will go to her now and act as if this night has never passed between us. Soon it will grow dim and disappear from both our thoughts. There must be only love and trust between us. It is time to tell her of all that is in my heart for her. I must teach her the ways and laws of our people, and she will learn, understand and accept.” He embraced his friend and thanked him for his understanding.

  Lighthearted, he returned to his teepee to find Alisha asleep on his mat. There were salty trails of tears still damp on her cheeks and lashes. So, he thought sadly, she has cried herself to sleep. He stared at the pale, innocent face which had experienced so much pain and suffering in such a short time. He wished he could return to the first day he had met her and begin anew, without the mistakes he had made. “Istinma, Cinstinna. Tomorrow will be soon enough to heal the hurts and tears of many moons. Let the pain of tonight fade with the coming sun. Then, I will tell you of my love for you. I will forever protect and love you. I will hold you close to my heart and with my spirit.”

  He spread the other buffalo skin close to hers and lay down to sleep. Alisha was so very tired and needed this undisturbed sleep. She was too hurt and fatigued to deal with the important things Gray Eagle had to tell her. Tomorrow will be the day for truth, love and a new beginning.

  As he lay there with open eyes staring at the stars through the small vent, he recalled White Arrow’s last words to him, “She has endured enough punishment and hate. Do not turn your heart away from her now. She is in great need of your love and help. Go to her in love and tenderness and you will never regret it.” He was aware of her restless tossing and turning for much of the night, but finally, he also slept.

  Early the next morning, Alisha was rudely awakened by loud voices outside the teepee. She sat up and rubbed her eyes which were swollen and red from her crying in her restless night. The flap open
ed and Gray Eagle entered, followed by two other Indians. She stared at them in confusion.

  A deadly chill warning touched her senses and fear knotted her stomach. She struggled to breathe the close air. Something had to be vastly wrong for Gray Eagle to bring strangers to their teepee like this. Her eyes watched them in fear and suspicion. She studied the men carefully, trying to determine their purpose.

  The stony hardness in Gray Eagle’s face and voice warned her of a coming maelstrom. The three men spoke acidly to each other, as if they disagreed over some important matter. The older man was unmistakenly a chief from some other tribe. This was evident to her from his headdress, attire and jewelry. His age was undeterminable because of his heavily lined, leathery, tanned face and flashing, obsidian eyes.

  The old chief appeared very upset and excited over some matter they discussed. He continued to point and nod at Alisha many times as he spoke in a deep, rich voice. Gray Eagle argued back at him and shook his head no several times. What did they have to say that concerned her?

  The other brave only spoke occasionally as he stood proud and alert at the chief’s side. He was dressed and had the bearing of a great warrior. He was ruggedly handsome with strong, chiseled features. Strength, pride and courage surrounded him like an aura. He emulated maleness and animal magnetism, and yet there was a gentleness in his manner. The hard muscles flexed in his arms, chest and shoulders each time he shifted or moved. Around his neck he wore a medallion in the shape of a bear’s head. She stared at it and paled visibly, recalling in the dream, “Bears can destroy the eagle’s nest and can kill them if they can catch them ...”

  He was wearing long, deerskin breeches and low-cut moccasins. In his hair, he had three red and gray feathers attached to a beaded headband. His keen eyes took in Alisha’s delicate beauty and fear. She had the look and body of a woman, but her eyes spoke of childlike purity. He mused, So this is the white girl who held off an attack on the fort until she could be rescued. She is the one they say is protected by Napi.