Beating the Workplace Bully
Page 20
easy-going supervisor Adam from the day the senior manager
promoted Adam instead of Geoff to a plum position. Because Geoff
thought the job was rightfully his, he felt justified in treating Adam
like trash. Conflict-averse Adam let Geoff push him around and
usurp his role in staff meetings. Finally, Adam had had enough, and
realized he had to act.
If you’re bullied by someone who works for you, you may feel a
special shame. After all, you could fire this employee—or so everyone
else thinks.
Disciplining or firing a bully, as you may know firsthand, isn’t
always easy. Perhaps your bully employee has a talent your organi-
zation needs and, if you fire the bully, you might not be able to easily
replace his skill set. The bully may have tenure or union protection.
Maybe the bully is a member of a protected group due to his age, sex,
race, or some other characteristic, and you’re concerned that if you
fire him you’ll face an ugly lawsuit. You may fear that because the bul-
ly’s coworkers have a different relationship with the individual who
bullies you, they’ll resent you for terminating someone they like. Con-
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174 ❚ BEATING THE WORKPLACE BULLY
versely, you may employ a bully who treats you well but bullies his or
her coworkers, and you find it hard to believe the stories they tell you.
Supervisors disciplining bullies often feel they’ve flown into a box
canyon. The moment they start the disciplinary process, the bully
fights back with everything he has, and the supervisor feels as if she’d
been slammed straight into a granite wall.
Bully employees have multiple reasons for bullying supervisors
and few qualms about fighting back when supervisors attempt to dis-
cipline them. Employees who consistently bully do so because bully-
ing brings them success. They feel no remorse; in fact, they feel justi-
fied in their actions.
Employee bullies may lie, both to your face and about you behind
your back. They regularly challenge what you say and your motivation
for saying it. They often create an uproar in an attempt to make you
back off or to topple you. They distort your actions to their cowork-
ers, leading other employees to wonder why you are “so mean.” They
learn where you’re vulnerable and press those buttons.
REAL-WORLD TACTICS THAT WORK
You can survive this, if you employ the following tactics when a bully
employee has you tied in knots.
Tactic #1: Don’t Play Nice—You Can’t Afford It
As a supervisor, you need to lead and manage. Don’t let bully employ-
ees “run the show” while you accommodate them with chance after
chance. If you allow a bully to continue problem behavior unchecked,
you let your other employees and yourself down.
Tactic # 2: Listen to Your Employees
If a staff member or members tell you another employee bullies them,
listen. Many bullies kiss up and kick down. Don’t assume that prob-
lem behavior you haven’t personally seen or experienced doesn’t exist.
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Handling the Bully Employee Without Getting Burned ❚ 175
Tactic #3: Don’t Give a Bully a Bully Pulpit
No matter how large your workload, spend time connecting with your
employees, so that you establish and maintain a good relationship and
two-way communication with each worker. A bully employee who
hopes to overthrow the supervisor spends considerable time cultivat-
ing covert relationships with coworkers, and then uses these to poison
them against the supervisor. If your employees don’t get to know you,
they may believe your bully employee’s misrepresentations of you.
Tactic #4: Protect Yourself Against Sabotage
Realize that your bully employee may try to undermine how senior
managers view you. The bully may wait until you’re out of the office,
trump up an excuse to contact your manager, and say, “Ordinarily,
I’d ask my supervisor this question but it’s time-critical and I haven’t
been able to find him.” A bully employee who plays this game regu-
larly can successfully undercut how upper management thinks of you.
Tactic #5: Don’t Delay—Assess the Situation and Take Action
ADAM ASKED HIS manager for a meeting and outlined everything that
had happened since his promotion. He described his efforts to reach out
to Geoff, and Geoff’s undermining actions. He asked his boss’s permis-
sion to meet with Geoff and handle the situation, even if it meant Geoff
might quit.
“You’ve got it,” Adam’s boss said. Then he asked, “Has it occurred to
you I could have selected Geoff instead of you?”
“Yes.”
“Why do you think I picked you?”
“I don’t know.”
“That’s part of the problem. I wanted an employee who could get
along with others. You have those skil s. You’ve also stepped up to every
chal enge you’ve encountered, except this one. Today’s meeting is
overdue.”
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176 ❚ BEATING THE WORKPLACE BULLY
Let truth and fairness guide you. Is it right that your bully em-
ployee be allowed to get away with his behavior? If not, decide what
you need to do and do it. The bully may try to muddy the waters with
trumped-up issues. Don’t fall for his ruses.
Never “put off until tomorrow” when tackling a bully’s bad
behavior. While you’re deciding whether or not to take action, your
bully employee can damage morale and create a toxic environment
for you or others. If you find yourself frustrated daily by the bully’s
misbehavior, find a senior manager, coach, or other individual who
can help you develop and implement a game plan.
Remember, bullies test to see who runs the show, you or them. If
they take advantage, and you initially allow it, and insist they “toe
the line” only when you’ve “had enough,” they’ll retaliate fiercely to
protect their power and privilege.
Although you need to act swiftly, take the time you need to reflect
on the situation and to act wisely. Otherwise, your bully employee
may use what you do to create a hostile environment or, if fired, might
allege wrongful termination or initiate a lawsuit. Before you discipline
a bully or any other employee, make sure you’ve clearly and specifi-
cally outlined fair expectations for your employee’s performance and
behavior. If the bully violates those expectations, promptly and fairly
confront the situation.
HOW TO EFFECTIVELY CONFRONT A BULLY EMPLOYEE
AFTER HIS TALK with his boss, Adam blinked. What was it that had led
him to let bul ies like Geoff walk all over him? What was he scared of?
He took a long walk that night and asked himself those questions, as
well as “Is it right that I al ow Geoff to act the way he does?” “What is this situation doing to team morale?” and “As the supervisor, what should I
be doing?”
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Handling the Bully Employee Without Getting Burned ❚ 177
Then he asked himself, “Do I want to continue to be powerless or do I
want to rise to the chal enge?”
The next morning, Adam cal ed Geoff and asked to meet with him in
his office. At first, Geoff put him off, protesting, “I’m real y busy.”
“It’s a mandatory meeting.”
“All right,” Geoff drawled.
You’ll know you’re ready to confront the employee if you can
answer yes to two questions:
1. Have you defined the problem behavior, your expecta-
tions, and the importance of meeting those expectations
objectively and specifically?
2. Have you investigated and documented the situation?
(Chapter 23 outlines how to write effective documen-
tation.)
Begin by Setting the Stage
Let the bully know why you are having the discussion. For example,
you could say, “I’d like us to have a productive discussion that results
in improved performance and behavior. I’ll be asking you questions
in order to understand your perspective. Please feel free to ask me
questions. My goal is that when we leave the room, we’re on the
same page.”
With this start, you accomplish two outcomes. If you’ve incorrectly
assessed your employee as a bully, you’ve created a positive start. If,
however, he is a bully, your statement emphasizes that you consider
yourself his equal. Later in the discussion you can affirm your super-
visory status by adding, “It’s important we come to an agreement,”
and then outlining the negative consequences the employee faces if he
does not meet the standard you set.
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178 ❚ BEATING THE WORKPLACE BULLY
Outline the Issue and Your Expectations
WHEN GEOFF ARRIVED forty-five minutes later, Adam said, “Geoff, I
wanted you on the team.”
Looking bored, Geoff snickered, “What team is that?”
“I don’t any longer,” Adam continued, ignoring Geoff’s snide retort.
Geoff rol ed his eyes, but Adam looked straight at Geoff, and then
held out a one-page document.
“I’ve reviewed your actions since I received my promotion. I haven’t
cal ed you on them. That’s changing. Here’s a list indicating the behav-
ior I expect from you and every team member.”
Geoff smirked, but didn’t reach for the page Adam held out to him.
“What is this garbage?”
“Your last chance. There’s a place for you to sign at the bottom of
the page.”
Geoff reared up. “I’ll walk.”
“You’d rather walk than change?”
“That’s right,” snarled Geoff, hostility radiating from him like mist from
a bog.
“That’s too bad. I’m done putting up with your behavior.”
Not all employee bullies are willing to go as far as Geoff did; some
will respond by, at least, putting their own spin on the situation. Listen
to what your employee says. Your bully employee may try to derail the
discussion by angrily reacting. Don’t lose your temper; instead, keep
the discussion on track. Once you’ve heard the employee’s perspective
and taken it into account, you might say, “These are the expectations
you need to meet.”
You may want a third party, such as your organization’s human
resources officer, another supervisor, or a management consultant, to
sit in on the meeting, either to help facilitate the discussion or to assist
you by documenting what was and wasn’t said.
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Handling the Bully Employee Without Getting Burned ❚ 179
WHEN ALL ELSE FAILS: TERMINATING A BULLY EMPLOYEE
GEOFF SLAMMED OUT of Adam’s office and barged into their manag-
er’s office, angrily protesting the unfair treatment he’d just received from
his “incompetent supervisor.”
When the manager didn’t ral y to Geoff’s defense, Geoff accused the
manager: “You promoted the wrong person. And you never responded
to my emails!”
“I saw them for what they were,” the manager responded.
Geoff didn’t ask the manager what he meant, but instead stormed
out. He then hired an attorney who sent a threatening letter al eging
constructive discharge (intolerable working conditions). Adam’s man-
ager responded by sending detailed documentation concerning
Geoff’s behavior after Adam’s promotion. The company never again
heard from Geoff.
If oral counseling doesn’t work, fairness generally requires that
you have a second, more formal, meeting, called a written reprimand,
where, in addition to your oral discussion, the employee is given writ-
ten documentation, which he must sign, enumerating the perfor-
mance and behaviors he needs to achieve. Because the employee signs
the reprimand, if you need to terminate him later, the bully can’t say
“I didn’t know.”
Questions to Ask Yourself Before Firing a Bully Employee
Courts require employers and supervisors to act in good faith
and fairness when terminating employees, so to be certain you
have, consider the following before taking any action:
❚ Have I required the same performance of the bul y as I have
required of other employees?
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180 ❚ BEATING THE WORKPLACE BULLY
❚ Have I treated other employees with similar records the
same way or differently?
❚ Have I warned the employee what action will be taken if his
or her behavior and performance fail to improve?
❚ Do I have sufficient documentation to convince a neutral
third party, such as a judge, jury, or regulatory agency, that
this employee deserved to be fired?
While a bully employee may have pushed your buttons until you
feel, “It’s the bully employee or me that must go,” never lose your
temper. A supervisor who keeps his or her cool and is in the right can
successfully manage, discipline, and even terminate a bully employee.
Finally, although supervisory disciplinary tools can help you
manage a bully employee, your internal decision making plays an
equally vital role. If you’re one of the many supervisors who let a bully
employee push you around, ask yourself, “What is it going to take for
me to rise to the challenge?” Then, whatever it is, find it.
Your Turn: Where Are You Now?
1. Although you might not be a supervisor, the discussion in this
chapter might have prompted you to consider the question
“Why do I al ow others to push me around?” What’s your
answer?
2. Do you supervise or work with a bul y employee? What
would your answer be to the question posed in this chapter,
“What is it going to take for you to rise to the chal enge?”
Why is it so important for supervisors or managers to handle
bul y employees? How do they let themselves and their
employees down if they don’t?
3. Have you ever encountered an employee bul y who poi-
soned coworkers against a supervisor? If you were the
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Handling the Bully Employee Without Getting Burned ❚ 181
supervisor at that time, what happened and how did
you handle it? If you were an employee, were you swept
along by the bul y’s actions or were you a bystander? If a
bystander, what did you do?
4. Of all the guidance provided in this chapter, what did you
find most helpful? Why?
5. If you know a supervisor facing a bul y employee, consider
taking a risk. Meet with the supervisor and explain what you
learned from this chapter.
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22
NINE ESSENTIAL STRATEGIES FOR
CREATING YOUR GAME PLAN
Things don’t happen, they are made to happen.
—JOHN F. KENNEDY
HAVING COME THIS FAR, you probably realize much about what
led you to be bullied and how you can beat workplace bul-
lies in your life. You’ve most likely turned some of those insights into
commitments to yourself. In this chapter, I will show you how to for-
mulate those commitments into goal statements and to develop your
game plan.
By setting goals and creating plans, you have the oppor-
tunity to live your life by design rather than by default.
FORMULATE YOUR GAME PLAN
In this chapter, you’ll set at least one goal and learn how to turn goal
setting into goal achieving. If you’ve ever made a promise to yourself,
only to watch your motivation fade and your dream evaporate, you
know the importance of a defined plan.
Strategy #1: Set One Goal You’d Give Anything to Reach
Let yourself dream. A goal you really care about provides inspiration
in the same way that the chance to win a tournament keeps an athlete
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Nine Essential Strategies for Creating Your Game Plan ❚ 183
performing without noticing how exhausted she is. What do you want
to change in the way you handle bullies? For example, do you want
to keep bullies from gaining an outpost in your mind? Or do you
want to be able to stand up for yourself whenever someone assaults
you verbally?
Write your goal on a piece of paper or enter it in your computer.
Strategy #2: Rev up Your Energy
Heading for a goal with partial energy is like driving forward with