Book Read Free

Beating the Workplace Bully

Page 21

by Lynne Curry


  the parking brake on. Take your foot off the brake, let yourself feel

  excited, and power up your momentum by focusing on how you’ll feel

  about yourself and your work life once you’ve achieved your goal.

  Answering the following questions can help you focus on the ben-

  efits you’ll get once you’ve achieved your goal:

  ❚ What will change for you at work? For example, will you

  enjoy coming to work every day again?

  ❚ What excites you about this goal?

  ❚ How might attaining this goal impact your career?

  Strategy #3: Make Your Goal Real

  Two popular New Year’s resolutions, “I’m going to lose weight” and

  “I’m going to exercise more,” often fail. Why? General goals rarely

  capture enough mental energy to power you all the way through to

  the finish line, given the occasional tackle or takedown. While goals

  such as preventing bullies from gaining an outpost in your mind or

  standing up to an angry, aggressive jerk’s caustic comments may ini-

  tially excite and inspire you, you won’t always achieve lasting change

  unless you frame your goal more concretely.

  You can do this by making your goals vivid, by setting time

  frames and targeted outcomes. A specific deadline gives your goal

  added punch. You may even decide the time is now and write your

  goal in “from this day forward” terms. An action verb or a target

  American Management Association • www.amanet.org

  184 ❚ BEATING THE WORKPLACE BULLY

  outcome such as “I’ll lose six pounds by September 30” makes your

  goal definitive.

  Here are two workplace bully examples:

  1. From this day forward, I’ll respond assertively to snarky

  attacks.

  2. By September 15, I will have met with the chief operations

  officer and provided objective information concerning

  the ways in which my immediate supervisor bullies my

  coworker and me. By September 25, I’ll have made a

  mental decision about what I’ll do if my concerns are not

  addressed or the situation worsens.

  Write/enter your goal with a time frame and a clear, targeted

  outcome.

  Strategy #4: Visualize Your Goal

  You can make your goal even more inspiring by creating an intense

  visual picture of what your goal means. Imagine the future, one in

  which you’ve achieved your goal. Allow yourself to fully feel the

  emotions you’ll experience and to vividly picture how you’ll look

  and act.

  As a reminder, write/enter a few phrases that describe what you

  pictured in your mind.

  Because keeping your goal in mind creates regular inspiration,

  you may want to mentally picture your goal each morning as you

  awaken and, again, just before you head to work.

  Strategy #5: Make Sure Your Goal Is Realistic

  Do you believe you can achieve your goal? If you are unsure during

  the goal-setting process, you weaken your chances of success. Occa-

  sionally, we trip ourselves up by formulating inspirational yet “out

  of reach” goals. If you’ve done this, redraft your goal in more attain-

  American Management Association • www.amanet.org

  Nine Essential Strategies for Creating Your Game Plan ❚ 185

  able terms. Just as an overweight person might redraft “I will lose

  one hundred pounds this year” into a more realistic “I will lose nine

  pounds in the next three months,” you might write “I will respond

  to snarky comments with statements like ‘Pardon me?’ or ‘What is

  your point?’” rather than “I’ll think quickly on my feet and be able

  to turn the tables on a bully’s nasty comments with a humorous

  comeback.”

  By setting a realistic goal to which you can fully commit, you

  increase your chances of attaining your initial goal. Once you’ve

  attained your first goal, you can set an even more challenging one.

  So, do you want to downsize your goal to a more realistic one?

  Or, can you commit 100 percent to your initial goal? If so, you’re on

  your way.

  Strategy #6: Design Your Strategies

  Now that you’ve established your goal, what strategies might you use

  to achieve it?

  For example, Adam might write, “I will sit down with Geoff

  within forty-eight hours and give him a list of my expectations for his

  future behavior.” Or, “If Geoff targets me with a snarky comment in front of another employee, I’ll say ‘Geoff, let’s take this offline. Meet

  with me after today’s meeting.’”

  When you’re writing strategies, allow yourself to list them freely,

  without any self-censorship. Then, return to your list and pick those

  you’ll try.

  Please take two minutes and make your list.

  Strategy #7: Design Your Game Plan

  Designing a game plan cements your likelihood of success. Well-for-

  mulated game plans chart when you’ll start each strategy and the

  resources you’ll need to implement each one. Because you can’t always

  start every strategy immediately, establishing dates helps you keep on

  track toward meeting your goal.

  American Management Association • www.amanet.org

  186 ❚ BEATING THE WORKPLACE BULLY

  Resources vary widely. One of my clients took up the Korean

  martial art of tae kwon do to develop her self-confidence. Another

  client used me as a resource: He made me his sounding board as he

  formulated how he’d present his situation to upper management.

  Strategy #8: Set Mileposts and Establish a Follow-up Method

  Setting mileposts helps you stay on top of your progress. A milepost

  defines exactly what you hope to happen by specific intermediary

  dates as you head toward goal attainment.

  Specific mileposts also remind you that you’re making progress

  even if you experience minor setbacks. For example, someone who

  hopes to lose twenty-one pounds may set a milepost for losing four

  pounds a month. Then, even if she hits a plateau or regains a pound

  or two during a week, she can see that by the end of each month she

  has consistently lost four pounds. If you establish a goal relating to

  self-confidence, you may become disheartened if you backed down

  from a challenge. By setting mileposts, you can remind yourself of the

  progress you’re making.

  You’ll also want to establish a method for keeping your goal “front

  and center” in your mind. One of my clients placed his game plan on

  his home computer in the “quick launch at start-up” and saw it each

  time he powered on his computer. Another printed her game plan and

  posted it next to her bedroom mirror.

  Following is a model game plan worksheet. In the sample that fol-

  lows, I’ve entered possible strategies, start times, resources, and mile-

  posts for the hypothetical goal of responding to snarky comments. I

  recommend that you create one just like it on paper or on your com-

  puter to set a weekly milepost for what you want to see achieved for

  each strategy you plan to use to achieve your goal or goals.

  American Management Association • www.amanet.org

  Nine Essential Strategies for Creating
Your Game Plan ❚ 187

  MY GAME PLAN

  Goal: ____________________________________________

  STRATEGIES

  WHEN I’LL

  RESOURCES

  MILEPOST

  START

  NEEDED

  SAMPLE GAME PLAN

  Goal: Respond assertively to snarky statements.

  STRATEGIES

  WHEN I’LL

  RESOURCES

  MILEPOST

  START

  NEEDED

  Develop and practice

  Tonight

  My brain and

  I’ll have a list of

  a list of professional

  an hour tonight

  five to ten state-

  yet “stop the put-

  and practice

  ments by the

  down” statements

  sessions in two

  weekend

  nights

  Learn to breathe so I

  Right now

  Twelve minutes

  Does it work

  can think straight if I’m

  to practice

  tomorrow at

  caught off-guard

  breathing

  work when I’m

  tonight and

  confronted?

  a way to cue

  Does it work

  myself that I

  the next time

  need to breathe

  I’m in a staff

  meeting and

  confronted?

  American Management Association • www.amanet.org

  188 ❚ BEATING THE WORKPLACE BULLY

  Strategy #9: Start Now

  Your final strategy: Do something right now that gets you working toward one of your goals. Develop a plan; make notes on your desk or

  computer calendar about the action steps you’ll accomplish on certain

  days. Or just simply . . . start.

  Congratulations. You’re on your way.

  Your Turn: Where Are You Now?

  1. If you’ve set a goal, reflect on how it felt to create one. If you

  haven’t yet established a goal, what stands in your way?

  Imagine I’m sitting in front of you and asking you what you

  want to change. What did you answer? Whatever your first

  thought was, that’s your goal.

  2. If you haven’t yet done so, fill out your game plan

  worksheet.

  3. What’s the most helpful idea or strategy you gained from

  working through these goal-setting and game-planning

  exercises?

  4. How do you feel about the time frames and mileposts

  you’ve created in your game plan?

  5. What might stop you from carrying out your game plan? Are

  there any barriers or obstacles that might get in your way?

  How do you plan to tackle each of them?

  6. When you set goals in the past, perhaps a New Year’s resolu-

  tion, was there something that led you to give up or decide

  to retreat into your comfort zone? What was it? How will you

  recognize it next time and how will you handle it differently?

  American Management Association • www.amanet.org

  23

  THE RIGHT WAY TO ASK

  MANAGERS AND OTHERS

  FOR WHAT YOU NEED

  Valor grows by daring, fear by holding back.

  —PUBLILIUS SYRUS

  WHEN TOM’S BOSS ASKED him why he’d omitted Caren’s part

  of the team report, he’d replied, “I wasn’t able to get it from

  her.” To his shock and dismay, his boss told him Caren had already given

  her a draft and scolded, “Next time, ask her for her ideas.”

  Tom opened his mouth, and then shut it, not knowing what to say.

  Caren, a shape-shifter, had thrown him under the bus—and she wasn’t

  even in the room. He remembered Caren’s response when he asked her

  for it. First she said, “I didn’t know I was supposed to write anything,” and when pressed by him, she matter-of-factly said, “I don’t have time,” and

  turned away from him.

  Tom wanted to ask his boss for her help in handling Caren, but knew

  his boss considered her a model employee and would blame him for

  the fractured coworker relationship. Like other shape-shifter employees,

  Caren knew how to kiss up and kick down lateral y.

  American Management Association • www.amanet.org

  190 ❚ BEATING THE WORKPLACE BULLY

  FOUR FACTORS TO FOCUS ON WHEN ENLISTING SUPPORT

  Do you need to convince a senior manager to rein in a workplace

  bully? Do you want to gain a coworker’s support in facing off against a

  bully or in presenting a case to a senior manager? Before you approach

  anyone—boss or coworker—for help, consider these four key factors

  and the part they’ll play in gaining agreement.

  1. Tap the Emotional Component to Buy-in

  Think of a purchase you’ve made in the last several years that was

  more expensive than you’d planned. Write or mentally list the reasons

  why you almost didn’t buy it. Was it the cost, doubts about whether

  you needed it, concern that it might not do what the salesperson said

  it would do, or . . . ?

  Next, write or think about the reasons that propelled you to buy it.

  Was it simply that you wanted it, felt you deserved it, knew you’d love

  how it made you feel, or . . . ?

  Now, review the two lists. If you’re like most people, the reasons

  you made the purchase are more emotional than logical, and the

  reasons you almost didn’t purchase the item are more logical than

  emotional. If you want someone to buy what you’re selling or to buy

  into what you’re asking, realize that just as emotions rule in making

  purchasing decisions so do they in buying into another’s ideas.

  To increase the emotional likelihood that someone will agree to

  what you ask, you have to understand why people want to do things.

  First, people do things for those they like and trust. They listen

  to those they can relate to, who seem to understand their perspec-

  tive, and who they feel present information honestly. If you attack

  or blame another person when you’re making a request for support,

  you’re likely to turn the person off.

  Second, those you ask for something want to feel their own needs

  will be met. We all listen to the same radio station, WIFM or “what’s

  in it for me?” Before you ask anyone for assistance, think about who

  American Management Association • www.amanet.org

  The Right Way to Ask Managers and Others for What You Need ❚ 191

  they are and what they care about. Is it, for example, doing the right

  thing, their own or their department’s productivity, protecting them-

  selves, maintaining their employees’ morale, or . . . ?

  2. Make the Bully—Not You—the Problem

  When you lay a problem in another person’s lap, she may see you as

  the problem, which can lead her to “shoot the messenger.” If you’re

  asking management to rein in a bully and want to be seen as present-

  ing, not creating, a problem, demonstrate the ways in which the bully

  poses a problem to managers and the organization.

  If you can prove the bully is a legal liability to senior managers,

  you can motivate them to act. For example, if a bully attacks you

  because of your race or sex, as Mike attacked Cynthia, you can get

  management’s attention. Unless you wo
rk in a state like California, in

  which bullying is illegal, you need to realize that terms like hostile environment may mean one thing to you—this bully makes working here

  miserable—but something completely different in a legally, action-

  able sense.

  Because bullying isn’t illegal in most states, and if your organi-

  zation lacks an anti-bullying policy, you’ll need to clearly outline the

  other costs the bully creates. Have many employees left because of

  the bully? What other risks and liabilities does the organization take

  on due to the bully’s treatment of you and others? If you present the

  situation correctly to an individual concerned about these risks, you

  have a chance to topple the bully from his throne.

  When you present this information, present it factually and calmly.

  You want your manager to feel that you’re educating, not blaming,

  her, and also that you’re not complaining.

  3. Provide Effective Documentation

  If you want someone to act after you’ve presented a problem, you need

  to provide something more substantial than your opinion or anecdotal

  information. Documentation is crucial to obtaining buy-in. Effective

  American Management Association • www.amanet.org

  192 ❚ BEATING THE WORKPLACE BULLY

  documentation presents hard facts that lead the person who reads them

  to the conclusion you want. If you simply offer your opinion, it rarely

  works, as the person may doubt you’ve reached the correct conclusion.

  Your documentation should be factual, accurate, and objective,

  rather than subjective. Record the specific facts most likely to lead someone else to draw the same conclusions you did. If you need to

  present a subjective issue, describe what actually happened, without

  including your opinion or conclusions about it.

  A call that I received from a manager who wanted to terminate

  a sixty-year-old woman, Tish, illustrates how important documenta-

  tion is for convincing others. When the manager called me, saying

  he wanted to terminate Tish, I asked him why. He said that she was

  nasty, had a poor attitude, and made everyone around her miserable.

  He knew if he fired her, she’d sue, and he feared a jury would see her

  as a sweet, little old lady. Because this woman scared him, he’d never

  documented any of her problem behavior.

  I went over the case with him and wrote his documentation for

  him. As you read it, imagine that you’re a jury member; then decide

 

‹ Prev