Starblind (Starblind #1)

by D T Dyllin

  Ash’s gaze met mine, flames swirling in their cerulean depths. “Now, Janey, it’s not the most appropriate time for you to be undressing me with your eyes.”

  My face flushed. “I’m doing no such thing.” I forced myself to look away from him. “And stop calling me Janey.”

  “I like Janey.”

  “Well I don’t.”

  “All right, Janey. You’ve let your feeling be known about it, Janey. I’ll certainly take them into consideration, Janey.”

  Had I just been thinking to myself how attractive he was? I must have meant how much of an asshat he was. Which he was most definitely one of the biggest in existence. “Why don’t you just—”

  “Jane,” Zula spoke my name tersely, “talk to him about what’s on the chip instead of continuing your New Earth first grade level argument.”

  “Right.” I began to study my boots, and wound an errant strand of dark hair around my finger. “So, Ashby, care to share with us what’s so important that no one finds out about?”

  “Ashby?” He chuckled. “Call me whatever you want, sweetheart, as long as you’re screaming it while I’m inside of you later.”

  I jerked back, my eyes widening. “Uh-uh. Nope. Not happening. We’re not having sex ever again and we’re going to find a way to dissolve the mate bond. I just want to know how to get me and my crew out of the almost impossible situation we’re in.”

  “Jane!” Zula hissed. “Give him whatever he wants for the information we need.”

  I whirled towards Zula in shock. “You’re suggesting I whore myself out for information? That’s what your ginormous brain came up with?” I cursed under my breath. “You’ve got to be kidding me!”

  “She seems pretty smart to me,” Ash rumbled.

  “I’m not whoring myself out to you!” My voice reached almost ultrasonic levels.

  Ash was inches away from me before I could blink. He captured my face between his large hands. “There’s a big difference between being a mate and a whore.”

  I shoved at his chest and backed up a few steps. “You make me absolutely crazy, you know that? Nothing makes any kind of sense when you’re around! And I just … just— Why won’t you leave me the hell alone?” Frustration wound its way through every cell in my body, and I fought the urge to simply throw my head back and scream. Mostly because I only partly wanted him to leave me alone. The other part … well, the other part wanted to chain him to my bed.

  Ash’s eyes were completely consumed with flames. “Ladies, how about leaving me alone with your captain so we can come to some kind of agreement.”

  Tamzea rose from her perch on the end of my bed and moved quickly towards the door. Zula had to comment before her departure … of course. “I have the blade, in case you were wondering, Ash. Jane is completely helpless against you.”

  My mouth dropped open and I stared at her in complete disbelief. “That’s it! I’m finding a new second in command as soon as this is all over!” It was really the only thing I could think of to say to her. And— “Smurfette!”

  When both of my traitorous crew members were gone, Ash stalked towards me. “We have a lot to talk about.”

  I took a step back, and kept backing up until I was pressed against the wall. Ash raised his arms up to cage me with his large body. I took in a deep, shuddering breath, which was a mistake because I immersed myself within his delectable scent.

  Raising my chin, I glared at him. “Yeah, so start talking.”

  And he did.

  “What good do you think it’ll do to know what’s on that chip? You think you’ll be able to blackmail the UGFS?”

  Hmmm … I really hadn’t thought about what I would do with it, but now that he mentioned it, blackmail didn’t sound like such a bad idea. Maybe I could make Ambassador Aralias leave me alone. “I don’t know, maybe.” Why the hell did my voice have to sound so husky? Just because Ash was standing so close to me didn’t mean I had to act like some kind of cat in heat. I’m a strong, independent woman who is in control of her body.

  “I wouldn’t suggest it if you don’t want to get yourself and your entire crew killed.”

  “The UGFS wouldn’t …” Ash’s raised eyebrows caused me to falter. “Well, they wouldn’t be able to just kill us. They’d have to answer to—”

  “To who?” Ash challenged. “Let me break it down for you. The UGFS can do pretty much whatever it wants and it has been for a long time.” His fingers whitened as he pressed them against the wall. “If I would have accepted that earlier then maybe I wouldn’t be one of the last of my kind.”

  “What?” I shook my head. “No. The Denards are the ones who killed off the phoenix.”

  “And who do you think basically runs the UGFS? Why do you think the UGFS was formed around the time that so many species were banding together to protect themselves? The Denards decided it would be easier if they made the public believe they were safe … protected under a united government who had everyone’s best interests at heart. It would just make what they were doing easier.”

  Ash’s chest heaved as his eyes glazed over, his thoughts obviously somewhere else. I thought about the realistic dream that had seemed like his memory. “I-I had this dream. It was about your … sister and niece.” I swallowed, nerves riding me hard. I wasn’t really sure if I should say anything or not because I might have just made the whole thing up in my mind, but then again …

  “Was that … was that what happened? Did the Denards attack without warning?”

  “The dream memories have started for you, too. Good.” He pushed off the wall and started pacing. I heaved a sigh of relief even as I wished he’d come back to me. “And yes, we never knew what triggered the attacks. Hell, we still don’t. But that’s the way the Denards work. They hate so many species, but they seem to have a special kind of hatred for any being that originated on Earth. They’re the ones who destroyed Earth.”

  I snatched at his arm, forcing him to look at me. “That’s not possible! The history books say—”

  His lips tipped up in a sad smile, stealing my words. “Haven’t you figured it out yet? History is always written by the victors. Most Earth creatures didn’t survive. They’ll never be able to tell their tale or speak their truth. As for the others that lived … the Denards have systematically been picking us all off. New Earth is somewhere on that list, I can guarantee it. And the elders of New Earth know it, too. Why do you think the focus has changed so much towards creating more Class 3s?”

  I was about to protest some of what Ash had just told me. Instead my focus swerved off of the serious topic towards things I could more easily wrap my mind around. “Phoenixes are from Earth? Is that what you meant by being there firsthand, and about history?”

  Curiosity about what he was telling me was taking over. And the more I thought about it … He had no reason to lie to me, or it at least seemed like he believed what he was saying. Plus, it fit in with what Dar had said about both the UGFS and the Denards. I guess I’d brushed everything Dar had told me under the rug, even though it was pretty much the same thing as what Ash was saying. But now … now I had to admit, it made sense. It all made complete sense.

  “Yes, I was born and lived many happy years on Earth. Most fire species can trace their origins back to Earth.”

  I couldn’t help the smile that spread across my face. As it turned out, both sides of my DNA were linked to Earth. Maybe my obsession hadn’t been so ridiculous after all. I nibbled my lower lip in thought. “So what’s on the chip, Ash? And what exactly were you planning to do with it?”

  He started pacing again, which made me frown. I watched his features crease with tension. “This galaxy—hell, all of the galaxies—everyone needs to know the truth about the UGFS. There are plans and records on that chip. I’m going to make sure that information—the information that reveals everything—gets out to the masses. United we stand and divided we fall. Ever hear or read that old Earth saying? The only chance we all have in the long run is
banded together like we all started to do before the rise of the UGFS.”

  I swallowed around the lump in my throat. “If you’re caught they’ll put you to death.”

  Ash stilled, and then turned towards me slowly. His eyes burned into mine. “There’s no doubt about it.”

  “So why did you do it? Why did you put yourself on the line when you could have hidden yourself like you’ve been doing, and lived out a long and happy life?”

  “Because whenever I think of my niece and how her life was cut tragically short, it makes me want to keep that from happening to any innocent child of any species. I want to save more than just my own life.”

  “You’re talking about starting some kind of revolution or uprising. Things will—”

  He grabbed me around the waist, tugging me into him. I gasped in surprise. “Things will get a lot worse before they get better. And hopefully when the smoke clears …” His azure gaze bore into mine once more. “Maybe I’ll have the mate I’ve always dreamt of by my side.”

  My eyes widened to the size of saucers, I was sure of it. “I’m a bounty hunter not a revolutionary or a rebel. I just want to live my own life. I just want to find some happiness wherever I can. And I have … or I did before you came along and fucked it all up.”

  Ash’s lips came to hover a hairs width away from mine. Our breath intermingled, his spicy flavor rolling down my throat and up my nose. “You weren’t really happy, Janey. Stop lying to yourself. I felt the vast emptiness in you. The emptiness that every phoenix feels until they find their mate.”

  My fingers dug into his shoulders, and I wasn’t sure if I was pulling him to me or pushing him away. “How many times do I have to remind you that I’m only part phoenix? I’m human, too.”

  “And how many times do I have to remind you that you’re phoenix enough?”

  “Phoenix enough for what exactly? The bond? The mark on my back? The—”

  “For this.” White-hot flame enveloped us when his lips slammed down on mine. I cried out as the heat stripped all sense of self—all sense of who I thought Jane Sevis was. No more did my past pain or my current confusion define me. I was phoenix, and from pain and torment I could and would be reborn stronger, smarter, and wiser. The man whose arms I was wrapped in—he was my mate. Together we would burn our brightest. Together we would rise from the ashes.

  “Yes, Janey, yes. Give yourself over to our flame. It will heal and show you the way,” Ash murmured against my skin, his scorching lips trailing down my neck.

  Gripping his hair, I yanked him away from me, only to throw him to the ground. I growled some nonsensical things. My thoughts fragmented, my focus narrowing down to only him and the flame that surrounded us. The tendrils of fire were a loving caress—a soothing balm, and an inciter of my passion all rolled into one. I felt happy, at peace, and I gave myself over completely to the flame … and Ash. After all, they were one in the same.

  I couldn’t deny it; something major had shifted within me in regards to my feelings for Ash. Mainly … I had some. In the short time I’d known him, he’d gotten under my skin. As I lay with my head on his chest, I found myself wondering about him. I actually wanted to get to know him. I hadn’t felt that kind of interest in a man since Maddox, and I’d been a doe-eyed teenager when I’d been in that relationship.

  “What I’m feeling towards you, it’s the mate bond, isn’t it?” I lazily circled my fingertips over his smooth chest. The last few hours had been a blur of carnal pleasure. I was left feeling tired, sore, and yet strangely satiated on an emotional level. That last part I’d never known before in my entire life.

  “Partly,” Ash rumbled. “It merely speeds along a connection that would develop naturally.”

  “Speeds along? I’d say that’s an understatement.” The bond had pried open the doors to my heart and left me vulnerable. Did I love Ash? I really didn’t know, but I also didn’t think it was impossible. What I felt for him was something I couldn’t quite define yet. “Do you love me?” Yeah, it would be lightning fast but something else I couldn’t deny … I wanted him to say yes. I wanted to know what it felt like to have someone be powerless against loving me. I wanted the kind of love that all species spoke of, the kind that was envied by one and all. Or at least anyone with a soul.

  Ash’s large hand ignited my nerve endings as it slid down my back to rest possessively on my ass. “Maybe.” I could hear the smile in his voice. He knew what I wanted him to say and he was denying me just to be a jackass.

  I levered myself up so I could glare down at him. His azure eyes twinkled mischievously at me. “Maybe? It’s a yes or no type of question.”

  “What is love? How can one define it? Can you?”

  I opened my mouth to give him a witty retort, but then snapped it shut. Did I actually know how to define love? I didn’t think so. “You tell me then, Mr. Smarty Pants.”

  Ash grinned. “I really don’t know. Is it when you can’t stop thinking about someone? Is it when you always wonder what they’re doing even when you’re not with them? Is it the all-encompassing passion you feel when having sex with them? Is it the warmth that blooms in your chest when they’re around? Or maybe it would be the fact that you would give your life to save theirs?” He paused for a moment, his eyes glazing over. “There are all different kinds of love. How can any one person define what love is?”

  I exhaled slowly letting his words roll through my mind. “I guess you can’t. Or I can’t.”

  “But I want you.” Ash tugged me down to his chest, palming my head to keep me against him snuggly. “And I want to keep you. I wouldn’t have mated you if I didn’t feel that way.”

  I nipped at his chest. “So maybe you do love me? Or maybe you need more time for love to develop?”

  “How can one say how much time is needed to cultivate an intangible emotion such as love? I think love can happen in an instant.”

  “Well, aren’t you all deep with this love stuff.” I chuckled. “I never would have thought you had so much going on inside that thick skull of yours.”

  “I’ve been alive a very long time. Which means I’ve had plenty of time to ponder such things. Trust me, when I was a young phoenix living on Earth … there wasn’t much going on in here.” He tapped his index finger against his temple. “I think all the blood flowed straight to my—”

  “Sssh. Don’t say it.” I giggled. “I think I get the point. Have you been with a lot of women? How many phoenix and how many Earth women? What about other species? And I’m still waiting for you to tell me all about Earth.” I was rambling because of how excited I was to hear about Earth. And I was happy to live in the temporary bubble Ash and I had created. I knew there was a lot of stuff we were going to have to deal with and soon, but I just wanted to enjoy all the new emotions while I had the chance. It was unlike me to be so reckless with my heart, and I wanted to get lost in that carefree emotion completely. Plus, the truth was that Ash may not be alive for very much longer if he followed through with his plans. That thought twisted my insides with dread. I pushed it aside, focusing on the positive for the moment. There was no point in looking to the future when the now was such a good place.

  Ash flipped me over and pushed my arms above my head. Goose bumps rose up on my flesh from the cold metal floor. We had pretty much incinerated everything besides what was protected by the Gartian grade alloy in my living quarters. Thank God my clothes were safely hidden away in the closet. With the look Ash was giving me, I had a feeling the metal wouldn’t be cool for very much longer.

  “I’ll tell you all about Earth after.” He dipped his head to steal a chaste kiss from me.

  I frowned. “What about the women? Are you going to be one of those guys who skirts around telling me what your number is? I have no problem sharing mine.”

  It was Ash’s turn to frown. “I don’t want to know about your past. I know we all have one, but I don’t want to think about you with other men. You’re mine now.”

  “I
guess I’m just weird. I want to know.”

  “I’ve been with many women, but I haven’t kept track of the number.”

  I grunted my displeasure. “Make a guess then and stop trying to avoid the question.”

  “Your human is showing. But that’s all right, I know exactly how to distract both your human and phoenix halves.”

  “Yeah?” I grated. Why wouldn’t he just tell me? It wasn’t that big of a deal.

  “Yeah.” He slid into me, and I threw my head back in delight.

  Okay, so … yeah, he did know how to distract me. All was temporarily forgotten while Ash rode me hard, just the way I liked it.

  “Mogwais weren’t real Earth animals. They were from a movie.” Ash laughed.

  I scowled at him. “That’s not true. I read about them in one of my Earth history books. I—”

  “Are you sure it was a history book, or maybe it was fiction novel?”

  I punched his arm, twisting my knuckles into his bicep. “I can tell the difference. I’ll have you kn—”

  “Can you?” he interrupted. “Because Steampunk wasn’t real either.”

  My mouth opened and shut several times without a sound. “No,” I finally managed. “I got those clothes from an Earth museum that was closing down. Or at least some of them. The rest I got—”

  Ash flipped me over and hovered above me, his grin stretching wide across his face. “You got them all from people who conned you. They could probably smell your desperation a mile away. Steampunk is fiction, just like mogwais. I will say that you look hot in your little leather outfits, though. Does it really matter if they’re a real part of history or not?”

  “Yes, it does.” My lower lip protruded out into a pout against my will. “How could I have been so stupid?” My face scrunched up. “Have you been laughing at me this whole time? Because so help me God—”

  “It’s not your fault. And they all did originate on Earth. Just not the way you thought.”