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Beating the Workplace Bully

Page 15

by Lynne Curry


  storm. Whenever she received legal paperwork, she heard in her head

  the humming sound one hears before a tornado.

  When Maura met Stuart for the first time, she quailed. He reeked of

  outrage and self-righteousness. Astonished, she asked Ted, “What’s his

  deal? Surely he knows his client stole from me.”

  “He doesn’t care.”

  “How could he not?”

  “He only wants to win. Right doesn’t matter. In fact, it makes it a better

  win for him because if he prevails he does so despite the odds.”

  Several times Maura asked Ted if she should call off the suit: “It’s tak-

  ing time and energy away from my business.” What Maura didn’t say

  was that she’d been raised in a household in which her older brother

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  126 ❚ BEATING THE WORKPLACE BULLY

  had bul ied her from toddlerhood, and that fighting—even standing

  up for herself—devastated her. As a girl, she’d never felt safe from her

  brother, who seemed to want her gone. She’d learned to hide from him,

  knowing that she was defenseless because her parents were in denial

  about the situation.

  REAL-WORLD TACTICS THAT WORK

  If you face off against a scorcher, avoid providing him or her an excuse

  to turn on you.

  Tactic #1: Stay Under the Radar

  In the short term, you may want to stay under the scorchers’ radar

  by giving them the allegiance they desire. As long as you can do so

  ethically, help them achieve their goals; in that way you won’t unleash

  their rage.

  Tactic #2: Protect Yourself; Document Everything

  If a scorcher attacks you, don’t take it personally. Instead, protect

  yourself by quickly leaving and documenting the behavior. Store your

  documentation off-site. Ultimately, your documentation may prove

  the scorcher’s undoing.

  Tactic #3: Enlist the Help of Allies

  If you are in a protected category because of your age, sex, race, reli-

  gion, etc., and the scorched-earth bully crosses the line into actions

  that harass you, seek legal counsel or the help of a state or federal

  regulatory agency.

  It generally takes an outside power to take out a scorcher. If you

  work in a larger organization, or one governed by a board of direc-

  tors, seek allies and mentors at a senior management level who can

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  How to Handle a Scorched-Earth Fighter ❚ 127

  help you. Show them what’s happening and what the scorcher costs

  the organization to induce them to act. You’ll find guidance on how

  to make a case to senior management in Chapter 23.

  Tactic #4: If All Else Fails, Find Another Job (If Possible)

  Meanwhile, protect yourself and your career; look elsewhere for a job

  where you can excel in a company that offers a good work environ-

  ment and fair treatment.

  Tactic #5: Whatever You Decide, Emerge a Winner

  Maura met with me and invited me to a meeting with her attorney

  to discuss her situation. She’d faced several grueling depositions and

  countless requests for documentation entailing copious amounts of

  business records to prove she’d created and owned the material her

  former employee had pirated.

  MAURA FELT DRAINED and ready to drop her lawsuit. Her attorney argued,

  despite Stuart’s fiery bluster, that Maura had both right and the law on her

  side. He also told her that Stuart had filed a nasty countersuit, which, if she dropped her suit, might result in Maura paying money to El iott.

  I knew Maura’s personal history and what it cost her to endure

  this legal firestorm. I told her I wanted her to emerge the victor, what-

  ever decision she made, whether that meant dropping her lawsuit or

  proceeding with it, and winning, or, if she lost, winning because she

  had stood up for herself.

  In our meeting, I asked Maura what spiritual base she relied on.

  To our surprise, she, Ted, and I learned we all described ourselves as

  born-again Christians.

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  128 ❚ BEATING THE WORKPLACE BULLY

  With their permission, I quoted three sections from the Bible:

  Romans 8:31, “If God is for us, who can be against us? Who can do

  anything to me? He is my rock”; Ephesians 6:14, “Stand your ground,

  putting on the belt of truth and the body armor of God’s righteous-

  ness”; and John 8:32, “And the truth will set you free.”

  I explained what I told others in workplace battles with scorched-

  earth bullies: that they might lack the firepower to defeat these bullies

  by themselves and might be best off leaving the field of battle, unless

  they could bring additional firepower to bear. Generally, this meant

  enlisting aid from a senior executive, the chief executive officer, the

  HR director, or the board of directors.

  I said the decision was Maura’s, and that she appeared to have

  a committed and competent attorney, a just cause, and her faith on

  her side. I added that I’d support her no matter what, and suggested

  that she consider what it would mean to her if she could transform the

  baggage of fear she’d carried from childhood.

  Maura called both her attorney and me the next day to say,

  “Game on.”

  At trial, Stuart attacked her mercilessly. Maura practiced

  breathing, alternate focus, and putting on her game face (see Chap-

  ters 5 and 6). She later told me that these strategies carried her

  through her initial morning testimony and the first three afternoon

  hours of Stuart’s cross-examination. It also helped that her attorney

  and a best friend had helped her rehearse how to answer attacking

  questions.

  As the afternoon cross-examination dragged on, Maura said she

  felt herself melting down; she began to see an image of her brother

  standing immediately behind Stuart. “It was as if they became one

  and I was going back in time. I could feel myself lose my train of

  thought. I kept sipping water and trying to breathe, but nothing was

  working. I felt that familiar defenseless feeling.”

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  How to Handle a Scorched-Earth Fighter ❚ 129

  DURING THE FINAL moments of cross-examination, Stuart asked Maura

  a crucial question, which, if she flubbed it, might lose her the case.

  Maura appeared to freeze; stuttering, she gave a confusing answer.

  When it seemed to Ted that all was lost, the judge leaned over and said,

  “Ms. Luden, do you mean to say _ ?”

  Ted said that in that moment he felt a courtroom miracle take place

  in front of his eyes. Maura turned toward the judge, nodded, and said,

  “Yes, that’s exactly what I meant to say.”

  Stuart reared up to his full height, standing immediately in front

  of Maura, and shouted out his question again. In response, Maura

  answered, “What the judge just said.”

  Furious, Stuart sat down and muttered angrily, “No further questions

  for this witness.”

  In the judge’s ruling, he described Maura’s testimony as credible and


  her former employee’s version as “not so credible.” The judge referred

  the matter to mediation. The result: Her former employee paid all Mau-

  ra’s legal bil s and agreed he would no longer use her materials.

  Like Maura, you may discover you need more firepower than

  you possess to defeat a scorcher. In Maura’s case, she had a commit-

  ted attorney, the judge, and faith in God aiding her. Even a scorcher

  attorney realizes that judges rule the courtroom. Regardless of the

  outcome, if you stand up for yourself, you may win the fight even if

  you appear to lose it. By taking a stand or making the decision, “I

  can leave this job,” you overcome the fear you were carrying. If this

  happens, the scorcher has done you a favor.

  Your Turn: Where Are You Now?

  If you have not encountered a scorcher, imagine what it

  would be like if you had, and answer the fol owing questions

  accordingly.

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  130 ❚ BEATING THE WORKPLACE BULLY

  1. Have you dealt with a scorcher? In what ways did the

  scorcher threaten you?

  2. How did the scorcher’s behavior affect you? What led you

  either to do battle with the bul y or to back down?

  3. What tactics (Chapter 9) did your scorcher employ?

  4. What traps (Chapter 7), if any, did you fall into?

  5. How did the scorcher’s behavior affect others, and how did

  they act around the bul y?

  6. Maura initial y gave El iott several chances. What led her

  to do so? Do you believe that El iott was a bul y, and that

  Maura fell into bul y trap #1, denial?

  7. In your real-life situation, how did the scorcher’s behavior

  affect morale and productivity?

  8. What did you and others do to cope? What worked? What

  didn’t?

  9. Do you currently fear retaliation from a scorcher? If so, cre-

  ate objective documentation outlining what’s occurring

  and store your notes off-site. By objectively recording the

  facts, you move them from your head onto paper where

  you can look at them more objectively.

  You’ll also have the ammunition you may need. Effective

  documentation gives only the facts, without your subjective

  statements or emotions. If you write the facts correctly, any-

  one who reads them draws the same conclusions you do.

  10. What actions did Maura take that led to her eventual

  success?

  11. Have you ever been in a bul y battle in which your personal

  history rose up and made it even harder to handle the situa-

  tion? What did you learn from that?

  12. What are your thoughts about the ways in which facing

  down a bul y al ows you to transform old fear baggage?

  13. What advice would you give to someone who faces a

  scorcher?

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  14

  DEFUSING THE SILENT GRENADE

  The most courageous act is still to think

  for yourself. Aloud.

  —COCO CHANEL

  MIKE COWED MOST of his staff. He also knew how to handle

  those like Mitch who fought back reactively. In Cynthia, he met

  his match.

  A tal , African American woman, Cynthia waved off those who

  warned her against coming to work for Mike. “He flies into rages,” they

  said. “It’s like working in a prison camp.”

  “I’ve raised four sons, all of whom thought they were God’s gift to

  women,” replied Cynthia. “I know how to deal with aggressive, entitled

  bul ies.”

  Mike didn’t appear to notice Cynthia during her first two weeks on the

  job. She observed how her coworkers cowered when Mike approached,

  but he left Cynthia alone. In her third week, during an al -staff meeting,

  Mike asked Cynthia a question about a report she’d prepared. Those

  listening knew Mike’s question meant he didn’t like the report’s conclu-

  sions. Neither did he like Cynthia’s answers. “Are you sure?” he yel ed,

  starting to froth at his mouth.

  “Oh, boy,” muttered a man seated next to Cynthia. “Just offer to

  recheck your math.”

  Cynthia stared back at Mike. “I am sure. I wouldn’t submit something

  I wasn’t sure of.”

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  132 ❚ BEATING THE WORKPLACE BULLY

  “You get your big, fat, black ass back to your desk after the meeting

  and check it again. I don’t expect to see numbers like this!”

  “My what? What did you say about my body?”

  “Your fat, black ass!” Mike screamed, losing control total y.

  On her lunch hour, Cynthia visited the Human Rights Commission and

  filed a formal complaint. She identified nine witnesses to Mike’s verbal

  attack, stressing that he’d screamed “black ass” twice at her. Cynthia

  told the commission that no other African American employees worked

  for Mike.

  Mike flew into a rage when he received the commission’s paper-

  work in the mail. Moments later, the commission’s investigator cal ed

  him to schedule a conversation. Mike blasted the investigator, yelling,

  “I’ll call her anything I d--- well want to!” Mike immediately fired Cyn-

  thia, cal ing her an entitled b---- and saying she’d rue the day she had

  met him. Cynthia then amended her complaint to include a charge of

  retaliation.

  Hefty legal bil s and the commission’s formal ruling against Mike con-

  vinced him that while he ruled his company, he didn’t rule the regulatory

  agency. The commission didn’t consider Mike’s equal y bad treatment

  of Caucasians and men a defense of the sexist and racist language he’d

  aimed at Cynthia. The commission’s formal ruling ordered Mike to attend

  a four-hour discrimination, retaliation, and diversity training session and

  to pay Cynthia $10,000.

  Although those who continued working for Mike feared he’d take his

  fury out on them, they noticed the reverse. Mike would start yel ing, then

  catch himself, reconsider his words, and look around furtively to see who

  was watching.

  Silent grenades (grenades) like Mike feel they’re a breed apart

  from ordinary people. They rule because others fear their tirades and

  aren’t sure what might set off the next explosion. When others deny

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  Defusing the Silent Grenade ❚ 133

  grenades the power and control they insist on as rightly theirs, they

  rage; sometimes they appear crazed enough to do anything

  Those who work for or around grenades monitor everything they

  say or do to avoid triggering an explosion. Grenade bosses employ a

  reign-of-terror management style. Those around them soon learn that

  reason or other efforts to calm grenades fail because past relationships

  and logic mean little to these tyrants. Because grenades delight in

  dominating any arena they occupy and lack a conscience, they prove

  exceptionally fierce opponents.

  HOW TO PERMANENTLY SILENCE SILENT GRENADES

  Grenades rule by intimidation. If you fear them and cower, you play

  their game and they w
in. If you fight, you again play their game, and

  they have more experience playing it than you.

  What works? Standing up to them. Grenades lose sight of the fact

  that laws, regulatory agencies, and senior managers who take a clear

  look at what’s going on rule the day—not the grenade.

  In Cynthia, Mike had met a force larger than himself. Give a

  silent grenade an inch out of fear and he becomes your ruler. Monitor

  yourself and you create an uneasy stalemate yet work in fear. Docu-

  ment what the grenade is doing and find a regulatory body or a senior

  manager willing to step in, and you have a strategy that can work to

  silence your grenade.

  Your Turn: Where Are You Now?

  If you have not encountered a silent grenade, imagine what

  it would be like if you had, and answer the fol owing questions

  accordingly.

  1. Have you dealt with a silent grenade? What cues warned

  you of an imminent explosion?

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  134 ❚ BEATING THE WORKPLACE BULLY

  2. What tactics (Chapter 9) did your grenade use?

  3. How did the grenade’s behavior affect you? What led you

  to do or not do battle with that grenade?

  4. Did you fall into any bul y traps (Chapter 7)?

  5. How did the grenade’s behavior affect others and how did

  they act around the grenade?

  6. How did the grenade’s behavior affect morale and

  productivity?

  7. What do you wish your organization’s senior management

  had done? What did they do? If they didn’t act, what was

  the result of their inaction?

  8. What did you do to cope? What did others do to cope?

  9. If you currently feel threatened by a grenade, start your

  documentation, and file it off-site. Chapter 22 outlines how

  to write effective documentation and how to bring informa-

  tion forward to upper management.

  1 0. What worked? What didn’t?

  11. What will you do differently in the future if you encounter

  a grenade?

  12. What advice would you give to someone facing a

  grenade?

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  15

  SEEING THROUGH THE SHAPE-

  SHIFTING MR. HYDE

  Courage is contagious. When a brave man takes

 

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